Thoughts of Chloe & an MRI

~We will always miss Chloe~

Today, I am going to write about two different things. One topic is about today being three weeks since we lost our sweet little girl, Chloe. The second topic is the MRI I am being forced to get. Both topics are weighing heavily on my mind, so I need to write about them because that is how I cope with difficulties with life. The one thing that is and always will be a constant in our lives is challenging times. There is no way to avoid challenges, but we need to be able to address them head-on!

I think most of you already read my post about when we lost Chloe. I cannot believe it has already been three weeks since that precious little girl took her last breath. Even though this loss was extremely painful, and we are still struggling with losing her, we can find some comfort, and peace that we provided her with a wonderful life full of love. The Friday before Chloe passed, we had been informed by her doctor that she probably would not make it through the weekend. Of course, the offer was made we could have put her to sleep, but I am glad we decided not to, and she was able to pass in the comfort of her home and on my lap.

Tomorrow, after work on I am going to get an MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging). If I remember correctly, my last MRI was almost three years ago, and while I was dealing with a relapse. Of course, this type of testing is non-invasive and does not include any pain. I am sure most of you have had an MRI in the past, so you know they are uncomfortable, in part because they seem longer than they are, and you cannot move, or the image will need to be done again.

The images generated from an MRI enable doctors to see lesions in the CNS (Central Nervous System). Depending on the type of damage and the scan used, lesions will show up as white or dark spots. An MRI will show damaged areas called lesions, or plaques on the brain or spinal cord and can be used to monitor disease activity or progression.

An MRI with contrast dye can show MS disease activity by showing a pattern consistent with inflammation of active demyelinating lesions. Contrast dye is a substance injected into the vein and used to make certain types of lesions show clearer on the MRI scan. Demyelinating lesions are a kind of lesion that is either new or increasing in size due to demyelination, which is damage to the myelin covering certain nerves. The images obtained with contrast can also indicate areas of permanent damage that will appear as dark holes in the brain.

I have resisted getting another MRI for several years for a few reasons. One reason being, they are insanely expensive, even with insurance. The estimate for the MRI I am getting tomorrow was $2,700. The price does not make sense to me because I do have insurance and almost makes me wonder what the point of is paying for healthcare insurance when I still have an outrageous out-of-pocket for everything. I have said this several times before, but I will say it again, the United States has some of the worst healthcare in the world.

Another reason I have resisted the MRI is that the results do not matter, and I am not changing my MS medication. I feel confident saying the Gilenya is doing what it is supposed to with slowing the progression of my MS. Medications I have been on previously did not work near as well and it could have been because I was not taking them like I was supposed to. I hated doing the medications that involved giving myself shots, so with the Gilenya being oral, it is easier!

The final reason I have been stubborn about getting the MRI is because of COVID. I am still worried about going into the imagining place, but I will be wearing my mask and stay as safe as I can. I am logical enough to know the MRI is needed, but I am not thrilled about going tomorrow. I do not want to hear what the results are because they always make me cry and it is not worth the emotions or stress, so I will have the results shared with my husband.

I hope you are having a nice and safe weekend! I know y’all have busy lives, but I appreciate you taking the time to visit my site today and read what I have written. I look forward to reading your comments and promise to respond to all comments as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Leave Our Mark On This World

We all leave a mark on this world and it is our choice what that mark is. I think it is important to remember that tomorrow is not promised to any of us, so we never know when our time on this earth will end. It has always been in my mind and thought process, we need to live each day as if it were our last day here in this world. The way we treat others might stay with that person long after we are gone and leave that person feeling down about themselves. We need to treat others with respect and love, instead of disrespect and ugliness.

I try to always view things from other’s perspectives. It is noticeably clear that everyone is different, which makes each experience we encounter a way to learn and grow. Of course, we are not going to agree with everyone’s way to view situations, but we can try to understand other viewpoints. Everything we undergo during our lifetime should continue to make us better than we were yesterday and help us to be more compassionate and empathetic.

It is crucial to decide how we want to be remembered because we only get one chance at this life. We do not have a rewind or a pause button, so the way we behave will be our legacy. We often fail to remember how short life is because we become desensitized to reality. In the United States alone, there have been over 510,000 deaths due to COVID-19 and yet there are still so many that are not taking this deadly virus as seriously as it needs to be.

