~How to deal with manipulative people~

What does manipulation mean to you? The Webster’s Dictionary shows manipulation to mean a few different things, but for this post, it means, “to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means, especially to one’s advantage”. To your knowledge, has anyone in your life ever tried to manipulate you? If so, how did this make you feel and how did you handle it?

Unfortunately, manipulative people can be found anywhere. These people can be family, friends, co-workers, or even new people in your life. They are not always easy to detect because they can easily lie and deceive you. Although they are skillful in their deceptive and treacherous behaviors, they are careless and selfish with only their benefits in mind. 

Manipulative people know how to find your weaknesses, use them against you, and convince you to do what will benefit their interests. Some may attempt using positive tactics, such as disingenuous compliments and artificial closeness, but they typically use negative means like silent treatment, criticism, and emotional abuse. 

The feelings felt when being manipulated are unpleasant, to say the least. This can easily leave a person feeling sad, disappointed, hurt, and even betrayed. If you have even been on the receiving end of manipulation, please let this be a lesson and never treat another person in this way.

**Please note, I am not a psychologist, mental health professional, or medical professional in any way, but the following tips are what I discovered through research and I hope they will help you end manipulative people before they can hurt and deceive you**

Remember, NO means NO:

Learn how to say “NO” in a firm, calm, and diplomatic way. There is no need to add anything else to the conversation. When we offer any reason, it can just provide ammo for the person to use to get through your defenses and force you to say “yes”. Initially, the manipulative person may become irritated and persistently try to convince you of something other than what you have already stated. Do not allow their determination or pushy behavior to change your mind. Continue to say “NO” and they will eventually give up. 

Do not apologize automatically:

Manipulative people are skillful at turning the tables to make everything be your fault, even when in your heart you know it was not. These types of people are always the victim. Of course, we are all human and it may seem easier to apologize to keep the peace and end the conversation, but this will just provide them with more control. Stand your ground and know manipulative people will never take responsibility for their actions.

Do not react:

Although it is not easy, the more you defend yourself or explain your reasons, the farther you fall into their web of control. Manipulative people know the way you think and will take advantage of it. They will create drama and chaos and the more emotional you become, the calmer they will feel. They want to make you seem like the crazy one and they are sane. No matter how many accusations and criticisms they throw at you, try to walk away and simply say, “I am sorry you feel that way”.

Establish clear boundaries:

Manipulative people are drawn to and prey on people pleasers because their boundaries are often weaker. Boundaries are important in all relationships as lines are clearly drawn. If there is a manipulative person in your life that continues to cross even one of your boundaries, know when it is time to walk away and not engage further. Define ahead of time what the consequences are when the person continues to disrespect you and your boundaries.

Take time to make decisions:

Often a manipulative person will be forceful and demand an answer right away. Try to never cave into their pressure because it only gives them more control. Take as much time as you need to provide them with an answer.

Keep your distance: 

The best and most challenging thing to do is to cut these manipulative people out of your life because they will try to make you feel guilty. Sometimes ignoring the person is easier because they are unaware of what is going on.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope the information in this post will help you deal with a manipulative person in your life or at least prepare you to handle on if you ever are forced to. Life is not easy, and we always need to do what is best for us because it is our life! If you have dealt with this type of person before, I am interested to read about it and how you handled it or knew it was happening. I will respond to all comments as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Sunday thoughts

Full disclosure and I am sorry in advance. I know I am mentioned the following statement multiple times over the years, but it still stands to be true, and I feel is worth repeating. Although life can be complicated and exhausting at times, life is short. No matter what we go through or how overwhelmed we feel, we should never give up and must do what brings us the most joy. We do not need to explain ourselves to anyone because this is our life. Other people may not agree with how we live our life or any of the decisions we make, but no one needs to understand why we made certain decisions. As long as we are not causing harm to anyone else, it should not matter how we are living our lives. 

