Knowing who is & isn’t a true friend

To all my amazing longtime followers and those of you visiting for the first time, thank you for reading this slightly different from my other posts. The post you are about to read was built from too much frustration and disappointments I have encountered within the last year or so. Of course, I do not enjoy being negative and writing about negativity, but I do think honesty is better than pretending everything is perfect and nothing bothers me.

I highly doubt I am the first person, the only one to see this, and certainly not the last. It seems anytime something negative enough to completely flip our life upside down and inside out occurs, those we may consider a “friend” show compassion and behaves as though they care about us, and what we are enduring. However, this is always short-lived and then they return to focusing on their #1, themselves. Please let me know what you think about this and if you think I am way off base.

It does not make sense to me, how many of my “friends” called and texted me for days and sometimes multiple times a day when I went through a hard situation. After a few days, it went from one extreme of calling and texting daily and then to the exact opposite, not one word for weeks. I find this type of behavior a little hurtful because friends are “supposed” to be there for one another.

I think it is the way my mind is wired. When someone I care about is going through something challenging, I cannot fake my concerns because they are real. I will call the person to check on them until their suffering improves. No, I do not and will not blow up their phone with calls or texts but will call a few times. I understand that people often need space and time to process difficult situations, but the person needs to know you are there if they need someone to vent to.

I do not think it has ever been easy to know which of our friends are true friends and which are just fake friends. The past two years have been painfully difficult for a few reasons. When I was laid off from my job in December, a few of my “friends” called to make sure I was handling it okay and was not letting stress take control of me and possibly making the Multiple Sclerosis to worsen. I cannot remember the last time I have spoken to any of these people, which is a little upsetting. I honestly have no idea to know who is a real friend who is always present to those who are fake and never present.

COVID has created too many challenges and isolation. Most of us have been trapped at home for two years and that is causing mental instabilities. Many are angry because they are doing what needs to do to end the spread of COVID and others continue refusing the vaccine. Their refusal is allowing COVID to mutate and produce more variants that may be more deadly.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I am looking forward to reading your comments and will respond as quickly as I can. I hope you have had a nice and safe weekend. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes! 

Always, Alyssa

What our strengths do for us daily

If there is one thing I have learned in life, especially during the last few years it is we are born with internal strength. There are times we are fighting with a strength we did not realize we had, and it shows itself when needed the most.

Times we lose a loved one that we held dear to our hearts is painful. No matter how much we want to aid in their struggles, we are always left helpless. In 2013, I lost my grandfather who I idolized. Due to his graciousness and selflessness, I was unable to see him in his final days. I understand he did not want me to see him in the ways he was, as he was losing his fight with cancer. All these years later it is still painful, but I can carry his strength and will to fight in my heart.

Of course, it was beyond painful as I held our sweet cat, Chloe, as she took her final breath. We watched her grow and share so much love for almost sixteen years. Seeing the strength and fight she had internally, and refusal to give up was amazing. I believe she waited until she heard me tell her that she did not have to fight anymore, and it was okay to let go. I swear fifteen minutes after those words left my mouth, she listened and let go.

The years of dealing with all the pandemic stress have been exhausting. Many people I know and care about have had COVID, but thankfully are doing well. They are all continuing to take all precautions necessary to avoid getting the virus again. It has not been easy to feel like we have been under intense house arrest for nearly two years, but so far, my husband and I have avoided getting COVID. Missing out on vacations and celebrations out at a restaurant has been slightly depressing, but we view this as our chance for survival. There will be future vacations and celebrations in the years ahead!

As I have explained in a few recent posts, I did not take being laid off well. This was not a life-ending situation, as I am still alive. I continue having a roof over my head and many other blessings life has offered me. Regardless of whether some might think being laid off is not a big deal or not, it was extremely difficult for me to handle. I enjoyed my job because of the clients I worked with. The strength I know I have inside my heart took control of me without me realizing it because I did immediately start applying for jobs after the layoff, which I am assuming was because of my strength and refusing to just give up!

