Random thoughts Sunday!

As the weekend comes to an end…

Good evening y’all! How was your weekend? I hope you had a great and safe weekend! I will be honest, I did not do much over the weekend. I think y’all already know that I do my best to not leave the house because I am terrified of COVID-19 and unfortunately, the state I live in is not doing the best with new cases and deaths. I don’t even leave the house to go grocery shopping because hardly anyone wears a mask and NO ONE respects social distancing, which I find very irritating because I am HIGH RISK!

Considering I try not leaving the house, I have been ordering my groceries online and having them delivered. Last weekend, I did the same thing I always do with grocery shopping and had an awful experience. I try to never complain because the people doing the shopping for me are really doing me a favor and I would even say keep me safer. However, when I request to be contacted when the store does not have the product on my list in stock and not make substitutions on their own, that is what I expect. This always worked so well each of the four previous times I did the online ordering, but last weekend nothing went the way it was supposed to.

Even though last weekend did not go well, I ordered again online for delivery yesterday. The lady sent me a text when she started the shopping and when the store did not have what I requested and when she was done and on her way to my house. I thanked this lady, Norma many times. I even told her why I wasn’t going to stores. She told me she understood and that her mother has MS. I thanked her several times during the time she was shopping and she actually bought me a small flower arrangement. I was so shocked and wanted to share this with y’all. Norma restored my faith in good people in the south!

Honestly, I have spent several days wanting to write about something and couldn’t get the words out. It was driving me crazy because I had a few days without work and I wanted to be able to do what I enjoy doing, which is writing. I have been struggling with a few topics that have a lot of meaning to me, but that also comes with a terrible amount of anger. I have always been a kind, caring, and happy person and do not like being angry. What has been going on in the country I was born and raised in is terrible and very upsetting. Politics is frustrating and I know we all have our own opinions on it. It doesn’t matter if we are Republican or Democratic, what matters is fairness and treating people equally and with respect.

Something else that has been weighing heavily on my mind is this situation with Jeffrey Epstein (who is deceased) and Ghislaine Maxwell. The connections these awful people had are deep within the rich and powerful people of the world and that includes politicians. The awful things Epstein and Maxwell did to young girls was traumatizing and life-altering to them. NO child should ever see or experience what the young girls that were lured into Epstein’s circle did and anyone and everyone that was involved should pay the consequences to the fullest of the law. This is a very sensitive and difficult subject for me and it had caused me a lot of anger and sadness!

Normally, I hand write all my posts first and then type them. I know how insane that might sound, but it typically works for me. I feel more connected with what I am writing when I do it by hand, but I am doing this post by typing what I am thinking and not over thinking it like I tend to do, so I hope you can feel what I am writing as deeply as I do. I would really love to read your thoughts on this post and I promise to respond as quickly as I can.

I hope you enjoyed your weekend and you stayed safe! Have you ever noticed how long the work week can feel and then how short the weekends are? Granted I am enjoying my job and love that I get to work from home, especially considering COVID numbers are on a steady increase daily. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and many positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Let It Go Friday!

Let Go Of Your Negative Energy & Enjoy Your Life!

Happy Friday y’all! How was your week? This was my second week at my new job and things are still going very well and I must say that I am working with some pretty great people! It is definitely different being able to work from home. I mean, I do not need to make my hair or makeup look nice and do not even have to wear uncomfortable work clothes. I will be honest with y’all, I do still put makeup on, always let my hair air dry, and wear comfortable loose clothing! I LOVE it!

Now that we have made it to another Friday and the weekend is near, it is time to let go of any negative energy we might be feeling. Negative energy doesn’t need to be work related, maybe you had a disagreement with a friend or family member. Disagreements can happen with anyone, which is one reason it is best not discuss sensitive subjects with family, such as religion and politics! Regardless of what negative feelings you are having, it is best to let them go and not carry them into the weekend with you! Weekends are supposed to be relaxing and happy! I do hope the quote I am sharing today will help you release any unpleasant feelings you are experiencing and you are able to have a wonderful and safe weekend!

