Tribute to Poppy

tribute-2Good evening y’all! I am a little late with getting this posted, but at least it is still on the day of my beloved Poppy’s birthday❤. I am dedicating this post and this poem to him.

Poppys plaque

❤My Poem for my Grandfather (Poppy). A man who will never be forgotten.❤

 

It’s been more than 5 years,

Since we lost you

Today will always be your daywpid-screenshot_2015-09-07-16-12-50_1

I will continue to celebrate

this day in your honor

as it was the day your journey began

I think of all the lives you touched

Gracing them with your loving ways

Because of you

the world made sense

It was a better place

poppys gravewithout you here

nothing has been

or ever will be the same

You gained your wings

To be the angel you always were

I still feel your presence

Especially when times get unbearable

You ease my struggles

By being my loving guardian angel

I cry tears of joy and painpet-tombstones-quotes-09

Joy for the times shared

Pain because I will never stop missing you

Talk to you so often

Still hearing voice so softly

Our bond was strong

and will never be broken

tribute-1It’s been so long without you here

but your memory is held close

I know someday

we will fly together

Soaring about the clouds

But until that day comes

your light will guide me

Believing I will be reunited

With the part of my heart

missing since September 9, 2013Poppy

Thank y’all for stopping by my site. This post was very difficult and emotional for me, but I wanted to honor my dear Grandfather on his birthday. I wish this amazing man Happy Birthday every  year on his birthday and I do believe he feels the love I am sending him. 

I hope your weekend is going well and you are feeling the best you can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of    love ❤ , comfort and many positive vibes.

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

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Fighting to find motivation again

bad daysSometimes things happen in our lives that shake us to our core. It can be terribly difficult to heal from these situations and painfully trying to find the motivation to keep moving on. I have NEVER been the type of person that allows for anything or anyone to keep me down for long because we only have one life to live and must live it to the fullest. Even after being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis at the age of 19, I wouldn’t allow for that to take control and or run my life, so why would I start now?

In recent times something else has happened to me that was not only a complete and total shock, but also incredibly inappropriate. I was let go from my job for the most everything-will-be-okay-just-not-today.jpgabsurd reasons I have ever heard.. My husband and I relocated to a brand new city where I started this new job that I was super excited about. During the course of my employment, even after asking several times I had NO training. The complete lack of training was at no fault of my own, but due to no one knowing the answers to the numerous questions I asked. How wrong does that sound!? It seems like the people I was working for expected me to be psychic, which unfortunately I am not! Any loss is hard to accept, but not understanding what went wrong makes it even harder. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I did my job to the best of my ability and didn’t deserve for this to happen to me. Anyone that really knows me, knows that I work hard and am good at whatever I set my mind to.

In my rational mindset and heart I know everything happens for a reason, but that feeling lost todaydoesn’t make this any easier to accept. Losing a job has made me feel worthless and like a failure, which logically I know probably isn’t true. Even when I felt terrible, I still went to work. Even living with a chronic illness that brings on many issues, I still work and work hard! The hard truth for me to swallow is people can be so FAKE and more often than not the people who seem kind and caring are the direct opposite. I don’t possess the ability to be anything but who I am and that is NEVER fake! Personally, I am always going to just be who I am, which is a compassionate person to a fault. I am and probably always will be the person that cares more about others needs than my own.

How do you find motivation when your world has been turned upside down? A job dont-get-closure-until-you-move-on.jpgdoesn’t define who I am as a person, but it does make me feel productive instead of the one sulking around the house without any direction. I am a very strong person and I will bounce back to the positive person I was, it might just take time. I honestly think this situation would be easier to accept if there were valid reasons for this my termination, but there AREN’T ANY valid reasons! Many people have already told me this is their loss and not mine because I deserve so much better, maybe once my mind has healed from this I will see it that way as well.

I don’t mean to share a post that is pretty negative, but honestly sometimes writing out my feelings helps for me to heal. Many of y’all, that have been following my blog for a while now, knew something was wrong way shake off everythingbefore I admitted it and I appreciate all the kind and encouraging words you have sent my way. It has only been 4 days, which feels more like 4 weeks, since losing my job and unemployment doesn’t suite me well.