One of the most unexpected and challenging situations I have encountered was being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I was still so young back in early 2013 when the doctor broke the news to me. Living with an unpredictable illness has been terrifying but has also forced me to embrace it because I know the MS is not going away. I believe this is the main reason why I am can roll with the punches in life and normally not miss a beat! I feel it is critical to look at life and any struggles we may deal with but understand that there are many things we do not have control over. When we identify what we cannot control, there is no need to stress about them.

Most recently, I have learned more about someone that has been in my life for years, but I hardly knew this person. My relationship with this person in my adult life began a little rough because I was not understanding or fair. I am thankful that I have had a chance to get to know someone I sort of knew as a child because as an adult I see him in a new light. I see how understanding, caring, kind, accepting, selfless, and giving this person is, and I am glad he is in my life. I am sharing this to help others learn when we give people a chance, they might surprise us and better our life!

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you enjoyed what I have shared with y’all today and I am looking forward to your comments. I promise to respond to all comments as quickly as I can. I hope you have a great day, and your week gets better with each day. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

How to overcome a negative mindset

Since December 9, 2021, when I was laid off from my job, my mind has been on a continuous and endless downward spiral with negativity. It has been an incredibly frustrating and discouraging month. Logically, I do understand that there was nothing I did wrong to deserve the layoff, but that is not making this situation any easier.  Considering I have always tried finding the positive in all situations in life, it is difficult for me to process all the negative emotions I have been experiencing.

One month of struggling to not allow the negative and disappointing thoughts circling in my mind has been exhausting. Too often I feel as though I am drowning in the fierce rapids that continue pulling me down. I was good at my job and the clients enjoyed working with me and I enjoyed them as well. I keep reminding myself that my job did not define who I am and that I deserve to be treated better and with respect while at work.

I find it a little insane that I can be somewhat logical about some things, and it is impossible to let go of the illogical emotions surrounding the layoff. I have been applying for many jobs daily, all have been remote because I am still nervous about COVID. From what I understand, the latest variant Omicron is extremely contagious but does not appear to be as life-threatening as the other variants. I have read that those that are vaccinated and get COVID are just having mild symptoms. The symptoms of Omicron are similar to that of a common cold, which includes cough, fatigue or tiredness, and congestion, and a runny nose.

I am going to work towards trying to find my way out of the negative and draining mindset. I always used to do say it takes more energy to be negative than it does to be positive. Through the rest of this post, I am going to share ways to deal with and break free from negative thoughts. We are human and it can be easy to fall into the negativity quicksand. There are always ways to break the cycle before drowning in our pessimistic mind, it just takes time and determination.

Surprisingly enough, one of the most beneficial ways to clear our heads and refocus is to spend time alone. It tends to be easy for introverts to spend time alone, but even extroverts can find this to be useful when they try. Under normal circumstances, I am an extrovert and enjoy the ability to meet and talk to others, but even with that said I do value time alone to get a better understanding of my thoughts.

Spending time alone helps me to contemplate life and any events that have occurred. It is especially helpful to focus my attention on the good aspects of life because even when they are challenging to see there are always good things that life offers all of us.

Remember to try keeping things in perspective. We are all going to face dilemmas or ordeals in life. During these times it is easy to feel overwhelmed and even defeated. It is in our human nature to fall into a negative mindset. The various struggles encountered in life can cause anyone to lose perspective.

We all tend to focus on the problems, instead of focusing on the solutions. This is when it is crucial to look at the bigger picture. No matter how difficult any situation is, there are still positive things happening around us. When we can focus on these, it will be much easier to overcome the negative mindset.

When we are going through troublesome times, it is important to talk to someone that is trusted. Sometimes, we may just need to vent our frustrations. This will help to lift the weight off our shoulders. Once we have talked openly and honestly with our trusted confidant, that person may help to keep this situation in perspective and eliminate negative emotions, which may help clear our negative mindset.

