I hope y’all had a good day today! Today was kind of difficult day for me, pain wise. Have you ever felt like the best thing to do is just curl up in a ball and cry? I feel like I am just treading water in the middle of the ocean with no land inside. My doctor wants to order a MRI, but yet she still thinks this is just a “pseudo relapse”. Why go through two hours in a machine and spend all that money, if this is not a real relapse? I do not know about you, but I do not have thousands of dollars to spend on something, when the doctor does not even think I am having a relapse.
Of course this was all via email, but I asked the nurse, if this is a pseudo relapse what can I do to help this stop? Her answer was very obvious, if this is in fact just a pseudo relapse due to stress, I need to stop stressing about things. It is just not that easy. It is not like tying your shoe or remembering to breath, it is difficult because life is challenging. Plus, I am trying to maintain life while dealing with incredible pain! I know that no matter how much I stress about a situation, they are all pretty much out of my control. It is not an option for me to just curl up in a ball and let the world keep spinning.
Even though I sometimes feel like I am drowning in life, I know that I have to keep fighting! This is just a difficult time in my life and we all experience them, but we mange to make it through. I just do not know how anymore! I wish that all of life challenges would just disappear and life be easier! Do not get me wrong, I am happy with my life for the most part. I love being able to come home to my husband and cats, but I am not happy living with pain all the time. It really seems like nothing helps it. I will be honest with you too, I do not want to get the MRI. Whether what I am going through is a normal flare up or a pseudo relapses it will end. The only thing that steroids do is make the flare up not last as long. But, steroids do damage to your body and make me very irritated! I really think I would rather quickly learn, how to control and limit my stress level, and just wait this thing out.
I will say that this blog has been so incredibly helpful for me. Being able to get all my feelings out in writing, and not worry about anyone passing judgment against me is a wonderful feeling. I really hope that all the things that I have been going through and tell you how I am dealing with them are helpful to you. I hope that the struggles and frustrations I am battling, help someone handle them even better than I am.
I hope that y’all have a good Wednesday! It is the half way point to the weekend! Please comment below and I will respond to you as quickly as I am able. I love the connections I have built and appreciate all the kindness everyone has shown me. I hope you have a great and relaxing evening! Take Care!