I am trying to take time to heal from this horrible event and focus on things that bring me joy again. There were so many things I wasn’t able to do working full-time, so maybe now is my chance to do more with my life. Y’all know that I had dreams of writing a book that I even already have an outline for. Maybe I can use this time, in between a job search, toHow-to-Stay-Motivated-When-Searching-For-a-Job-1024x512 at least start the book of my dreams. One thing I can say with 100% certainty is, I can not and will not allow what I have gone through to send me into a terrible relapse. you can heal

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for stopping by my site today and I do hope y’all have a fabulous weekend! For those of you living out west where I know it is insanely cold, I hope you are able to keep warm and the temperatures improve very soon. I do look forward to reading your comments and promise I will respond much faster than I have been in the past few month. Even though I might be going through a difficult and painful time right now, please know that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤, comfort and many positive vibes!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Holidays Approaching!

enhanced-buzz-31796-1387830656-36-600x450I still can’t believe that December is coming to an end so soon and the holidays are quickly approaching us. I know this year has been pretty busy for me and there have been many changes, but it seems like we just celebrated the start of 2018 last week. Where did the year go?

I do think many people look forward to the holiday seasons because it gives an amazing opportunity to spend time with ❤ family and possibly friends, relax a lot more, enjoy life a477x246_holidays_closedjpg little and of course the time off from work is pretty fabulous! My office is actually closed the entire week of Christmas and doesn’t reopen until January 2, 2019! I have never experienced such generous time off from an employer for the holidays before and I must say I absolutely ❤  LOVE❤ it!

I realize on the other hand there are many people who dread the holiday season for their own personal reasons. Even though it has been many years now, there are some loses 3 snowflakes with namesthat still feel very fresh years later for myself and my family. It has been nine years since my husband’s dearly loved ❤ grandfather passed away, five years since my ❤ grandfather who I idolized passed away and four years since my husband’s loving ❤ grandmother passed away. Those that have passed away will live on in our hearts ❤ and souls for an eternity. Not only will we miss them with every breath we take, but 872989bc7fbe00c87e1318785e86011ewe will always stand true to honor their memories of ❤ love, courage, compassion and inspiration for as long as we possibly can. I know that I am not alone when I say this, but I would give anything to have just one more minute with any or all of these loving souls. The joy that would be felt from hearing their voices or a simple hug one last time would be priceless and cherished. 

I do think it is natural to remember those we lost even deeper around the holidays, butremember those in Heaven we should all also still remember to rejoice with the family we are still able to spend these days with. The funny thing is, we do not get to choose our family because they are just given to us and we must learn to accept them with their amazing qualities and even their flaws. I mean seriously, no one is perfect and we all have our own faults that may drive other crazy, so we really can’t judge another for similar situations!

Life is way too short to allow for any silly little altercations to break families apart, but sadly I do believe this happens far too often. I can admit that I have held onto hostility and anger with some in my own family for much too long. With the harsh realities that they won’t be here forever makes me try letting go of those unpleasant feelings and find neutralwhere there is love grounds. I know I have said this before regarding other issues, but we are all different and have our own uniqueness to us. I guess I believe that all of our unique behaviors and outlooks are what makes us special and like no other!

There are many wonderful things we experience with the holidays, but it tends to make me a little sad. I miss those that are not with us anymore, but I do appreciate the family I have with me still. The way I am able to make it through the holidays with limited tears is I always have to continue reminding myself that those we have lost and still with us in heart, mind and spirit and that they are not living with pain any longer.

Every year I always feel that Christmas has lost its true meaning. The stores are always full of shoppers spending money Christman is morethey might not have and buying products just because they are a hot commodity.  I feel that Christmas should be more about family and less about buying gifts! There are no gifts that can take the place of our loved ones. There are way too many people who struggle just to put food on the table and have a roof over their heads, while others rush the stores. In my job now I hear really sad stories that break my heart. Just yesterday we were working with a single mother that was going to be homeless today. Myself and two of my co-workers, one of which being my boss,  were trying to find a place that could offer her a roof over their heads and shockingly most were already full and might not be able to help until mid January. I was so sad for her and her 6-year-old child to suffer like this so close to Christmas. Thankfully, we did find an extended stay for them to go to, but I was still shaken by this. This poor little girl will wake up Christmas morning not expecting gifts under the tree, but wanting a bed to sleep in and food to eat.

Thank you so much for visiting my site today! I know this post was little longer than what I normally post, but the holidays get me a little emotional. I am looking forward to reading your thoughts and I do promise to respond as quickly as I can! I hope you are feeling well and your weekend has started off wonderful. Please know that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤, comfort and many positive vibes!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

 

P.S I was trying something new with the link below and have no idea if this will work or not. Once you read this post, please let me know if this link actually showed or if I did something wrong with it!

 

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Tribute, to my amazing grandfather!

tribute 2Five years ago today I received a phone call from my uncle that shook my entire world. My uncle called to notify me that my dearly loved grandfather had passed away. Even though I knew he had been battling cancer for years, this call completely took my breath away and left my mind spinning out of control. It was just a few days earlier when I spoke to my grandfather and he wished me a happy birthday. I was really confused because my birthday wasn’t until the end of the month, but I think he must have known he would not be here physically to wish me a happy birthday. Sadly this was the last time I was able to talk to my grandfather and hear his voice.Poppys plaque

During my last conversation with my grandfather we talked about a vacation my husband and I had planned to celebrate both my birthday and our anniversary at the end of the month. I told him that I wanted to postpone that vacation and come see him instead. Being the strong nature person he was, he told me absolutely not and I could go see him another time. I did not want to be too pushy with him because he did sound weak and I assumed he didn’t want me to see him in the shape he was in. As much as I wish I had gone to see him instead going on celebratory vacation, I would never have felt right going against his wishes because I had SO much respect for him.

I am sure y’all already know through some of my previous posts that I absolutely and totally idolized my grandfather. Logically I know that people do pass away, but I didn’t know how to accept the fact he was gone from the world I live in. We hadn’t lived in the funeral-poems-for-grandpa-4-1024x555same state for years, but he was always just a phone call away and I enjoyed the opportunity to talk with him. I remember having saved a voicemail of his and was SO incredibly heartbroken when that message was suddenly gone. I guess it was my fault because I had it saved for so long and my carrier decides to delete messages after 30 days. This was the last chance I had to hear his voice. If only I had known this back then, I would still have that voicemail and be able to hear his sweet Irish voice whenever I wanted to.

I know I have said this before, but my grandfather was the most amazing, encouraging, loving, thoughtful, and compassionate person in the world. He did not know hateful judgmental behavior. He always treated everyone fairly and equally. Even though therepoppys grave will NEVER be another like him, I will always do all I can to come as close as possible to living my life in his image.

 I remember everything about that horrible day five years ago and how I actually swallowed my own pride to call my father with the terrible news. Being the first time I had talked to my father in years, this was not an easy conversation. I even remember all the days leading up to the funeral. Tears flowed like rain during a tropical storm in the middle of the summer at a tropical island. On our flight up to where his funeral was held, I sat on the plane writing to clear my head. I wrote four poems for him that day and I’m sure he knows all the words considering, as always, he was my inspiration.

The last visual image I have of my grandfather was when I had my husband on one side of me and my uncle on the other, and we walked up to where he was resting peacefully in his casket. He just looked like he was sleeping, but it was very traumatizing for me. All I could think tribute 1was this man looks like my grandfather, but this isn’t him and I want him back with us.

I know that my grandfather, my poppy, will always live on in my heart and soul. I will carry the lessons I learned from him and always cherish his memory. As crazy as this may sound, every images (1)time I see a single butterfly and I am feeling totally helpless, I feel that it is my grandfather trying to let me know he is still there and everything is going to be okay. While smiling his golden and very contagious smile he would probably say something like, “Chin up and keep smiling because everything happens for a reason and it all works out the way it is supposed to.” Those are definitely words I live by.

Thank you so much for visiting my site today. I normally try to not write such a lengthyI will never forget post, but today is a day I will never forget and I am extremely emotional. Y’all know I love all of your comments and will always respond as quickly as I can. As always, I am sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort! The song I am trying to share is “See You Again”, and hope I do it right.  This song helps me when I am missing him as I hope I will see my grandfather someday. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgKAFK5djSk

My signature heart

 

❤Always, Alyssa❤