If I were to ask you what you want your legacy to be, what would you say? Without having to think about it too deep, I know I want my legacy to be kind, compassionate, understanding, empathetic, fair, and thoughtful. I have always been the kind of person that puts everyone else’s needs ahead of my own and would stand up for anyone that could not stand up for themselves. In a world that seems to be increasingly full of hatred and greed, I do the best I can to not live my life under those terms.

2020 began under uncertain times due to the pandemic. I feel strongly that people showed their true colors, and they were not pretty colors. We all knew a virus was spreading rapidly throughout the world and to decrease the spread, certain things needed to occur. Staying home for a few weeks should not have been a challenging thing to do. I know how isolating staying at home felt, but it was these small sacrifices that could have made a huge difference.

When most people refused to just stay home for a few weeks, wearing masks was the next step. Of course, wearing a mask is not comfortable and feels rather suffocating, but to keep the spread limited it was necessary. I do not think many people understood that wearing a mask was to help keep others safe from the virus but to keep ourselves safe as well. There were many asymptomatic COVID carriers. This just means they did not have any of the typical COVID symptoms but were infected with the virus and spreading the virus to anyone they encountered.

As we are all still struggling to get COVID under control, many have been able to get vaccinated. Unfortunately, there is still a vast majority of the population that have not been vaccinated yet and are waiting for their time. To add more devastation to the world, the COVID virus has mutated into other variants. Regrettably, viruses naturally mutate over time, so it was not only a matter of when but how many others there would be. At this time, there are already three variants that are being researched. There is no way to know if everyone that was vaccinated from the COVID-19 virus will be safe from these other types or not.

As I just stated, there are already three variants to the COVID virus. Considering they are still new, there is so much to learn and there are knowledgeable scientists doing the research. Of course, wearing a mask is one of the best ways to avoid contracting these viruses, but it is still unsettling. I wanted to share a map of what viruses are in each state as of now. Please understand and remember how quickly COVID spread and know these variants will spread just as fast or faster.

I think if we have learned anything from COVID-19, it is awful things can and will happen. We would probably be naïve to think there will never be another pandemic again because it can happen at any time. At this point, it is not a matter of if it will happen again, it is when and will we be ready. My hopes are the world leaders will act accordingly and operate in a matter to save lives, instead of trying to downplay the situation.

I want to thank you for visiting my site today. I know you might not agree with everything I wrote and that is okay, but I would love the chance to read your comments. I can promise you that I will respond to all comments as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Let It Go Friday

~Finally, Happy Friday!

I have some really wonderful and amazing news for y’all! Of course, this week has not been a great one because I went through another loss, my Grandmother passed away last Sunday, but the good news is this week is finally over! It does feel like the weeks are getting longer, but I guess it could be worse. The other issue with this week was, I had an awful headache that started on Tuesday evening and it did not ease up much. I am used to headaches, but they are no fun at all How was your week? I hope you had a good week and you are continuing to stay safe!

Now that the weekend is finally here, do you have any plans? This will not be a surprise to any of you, but I pretty much have nothing planned. The only thing I would like to do over the weekend is finally finishing two posts I started but was not able to complete because of the nasty headache, but I do not want to make any promises. Whatever plans you have for the weekend, please just stay safe. Not only is COVID not under control, but three new variants are evading the United States and many other countries as well.

Now that this week is just about over, we need to take this time to let go of anything negative that occurred during the week, so we can enjoy the short weekend! I am hoping the quote I am sharing with y’all today will offer you some comfort and help to let go of negative emotions. I am looking forward to reading your comments on the quote I am sharing and promise to respond as quickly as I can! I just want to quickly tell y’all why I love this quote as much as I do. Our life is so short and we do not know what it has in store for us. It is crucial to understand that tomorrow is not a promise and we need to enjoy the life we were given!

Thank you for visiting my site today! I hope you had a great week and you have a nice, and safe weekend! I am going to try to finish the few posts I started last week, and stick to my typical blogging schedule next week. Between the nasty headache I had and the loss of my Grandmother, I did not have enough energy to do my normal post, but I am going to get back on schedule. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Tranquil Tuesday

~Life Is Short & Should Never Take It For Granted~

Happy Tuesday y’all! I hope you are having a good week and you are staying safe! Times are difficult for so many around the world right now and it is crucial to always try to show those we care about how much we appreciate them. Tomorrow is not a guarantee, so I am trying to focus on this more. There are still a tragic amount of people losing their lives because of COVID and this is a very unsettling feeling. Of course, this might have something to do with my Grandmother’s passing and my mother traveling to be with her, and the other members of the family, but I have been sensitive to this topic long before now.