Over the past several years and the first days of knowing what COVID was, and the damning effects it inflicted, many have been stressed and scared. These feelings are normal because COVID has killed so many. I am sure everyone has heard another strain that is more contagious making its way through the world. The new strain BA.5 has caused illness in people that have been vaccinated and boosted, which has been upsetting. However, we all must keep our vaccinations current because, without them, the chances of survival decrease significantly. It does seem as though anytime we think we have seen the last of COVID, something new appears.

I do understand that many people were hesitant about the COVID vaccine when we were first introduced to it, and many refused to get the vaccine because it was so new. We are all entitled to our opinions, but if we look at how many unvaccinated people have died when they got COVID to the number of vaccinated people that had a breakthrough infection and survived, it seems like an easy and logical decision. Scientists have stated that those who get the newest strain of COVID that are vaccinated have experienced less severe symptoms and heal faster than those who are unvaccinated. Recently, a friend of mine got sick with COVID. She has an underlying condition and was double vaccinated and had the booster, she has made a full recovery but might not have if she was not vaccinated. I think the decision to be vaccinated or not is a gamble with our lives and I am not a gambler!

Another issue everyone around the world is experiencing is the unbearable heat! Yesterday I had to go out to do a few things, which I normally do not have to do. The heat was so awful that walking from my front door to the truck caused more dizziness and irritation. Do you wonder why the heat is so out of control? Is there any doubt that global warming is real? The healthiest people in the world cannot tolerate this heat, so for anyone who battles with health issues, it can feel like their life is being sucked out of them. Extreme temperatures have always caused me additional problems with my Multiple Sclerosis, but the extreme heat is making things 100 times more intense. I told my husband yesterday that I am not leaving the house during the day anymore until at least November. I did look ahead at what the weather was going to be like next week and it looks as though more miserable days with heat are coming!

What are some of the most important things in your life? Do you think anyone should have to explain why they love who they love? Does it seem like there is too much hatred filling this world? I am unable to understand hate and I do not think I ever will understand it because, in my opinion, we are all human and deserve to be treated fairly and with compassion. We will never know what someone else is going through in life unless we try. Sometimes a person will have an unpleasant attitude because they are struggling with something in their life, but it is possible they just need someone to understand and offer them love. Do you ever think that being kind to another person might have a HUGE impact on their life and make a difference? I do without a doubt!

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you are having a good weekend and staying safe. I am looking forward to reading your comments and hope that you have enjoyed this post. I will respond to all comments as quickly as I can. It is a little sad the weekend is becoming to an end soon and we will be getting ready for another long week, but if we view each week as an opportunity, it might make it a little easier😊! Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Behind the positive

Life is filled with challenges and choices. I prefer to think that all the challenges we encounter, make us stronger and provide us with opportunities that will better our lives. Often, we see the way another person’s life “appears” to be, but “appearances” can be deceiving because no one has the “perfect” life. Behind the prettiest smile, can lie sadness and pain. Honestly, tears do not fix pain or hardships. Of course, I do think letting the tears flow can help for a short time, but we must stand up, brush off the sadness, and push forward with life!

It is the same thing with the choices and decisions we make in life. I know I mentioned this in a previous post, but I believe with each choice and decision we make can change the course of life for the better or worst. Life can feel like an unorganized maze, and it is not always easy to get through, especially the way we think it “should” go. I have always thought that our story was written for us before we were born but can be altered slightly by the decisions we make.

Some things in life are out of our control, such as the traffic we run into, being laid off, or the weather. Regardless of how powerless we feel, it is crucial to never give up. Many of us fear failing, but I do think the only time we fail is when we give up and we allow the challenging times to paralyze us from the success we were meant to experience.

There have been many times in my life when I did not have a clue what to do or which road to go down. I have run into many barriers, especially when I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, but I refuse to stop trying to break down all the barriers I stumble into. The life I am living is the one I was meant to live and despite the frustrations and challenges, I know I can handle it. I might not always deal with things in the most graceful and positive ways, but in time I have no doubts that I will.

