Thought Filled Sunday

It is a gloomy, but peaceful Sunday. I am not sure why, but I feel chilly and still feel drained from last week. Of course, weekends are “supposed” to be a time to recuperate and prepare for the week ahead, which I tried doing. Unfortunately, I still failed to catch up on the sleep loss from last week. I guess once we are sleep deprived and have missed out on many hours of sleep, we cannot ever get those hours back and we are forced to keep going, no matter how exhausted we feel. I know the end of the weekend is near and another long week is getting closer, but there is still time left for our weekend.

I am going to continue to try doing at least one post each day this week and hope to be successful in doing so. There are a couple of topics I am working on right now and hope to have at least one completed today. One crucial thing I will be sharing information about is the importance of mental health. May is Mental Health Awareness Month and I feel this is critical to try to understand this complicated topic. At this time, I only can speak to the fact that the United States has failed miserably in providing care for individuals suffering from mental health issues.

Another topic I will be writing about is the differences between trust and forgiveness. Trust is important and fragile. It can take years to build trust in another person and seconds to break the trust. Once you lose trust in a relationship, there is no guarantee you can trust that person again. If you can work through the lost trust issues and try forming trust again, it takes time and patience. Even when we decide to forgive someone for their wrongdoings and betrayal, that does not mean trust is automatically replenished.

Another topic I would like to write about is the challenges involved in living with a chronic illness without a cure. Sadly, we have genius scientists and doctors around the world, but so many chronic illnesses still do not have a cure. I know this is not 100% true, but in 2022 there seems to be a steady increase in the numbers of illnesses and hardly any headway to curing these illnesses☹.

People should be trying to progress and evolve with the times, but that is not happening. One thing that continues to grow is hatred and mean behavior. When people do not understand the way another person lives, they become scared and decide the way another person is living is wrong and evil. This is a cowardly way to live in the world. It does not matter how another person lives “their” life, as long as they are not causing harm and they are happy, it should not matter or be the business of anyone else!

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope your weekend has been filled with everything that makes you happy. I have found it can be complicated to find topics to write about that will be intriguing to everyone, but I am trying. Honestly, some things I write about are to help me process issues in my life. I hope you enjoy the last part of your weekend! I look forward to reading your comments and will respond as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

The halfway point of the week

I have never been able to only see Wednesday as just that because viewing it as the halfway mark is a little more positive. We all know how long the weeks are, so knowing we are halfway to the weekend makes the week feel easier to deal with. What do you think? There is too much negative thinking and behaving in unpleasant ways. Even if only a few of us act in a better way, maybe we can spread the optimism. I mean, hate and anger spread like wildfire, so why can good feelings not do the same?

Today I want to share a quote with you about something I think has been lost for a long time. Too many people think being dishonest with no respect or love for others is the way to live. In my eyes, this is not a good way to live because it is not living with morals or values, but with deceit. How can anyone be happy or comfortable in life if they are not able to trust those close to them? I do not think it is possible. Trust takes time to gain and seconds to lose. We should always treat everyone with kindness and respect, and be HONEST! Remember, lies and deceit hurt and destroy relationships!

How has your week been so far? As y’all know, I was offered a job and I am just waiting for the background check to be cleared and the drug screening to be scheduled. It is nice knowing I have a job, but it would eliminate my stress to have everything completed and handled. I do not like having things being left to do because it leaves too much uncertainty and we are already living in enough uncertainty. I am not concerned about either of the things left to do, but want them DONE!

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you enjoyed what I have shared with you today and look forward to reading your comments. I promise to respond to your comments as quickly as I can. As the days carry on, do not forget to stay as safe as possible! Please never forget I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Beautiful Complications

The world is a beautiful, complicated, and challenging place to live in. There are times we may feel like we are suffocating or drowning in the dark and deep waters because the intensity of what we are facing is so strong. We will also experience days that are bright and full of joyful moments. These days are not normally perfectly balanced, but we have a choice to hold onto our optimism and understand it is a necessity.

As children, we depend on our parents to guide us down the right roads and teach us right from wrong. Sadly enough, not all parents teach these lessons to their children, and they go out into the world blind and unprepared. It leaves me feeling confused because there are so many people in the world that want children and would provide a loving, nurturing, and wonderful home, but they are unable to have children. On the other hand, some never wanted children and should not have them, but they do.

It breaks my heart to see the world being where it is today. The sheer levels of hate and anger tear people down and leave them as nothing more than an empty shell. I have always tried so hard to see the best in people but am struggling more and more to find the good in some that I have encountered. I used to think that there was good in everyone, no matter who they are, and I am not so sure about that anymore.