Considering there are many awful things that are continuing to occur daily, it is important to try to stay calm and keep yourself composed as much as possible. My hopes are you will find the quote I am sharing peaceful and it even adds a smile to your face! I think one reason I find this quote calming is that it takes a strong person to walk away from an argument and a stronger person to not stay angry when they see nothing is being resolved. The older I get, the more I understand that it is important to pick your battles in life because most things are not worth the extra time. This is something I have found to be even more true in the workplace, especially when you are doing everything the right way! I have always been stubborn about my beliefs and thoughts, but I am wise enough to admit when I am wrong.

I know that at least in the United States, the number of COVID vaccines is limited, which I think is a shame. I wish that everyone was able to get this because it would make everyone that much safer. This virus has already killed more than 500,000 million people in the United States and this still breaks my heart. I am thankful that my husband and myself have received both vaccines, and honestly, if it were not for my husband I would still be waiting. Depending on where you live, I am sure you know what the rollout of vaccines is, but please until you are fully vaccinated continue to be safe. Honestly, even after you are fully vaccinated it would probably be wise to continue wearing a mask because of the other variances of the virus.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you enjoyed what I have wrote and the quote I shared. I am looking forward to reading your thoughts on this post and will respond to all comments as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Motivational Monday

~Start This New Week With A Different Mindset~

Happy Monday y’all! I hope you had a nice and safe weekend, and you are ready to begin this new week with a positive frame of mind! My husband and I were talking last night about something deep and that I believe strongly to be 100% accurate. In life we all have a choice to be happy and appreciate what we have. There are times when deciding to be happy might take a little more effort, but it is a choice we can make. There are so many in this world that are homeless and hungry, but even though they do not have everything they might want or need, they can often times find something to be happy about. I am not saying that all the homeless are happy 24/7 365 days a year, but they also appreciate the little they do have in life, which might be the love of another person. If you really think about it, some with the most money and appear to have everything in the world they could possibly want are often very unhappy. I guess one reason I am thinking more about this is because of my grandmother passing away on Sunday and there was so much I did not know or understand about her, and I wish that I did.

I have not been the best at blogging like I was before, but I promise I am trying. Of course, the cold and rainy weather has caused me to not feel 100% and made me not feel as motivated as I normally am. I will not make any promises, but I am going to try harder this week. With today being Monday, the start of a new and fresh week, I am sure we can all benefit with a sprinkle of motivation. I am hoping you will find the quote I am sharing motivating and can help kick start your week with positivity. Unfortunately, there is still so much uncertainty in the world and we can all use a lot more peace! If it is not the crazy weather or continuous spread of COVID-19, something else will pop up. Now is a time to be more understanding of what others are going through and help ease the stress of others the best we can. Of course, I do look forward to reading your thoughts on the quote because I know it will be brilliant and insightful!

I do not know1 A about you, but I cannot believe February is almost over. I had been trying my hardest to avoid getting my MRI and pushed it back to March 1st, which is next Monday. I guess I cannot avoid it forever and will probably go ahead and go to the appointment on Monday. I was trying to wait until I had both COVID vaccines, which I have and should be “fully” protected before Monday. I also have my virtual appointment with my neurologist on Thursday, unless she postpones it until after the MRI, I guess we will see. The only reason why I will cooperate with the neurologist is that I am going to need my Gilenya refilled soon or I would keep pushing the MRI back as long as I could. I already told her it does not matter what shows on the MRI, I am not stopping the Gilenya because it has been working for me!

Thank you for visiting my site today! I hope you have a great day and you continue to stay safe. Sadly, COVID is still bad and people are continuing to lose their lives daily. I am glad that the people I care about are continuing to wear a mask when leaving the house and disinfecting everything. My stepfather got his first vaccine on Saturday morning and I did encourage the rest of my family to get theirs as well. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

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Random Emotions Building

~My Random Emotions Coming Together~

Two weeks ago, today our lives were tragically changed when we lost our sweet little girl Chloe. It has not been easy adjusting to life without Chloe because she was a huge part of our family. We had that sweet baby girl for more than 15 years and now the house feels a little empty without her. It does provide some solace knowing that we gave her a wonderful and loving home, but the void in our hearts is deep. Although Chloe is not with us physically, this sweet cat will live on forever in our hearts. Not only are my husband and I feel the loss, but our younger cat misses Chloe as well. Thankfully, Sundance, our younger cat still has a personality that makes us smile.

A few things happened today, that made a mark. My grandmother, on my mother’s side of the family, passed away. Unfortunately, she and I did not have your typical grandmother/granddaughter relationship. The two of us were strong-willed and never backed down, even with each other. I am not sure if I would say we had a lot in common because I do believe we were vastly different, but she was still my grandmother. I will say I remember her as a child and do have a few good memories. I do wish there had been a way we could have made a mend before her passing, but we did not have any ill words with each other. Honestly, it might have been because we did not speak much. I hope her last days were peaceful and she was comfortable when she took her last breath.

Another interesting thing that happened today is, my father and I had a nice talk. I called him to tell him about my grandmother’s passing. They had not spoken in more than 30 years, but I guess I had to talk openly about it. One thing that my father said to me today meant more than I could ever explain was how proud my grandfather had always been of me. He told me that I could make my grandfather smile even if he was having a bad day and that means the world to me. I have told y’all before how much my grandfather meant to me and how much I admired him. Knowing that my grandfather was proud of me will stay with me and help me through challenging times.

During my conversation with my father, I mentioned to him that I was considering entering a writing contest. Of course, I always question my writing abilities, but he told me that he thought I should because he always enjoyed reading what I write about. He assured me that I shared something in common with my grandfather and that was how the way our writing showed deep emotions and our strong personality. It makes me feel good knowing that I have some of my grandfather’s devotion and strength because he was an amazing man that I will always hold close to my heart. Something that has always amazed me is, how one small thing another person says can have an enormous impact on another person life and typically in a good way!

I am taking into consideration everything my father told me when I talked about the writing contest, but now I need to decide what I will write about. I know it is important to take chances, but I also need to learn too not be so hard on myself. Over the past three years, I have had the chance to get to know all of you and it has been a great opportunity. With that said, have any of you entered any writing contests and if so, how did you decide what you would write about? I value your opinions and advice, so I look forward to reading your thoughts!

I am sure y’all have noticed that I have been a little absent from blogging. This week has been strange. Not only have I been dealing with the loss of Chloe, but I have felt very sluggish and had a lack of energy. There have been many times I wanted to sit down and write about something but could not get through it. I guess it might have something to do with the weather changes because it has not only been cold, but we have had an insane amount of rain. The colder weather always have a negative effect on how I feel, but then so does the rain. I guess the combination has been a double threat!

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you have enjoyed reading what I wrote about today. I also hope you had a nice and safe weekend! Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Tranquil Tuesday

Emotions On February 16th

You may or may not remember that I did already get my first COVID vaccine and had my 2nd one scheduled for this past Saturday. Although last week was painfully difficult and I considered rescheduling, I did not want to risk missing my chance of completing the COVID series and be a little safer with this virus. My husband went with me to complete the 2nd COVID vaccine and after that, we went to pick up the remains of our sweet Chloe that had passed away the previous Sunday. I do not know if I would have had the strength to pick Chloe up if I did not have my husband with me, so I am glad we were able to do this together.

I will say there was a mixture of emotions with picking up Chloe’s remains, one part of me was incredibly sad and the other felt a sense of comfort to have her back home with us. I know some people that cannot understand having a cat cremated, but I prefer this to bury her. I already had mentioned in a previous post we lost another cat to cancer and had her cremated as well, so now they are both on our mantel in the living room. It has taken time, but I think we are both slowly healing from the loss of Chloe. Neither of us is ready to take in another cat, but we do know we will in time, so our other cat is not lonely. Our other cat does show signs that he misses Chloe and is acting out a little, but it is probably to get attention. Or maybe he is doing these things because he is just being a little boy! Who knows, but we are giving him a little slack right now!

If you read the post I did after I got the first COVID vaccine, you might remember that I was extremely nervous. When I did the 2nd COVID vaccine, I was not as nervous. I did hear there was a greater chance of side effects after the 2nd vaccine, but I did not really have any. I will admit, my arm hurt a lot for a few days and the pain did go up into my shoulder and neck, but I am used to pain. I did have a slight cough and headache, but again, I am used to things like that. Even after the two weeks or so after the 2nd vaccine, we are supposed to be protected more, I still intend to behave like I did not get the vaccine and continue wearing a mask the rare times I leave my house. I guess I look at things like it is better to be safe than sorry!

As y’all already know, I did take a break from blogging last week. I was too emotional and heartbroken to do much of anything but did try to stay busy at work. I did not have any extra energy when I was done at work to write, look at another computer screen, and was not even able to do much with crocheting the blanket I had started for my mother and her boyfriend. I am happy to say though, I have finished their blanket and will be sending it to them this week! I have always found crocheting to be relaxing and it is not all that difficult. I am happy that I can send them an extremely late housewarming gift to use in their home! They both know that even though I have known him for a lot of my life, I took a while to warm up to my mother’s boyfriend. I think I have grown a lot over this past year and gotten to know him better and think he is a decent person. I also think they are good for one another and he has helped her overcome some demons she carried with her for too long.

In life, things can get challenging and unique situations can arise. These are just a couple of the reasons why forgiveness and acceptance are so crucial. Until we walk in another person’s shoes, we will not know what they have been through in life. I think all the trials and tribulations we experience in life will either make us or break us. Everything we encounter in our life can make us even stronger than we were yesterday, and we must take all these learning experiences as opportunities for improvement!

On another note, today would have been my Poppy’s birthday! I know I have written about this amazing man before and I explained how hard I took it when he passed away back in 2013. There has not been one day I have not thought about him or wondered if he would be proud of the woman I have become. I would like to think that there are at least parts of me that stem from him. I know he was a kind, accepting, and reasonable man. He never judged someone because of the color of their skin or who they loved. These are a few things that I am deeply passionate about because the color of someone’s skin does not matter and who they love does not either. What truly matters is the way we treat other human beings, and everyone deserves respect!

Thank you for visiting my site today! Previously, I was doing Tranquil Tuesday, and sharing a quote, but today I wanted to do something a little different. Honestly, in a sense thought of my late Poppy does give me feelings of tranquility! Today’s post was a combination of a few things to get a little caught up! As always, I look forward to reading your comments and I will respond as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Motivational Monday

Happy Monday y’all! I hope you had a nice and safe weekend. I first want to thank y’all for your kind comments about our loss of Chloe. She was a precious and loving little soul, and she will always be missed and live on forever in our hearts. Last week, while going through the painful loss, I was not able to do any posts, but the one I did on Friday. Trying to adjust to our new little life without Chloe has been incredibly difficult, but I am going to try getting back to blogging this week.

As we begin a new week, it is crucial to try to see the best in our life and be understanding when dealing with others. The truth is, we will never know what another person is going through and they might not handle hard times the same way we would. Even though there were so many negative emotions in the United States regarding politics, that is all over now and we can start building on what humanity is meant to be. All the hatred that was incited by these issues needs to be left in the past and everyone can try to get along.

I have always thought a motivating quote at the beginning of the week can help begin the week in the right frame of mind. I am hoping the quote I am sharing today will start your week motivated and positive, but do look forward to reading your amazing and thought-provoking comments, which I promise to respond to as quickly as I can. I honestly feel like the entire world has been so full of anger and hatred for so long, we have all forgotten to look deeper and be true to ourselves. I think sometimes all it takes is a smile to make someone else’s day better. It takes a lot more energy to be angry and mean than to just be kind!

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you have a great and very safe week. Considering I was away for about a week, I have a lot to tell y’all. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Tragic loss of Chloe

RIP Chloe Jean Bowman 07/07/2005-02/07/2021

Loss creates a profound sense of grief, sadness, heartache, emptiness, and so much more that it may feel unbearable at times. This intense combination of emotions can make everyday tasks quite challenging. There is no way to prepare yourself for loss, because no matter how much time you have with someone it is never enough. This statement holds painfully true with our pets. The connection we feel with our pet or pets is much like one feels towards their child. This fur baby was our child, our life, and our family.

Last week I told y’all about our sweet and precious cat, Chloe, who had two doctor’s appointments related to increased lethargy and rapid weight loss. We were told three years ago she was in the early-stage of kidney failure. Given she was on a doctor recommended kidney diet since that time, we did not understand the reason for her recent decline. After a physical exam, CT Scan, and bloodwork, we were told last Friday, February 5th, that she probably would not survive the weekend. Of course, we brought her home right away, made her as comfortable as we possibly could, and stayed with her every minute. Unfortunately, on Sunday, February 7th at 12:25, our beloved Chloe took her last breath.

We had Chloe since she was just a baby. Since the day we brought her home, she filled out hearts with nothing but love and joy. Chloe was always a petite cat, but she had a huge heart and personality. It is so easy to remember many funny memories of her silly adventures. If I were to share all those memories with you, I would be writing for days if not weeks, but I am going to share a few memories with you.

I can remember like it was yesterday the first day Chloe came into our life. She was the best and sweetest birthday present I ever received. My husband and I picked her out at the local PetSmart, where she stole our hearts. From the second she laid her head on my husband’s shoulder, she had him wrapped around her little paw. We had loaded her up in the truck, in the box, PetSmart provided and drove her to her new home. The minute she jumped out of the box and made the cutest little meow and she made that little apartment her new home! She would run around that small apartment like a bat out of hell and enjoyed every minute of it. We used to play with the red-light toy with her and she would try chasing it up the wall. It was hilarious to watch. That little girl would jump as high as the peephole in our front door to try catching the red dot, but never quite caught it.

My husband used to ball up a piece of paper and throw it for Chloe. She would then fetch the piece of paper and bring it back to him to throw for her again. I had never in my life seen a cat play fetch so well, but the two of them loved the game. Chloe played fetch better than any dog I have ever seen in my life. My husband trained her to do this and it was something great to witness.

I remember we had a fake tree in our apartment, which Chloe would climb when she was a baby; she did this several times as she got older. Considering she was an Indoor-only cat, she never got to experience climbing a real tree. It was a good thing she did not go outside and climb trees because once she was in that fake tree, she waited for one of us to get her down. I can picture Chloe outside climbing a real tree and crying for help and needing the fire department to come with a ladder to get her down.

There was a time we had gone to Old Navy shopping, so we had those huge bags when we got home. Somehow, I still do not know how Chloe got her little body attached to one and went flying through the apartment with the bag flying behind her. This created her fear of plastic bags for the rest of her life. Even though she was terrified of plastic bags, it was hysterical.

Considering I do live with Multiple Sclerosis, this does come with a massive amount of pain. Chloe knew where I hurt and would lay on that part of my body. If I had one of my headaches, Chloe would lay on my head until it eased up. When my legs were in out-of-control pain and tingling, Chloe would make it a point to lay on my legs to help these issues. I still find it amazing how on point Chloe’s instincts were and her strong desire to help me feel better, she truly was an amazing cat.

The numerous memories we have about Chloe are not easing our hurt and how much we miss her. I cannot get the image of her taking her last breath on my lap out of my mind. My thoughts go into a black hole with thinking could I have done something to help her more. Was it my fault she died because I told her it was okay to go and she did not have to keep fighting? If we had taken her to the doctor sooner, would she still be with us? Was her death, something we did or did not do?

Last picture of Chloe on my lap wrapped in a blanket

Not everyone can understand just how devastating the loss of a pet is because they have never had the deep and eternal connection with a pet. Unfortunately, those that have not experienced this kind of love may diss the feelings of someone that has. The truth is the loss of a pet for some people can be just as upsetting and traumatic as the loss of a human family member. When we lose a family member we can take time off from work because there is a leave of absence in place, but there is not the same for a pet. This does not make sense to me because our pets are our family. Getting over the loss is not easy, but so many cannot understand this. This picture is the last picture taken of Chloe.

Just as much as our pets rely on us to take care of them, we rely on our pets as well. Pets love us unconditionally and without stipulations. Our pets know all our deepest and darkest secrets because we trust them and confide in them. When we lose this confidant, it can feel like losing a part of our heart and soul, which can make us feel lonely and almost empty inside.

Considering the loss of Chloe has been so painful, I looked up how to get through this and keep some of my sanity. From what I have read, there are 7 stages of grief when we lose a pet. The stages are shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression, reflection, loneliness and adjusting to living without that pet, and acceptance and hope.

I can say that the first stage was on Sunday. Seeing that little girl take her last breath did cause me to be in complete and total shock. I could not believe she was gone and did not know how to go on without her. There was no denying what had happened because I watched it take place. Our sweet, loving, and amazing little girl stopped breathing and there was nothing I could do to help her anymore. I think I am hoovering within pain, guilt, anger, depression, and loneliness right now. I am blaming myself for her death and cannot help thinking there must have been something I could have done.

One part that has been so difficult is, there are no answers. The doctor told us her kidney function was stable and not failing. However, neither of the doctors Chloe saw could say why her health deteriorated so fast. The best guesses the doctors can say is that Chloe had cancer and it took her life before diagnosed. The week before she passed away, she was chasing our other cat, Sundance around the house. The two of them had so much love for one another and he does not understand where she went. Sundance is grieving just the same as my husband and I are.

Writing has always helped me heal when something dealing with difficult emotions, but I have not been able to because it has been too difficult. I do not think I have cried and had this hard of a time coping since my Poppy passed. There are times when I think I am doing better, but the smallest of things trigger my heartache, and I am in tears again. If I can stay busy at work it takes my mind away from what we have lost, but the minute I have time to think all I can think about is Chloe. How do you move on from a loss this tragic? How do you stay positive and happy when you heart just cannot heal? How do you tell everyone that asks that you are okay when you are anything but okay?

We had another cat before Sundance, Lexi who died from cancer. I loved that sweet little girl as well, but do not remember it being this hard. Lexi was cremated and we had Chloe cremated as well, but when the emergency vet called to tell us her remains were ready to be picked up, I cannot go pick her up. The only think I want right now is for Chloe to be back with us and alive, but I know this cannot happen.

Chloe was not just a cat or another pet, she was more like our daughter and this loss has been very difficult for us to deal with. I have been away from blogging to try healing from this, but felt it was time to tell y’all about Chloe. We will never stop missing or loving Chloe, but someday we will heal from this. Sundance has never been an only cat and I know he is lonely, and there will come a day we get him a friend, but right now is too soon.

I want to thank you for taking the time to read this long and emotional post. I did start on this a few days ago, but could not keep it together. I hope you had a good week and you are continuing to stay safe. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes.

Always, Alyssa

Pick Me Up Thursday

~It Is Finally Friday Eve~

How has your week been so far? My week has been an emotional roller-coaster. I told you earlier in the week that our older cat, Chloe, had been diagnosed with early-stage kidney failure a few years ago and seemed to not be doing so well in the past few days. Initially, her doctor’s appointment was scheduled for today, but on Tuesday night I noticed what looked to be blood in the litter box, so I called the vet frantic and requested her an earlier appointment. My husband and I took her to the vet yesterday morning to have her checked out. They drew blood, sent the blood for testing, and gave her fluids, and sent her home with us. I am supposed to hear from the doctor today before noon and if I do not, believe me, I will call them! The one thing the doctor said is that Chloe is getting older and with her kidney failure, she might also have a thyroid issue, which is treatable. Waiting for answers is torture, but hopefully, we will not get awful news.

Considering, this week has been difficult for me at least, I think we could use a little pick me up to get us through one final day before the weekend begins! I am hopeful that the quote I am sharing with y’all today, will provide you with the energy and optimism to get you through to the weekend. We all go through challenging and even tragic times in our lives, but I have confidence that we can make it through just about anything. I do believe that the combination of love and peace provides us with strength.

None of you are going to be surprised, but I do not have any plans for the weekend. Do any of you have anything planned? Whatever you decide to do this weekend, please make sure you stay as safe as you possibly can! I am looking forward to a quiet and peaceful weekend giving me the time to give Chloe LOTS of love. I will also plan on trying to help my mother through the difficult news she received on Wednesday. Once we got home from Chloe’s appointment, my mother called to tell me her mother’s doctor gave her a month to live. I feel for my mother, but her mother (yes, my grandmother) and I are not and have never been close.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you enjoyed the quote I shared and I look forward to reading your comments. I do promise to respond to all comments as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!!

Always, Alyssa