Stress-Free Birthday!

stressfree birthdayGood morning Y’all! I hope you are having a good morning! As y’all know, today is my birthday! Boy am I starting to get old! You also may know, that I have had a stressful and painful few months. Yesterday, I had a very upsetting and stressful day, which only added to my pain issues. Today, I want to just relax and have absolutely NO stress in my life! All I really want is, one day with no complaints and or stress! I think this will actually help me get to feeling better. 

As most of you already know, I have been having these horrible flare up like symptoms for a few months now. I Birthdayhave had a ridiculous amount of pain, that just will not quit. This weekend was supposed to be wonderful, with today being my birthday and tomorrow being my anniversary. It seems like my MS did not get that message and acted up anyway! But, even with the pain I am having, I am going to try to enjoy today and tomorrow with my husband and cats! Hopefully later today, my husband and I will go out to lunch at my all time favorite restaurant! Later tonight, we will rent a movie and relax at home with each other and of course our sweet cats! I am not sure what movie will rent, but hopefully it will be a good one!

I have only been up for a few hours and my pain is unfortunately still pretty damn bad! I do not understand why is will not leave me alone for a few day. I am going to be getting the MRI next weekend and I have rested for several days now, what more can I do? It is so frustrating when nothing seems to relieve the pain, at all! Normally, laying down helps the pain, but lately that has not even helped. I just really need a break from pain, even if it will let up for a few hoursbirthday break would be wonderful! But I guess maybe that is asking too much! I have learned over the past 16 years, you can not reason with an illness. The MS is going to do what it wants, when it wants to, with no thoughts of what I need! But, I will get through this at some point!

I hope that y’all have a great day today and are able to do something that you find enjoyable! It looks like it is a beautiful day where I live, so I hope it where you are as 6601871244d8d3798da7c92b540e2044--dont-give-up-quotes-dont-give-upwell! We all should be able to enjoy this short life we have to the fullest! Even though I am in a lot of pain, I am very determined to have a good weekend! I am not and never have been one that will surrender to anything, even to the pain and Multiple Sclerosis. I can not allow these things to control my life, at all! Thank you for all your continued support and reading my posts daily! I love all the comments I get from so many of you! Again, have a great day and stay positive and strong! Take care!!!

Love 2

 

Always, Alyssa

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Stress and MS!!

butterfly weekend 1I hope y’all had a wonderful Friday!! I know you are excited for the weekend! I hope you have a beautiful weekend! I am sure you are all aware of how difficult my week has been, heck who am I kidding, it has been a difficult few months. So many of you have been so incredibly supportive of what I am dealing with. 

Overall, I have been trying to rest and relax today as I am trying to let my body heal from what appears to be a relapse. Today, I did notice how much getting stressed and upset can have a huge impact on my pain. I had two very upsetting and stressful things occur today, and it was insane how much my pain increased. Of course, I know just how hard it is to avoid stress, but I guess I never really understood how drastically it can impact a person. For anyone that is reading this, do your best to avoid anything that could cause you any unnecessary stress. I always heard that stress can kill, but my goodness, stress causes pain to literally skyrocket! butterfly 1

My doctor had me scheduled to do my MRI tomorrow, which is my birthday, so I have rescheduled this for next Saturday. So, hopefully it will confirm if this is a true flare up where the new damage is and how to heal the damage. I guess because I know my body better than anyone and I know this is a true flare up, I just need to know where the damage is located. By all means I am not being trying to be negative, I am just being a realist.  My plan right now is to avoid stress and focus on myself, which I have never done before. I need to think about what is best for me, so I can get better!

I am hoping to feel well enough tomorrow, to be able to go to my favorite restaurant to celebrate my birthday with my husband! The weather is supposed to be nice, so it should be a good day to eat lunch outside! Of course, then Sunday will be our wedding butterfly peaceanniversary and I am hoping we will get to out to a nice dinner to celebrate being married 6 years! I am sure it will be good for me to have a nice relaxing weekend enjoying this time with my husband! It is still hard to believe it has been six years! We have had so many wonderful times together and had so many heartbreaking times. Loss of loved ones was tragic, but we made it through together. Everything we have been through in our almost 14 years together has made us stronger as a couple!

I hope you have a wonderful weekend! Thank you all again for continuing to read my posts and for all of your caring supportive comments! I know I always say this, but the connections I have made with so many of you has been the most amazing experience for me! It is so great to see that there are so many wonderful people out there, who genuinely want to help others! Take care and I hope you have a great evening!