Thank you for visiting my site today! I hope you enjoyed the quote that I shared and I do look forward to reading what you thought about it! I hope the last day of the week is a good one for you and you are looking forward to the weekend. Please, whatever you do over the weekend, stay safe by following all safety measures. I hope you never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and many positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Boundaries and how to set them

Do you ever feel trapped within other people’s problems because they constantly lean on you for either advice or help? Do your friends and even family know you will always lend an ear to whatever they are going through, even when it is self-inflicted? How many times has what whoever comes to you with their latest problem or problems did it make you feel an incredible amount of emotional pain that was almost suffocating?

The truth is I have never been able to turn my back on anything that was in distress and needed someone to talk to. It is not in my nature to tell someone I can or do not have time to listen and attempt to help them. Is it even possible to avoid becoming emotionally involved when an individual you care about is struggling? Even though we do always want to be compassionate, empathetic, supportive, solicitous, and caring, there can come a time when we need to consider our own well-being over another’s.

I am sure that everyone has heard about the importance of developing personal boundaries and has probably implemented them by now. Even though I am very aware of the fact I need to set boundaries, but I have yet to execute any what-so-ever. I guess the reason I decided to write about boundaries is that I need and want to learn how to set boundaries before losing too much too myself and feeling resentful way too frequently.

We all have our limits to what we are willing and able to cope with, after all, we are only human and unfortunately do not have magical powers. How many times throughout your life have your friends, co-workers, or family pushed far beyond the limits you are willing to deal with? I can say without hesitation that I don’t think I can count the number of times using both my fingers and toes. Once you have been unsuccessful in separating yourself from what others are going through as much as I have, you are going to want to find change. Often the changes we desire to make are not easy and can be outright frustrating, but with enough perseverance anything is possible!

I have heard many people talk about how crucial it is to have boundaries in all of our relationships. With that said, how would you define boundaries? It is my understanding that boundaries are the limits we put in place with other people. These boundaries specify what we find to be both acceptable and unacceptable in the way others behave towards us.

Our capability of knowing our boundaries typically comes from our sense of self-worth or evaluating one’s self in ways that are NOT dependent on anyone else or the feelings others may have towards another. Self-worth is about discovering the natural value of who we are, which helps our awareness of the following:

1. Intellectual Worth which means just like you are entitled to your thoughts and opinions, everyone else is as well.

2. Emotional Worth means you are entitled to your feelings towards any situation, everyone else should be given the same respect.

3. Physical Worth refers to no matter how broad the space is you are entitled to your personal space as do others.

4. Social Worth means just as you are entitled to your friends and the ability to pursue your social activities, so do others.

5. Spiritual Worth means just as you are entitled to your spiritual beliefs, so is everyone else.

To set boundaries it is important to fully understand that four different types which can be defined as the following:

Physical Boundaries are the easiest to define because they are external and seen.

These boundaries can be described as your office, your desk, your computer that is password-protected, and your money in your bank account, your car that is locked, and your body.

Over the years as I got older the one boundary I never had an issue with is my physical boundary. I do not like for people to come too close to me or put their hands on me. Concerning my personal boundaries, before social distancing, I do not want anyone invading the space between me and the length of my arms.

Mental Boundaries are regarding to our personal thoughts.

It is impossible for two people to always agree on everything all of the time. Each individual is entitled to their thoughts, opinions, values, and beliefs. We all want our mental boundaries respected, so we must reciprocate the same respect to others.

I can say that when I am having a conversation with someone that has opposing views than I have, I am stubborn enough to know I will not change my thought process. When discussing something I am extremely passionate about and believe strongly in, I will simply explain my reasoning to the other person and understand everyone is free to have their own beliefs and I will not try changing the other person.

Emotional Boundaries are what gives us the freedom to feel how we feel.

Setting healthy emotional boundaries has two distinct and beneficial purposes. They help prevent us from inflicting others with our emotion and unloading continuously on anyone that will listen, which later we will probably regret doing. Emotional boundaries assist us in managing our emotions in appropriate and healthy ways.