We are all faced with choices in life, one road will be the one that takes additional effort and honesty and another path, that is that easy path and can include dishonesty. Why does it seem like in the world today, people chose that path that is filled with lies, dishonesty, and deceit? It takes more effort to lie, than it does to be honest because once you begin lying, it is like a snowball effect and never ends and causes people to be hurt and disappointed.

I hate thinking that it is possible that the last honest people in the world, were in my late grandfather’s generation. You cannot turn on the news without hearing lies, deceitful, and dangerous misinformation. So many people are too selfish to understand their behavior is damaging and evil. It is not that difficult to be compassionate and understanding towards other, but it seems like people think if they practice these behaviors, it would be the end of the world.

As you can probably tell in what I have written today, I am frustrated with the mindset and behaviors of others. I do the best I can to treat everyone equally and with respect but have been treated like a nobody by people I thought were different and believed they were caring. I am proud to be different from others because I would not feel good about who I am if I were just like everyone else. What others consider normal, I consider mean and evil, so I have no interest in being what normal is to others.

I have been struggling lately with trying to find a job and understand the way people think and act. As challenging as it has been, I think finding my “perfect” job will happen long before I can understand people because most people do not make sense in anyway shape or form. I do not understand where all the hatred is coming from and why it is spreading like wildfire. It is just a sad situation and I do not know how or when it will improve. Maybe when we see the end of COVID, we will also see positive changes to those currently filled with hate. Stranger things have happened.

Thank you for visiting my site today and reading this post. I know it was not filled with sunshine and rainbows, but it was filled with my honest feelings and struggles. I am not normally a negative person, but I am an optimistic and realistic person. I hope you are enjoying your weekend and staying safe! I do look forward to reading your comments and I will respond as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Decision Made

~Decisions are not my strength, so this was HUGE~

I believe I mentioned in a previous post that I started a part-time job on Tuesday. I gave this job all that I could and tried to not pass judgment until I had more information. I accepted the position because I was desperate to have a job. Also, by the description that was explained to me, I thought it might be interesting and challenging. After day one, I could tell it was nothing like I thought it was going to be. I am a little too stubborn and did not want to feel like I was a failure and give up. I ended up trying for two more days, but it only became clearer that the job was not the right position for me.

The truth is my personality is not able to follow a script when making calls because I feel it sounds too impersonal and automated. I did try adjusting the “script” we were supposed to read, but it only helped make me feel more comfortable. Even after making the script a little lighter and more personal, I did not feel good about myself. I was feeling like the company was preferring us to lie and that is not what I signed up for. I do remember saying in my interview that I am unable to lie and when asked questions, I was going, to be honest.

After three short days with the job, I made the decision I thought was best for me and resigned. I cannot view this as a failure because the company failed me from the start by being deceitful. Another problem I had with the job is I was supposed to use my personal laptop, which is absurd.

When I was at my last job, you know the one that laid me off right before Christmas, I never dreaded clocking into work. I enjoyed what I was doing. At my former job, I was reviewing mortgage loan applications to determine what was missing and request the documents before being able to get the loan purchased. It sounds boring to most people because it was all about auditing.

I know the right job for me is out there and I will keep searching for it. While I continue my job search, I will be able to focus on other things that interest me. There is another writing competition that I am planning to participate in. I just must think of topics I can use for the personal essay will be on, but now I have time for that. I can also keep building my skills through my blog!

I spent the past two mornings waking up way too early. I woke up Thursday at 3:30 AM and Friday at 4:30 AM. I was not able to fall back asleep. This makes me think the way the job was may have been interfering with my sleep. Subconsciously, I may have been trying to justify continuing to work for the company, while knowing it was all wrong for me.

I know y’all write because you have your blog. Have you ever done a writing competition? If you have, how did you decide on the topic you were going to write about? I have several ideas but cannot decide which is best to write about. Of course, with the lack of sleep, I have had over the past two days my decision-making abilities might not be up to par. Yes, I did make the decision to resign from the job under these circumstances, but I did talk it over with my husband first and he is logical. I am truly thankful for how incredibly understanding and supportive my husband was yesterday morning. He made it clear to me, I deserved MUCH better.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I always appreciate how supportive you are and love reading your comments. I hope you enjoyed reading what I have shared today. Maybe you have been through something similar and have some perspective you can share with me. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

We Are In This Together

~Together We Can Make A Difference~

We have all been going through the same struggles and fears since the beginning of 2020. We have probably all been staying home and avoiding any contact with others outside of our home because of COVID-19. Is it just me or does it feel like we are all on house arrest? I sometimes think that actual house arrest offers more freedom than we have seen over the last several LONG months. Truthfully, it has been a lot more than just several months and more like a year! There is a chance I am wrong, but I think if things were handled differently at the beginning of the pandemic, we would not still be experiencing the hardships and isolation we are today. I am pretty sure I have said this a million times before, but the Trump administration this took place under failed miserably.