There are many things that I know I am not great at. One of many is patience. The crazier thing is, I am extremely patient with everyone else, but have none for myself. I guess it is just that I have lost patience with the job search. It has become extremely discouraging and beyond frustrating. I do know good things come in time, and everything happens for a reason. If only there were a fast-forward button that would allow for the right job to happen tomorrow!

Feeling like I am on house arrest has been irritating. The levels of frustration and isolation have caused my temper to elevate at random times and sometimes for no reason at all. I love my cats more than words can explain, but there have been days I did not even want to be around them. The poor cats hardly ever do anything wrong, but they just want my attention constantly. This is not like me, and I hate feeling this way. Have you ever just wanted to get away from everything and everyone, and be on a quiet island with no cell signal?

Thank you for stopping by my site today. This post was basically just me releasing my emotions because this is something we all need to do during life. Being positive every moment of every day is not always possible and that is okay. There is nothing wrong with not being okay, but at least still trying to find happiness. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

A Never-Ending Journey

As I continue to look for another work from home job, that is the right job and not a crapshoot it becomes more and more frustrating. Considering a few things, I know about myself are working later hours and cold calling people do not work for me and my personality. I do not want to have to be overly picky, but I also do not want to start a job and must resign a few days later. Thankfully, my husband is 150% on my side and does not want me to accept something I hate just to have a job. He continues to tell me that I deserve more and I do not have to accept the first thing that comes along.

The reason working later hours is a problem is because I tend to feel better the first part of the day and the pain, and neuropathy gets worse as the day goes on. Working after 3:00 or 4:00 is manageable, but normally after 5:00 or 6:00 I feel terrible and cannot function as well. How do you explain something like that to a future employer? I cannot think of a way another person would understand, so I am trying to find something that is a work from home and first shift. I do not mind working weekends because we do not do anything anyway, but the hours are not negotiable for me.

I do not know about you, but I detest sales calls. I do not appreciate being called and asked if I am interested in purchasing something because if it was something I wanted, I would be the one calling the company. And, I do not have a desire to call people trying to sell them life insurance. It is not in my nature to call people trying to force them to buy something and when they ask questions force me to not be 100% honest. If I were going to be paid to be a liar, I would have become an attorney or a politician. Of course, not all attorneys lie but most are not completely forthright.

The reason I am looking for a work-from-home job is not that I am demanding or difficult, but with COVID and my immune system, it is not for a want to work from home as much as a need to work from home. Somehow, I have gone through these past two years of COVID and not gotten sick with COVID. The way I view COVID, and safety are a little unusual and maybe I take it to an extreme, but I must view it as if I get COVID, it is basically the end for me, and I may not survive. Do people with MS and on the medication, and get COVID and survive, sure, but I am not a gambling kind of person.

There are enough problems in this world, and I want to feel good about what I am being paid to do. Most people do not want to work and only do so to have an income to support their families. I do want to work because I enjoy having a schedule and something to do during the day. I love and enjoy staying busy, which I know is not necessarily normal, but I never claimed to be normal and prefer to just be me!

Not accepting the first job or jobs that were offered has not been an easy decision for me to make. There is a part of me that feels guilty for not working, but I am trying and will not stop until I have a job that is a good fit. I know there is one out there, but good things take time and I need to learn to be more patient. Patience has never been my strongest quality, but at this point, I do not have a choice but to learn!

Thank you for visiting my site today. I appreciate your continued support and love reading your comments. I will be responding to all comments as quickly as I can. I hope you are having a great and safe week so far and you are looking forward to the upcoming weekend! Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Decision Made

~Decisions are not my strength, so this was HUGE~

I believe I mentioned in a previous post that I started a part-time job on Tuesday. I gave this job all that I could and tried to not pass judgment until I had more information. I accepted the position because I was desperate to have a job. Also, by the description that was explained to me, I thought it might be interesting and challenging. After day one, I could tell it was nothing like I thought it was going to be. I am a little too stubborn and did not want to feel like I was a failure and give up. I ended up trying for two more days, but it only became clearer that the job was not the right position for me.