If I am being 100% honest and transparent, talking about what is causing me to feel negative is not easy for me. I do not like feeling as though I am burdening someone else with what I am going through in life, so I end up keeping my feeling buried deep down and all that does is cause problems to become worse and possibly create other issues. I can speak from experience when I say trying to ignore feelings is the most unhealthy way to be and I will urge you to try talking do someone!

Another concept that is important to understand is, we cannot expect everything to be perfect. If we convince ourselves through illogical ideals anything can ever be perfect, we are depriving ourselves of happiness. Trying to escape from a negative mindset will require us to fixate on realistic goals, instead of impracticable ones.

If you have never tried or even heard about the Displacement Theory, it might help to try this out! This is ending the patterns of negative thoughts by trying to replace the thoughts with something else. It is impossible to think of two things at the same time, simply choose something you would love to do and begin working towards only that! Allow the pursuit of a dream to replace the negative thoughts that are consuming your mind.

Thank you for taking the time to visit my site and read this post. If anything, I have mentioned resonates with you, I would love to hear more about what you have gone through and how you handled things. As I have already mentioned, life is not easy, and it can take effort to overcome. Like always, I am looking forward to reading your comments and I promise to respond as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Bad News Week

I hope y’all have had a wonderful week and you are looking forward to the weekend. I managed to fall behind with my blog and still have a few comments to respond to. The past few days I have been consumed with either a migraine or back pain that was so awful I could hardly do anything. Wednesday morning, my back pain was in a different location than normal. On a typical day, it is my mid to lower back that is in pain, but Wednesday morning it was only in my lower back and it took me at least fifteen minutes to pull myself from the bed. This pain was like nothing I have experienced before and had me mildly concerned. I did not lift anything in the previous days, so it did not make sense and I detest when things do not make sense.

I started having another mean migraine on Wednesday that nothing would help it to ease up. Having a migraine and the unusual back pain was extremely frustrating and nothing was making any sense. I detest when things do not make sense because I am the type that needs logical answers. I guess with Multiple Sclerosis, answers are one thing I may never get.

I would assume I know why there were so many issues with pain and a migraine. I do believe I could make an educated guess because after dealing with this unpredictable and hateful illness and knowing my body better than anyone else. My assumption for these issues is none other than stress. I feel like I continue getting bad news daily almost like there is a sign on my head saying, “Please do something that is going to create more problems in life” on my forehead. I mean getting laid off on December 9th and two weeks later having my truck in the shop with an expensive repair, and then on Wednesday learning that my former company is not paying out for the PTO I did not use threw me into the worst stress tailspin.

I was counting on the PTO payout for bills, my husband’s birthday, and a few other things. I cannot say I am surprised that my former company was going to screw me over again. Apparently, my former company thinks it is perfectly acceptable to basically steal money from me and it seems they can do that legally.

I have been constantly looking for another job and it has been beyond frustrating. Many places are hiring for remote positions, but it has been almost a month and I am still unemployed. Being unemployed is causing my personality to change and I do not like it. I feel like my anger about what has occurred and keeps happening is causing me to be a little hateful. I love my cats more than I can explain, but my mood even has me being angry with them and not wanting to be anywhere around them.

I am trying my best to stay positive, but it is becoming harder every day. I keep trying to tell myself that everything happens for a reason and the perfect job is out there for me and will surface when the time is right. I do not know what I did wrong in a previous life to have to continue dealing with challenges, but whatever it was I am so sorry. I just really need a break and have something, just one small thing happen work out.

I am working on another post and will hopefully have it completed tonight. I have also been working on a short story to help build on the creativity I know that I have inside. Writing has been an outlet for me and even though two of my cats are doing everything possible to not let me write because they want my attention, it is still the only thing that lets me escape from reality.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I appreciate your time and look forward to reading your comments. I will be responding to comments today and tomorrow, so I will be caught up soon. I hope you have a lovely and safe weekend. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Difference between personality traits

When we can recognize the different types of traits one can have, we can understand those around us better. Through this post, I am going to explain the difference between Introversion, Empathy, and Highly Sensitive People. I know not everyone is interested in this kind of information, but I am incredibly fascinated and hope you will be as well. Once you have read about these traits, you might find you can relate to one of two of them and I would love to know which resonates with you the most.

Over the years the term Introvert has been misunderstood. About 30-50% of the population are introverts. Many believe when someone is shy or antisocial, this means they are an introvert, but this is not always accurate. The truth is many introverts are social and enjoy spending their time with a few close friends. With this understanding, it is important to know that introverts commonly feel drained quickly when they are in social situations and they need a great deal of time alone to rejuvenate their energy. This is the reason introverts tend to prefer to stay in or spend time with one or two people, instead of a big group.

Something I found interesting because I was not aware of it is being an introvert is genetic. This involves differences in the way the brain processes the “reward chemical”, dopamine. Those that are born an introvert do not feel rewarded by external stimuli with things such as large gatherings and small talk. Where introverts lose energy with groups, they get great satisfaction from more meaningful activities such as reading, creative hobbies, and time alone to ponder their thoughts.

About 70% of all introverts are also highly sensitive people. A person that is a highly sensitive introvert may come across as very observant, caring, emotional, and even though others are exhausting, they can read them very well.

Over the years, empaths have taken on several different meanings. It is mostly and most accurately explained by a person with the ability to understand the mental and emotional states of those around them.

An empath would explain they do not just notice another’s feelings but feel the other person’s feelings deeply, almost as if they were their own. They can become overwhelmed with feelings of stress and the empath may experience panic attacks, chronic fatigue, and physical symptoms that are typically used to form a conclusion for a medical diagnosis.

Being an empath, can be thought to be a blessing and a curse for the person. This is often felt so intensely, and the empath is unable to turn it off or ignore the feelings. It can take years to establish ways to turn it down when necessary. This can result in the empath going from feeling extremely happy to being overpowered with stress, anxiety, or other negative emotions because someone else came into the room.

The trait of being a Highly Sensitive Person has been commonly misunderstood. With one word, “sensitive” being in the name tends to leave these people with negative views from others. This does not mean you are made from glass and will break easily or cry at a pin drop. It does indicate you process more information regarding the world than those around you.

Highly sensitive people can be described as the following:

*Process information and notice connections that other people do not.

*Become overwhelmed or overstimulated because the brain processes so much input.

*Like empaths, they pick up on emotional signs and feel empathy for others deeply.

*Conscious of the smaller things that others overlook.

Highly Sensitive people have different emotional elements involved. Similar to an empath, they feel the emotions of others and tend to be sensitive to more than emotions only, but are sensitive to all sensory inputs. They may become overwhelmed in situations where it seems to be noisy, crowded, or too fast-paced no matter what type of emotions they are dealing with.

Thank you for visiting my site today! I hope you are having a great week and you enjoyed the information in this post. I am looking forward to reading your comments on this post and will respond as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Tips for searching for remote work

There are things I did not think were possible and I never thought I would think or say. COVID has created numerous hardships but also brought on some positive outcomes, such as the opportunities to work from home. Obviously, there are some types of work that are impossible to do from home, but many are easy to do from home.

Searching for a job can be extremely frustrating. Even though many employers have a new understanding and realize remote/work from home is a fantastic option, it is still a challenge. Considering I am actively trying to find a work from home/remote job, I want to share some information about why I want a work from home/remote position, the pros and cons about remote/work from home jobs, and ways to be aware of scams. It is crazy to think there are scams when looking for a job, but they are out there.

Of course, I am fully vaccinated as I did get the first two vaccines and the booster (3rd vaccine). It has been permanently ingrained into my mind how dangerous and deadly the virus is. Also, the fact I did not have antibodies after the first two vaccines is concerning. Who knows if I have antibodies now? Given what the facts are, I do not feel it is safe for me to work anywhere onsite.

The pros of remote/work from home are endless. Truthfully, everyone is going to have their views on this type of work. Not everyone will agree with what I think are the pros and some may have additional pros to add. The following are a few of the pros to remote working:

~You can feel more independent as there is not a supervisor dictating over your shoulder, telling you what needs to be done.

~Increased productively because you do not have co-workers distracting you.

~Work hours and the flow can be more flexible.

~You do not have to commute to work and deal with traffic, which helps offer fewer expenses.

No matter what we talk about, there are always pros and cons. I already share the pros and will now share some of the potential cons working remote can cause.

~Working remotely can cause loneliness as you are always working alone.

~Depending on your work ethic, you may overwork or underwork. It can be extremely challenging to separate work life and home life when you work from home. Often working from home can result in a never-ending workday.

Many think of remote/work from home as an amazing benefit and a luxury. However, not everyone is going to excel working in the way. Before beginning a job search for a remote/work from home position, it is important to ask yourself and be honest with your answer, is remote work right for you. Do a little self-reflection and write down a list of your pros and cons. Once you complete your pros and cons list, go through the list to determine if the pros outweigh the cons or vice a versa.

With remote work, you will not have anyone standing over your shoulder telling you what you need to do. This means you need to love or at least enjoy your job to become comfortable and productive. You are going to know how to be and stay motivated. If you do not already know what motivates you, it will be crucial to figure this out before accepting a remote position.

You need to understand the important factors remote employers are looking for. The two most common things are they want individuals that are trustworthy and love or enjoy their work. No one, especially remote workers do not like working with someone that micromanages their team. Employers need to be able to trust those they hire are going to do the work they were hired to do and will not slack off on the job.

Unfortunately, there are scams out there, even when you are searching for a job. The following are ways to avoid those scams:

~Do NOT respond to text messages, phone calls, or emails from unknown and or suspicious addresses.

~NEVER provide sensitive personal or financial information via email, text, or phone calls.

~Do NOT click on links via text from unknown numbers. ~Due to the countless numbers of spam via text, consider adding your number to the National do not call registry, using the attached link https://www.donotcall.gov/.

The following are a few ways to determine if a work-from-home job is real or a scam:

~Trust your instincts when you feel the work-from-home job seems too good, trust yourself. If you feel the job a fake, you are probably correct!

~When you try researching the company with the work-from-home job available, you are unable to find any valid information. Any legit company is going to have a website and an online presence of some sort. Most companies have Facebook, Twitter, or some type of social media

~A MAJOR red flag is when the employer appears overly eager to hire. Legitimate employers are busy with their other work and do not always have time to respond immediately. Genuine employers make people they interview feel comfortable when making an offer, but scammers pressure you to decide on their offer right away.

~Another common scan is when the employer claims you must invest money into work before starting. We all know we want to work because we want to be paid and do not pay the employer to work.

~Real and true employers communicate professionally and are well-spoken. When words are misspelled and punctuation is off, it is a sign it is a scam.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope the information I have shared was helpful for you. If you have any other tips, I would love to know them. This not working thing has become VERY old and I am eager to get a job. I am looking forward to reading your comments and I will respond as quickly as I can. I hope you had a nice weekend, and you have an amazing week. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

New Year with BIG Changes

~Welcome 2022~

Happy New Year y’all! This post is a little later than I had planned for, but I guess better late than never. I hope you had a great and safe New Year’s Eve. I stayed at home and watched the ball drop with my husband and three cats. Nothing exciting, but I do not enjoy large crowds because they make me extremely uncomfortable.

Most of us see the start of a new year as the “magical” time to make changes and transform into an entirely new person. It is something instilled in our mind and mostly due to social standards or views. Changes or improvements do not need to only happen once a year or at any specific time. This is something that we can decide to do or not do. Typically, the motivation we felt when we made our New Year’s resolution wears off fast, the following week we forget all about the resolution.

Whether or not you are looking forward to 2021 ending and ecstatic about the exciting opportunities 2022 has in store for us, it has arrived. Besides all the New Year’s festivities, we think about what our resolutions will be. We may have many passed resolutions we did not achieve. We may begin thinking about everything we feel we need to do, which adds too much pressure and can result in us giving up.

We can learn from the resolutions we made in previous years that did not stick or last through the year. I am hoping that 2022 will be a better year with many positive changes. I am going to share my thoughts on resolutions and some tips on how to follow through with our resolutions.

I am sitting here trying to make sense of how 2021 which was not a great year, passed by so incredibly fast. Of course, I am not complaining because I have been ready to put 2021 in my rearview mirror and NEVER look back. In addition, I also have a strong and tight hold on the hopes for better times in the future. I learned a very valuable lesson a long time ago, which was NEVER say something could not get any worse because things can always get worse. I obtained this knowledge the hard way which created frustration and a massive number of continual disappointments.

It is important to know who you are and what you want in life. There has been research done on the Self-Determination Theory. This theory indicates that feeling capable and competent when reaching our goals, is one of the most substantial reasons for success. Most successful individuals set goals according to their strengths and abilities. What this means is that even though our goals “should” be a challenge, they need to also be with our abilities. Too much pressure will only lead to failure, stead of success because we might not have evaluated things accurately.

Think about a person who says they want to lose 50 pounds within three months and another who says they want to eat healthily and lose 15 pounds in six months. Which one of these individuals and their goals is achievable? Which one of these makes the most sense and can be viewed as with enough effort can be achieved?

Once you set your goal, OWN it. The meaning behind our goals is the key aspect that keeps us pushing forward. Intrinsic goals are the goals that encourage human growth and make a difference in this world.

How many New Year’s resolutions have you made that were small and mild lifestyles changes? If we are being honest, most of the resolutions we have made in previous years ended up being long-term and intimidating. The intimidation fact and time it will take may cause us to give up. If we decide to make a massive resolution and know ahead of time it is going to take more than a few days to complete time and effort to accomplish, we might need to take a hard look and reevaluate. With the challenging resolutions, they might require us to break them down into smaller sections, so it is manageable and remains organized. The chance of success is much will increase massively!

Everything we do in life will include some type of obstacle. Although it might be difficult, we need to try to visualize the obstacles we may face before we even are confronted with the obstacle. This can help us to have a plan in place, so we will not be slowed down too much with achievement and pushing past all obstacles.

I think it is safe to say that everyone has failed with one of their New Year’s resolutions. I do think the two most important tips regarding New Year’s resolutions is if you are going to make one, be realistic and do not go over the top with things that will take months or years. The other key point in my mind is, we can make changes anytime during the year we see fit and we do not have to wait until a new year to start.

I normally do not share what my New Year’s Resolution is because it puts too much pressure on me. This year, I am going to share it because of how much it means to me, and plan to never give up on this. I always try to avoid confrontation because I loathe arguments and will avoid them as much as possible. However, there is going to be a slightly new me in 2022. When I am upset about something, instead of holding it inside to avoid unpleasant conversations with anyone, I am going to be very transparent and upfront with how I feel. I have already implemented this and so far, things are not getting too chaotic. This part kind of goes hand and hand with the first part, but if someone does not bring anything but negative into my life, they are going to have to be eliminated from my life because it is too emotionally draining. I am going to have to You do not have to share, but do you have a resolution for 2022?

Thank you for visiting my site today. Let us all hope that 2022 is going to be a better year than the past several. Hopefully, COVID will also go away, and we will not hear anything more about it. I hope you enjoyed what I have shared and I look forward to reading your comments, which I will respond to as quickly as I can.

Always, Alyssa