The other aspect of emotional boundaries is they prevent us from taking on and carrying other’s emotions that constantly share. The emotional boundaries we put in place are meant to disconnect our emotions from another person’s emotions, which is where I consistently fail. If someone close to me is struggling and distressed, I want more than anything to be able to help them with love, empathy, and advice. It is painfully difficult accepting that I can’t help or force them to do things I think are mortally right, they are the only person that can help themselves through their problems.

Spiritual Boundaries are protecting our beliefs and regarding to our sense of spirituality.

We are all entitled to believe in what we feel and we should never dismiss what anyone else believes, as no one else should dismiss ours.

Our personal boundaries come in three distinct categories which are defined as:

1. Healthy Boundaries meaning not only does a person value their opinion, but also do not compromise their values for anyone else. They are also welcoming and accepting when others say “NO” to them.

2. Rigid Boundaries are when a person avoids both intimate and has very few close relationships. Typically never asks for any help and often seems to be detached. Those with rigid boundaries distance themselves from others to avoid rejection.

3. Porous Boundaries are when individuals share too much personal information. Not only do those with this form of boundaries have a hard time saying “NO” to other’s requests, but they also become overly consumed with the problems other people are going through. These individuals tolerate abuse and or being disrespected.

If you already have established boundaries in your relationships, that is great and I applaud you for that. On the other hand, if you are like me and want to set boundaries in place for your well-being, I am glad that I am not alone and we can tackle this together. I have found various ways to implement boundaries, but I figure it is best to start easy. I am going to share the four simple steps for straight-forward boundaries.

1. Understand and recognize your limits-

Clearly describe your intellectual, emotional, physical, and spiritual boundaries with all your relationships first. Take the time to scrutinize previous experiences when you felt unsettled, irritated, bitter, resentful, and or disappointed. It is reasonable the reason we felt this way was a result of your limits being violated.

2. Be assertive-

Taking time to create and explain your boundaries is a step in the right direction, but maintaining follow-through is also critical. When someone invades our boundaries the only they are going to know is if we are direct and assertive with that them.

3. Practice makes perfect-

Being assertive may not come naturally to you because you are worried people will view you as mean and or rude. When we confirm what our boundaries are it shows that you value yourself, your needs, and your feelings more than what others think. It does not indicate you are being rude or even mean when you are assertive; it actually means you are being honest and fair with the other person.

4. If all else fails, delete, ignore, and move on-

Of course, we need to voice what our boundaries are first and then follow an action plan. You do need to tie up any loose ends and given family, friends, co-workers, and whoever else about the cease to any promises previously made, and you no longer owe them anything more. Once you asserted yourself and made things crystal clear, if they choose to violate your boundaries, it is perfectly acceptable to simply ignore them.

Thank you for taking the time to visit my site today. I hope the information provided was beneficial for you. Life is short and being constantly consumed with everyone else’s problems can be draining. I am hoping that developing boundaries, I will be less stressed and frustrated with the problems I hear about. I would love it if you have any other advice for anyone that wants to develop boundaries, you will share your knowledge! I hope your weekend is going well and you are staying very safe. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, and many positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

The Bright Side of Negative Feelings

We have all heard that there is power in positive thinking, which I have always believed to be true. Even though we need to try finding the positive aspects of most situations we encounter in life, sometimes is still can be nearly impossible to not recognize and acknowledge our negative feelings. Do you think it is possible to maintain a positive mindset most of the time, but that it also isn’t healthy to ignore our negative feelings?

In this post I am going to share with you some critical reasons why we should not ignore our negative feelings when they appear, but instead embrace them.

1. Negative feelings can be viewed as a powerful warning method-

What does our fear do for us? Fear warns us of imminent danger and urges us to take action. Our negative feelings basically do the same and are acting as an alarm that signals possible harm in some form. This hard could be physical, emotional, or mental depending on what is going on in life.

We all pay attention when we feel fear, so why shouldn’t we embrace negative feelings? We should ask ourselves the question, why we are experiencing these negative emotions? Is there something we should be avoiding? Does this mean we should be taking another path in life?

2. Negative feelings are trying to tell us that something is NOT right-

I have just explained how our negative feelings notify us of possible danger, but they also can be warning that something in our life isn’t right. Maybe it is something in our relationship, our career, or something with our health, or even something we continue to put off has issues that we need to address. Often we should not view our negative feelings as merely a nuisance, but more as a good friend that has our best interests in mind.