The truth is my personality is not able to follow a script when making calls because I feel it sounds too impersonal and automated. I did try adjusting the “script” we were supposed to read, but it only helped make me feel more comfortable. Even after making the script a little lighter and more personal, I did not feel good about myself. I was feeling like the company was preferring us to lie and that is not what I signed up for. I do remember saying in my interview that I am unable to lie and when asked questions, I was going, to be honest.

After three short days with the job, I made the decision I thought was best for me and resigned. I cannot view this as a failure because the company failed me from the start by being deceitful. Another problem I had with the job is I was supposed to use my personal laptop, which is absurd.

When I was at my last job, you know the one that laid me off right before Christmas, I never dreaded clocking into work. I enjoyed what I was doing. At my former job, I was reviewing mortgage loan applications to determine what was missing and request the documents before being able to get the loan purchased. It sounds boring to most people because it was all about auditing.

I know the right job for me is out there and I will keep searching for it. While I continue my job search, I will be able to focus on other things that interest me. There is another writing competition that I am planning to participate in. I just must think of topics I can use for the personal essay will be on, but now I have time for that. I can also keep building my skills through my blog!

I spent the past two mornings waking up way too early. I woke up Thursday at 3:30 AM and Friday at 4:30 AM. I was not able to fall back asleep. This makes me think the way the job was may have been interfering with my sleep. Subconsciously, I may have been trying to justify continuing to work for the company, while knowing it was all wrong for me.

I know y’all write because you have your blog. Have you ever done a writing competition? If you have, how did you decide on the topic you were going to write about? I have several ideas but cannot decide which is best to write about. Of course, with the lack of sleep, I have had over the past two days my decision-making abilities might not be up to par. Yes, I did make the decision to resign from the job under these circumstances, but I did talk it over with my husband first and he is logical. I am truly thankful for how incredibly understanding and supportive my husband was yesterday morning. He made it clear to me, I deserved MUCH better.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I always appreciate how supportive you are and love reading your comments. I hope you enjoyed reading what I have shared today. Maybe you have been through something similar and have some perspective you can share with me. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

How do you know?

How do you know if you are making the right decisions in life? Overall, does it matter or does life just go according to the master plan? We all know there is no rewind, fast forward, or pause button available in life, and what is done is done. I used to say that our life is just a story written before we were born, and we are just here to play the part. I do still feel this makes some sense because the choices made in life lead us in a different direction.

What happens when there is a fork in the road, you can only go to the left or the right how do you decide which way to go? Often, the path of least resistance is the easiest way to go, but it is not always the best way.

Life does not contain a manual and is more we are living and learning. We could be faced with the same type of decision several times in life, but they are presented differently. We are tested throughout life between good and evil. There cannot be love without hate, dark without light, or good without evil, which keeps life balanced in most cases.

No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. Learning from mistakes is critical for personal growth. We need to remember that life is short, so happiness is a necessity in life. Living our life unhappy is no way to live and determining reasons for unhappy feelings is challenging. We are never trapped in a job or a relationship, whether a friend, life partner or even family.

I guess the reason I am writing this post at an unreasonable time is that I do not know if I made the right decision with the part-time job. I know do not have to stay in this job because I am not imprisoned to the job and can quit at any time, but I do need a job. There are pros and cons to the job, working from home is the most important. The biggest con is, I am on the phone all day and hate talking on phones. Yesterday was only the second day and I felt like I did not know what I was doing, which is extremely frustrating. I guess time will tell and it is still new. No one knows everything after only two days.

How has your week been so far? We already made it through the bulk of the week and the weekend will be here soon. Have there been any challenging decisions you had to make this week and if so, how did you come to a logical conclusion? There is a HUGE part of me that feels our decisions can alter the course of our lives, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you enjoyed what I have written and, in some way, it resonates with you. I am excited to read your comments and will respond as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa