Tribute, to my amazing grandfather!

tribute 2Five years ago today I received a phone call from my uncle that shook my entire world. My uncle called to notify me that my dearly loved grandfather had passed away. Even though I knew he had been battling cancer for years, this call completely took my breath away and left my mind spinning out of control. It was just a few days earlier when I spoke to my grandfather and he wished me a happy birthday. I was really confused because my birthday wasn’t until the end of the month, but I think he must have known he would not be here physically to wish me a happy birthday. Sadly this was the last time I was able to talk to my grandfather and hear his voice.Poppys plaque

During my last conversation with my grandfather we talked about a vacation my husband and I had planned to celebrate both my birthday and our anniversary at the end of the month. I told him that I wanted to postpone that vacation and come see him instead. Being the strong nature person he was, he told me absolutely not and I could go see him another time. I did not want to be too pushy with him because he did sound weak and I assumed he didn’t want me to see him in the shape he was in. As much as I wish I had gone to see him instead going on celebratory vacation, I would never have felt right going against his wishes because I had SO much respect for him.

I am sure y’all already know through some of my previous posts that I absolutely and totally idolized my grandfather. Logically I know that people do pass away, but I didn’t know how to accept the fact he was gone from the world I live in. We hadn’t lived in the funeral-poems-for-grandpa-4-1024x555same state for years, but he was always just a phone call away and I enjoyed the opportunity to talk with him. I remember having saved a voicemail of his and was SO incredibly heartbroken when that message was suddenly gone. I guess it was my fault because I had it saved for so long and my carrier decides to delete messages after 30 days. This was the last chance I had to hear his voice. If only I had known this back then, I would still have that voicemail and be able to hear his sweet Irish voice whenever I wanted to.

I know I have said this before, but my grandfather was the most amazing, encouraging, loving, thoughtful, and compassionate person in the world. He did not know hateful judgmental behavior. He always treated everyone fairly and equally. Even though therepoppys grave will NEVER be another like him, I will always do all I can to come as close as possible to living my life in his image.

 I remember everything about that horrible day five years ago and how I actually swallowed my own pride to call my father with the terrible news. Being the first time I had talked to my father in years, this was not an easy conversation. I even remember all the days leading up to the funeral. Tears flowed like rain during a tropical storm in the middle of the summer at a tropical island. On our flight up to where his funeral was held, I sat on the plane writing to clear my head. I wrote four poems for him that day and I’m sure he knows all the words considering, as always, he was my inspiration.

The last visual image I have of my grandfather was when I had my husband on one side of me and my uncle on the other, and we walked up to where he was resting peacefully in his casket. He just looked like he was sleeping, but it was very traumatizing for me. All I could think tribute 1was this man looks like my grandfather, but this isn’t him and I want him back with us.

I know that my grandfather, my poppy, will always live on in my heart and soul. I will carry the lessons I learned from him and always cherish his memory. As crazy as this may sound, every images (1)time I see a single butterfly and I am feeling totally helpless, I feel that it is my grandfather trying to let me know he is still there and everything is going to be okay. While smiling his golden and very contagious smile he would probably say something like, “Chin up and keep smiling because everything happens for a reason and it all works out the way it is supposed to.” Those are definitely words I live by.

Thank you so much for visiting my site today. I normally try to not write such a lengthyI will never forget post, but today is a day I will never forget and I am extremely emotional. Y’all know I love all of your comments and will always respond as quickly as I can. As always, I am sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort! The song I am trying to share is “See You Again”, and hope I do it right.  This song helps me when I am missing him as I hope I will see my grandfather someday. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgKAFK5djSk

My signature heart

 

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Advertisements

Brain MRI Day

good afternoonGood afternoon y’all! I hope your weekend is starting off wonderfully! Last night I was able to have my much-needed and dreaded brain MRI. Even though over my 18 years with Multiple Sclerosis I have had SO many MRI’s, I was still extremely nervous! However, if I am being 100% honest I am WAY more nervous about getting the results next week! The waiting period will be brutal because my mind will go in a million different directions and most of those directions lead to the negative thoughts. I am trying to be logical, which is not always easy for me because I know there is no amount of stress or worrying that will change what these results are going to show and all that worrying will just add stress to my life leading to even more PAIN!  

With all the MRI’s I have had in my 18 years with Multiple Sclerosis, this one was just of the brain. It was not long at all and the two MRI techs were absolutely amazing. One of them was the same tech I have had several times before, so it was not scary at all. It was pretty funny because Radiologythe one I have seen many time previously said to me, “Alyssa, do you have any questions before we get started?” Before I was even able to speak he said, “You know I can not tell you anything because this needs to be read by the Radiologist and I just do not have that type of knowledge. Now you also already know you can go online in a few days and read the full report.” I do tend to always ask at the end of the test if they saw anything like lesions. I hate waiting to see the doctor and I know the techs can see the images and probably have a somewhat educated guess on what they are looking at. My goodness they are so stubborn about sharing any news with me which I kind of think that is just mean, just kidding! He did make one funny remark by saying he was happy to announce that I do still have a brain!

For some reason today I am in so much pain, but I am doing my best to just rest. I do tend to use my Saturday’s as a day of rest and anything I think needs to be done waits until Intraoperative-MRI_Joyce_690x380pxlSunday. More than likely the reason for my pain is due to stressing about the MRI and also the argument I had with my mother on the way to the MRI. Isn’t it funny how when you are stressed about something all it takes is one comment to make the calm barriers fall down hard? The smallest of disagreements can turn into a disaster! I am not proud of this, but I am very strong in my nature and can have a hot temper when provoked. Anything I am really passionate about causes me to protect and defend it to the fullest. I will say things I mean, but it will come out in a very hostile manner. I do also believe that anything that happened yesterday is in the past and can not be changed, so all you can do is move on with life and hopefully be less hostile, but we will see about that!

Thank you for visiting my site today and I hope y’all have a great and restful weekend! IHappy-Weekend.-Do-what-makes-you-smile-and-be-happy will do my best to stay calm and definitely not continue thinking about “what” the results are going to tell me on Thursday. I think the only thing I can do between now and Thursday is keep my mind busy by thinking about only the positives aspects of life! Even though those positives can be hard to find because of all the negative in life are still there! Please remember that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Very Special Man!

PoppyWhen I was younger there was always ONE voice that could make ANY situation better with just a few simple words. There was that ONE person who I held so dear to my heart❤ that could find the positive side in anything and everything in life. I had that ONE person that made everything better with his wise and very loving words. I admired this man more than words could ever even begin to describe because he knew ONLY love❤ and showed it with all he did in his life. My beloved Grandfather, who I actually called ❤Poppy, was literally the most amazing, admirable and loving people in this entire world! He touched the lives of so many with his kind and loving heart! 

Way back 18 years ago when I was first diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis terrified and extremely sad, I called my Poppy in tears.  He calmly listened through my tears and offered his never-ending support, love❤ and great advice. The words he spoke has stuck with me through the years as he said, “Alyssa, you are strong and can handle anything this illness may inflict on you. But always remember no matter what struggles you may endure, someone else is always going through something worse, so stay strong.” I know just how true his statement is because even when things feel really bad, they could definitely be far worse. At this time I did share with him my fears that I could lose my ability to walk and be wheelchair bound and at the young age I was that was frightening. But he told me to never put thought in something negative until I am actually faced with it and that was wonderful advice.

My sweet Poppy passed away September 9, 2013, but I still remember all the words ofpoppys grave encouragement he shared with me through the years. In the times I am in a terrible amount of pain or feel a massive amount of stress, I hear his voice in my mind with all of his healing powers.

For some reason these past few weeks have been very difficult for me. My pain levels have been elevated drastically and the stress weighing on my mind has been at a HIGH! Some of this stress is the upcoming MRI that I found out today needs additional information from the MSAA. I have sent several emails to the person that was helping me, with NO response yet. But staying logical, I will try again tomorrow as this MRI has already been scheduled! I guess it is possible that some of the stress is I am over thinking EVERY aspect of life and have a difficult time letting go! I am very passionate about many things in life and do not accept “It is what it is and there is nothing we can do!” If I keep remembering my Poppy’s words, if we all stand strong, there is always something that can be done! I guess this is where I got my notion to NEVER GIVE UP!