Love 2

 

Always, Alyssa

Beautiful Friday Morning!

Good Morning FridayHappy Friday Morning Y’all! I do not normally do posts in the morning, because I am normally at work. I am off work today partially to rest because of what appears to be a flare up, and partially because it is the day before my birthday! At first, I was planning to go spend the day with my mother to celebrate my birthday, but with all that is going on things needed to change some. With the undesired birthday present of pain and possible flare up, it is best for me to get as much rest as possible. So, I am staying home to rest today!

Considering tomorrow is my birthday and Sunday is my six-year wedding anniversary, I really want to feel up to pare to be able to enjoy those two days! As frustrating as it is, I do know that during this time rest is best. I am not very good at doing nothing and Hoperesting, but I am going to continue to give it my best shot! I did take two and a half days off from work so my body could heal, plus I have the weekend so hopefully by Monday, I will be as good as new! One can only hope that this will work!

I did not make my normal daily post last night because my husband and I went to see Jack Johnson in concert! It took a lot Music makes the painof effort for me to get up the strength to go, but I am really glad we did. It was a fantastic show and did not require too much standing or walking. We were able to park close because of the handicap parking and we were able to sit as much as we wanted. I sat down for the majority of this show, but it was fine! Jack Johnson has a very soothing voice and this was such a fantastic show! For us to be able to go to this show was thanks to my wonderful Father in Law! To me, music has a healing almost magical power!

Now, considering I did miss my daily post yesterday, I am planning to do another post later to make up for missed times! As y’all know, I wanted to do one post a day for at least a month! This might seem challenging when one deals with a lot of pain, but it is a huge stress reliever for me and I enjoy this! I have enjoyed all the connections I have made, which has resulted in great conversations! I am going to do my very best to try to rest today and maybe even takes a few naps! I will let you know later how and if this has helped what I am dealing with! I hope y’all have a good day today!! Take care!

Love 2

Always, Alyssa

Ready for change!

stop stress 2How do you not stress, when it is all you have ever done in your life? I think stress is just part of who I am. Today, I received a call saying someone scheduled a MRI for me. Wasn’t that nice of them? No one even bothered to call me to ask when a good time would be for me. Instead, I guess because it was a STAT MRI, they scheduled it on Saturday, which is my birthday! Not only did someone take it upon themselves to schedule this appointment, they scheduled it about an hour away from where I live. Why would anyone with any common sense do such a thing? These doctors and nurse practitioners keep saying I need to control my stress, but then make stupid assumptions about when I can make it to the MRI.  Of course I called the scheduling department and rescheduled the MRI closer to my  house and not on my birthday!

The nurse practitioner still keeps saying that this is a pseudo relapse, simply because there really are not any new symptoms. But, she has not listened to a thing I have said. Plus, it can still be a normal relapse without new symptoms one of the lesions that was dormant, could be active now. Of course I have had these issues with pain before, but now it is way more intense. There could be additional lesions that are causing increased pain. 

I had shared with the nurse that I think this is due to stress. So her response was, you need to stop stressing. Sounds so easy, right? The more I hear people tell me to control my stress, the more stressed I get! stress meterI did ask her today what else I can do to help these issues. She said that I should rest as much as possible and it would be a smart idea to stay out of work a few days to recuperate from these flare up like symptoms.  I am already off on Friday, so that would just mean missing tomorrow as well, which will not be a huge issue. We do have tickets to see Jack Johnson tomorrow evening, and I am pretty excited about this! If when I wake up tomorrow morning I am still dealing with this pain, I will stay home and rest so that I will feel okay to enjoy this show!

Time OutI really am frustrated with the healthcare system. It seems like you are not able to get straight answers, ever! All doctors want to do is prescribe something new, that will probably cause more issues. Who tell hell wants to be dealing with a pseudo flare up or a flare up right before their birthday and anniversary? If this was some kind of birthday present, how do I return or exchange it? I do not know of anyone that is alive that does not have some type of stress come into their lives at some point. How do you live life and not experience stress? Life dishes out stress at random times for a number of different reasons. If only there was a way to escape to some tropical island, without cell service and great weather, that would be my perfect escape!

I guess all I can do right now is rest, relax and just hope for the best situation possible. Those of you that have Multiple Sclerosis, know flare ups come and go. I have to believepostivethinking that none of this is going to be permanent and life can and will get back to normal. Life throws us curve balls and we just need to do what we can to keep moving forward. No one ever said life was easy, we all have struggles but how we handle these struggles determines how our future plays out. No matter how it appears on the outside, none of us are dealt an easy hand in life. We need to do our best to stay positive and avoid negative as much as humanly possible. 

I hope y’all have a good evening! Please leave a comment below and I will respond to you just as quickly as I can! I have enjoyed all the connections I have made with so many of you! I sincerely appreciate all of your kindness and support! Take care and stay as strong as possible!

Love 2

Always, Alyssa

Frazzled Day!

breakI hope y’all had a good day today! Today was kind of difficult day for me, pain wise. Have you ever felt like the best thing to do is just curl up in a ball and cry? I feel like I am just treading water in the middle of the ocean with no land inside. My doctor wants to order a MRI, but yet she still thinks this is just a “pseudo relapse”. Why go through two hours in a machine and spend all that money, if this is not a real relapse? I do not know about you, but I do not have thousands of dollars to spend on something, when the doctor does not even think I am having a relapse. 

Of course this was all via email, but I asked the nurse, if this is a pseudo relapse what can I do to help this stop? Her answer was very obvious, if this is in fact just a pseudo relapse due to stress, I need to stop stressing about things. It is just not that easy. It is notcurl up like tying your shoe or remembering to breath, it is difficult because life is challenging. Plus, I am trying to maintain life while dealing with incredible pain! I know that no matter how much I stress about a situation, they are all pretty much out of my control. It is not an option for me to just curl up in a ball and let the world keep spinning.

Even though I sometimes feel like I am drowning in life, I know that I have to keep fighting! This is just a difficult time in my life and we all experience them, but we mange to make it through. I just do not know how anymore! I wish that all of life challenges would just disappear and life be easier! Do not get me wrong, I am happy with my life for the most part. I love being able to come home to my husband and cats, but I am not happy break 3living with pain all the time. It really seems like nothing helps it. I will be honest with you too, I do not want to get the MRI. Whether what I am going through is a normal flare up or a pseudo relapses it will end. The only thing that steroids do is make the flare up not last as long. But, steroids do damage to your body and make me very irritated! I really think I would rather quickly learn, how to control and limit my stress level, and just wait this thing out. 

I will say that this blog has been so incredibly helpful for me. Being able to get all my feelings out in writing, and not worry about anyone passing judgment against me is a wonderful feeling. I really hope that all the things that I have been going through and tell you how I am dealing with them are helpful to you. I hope that the struggles and frustrations I am battling, help someone handle them even better than I am. 

I hope that y’all have a good Wednesday! It is the half way point to the weekend! Please comment below and I will respond to you as quickly as I am able. I love the connections I have built and appreciate all the kindness everyone has shown me. I hope you have a great and relaxing evening! Take Care!

Love 2

Love, Alyssa

Just another Monday!

Monday 4I hope y’all had a good Monday! The best thing about Monday for me is, that it is over! Even though today is really my Tuesday because I am off on Friday, it was still a really long day. Work always seems much longer the first day of the week, because we are coming back from the weekend, where we do not have to deal with a time clock and can rest as much as we want to. Plus, we only have to be around people we actually want to be around and avoid those we might care less to be with all day long!

I finally heard a little bit back today from my doctor’s office! Like I thought, I do not have an infection. I could have saved them so much time if only they had listened to me from the start. But, I guess they had to be 100% sure to keep the doctor satisfied. The nurse images (3)told me she was going to forward the information along to the doctor so they could determine if they wanted to move onto ordering a MRI. I mean seriously, besides having an infection what else does that really leave? Showing the doctor she was wrong about it being a pseudo relapse and it was a true relapse? I never once thought it was a pseudo relapse, I have thought from the beginning I was having a relapse, probably due to stress more than anything else! I think Multiple Sclerosis has to be one of the most frustrating diseases in this world because there are no cut and dry answers. There always seems to be a grey area. It does not seem to matter if you are doing everything the doctor says, there are still issues that were not seen coming. If only they had a crystal ball and could see the future and could be more prepared for what will happen!

So, now the question is, what is next? We do the MRI and see there are new lesions, then Painstart treatment for that? I really hate being on steroids, because they make me feel terrible! I am honestly scared of what this means! Does this mean the MS is progressing because I am so bad at dealing with stress? All this pain started before I switched medications, so I can not blame the Tecfidera. I can really only blame myself! Does this mean the pain I have been experiencing will never go away? I can not deal with this crap for the rest of my life, but I may not have a choice! It is a frustrating situation to be in. Of course all this is happening right before my birthday and mine and my husband’s anniversary. I mean, could it not have waited and happened another time? I really want to be able to enjoy my weekend with my husband and not be in horrible pain. 

I guess there is really no use worrying about it now! What’s done is done and I will make hope 2it through. It is not like I have to do the MRI this weekend or even start steroids this weekend, so we can still enjoy ourselves. All I can do now is hope for the best!

I hope y’all have a good evening! Please make comments below and I will respond as fast as I can. I appreciate all the support you have given me! Take care!

Love 2

Always, Alyssa

Ready for the New Week?

Lazy Sunday 2Happy Sunday Y’all! I hope you have had a great weekend! Even though I did not work Friday, the weekend flew by! Are you ready for a new week that is going to bring about wonderful changes? I know I am! Y’all know already that the past few weeks for me have been unfavorable. I am very hopeful that the week of my birthday and anniversary to my amazing husband, will be full of nothing but happiness and to have a decrease in my pain!

Even though Monday does bring in a new week that may possibly be full of positive changes, I am still not really ready to start a new week at work. Most days, I push myself hard to get through the day. I can not help but get frustrated and a little disappointed when I start hurting so bad that it causes me to be unable to focus as well as normal. I am however going to be optimistic that this week will not be nearly as bad as it has been. I should get some answers from my doctor on Monday or maybe Tuesday. Hopefully, she is going to be able to say what has been causing the increased and unbearable amount of additional pain. No matter what the outcome of my tests are, I am refusing to take anymore Not ready for Mondaymedications that I am not comfortable with. As I already told you, she has me taking something that should help with neuropathy pain, but from the start I was not comfortable with this type of medicine and it has not helped me. I have been gradually weaning myself off of it and never want to take anything like it again! I try hard to listen and do what the doctor says, but she does not know my tolerance to medication. When I say very bluntly that I am uncomfortable with something and give solid reasons as to why I feel that way, that should be taken into consideration and not ignored. But you know how doctors can be, they think that they know everything and the patient should blindly listen! I am not able to do that!

These past few days have been brutal for me. I did not even have to energy to go do something I was so excited to do, my nails. Today, I slept a little later and then when I woke up I just rested on the couch with my cats for a little while. I finally got up and got myself ready, so I could get my nails done and get the grocery shopping done. Getting my nails done was great and the lady that did them, Katie, was so sweet! I had planned to do a pedicure today as well, but decided it would be a lot more fun to wait until Friday and relax butterfly 2go with my mother while we celebrate my birthday! I am planning to schedule an appointment with Katie for my pedicure! I wish I could say my trip to the grocery store was as wonderful, but it was not. I got about half way through the store and started hurting something fierce! I had to use the shopping cart to help me continue walking. Thankfully, the store was not busy because the football game was here in Charlotte. It is the absolute best time to go to the grocery store, because most people love football and go to the stadium! 

I am happy to say, I only have to work four days this week! I am off on Friday to start my weekend celebration of my birthday and my anniversary! Friday will be a fun day because my mother and I are going to lunch and to get a pedicure! Pedicures can be so relaxing and then your feet will feel so amazing!

My plan for the rest of my Sunday is to relax and get my mind ready for the dreaded go awy painMonday, if that is even really possible. I am really hoping this week is going to be better and that the pain myself and my husband have struggled with is going to just go away! We did not ask for this but we are asking it to leave! It is like that annoying neighbor that comes to visit, there is only so long you can deal with them before they have to go back to where they came from!

I hope your weekend was everything that you wanted and that your week starts off great! Remember, positive thoughts bring positive events. I want to thank all of you for continuing to come back and read my posts. This blog has become a huge part of my life and I love every part of it! I know I set myself a challenging goal of posting once a day for at least one month, but it has been helpful for me when I am struggling! Please never hesitate to contact me if you need someone to chat with. You can visit my contact page to get my email address, so it can be a little more private, if you want! I hope your night goes great and you are able to get yourself ready for the new week! Take care!

Love 2

 

Always, Alyssa