3. Negative emotions can encourage us to take beneficial actions-

Unfortunately, we have all received bad news that caused us sadness. When this happens, what is the first thing we do? It is human nature to feel down and even feel sorry for ourselves. Instead of ignoring these negative feelings, it might be better to embrace them. Acknowledge the feelings we are experiencing and allow them to help us find a logical solution.

We should not deny or apologize for our negative emotions. Nor should we allow these negative emotions to paralyze us or overwhelm us. We are allowed to feel what we feel, whenever we feel what we feel and never dismiss those emotions. We are feeling how we feel for a reason and maybe we should explore them.

4. Negative feelings allow us to welcome and appreciate the good life has to offer-

How would you feel if everything in life went the same and was predictable? If every moment of our life was always happy and content, there would not be any negative feelings that would make the positive feelings more appreciated when they occur. All of us need to understand that no matter how much pain and distress we may deal with, life will also provide us with happiness and comfort.

5. Negative feelings provide us confirmation of what is important-

A well-founded signal you have come into your core values is when you have negative feelings. Maybe you violated one of your values or you failed to follow through with a promise and you are feeling guilty for this. Negative feelings are commonly a crucial assertion that we are honoring our beliefs, values, and views.

6. Negative feelings invite us to contemplate-

Allowing ourselves to have negative feelings allows us the opportunity to think deeply about things we did not give adequate time to previously. It is possible, we need to consider our health practices or spending habits or maybe something we have continued putting off for a long period, but are all things that need to be dealt with. Embracing and acknowledging our negative feelings may not be easy, but they are needed for our mental, physical, and emotional health.

7. Negative feelings can help protect us when we feel overburden-

Many of us tend to overdo things and push ourselves beyond the limits we are aware of. When we do over extend ourselves, we will hopefully begin feeling negative feelings such as frustration and irritability. These feelings are our body’s way to telling us to start facing ourselves and start limiting the amount of additional commitments we take on. We must listen to our inner voice and pay attention to the warnings our negative feelings are trying to notify us of.

8. Negative feelings offer healing-

We do not need to have thick skin or be referred to as overly sensitive; we just need to take time to heal when someone else causes us pain. If another person does or says something hurtful, it is very common to have negative feelings regarding the situation. Denying our feelings, no matter how negative they maybe will not speed up our healing process. This means it might be beneficial to use those negative feelings to promote our healing and take the time needed to do so without rushing ourselves.

9. Negative feelings will not allow a denial of reality-

It is important we know and understand that denying our feelings will not be a successful way to get over our negative feelings. Pretending something doesn’t bother us will never make that lie be the truth and could end up causing more issues and pain for the future. When something or someone causes us pain, it is perfectly fine to grieve the loss and disappointment. The only true way to get over disappointment and or hurt is the face the problem, mend the wounds, and move on with the life you deserve.

I hope the information in this post was beneficial for you, especially if you are going through a difficult time. It is never easy to face what has caused us pain, but we will be better off in the long run if we do so. I am sure there are several other ways that would be helpful and would love to read any comments you may have. The entire world is dealing with hard times right now and we all need to help and support one another. Until times get a little easier being kind, compassionate, and empathetic to what others are dealing is extremely important. I also wanted to say, please do not take this post as a negative, but to just say it is okay to have negative feelings because we are only human!

Thank you so much for visiting my site today. I hope you had a lovely week and you will enjoy a safe and happy weekend! Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, and many positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

When Disappointment Strikes

167341-John-C-Maxwell-Quote-Disappointment-is-the-gap-that-exists-betweenIf I were to ask you to describe what disappointment means, what would you say? The definition of disappointment means sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations. Does this sound at all familiar to you?

Unfortunately, I think most of us have experienced disappointment at least once during life until this point and many have felt this way an innumerable amount of times. Regrettably being disappointed by the government is simply the new norm because it seems impossible for any of them to be honest and care for the lives of others. It does because incredibly agonizing to be constantly disappointed by someone we love and trust.Don’t-let-today’s-disappointment-cast-a-shadow-on-tomorrow’s-dream.-640x1024

The sheer amounts of pain involved with most disappointments are unimaginable. It is excruciatingly obvious that times are difficult and severely stressful, which can attempt to derail your happy and comfortable life. The massive struggles we are all facing right now does not and never should allow for others to behave in a selfish and deplorable manner.

When we get disappointed by someone close to us, there is no denying how terribly painful it can be. However, allowing for the disappointment to control any part of our lives will not change what has occurred. I am going to share some tips that I have found for handling disappointments. Of course, the steps I am sharing may not offer the same benefits for everyone and that is okay!

foo-many-disappointments-are-usually-a-sign-of-too-many-25203659Below are 10 steps you may find helpful after a disappointment:

1.  Accept your feelings-

It is normal for disappointments to cause many unwanted emotions. Disappointments can be tragic and raise many questions about our lives and relationships. We might think it is easier to ignore the raw emotions we have. But, is this really easier? I do not think it is because those emotions can and will surface again someday and probably when you least expect them to. It might be difficult, but accepting the way this hurtful incident made us feel is a crucial step. By allowing for all our negative and painful emotions to hurt for a little while, we get it out of the way and are on the right road to happier and better times.

2. Remind yourself you are not the disappointment-

You might have experienced an awful disappointment and felt like your world was 15turned upside down, but this will not last forever. What you have gone through does not label you as a disappointment in any way. If you will allow yourself to keep moving forward and continue taking the necessary actions, you will move on and improve as an individual.

3. Learn from this experience-

It can be very easy to allow ourselves to drown in the pain we are feeling. Time will be much better spent if we can look for a valuable lesson from the situation we were in.

Some questions may be helpful to ask ourselves such as:

  1. What is one thing learned from this experience?
  2. Is there anything that can be done to avoid the same disappointment in the future?
  3. What can be done differently next to something like this happens?

ryanreynolds1After putting a lot of time and thought into your life, you may have concluded less or no time should be spent with the person that disappointed you.

4. Focus your attention on what you still have-

To move on this is important to acknowledge what you still have in life. This could be people, passions, and other things we tend to take for granted.

Drawing our attention towards gratitude will help us to keep things in perspective and not remaining overwhelmed with disappointments, which can ruin our day, week, or even year.

5. Discuss things with someone that you trust-

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It is healthier to be able to vent to someone you trust and value their advice and opinion. Venting frustration and hurt emotions helps release inner pressure, figure things out and accept what has happened. Also, the conversation you had with a trusted confidant shares a new perspective on the situation.

6. Review, evaluate, and adjust expectations-

328356-Don-t-Blame-People-For-Disappointing-You...blame-Yourself-For-Expecting-Too-Much-From-ThemOf you always expect perfection from yourself and others, you will always be disappointed. When you find yourself disappointed, ask yourself will this still matter in 5 days, weeks, months, or even years. It is important to learn not to make a mountain out of a molehill.

7. Give yourself a break-

After experiencing disappointment, you need time to rest your mind, recharge, and even have a little fun again.

8. Get out of your own head-

Do you tend to find yourself contemplating negative situations for an extended period of time? Try directing your attention elsewhere, for example:

*Help someone that needs a little extra help

*Exercise, which will not only be healthy, but it will help to reduce the stress you are feeling.

9.  Look for the small steps to move on with life-e482c501fc925aed787a74946ec33185

You have been able to accept what has occurred and even learned something from this experience, now you are ready to be motivated to move on with your life. You can set your action plan into motion now.   

10.  Enhance your self-esteem-

An interesting way to help enhance your self-esteem is to take a few moments to write down three things you appreciate about yourself.This will help you to avoid getting caught up in self- criticism and negative emotions felt while healing from disappointment.

d1f005c294c21ce54a1b709b3de6d9aaThank you for visiting my site today. I hope if you are currently dealing with disappointment or if you handle it in the future I hope this information will be helpful for you. Disappointment is not easy to deal with and can send us into a downward spiral. I would love to know your opinion on the information I have shared and how you have handled this in the past. 

I hope you had a good day and you are feeling well. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤, comfort, and many positive vibes!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