I think y’all already know that I work from home as well, so I am literally always at home. I miss the days when my husband and I could go out to dinner or even to the mall to look around. This sounds awful, but I honestly cannot remember the last time we were able to go out for a nice dinner. Not that this was something we did often, but at least we were able to for special occasions. I know my husband loves a good steak every now and then, which I do not care for and I do not know how to even cook steak. Of course, my husband has never been much of a cook, and truthfully I do not think he has ever cook anything. I remember before we started living together, he was trying to make hot dogs and had no clue how to. I thought it was cute and a little silly, so I walked him through how to make a hot dog.

Of all things, I never in a million years thought I would miss going grocery shopping because I always dreaded this task. Since the pandemic began, I have been having groceries delivered. I am thankful for the amazing people that work with this service, but it makes me feel like I am being lazy and useless. This is an awful feeling but considering many people in the city I live in refuse to wear a mask or even social distance, and the fact I have a weak immune system, I cannot take any chances. I do not want to get COVID-19 and risk being hospitalized, and possibly losing my life. I would love to see my late grandfather again, but not right now.

Over the past several months, I have been keeping track of the new COVID cases in the city I live in. To put it mildly, the numbers are terrifying, but the way people behave is insane! I also know there are many people that still think this virus is not that serious or even just a joke. The problem with this way of thinking is, people lie, but numbers do not lie. When we all can see the number of new cases on a steady rise, logically this would show the when the way people are behaving is NOT working you would think it might be better to try something different, right? This would mean, for anyone that is NOT wearing a mask when they leave their homes to start wearing a mask. Or for anyone that is NOT practicing social distancing, to start keeping space between themselves and others. Months ago, the experts advised 6 feet was a good distance to keep, but now they have increased the space to 10 feet. Of course, masks cost money and are difficult to find, but social distancing is free and easy to do. Even before the pandemic, I never appreciated people getting too close to me because I value my personal space!

Anyone that has known me for any length of time, knows that for the most part, I like people. I have always been great at socializing with people of all kinds. I guess the sad truth is, with everything that I have seen on the news and witnessed, I have become overly angry and a little hostile, which are characteristics that I am NOT proud of and are very unlike me. Unfortunately, my patience and tolerance for ignorance have diminished greatly because of COVID, the increased levels of selfishness, heightened number of lies we are being told daily, and then the lack of questioning these people telling the lies, and even worse is the lack of accountability there is in the entire world. When I mess up, I own up to my mistakes and deal with the repercussions of these mistakes because that is what good human beings are supposed to do. I do not think I will ever understand why those that did NOT do what was RIGHT at the beginning of the pandemic are not punished for their wrongdoings, or at least feel awful and apologize for what they did wrong. I already know that some of you might disagree with me, but I strongly believe that the almost 400,000 deaths of American’s are Donald Trump’s fault. The failed leadership, lack of empathy, and sympathy by this person are by far the worst I have ever witnessed. The bottom line is, COVID-19 is not political, it is a matter of life and death!

Of course, next week a new president will be inaugurated into office. Joe Biden was our vice president for 8 years and I hope he will do right by not only the American people but people around the world. Biden is not a perfect man and he will make mistakes, but I cannot imagine he will screw up anywhere near as much as Trump has. I think Biden and Harris have plans to help heal the United States from COVID -19 and hopefully, this means a better plan for delivering the vaccine to all of us who need the vaccine. I do not think that Trump had any plans because he does not care about the lives of people and only cares about his #1, himself. I am not going to say the Biden/Harris team will not screw up more than the Trump/Pence team because I have said something like this before and was VERY wrong! At this point, all we can all do is hope for better, brighter, and safer times in our future because what is life without hope?

I want to thank you for taking the time to read this post and even though you might disagree, I would love to read your comments. I can promise you, even if we disagree on everything or agree, I will respect your views because that is just my nature. I hope you are having a nice and safe weekend! Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Feelings that have built up

Beware in advance, I want y’all to know this post is the most personal I have written and extremely emotional. It is also rather long, but not as long as at least one another post.

Everyone’s life unfolds in unique and often challenging ways. No matter how things appear on the outside, no one has the “picture perfect” life. Our lives are full of happy times and hard times, which might not be equal. When someone experiences something that is painfully difficult and they somehow overcome those times, others may not know how in the world they overcame such tragic times and they never ask. How many times have we been asked in life if there was anything we would change? I can recall countless times, but my answer will never change. Anything that occurred in life that was hard, I feel that I am strong because of the hardest times in life and therefore would not change anything at all.

How would you respond if I were to ask you, what would you change in your life if you could? Sure, there are probably hard times you might wish you did not encounter. If those hard times never happened, would you still be the person you are today? Maybe you would, but maybe you wouldn’t. I say this because things I went through in life, I don’t know if I would be who I am if those things didn’t happen.