I think it is very clear that my Poppy was my role model in life and I will always strive to be as much like him as I possibly can! There will never be another man like him, but I My Poppyguess that is what makes him so special. You know that being diagnosed with a chronic illness is tragic and life altering, but losing him was twice as hard on me. I know it has almost been 5 years, but it feels like yesterday when I got the call from my Uncle to tell me Poppy had passed away. I honestly felt as though my world came to a complete halt! If I had just one wish, which I know most people would think I would wish the MS away, but I would wish I could have just one more day with my Poppy. I would rather live with the struggles of Multiple Sclerosis for the rest of my life, if I could just have him here with us again. I would love to be in the car with him listening to him sing “Seven Spanish Angels” by Willie Nelson & Ray Charleshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8A9Y1Dq_cQ as those were the best and most memorable days for me. 

Thank you for stopping by my site today and reading this extremely emotional post. I must say this was the hardest post I have written and could not make it through without many tears. I truly wish that my Poppy would not only be proud of this post, but also of all the others that I have written. Always remember to cherish those you love❤ and make sure they know how you feel because unfortunately there is a time they are meant to move onto the next level and be in Heaven. I hope you have a nice and relaxing evening. Please always remember I am sending you LOTS of love❤ and comfort.

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Does pain cause you to be angry?

Good morningGood morning y’all and happy Wednesday! Thank goodness we are half way until the weekend is back! Are you having a good short week? When my office is closed on Monday, don’t get me wrong I love the day off, but I end up confusing the rest of the days of the week and being a day behind! Heck Tuesday morning I thought it was Monday, but I was thrilled to find out when I got to work it was Tuesday! I guess that is one of lives many pleasures! During a normal week, my mind is always a day ahead of time, so usually disappointed! 

Anger, pain and depression are three negative experiences that are bonded so closely together it can almost be impossible to know when one of these feelings ends and another begins. Pain can impact our emotions so deeply, producing a wide range of emotions from sadness, to anger to possibly rage! The feelings of anger are so often anger and painmisinterpreted as hostility because others may not understand what we are dealing with at any given time.

Anger can actually be a motivating force to put things into action, instead of just being all talk and complaints. For instances, when we are dealing with an insurance company and all the many hurdles to get through, just to get a needed procedure. Or even when trying to get our doctor to listen to our requests and not just pushing our needs to the side so they can move onto their next patient.

There are numerous physiological effects we can have from anger. Anger can be felt in our chest, head and the entire body! This could mean that the anger we feel increases the pain already felt, which makes so much sense to me. I started writing this because I have been dealing with SO much pain lately in my EmilysQuotes.Com-anger-pain-negative-sad-Eckhart-Tollelegs, back, arms and head and that pain is causing me so much frustration which quickly changes to ANGER! Logically, I know that being angry with my pain is not going to solve anything, but it just keeps happening without fail! I am typically a very calm and ❤caring person, but lately I feel like I am losing my temper so much faster and a lot easier! Today I had a co-worker, who let me just say has already made some really negative comments about me in the past, stop me to ask if I was okay because I seemed to not be walking as she thought would be “normal”. Considering my legs have been in a lot of pain lately, I do walk a little slower and refrain from using my right leg when I can, but pointing that out was not necessary. Could she have been being caring? Probably not! But I was hateful with my response when I said “I am fine!”! She had to push the issue a little further causing me to say once again, “I am FINE”, with a lot more force before walking away. Was I wrong in my reaction? Or was it the pain and frustration talking? Who can really say? But I do not feel like I was wrong and I do think it was the pain and frustration talking!

Do you personally find when you are in pain you have less patience for dealing with pain and angerothers? If so, how do you control your emotions and remain pleasant to others? I know I sometimes am shorter with my poor husband❤ and he  does not deserves that at all, but he also knows that is not me and I do not mean to be short with him. However, I still will feel bad about my less than ❤sweet attitude! I guess the vows are hold true, but maybe we should have added, with attitude and not as well!

Thank y’all for taking the time to visit my site today! I always appreciate you taking the time to read my posts and I really love to read your comments, which I will always respond to as quickly as I can! I hope you have a great day pain-free day! Please never forget that I am sending y’all LOTS of ❤love and comfort always!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

 

Happy Long Weekend!

Good morning FriendsHappy Friday Y’all! I hope you had a great week and are looking forward to the much deserved long weekend! Don’t you think if we had these long weekends more often, maybe even once a month that would be absolutely wonderful? I think it is the anticipation of the long weekend that makes the week just drag by or maybe it was also because of all the extremely frustrating pain I was dealing with. Who knows, but I am leaving that in the past and just looking forward to a relaxing and enjoyable long weekend not dwelling on work or my pain issues! Thinking  nothing but positive thoughts that next week will be much better after 3 entire days of rest💤!!

Do y’all have any exciting plans for the long weekend🌼? I am literally over the moon🌜 excited that I will not hear the piercing sound of my alarm clock at that absolutely awful hour of 💤5:30 am!! I still think that is a pretty inhumane time for anything to make such rude and obnoxious sound, but if my alarm went off to music🎶 I would probably ignore it, unless it was a terrible song and that would just make me terribly mad! So, I guess it is really a no win situation for that poor pitiful alarm!

If there is anything that I do over this long and glorious weekend it will not only rest💤 my poor achy body, but spend time with family💞! It is so important to cherish our families as dont-give-up-galaxy-hold-on-hope-Favim.com-1428490sadly, they will not be around forever! Enjoying special and memorable moments can be so good for the heart and soul! I have a very small family, which makes it a little easier to be able to see everyone and not have to drive long distances. Unfortunately, my mother does work the weekends, but maybe we can get together for lunch on Monday, considering I will not be at work🌟!!!

I hope you have a wonderful and not busy Friday! I always appreciate you taking a moment to visit my site and I love❤ reading your comments! The absolute best thing about this Friday is that I am not already dreading Monday!! As always, I am sending you LOTS of ❤love and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Mother’s Day Tribute!

happy_mothers_day_butterflyMother’s Day is a day when we celebrate our mothers, but I think we should celebrate these incredible women every day! One day a year does not really seem like enough because these women are the ones that should have been who helped us become who we are today❤. Whether we learned from our mothers how we should behave or should not behave by following her example, it was an important lesson in our lives. No one is perfect, so maybe our mothers made mistakes, but we learned from those mistakes by witnessing the outcomes and will hopefully not make the same mistakes. In most situations, a mother’s love is true and pure so we should learn from that bond!

I am lucky enough to have a mother and mother in-law that love unconditionally💕! Both of these women are incredibly inspiring and encouraging, which I will be forever thankful for! On this day, I would like to wish both Dorianne Rushing❤ (my mother) and Carol Lovelace ❤(my mother in-law) a very Happy Mother’s Day. I would also like to thank both of these amazing women for your love and support through everything and anything! Through all the years, I do not know where I would be without the never ending love from my dear mother, as she really did play mother and father for a very long time!

I would also like to take this opportunity to wish all the mother’s reading this post a mothers-day-inspiring-quotes-thoughts-sayings76Happy Mother’s Day💕! I know y’all have all taught your children important values and always gave them the support they needed to succeed in life! I would also like to wish my sister in-law ❤a very Happy Mother’s Day! My sister in-law shows her beautiful and sweet little girl so much love and has taught her so much over her years with us! She is a special woman with a heart of gold! 

I hope y’all have had an amazing day! As always, I am sending y’all LOTS of ❤LOVE and comfort!

Love 2

Always, Alyssa

Happy Easter!

Happy EasterGood Evening Y’all! I hope you had a wonderful Easter Weekend! My hopes for all of you is that you had a peaceful and joyful weekend and were able to spend time with family! A weekend full of love and happiness is well deserved for all of you!

April is Parkinson’s Awareness Month, so I will be doing a few posts with information about Parkinson throughout the month. There is a very special person in my life that battles with this illness, so I will be doing this to honor him and his fight! Just like Multiple Sclerosis, there is no cure for Parkinson yet! My step father is a pretty strong and incredible man and I have faith in him to never give up his battle!

Thank you for visiting my site today and I do love to read your comments. I will respond to all comments as quickly as I can! As always, I am sending y’all lots of love and comfort!! Never let go of your optimistic views and stand strong your battles with illness, someday you will win!

Love 2

Always, Alyssa