2020 has been a difficult year so far and we do not know when or if things will improve. I want to believe that what the United States has witnessed will open everyone’s eyes to the state of our nation. We have NOT had ANY leadership over the past three and a half years. We have watched what feels like the fall of a country that was supposed to be “strong”, “fair”, and “equal”. The entire world was exposed to COVID-19 and most other countries acted in a way that protected the citizens when the United States acted late which caused hundreds of thousands of people to unnecessary lose their lives. There is no way to know if the government had acted sooner, those lives lost could have been saved, and sadly that is what these individual’s families must live with.

Unfortunately, there are still way too many people that believe the lies the president says and tweets. These are the same people that follow their “leaders” example and fail to wear masks when out in public and seem to not understand what is meant by social distancing. I guess it makes sense because we all saw the president and the crowd on the 4th of July close together possibly spreading the virus to one another and yet somehow magically neither the president nor vice president seems to get the virus. Y’all already know that I am terrified of the virus and I do have a weakened immune system because of the medication I take for Multiple Sclerosis.

I will say that finally, several states have made masks when out in public mandatory. Those that fail to comply with wearing masks will be fined. I hardly leave the house these days but did go to the pharmacy on Friday. They had in huge sign in bold letters saying that all customers entering the store must wear a mask or they will be asked to leave immediately.

It has also been made painfully clear that the United States has enormous problems with racial injustice and police killing unarmed black people. I am not naïve enough or blind to the fact that not all American’s are treated equally and it makes me feel shame for the country.

All my life I have always treated everyone the same and never judged anyone based on anything besides the way they treated others. I appreciate the beauty in the differences others show and find those distinctions fascinating. I think if we were all exactly the same, this world would be rather boring and we would miss out on some incredible opportunities.

We are already more than halfway through 2020. The news has put a lot of focus onto either COVID-19, politics, police brutality or the latest with the Epstein insanity. For starters, the United States knew about COVID-19 on January 20, 2020, but did not act on it until March. That left about a month and a half for the virus to spread throughout the country. How many months did the president say this highly contagious and deadly virus was a hoax or not that serious? The answer is just simply way too many and it should have been taken seriously starting back in January.

I am sure my feelings are pretty clear throughout this entire post. I am ashamed of how the country I was born and raised in has behaved for the past three and a half years and honestly probably many more. It will not come as a shock to anyone, but I am not and never have been a fan of Donald Trump. I think the way he blames everyone else for what has gone wrong in the world, how he disrespects everyone that disagrees with him and the media for doing their job, the revolting names he calls others, the way he refers to other countries “shit holes”, the way he has absolutely has no respect for the country he represents or the people living there, and so much more than just repulsive. This man cares so much about his pole numbers that rapidly dwindling and of course, he is blaming the democrats, when truthfully it is his own fault.

I think y’all know I always try my best to be optimistic and believe that positive thoughts will lead to a positive outcome. I also know how incredibly negative this post might seem, but these feelings have built up for a while now. I want to apologize if anything I have written was offensive to you and hope you know that was never my intent. I am a very sensitive person so hearing about the countless people that are dying daily because of COVID-19 breaks my heart and tend to have me in tears. Of course, I do not know any of the people that lost their lives to this virus, but they meant something to someone else.

I also have never been a political person and found most if not all politicians to be dishonest. Trump and Pence have proven my views of dishonest politicians. It is hard for me to understand how anyone could know about how many people have died because of a virus and how it would not affect them. It will never make sense to me how anyone that represents a country and not care about the people. How they sleep soundly at night is a mystery to me.

Since the news first broke about Jeffrey Epstein in 2005 it has made me sick. I then read a book by one of my favorite authors, James Patterson wrote about Epstein which made my feelings even more intense. After Epstein was arrested I thought that justice had been made for his victims.

Of course, he ended up committing suicide while in prison which could be viewed as a good thing, but it was an easy and selfish way out for him and his victims did not get to testify and feel the closure they may have needed. The latest with the Epstein situation was his long-term confidant and associate a female was arrested. This woman helped find Epstein young girls to become another victim and she also participated. Any woman that is capable of doing this kind of harm to a young and innocent girl is vile and appalling and should feel shame for the ways they ruined the child’s youth.

I do realize this might have not been the most positive thing I have written, but this is how I feel. Again, I am sorry if I have offended anyone reading this and hope I did not discourage you from reading future things I write.

This post was very personal and full of raw emotions. I do appreciate you taking the time to read and I encourage you to leave a comment, which I will respond to as quickly as I can.

Y’all know I am starting my new full-time, work from home job tomorrow and I plan to continue blogging as much as I can. No matter how busy I get I will continue doing Motivational Monday, Pick Me Up Thursday and Let It Go Friday! Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, and many positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa