Category Archives: Loss

Three Months Ago

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Loss can distort our sense of time and may cause months or years to feel like only days. Although I am sadly aware our sweet cat Sundance passed away three months ago today, I remember every moment as clearly as it was yesterday. It is so hard to wrap my mind around the thoughts that three months ago, I had to witness him struggle in pain and take his final breath. Many have told me I did everything I could to take care of him, but I still feel like I failed him, and the image of his lifeless body haunts me. Sundance had a loving and pure heart and knew only love, kindness, and acceptance. Why did Sundance have to get an inoperable tumor on his lung, and why could the doctors not remove it and give him a donor’s lung? Why do bad things happen to innocent animals, but the vilest humans will continue living without issues? These issues hardly seem fair to me. 

I know the way I am thinking about this loss is due to the continuous grief felt. The never-ending pain from losing our precious cat has been relentless, and his memories are in every part of the house and our hearts. I will always be thankful for our years with Sundance, and there will not be a day that passes that we will not miss him. For reasons I cannot fully explain, our house has an emptiness looming around because this little cat consumed much of the house and our hearts. Even though it has been three months since he passed away, I continue to expect his presence to be waiting when I get home, and although he is not there physically, I can feel the love, kindness, and magical parts of him that will never fade. 

I cannot explain my reasons, but I blame myself for not saving his beautiful life. Of course, I realize I did everything I could to keep him comfortable and loved, but I am not sure that was enough. I might not be able to keep my emotions in check, but I know no human being can stop death from occurring because it is part of life. Mortality is not easy to accept and understand, but it will happen to all of us. Our mortality is much different than that of an innocent animal, or at least it is for me. Animals are one of the only creatures in this world that are purely innocent and deserve more than most receive. Animal cruelty does not make sense to me, and how anyone could ruthlessly kill their pet is a form of narcissism and evilness that is beyond shameful. 

Thank you for visiting my site today. I do not typically do more than one post daily, but this one is an exception because Sundance should always be remembered, and never forgotten. I am thankful Sundance lived a happy life and was treated with love and respect. My husband and I do not have two-legged children, but we treat our cats like they were our children and may even treat them better than some treat their children. Of course, I even treat the outside feral cats with much love and kindness because I do not think they receive it from anyone else, which makes me sad. I hope your day goes well, and you can appreciate how I feel about the loss of our cat, but hope you never go through anything like this. Please never forget I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Halfway Through Week

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Today is the halfway point through the week, which might not sound great, but it could be worse, and at least it is not Monday! How is your week going so far? The week has not been too terrible because my doctor’s appointment went well, but I was not concerned about it. I forgot to mention yesterday, while I was at the pain management office, I asked the Nurse Practitioner for her opinion regarding a medication my specialist suggested. The medication strongly recommended had a lot to do with how low my white blood count was, which showed my immune system was weak. She had wanted me to take something that “might” prevent shingles, and I was highly against it. The specialist should understand Gilenya weakens my immune system, but it also keeps Multiple Sclerosis at bay, and I know I need to be cautious. I had decided against the medication suggested, and the nurse practitioner on Monday said she thought I made a good decision. Most people I know have had COVID, but I never got it, so I would say whatever I am doing to stay safe is working without any other medications.

Life will throw curve balls, and we must try to dodge them, or we might face additional bad situations. No matter how many balls are thrown at us and how many of them hit us, we can choose happiness. Not everything we perceive as negative will result in additional negative consequences because they might lead us down a better path in life. When I lost my job last November, I did not know how I would overcome it and find something new, but I believe I have. This experience forced me to consider a new career path, and I am thankful for what I will pursue. I have learned more about myself during the last few months, and besides losing Sundance, I am happier with my life. Please do not get me wrong because there are some people I have missed at my last job, but I cannot say I have missed the job itself or some people I encountered. It is true that some people come into our lives by accident and remain in our lives, while some come into our lives to teach us something we must know.

As we move into another day, there is something we should try embracing more than anything else, which is what makes us happiest. No one has ever said you can force being happy because that is fake happiness and will never last. When we deal with sadness in life, no one expects we will be a ray of sunshine immediately. It takes time to overcome an upsetting situation, and as long as we do not dwell on it for too long, we will get past whatever we experienced. I learned yesterday that someone I know but have never met had lost a dog she had for 14 years. Although I have only spoken to this person once and never met her dog, my heart broke for her loss. I am sure this brought up painful memories of what I went through in February, or it was because I am a highly emotional person. Anyway, even though she lost her dog and is sad currently, she will never forget her dog and be happy for the years she spent with her dog. I hope everything I said made sense because I might have said more than necessary.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you are having a good week, and it continues to get better. I am sure I have said this before, but if you have pets, please remember to treat them with lots of love because unfortunately, animals do not live forever☹. I hope you found the quote I shared positive, and that it helps you get through the halfway point of the week more easily. The first half of this week is over, and the last half is going to go faster, we might even discover some great opportunities! Please let me know what you think about this post, and I will respond to all comments as quickly as possible. Please never forget I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Grief and Love

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Grief can be haunting and inescapable because the memories of those who we lost are unstoppable. It has been two and a half months since losing Sundance and four years and two months since we lost Chloe. No matter how long it has been, I can remember the final moments of the lives of these two sweet and lovable cats. Of course, losing a loved one causes so much heartache, but many do not understand the level of pain losing a pet that you love dearly causes. If I could have traded places with either of these cats, I would have without questioning my decision. I wanted so desperately to donate one of or at least part of one of my lungs to Sundance, but the veterinarian shot me down because they said it was impossible. Even though I realized my lung was too large for Sundance, I did not understand why cutting mine to fit into his little body was impossible. Most days, I wake up hoping these losses were a nightmare and I would wake up to find them alive, but every morning, I am disappointed when I come to terms with the fact that it was not a nightmare but a reality. Unfortunately, reality cuts like a knife and leaves so much unknown.

Life imposes so many questions, but with limited to no answers. Often, I wonder why innocent animals must come down with illnesses that in the end, take their lives away. They did nothing to deserve such a grim fate and do not understand what is happening to them. How do you explain to a sick animal what they are enduring? How do you explain to any pets you still have where their friend went and why they are not coming home? Why are there so many innocent children who are living in unfair and dangerous situations? Why are there many kind and loving people who die of a painful and tragic death? People like my late grandfather did not deserve what he endured at the end of his life because he was a kind man and deserved more than he received. Why are there so many cruel people full of hate left in this world to torment others and never face the consequences for their cruel behaviors? It appears many have forgotten what the term justice means and accept the way things are going about in the world.

I try avoiding getting political or religious because everyone has their beliefs, and there is nothing wrong with anyone’s views. I wonder if one who believes in a higher power and that God loves all of us, why would he take those away from us that are pure love? How can anyone decide when anyone has fulfilled their purpose here on earth when so much was left undone? My late grandfather had strong religious beliefs, and I hope those beliefs gave him peace and that he is comfortable now, without any pain or torment. Our cats did not follow or have any beliefs because they only knew love, so why was their life cut short? Many of the reasons that I cannot get past the loss of our cats is because I was left wondering if there was something else, I could have and should have done for them. I blame myself for both losing their lives, and it will always haunt me.

With all the questions we face in our lives, how do you accept facts that there are no answers? Are we supposed to tolerate this and carry on with a questionable existence? For all the why, how, what, and where questions, can we make assumptions about them and deal with them? It has been a while, and I have gotten older; I have many questions and typically ignore them because I understand the things I cannot control and do not want to waste time, but many questions weigh on my mind. There are too many incurable illnesses in the world, and those affected must find a way to deal with their fate. It is complicated and can feel impossible, but everyone finds ways to see the positive in their lives. Many young and innocent children are dealing with this grim fate, but how can they understand this when they are too young and naïve to the world?

With the number of unanswered questions we may have, the best thing to do to survive life is to focus on the positive things we have in our lives. Losing those we love is inevitable and destined to happen. Instead of thinking about this, we must value and appreciate those we care about and ensure they never doubt how much they are loved and treasured because if we fail to do this, and leaves us with regrets. Families can be complicated, but the bonds we share with others go deeper than simply blood. I have never believed that the blood we share with family members is as important as the trust, respect, consideration, and loyalty shared with another human or our pets.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you are having a lovely and relaxing weekend. I know parts of this post were not positive and uplifting, but they are some thoughts I struggle with. Some people say they love another, but do they understand what it means to love with their entire heart and soul? Love is a word that I never use loosely and will only use when it comes from my heart, and I mean it. Too many people tell others they love them, but at the end of the day, it is just another word to them without meaning. When I say I love our cats more than words can say, I mean it and without question. This is the one thing in life I do not question, my love for those I care about and our cats. I hope the last part of your weekend is amazing and you do something special for yourself. Please never forget I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Thoughts for the week

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On April 10th, it was two months since I watched the bright and sparkly light in our precious cat Sundance’s blue eyes fade dark. He fought so hard for weeks until the very end of his life, and his little lungs gave in. During the last two months, we have tried holding onto the happiness and love this furry angel brought into our lives, which has provided us with some comfort but does not mend our broken hearts. In every inch of our home, there is another memory of Sundance. The place in the dining room where he cried five times and the place in the living room where he took his last breath still hurts my heart. When I would walk through our front door or return upstairs from the basement, I still looked for him because he met me at the door, but sadly, he was not there☹. I continue hoping what happened at 6:46 PM on February 10th, has been a long nightmare, and I will wake up to Sundance’s beautiful face. The loss of Sundance will continue to feel like a terrible and endless nightmare until I learn to cope better with the loss.

During the weeks I knew Sundance was gravely ill, I divided my attention between ensuring he was as comfortable and loved as possible and doing well in my classes. Everyone deals with sadness in different ways. Some people may decide to become overly lost in depression. Others cannot handle their emotions, so they repress their emotions and practice avoidance to an unhealthy level. Unfortunately, my way of dealing with challenging and emotional situations is avoidance and repression. I stayed by Sundance’s side for hours and observed him so I could help him move around and obsessed over his breathing and giving him his medications at the same time daily.

When we lost Chloe on February 7, 2020, it was painful because we were hurting but saw Sundance grieve. He was the type who loved everyone and did not understand where his best friend went. This was why we adopted two female cats, which were only supposed to be one, but the girls were sweet and loved each other, and we did not want to separate them. It does not seem the girls are upset and have carried on with their silly antics. The only change I have noticed with the girls is they are not eating their wet food as much as they used to. Maybe they are still adjusting to the loss and change.

One of the outside feral cats I have been feeding was pregnant. Mama cat continues to come around to eat but has not brought the kittens by yet. I am very excited to see her babies when they are ready to be out and about to eat cat food. I have said I want one of her kittens, especially if she has a male, but the more I think about it, I am unsure if I am mentally and emotionally ready. I think it would be better to wait until I can go more than a week without breaking down in tears, be done with school, and have a job. I cannot guarantee our female cats would be happy about another cat, especially the part Maine Coon, Willow. She is loving and sweet but not too friendly towards other animals. She hissed at me for having the scent of another animal on me.

The healing process when you experience a loss takes time. Unfortunately, there is not a guide to teach you how to heal faster. Many people may not understand how painful it has been losing Sundance, but it has hurt my heart and soul. I love all animals and prefer to be surrounded by animals any day of the week because they are easier to get along with and understand. Do I think there will come a day when we will be over losing Sundance? Maybe, but there will always be something that brings up a good and painful memory. Do I think we will get another male cat someday? The jury is still out on that because I do not know. If we do, the kitty will not be able to replace Sundance because that boy is irreplaceable.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you had a wonderful week and are looking forward to a weekend doing what makes you happiest. If you decide to do nothing over the weekend, that is okay because you need to consider yourself! I rarely do anything over the weekend because I prefer to stay home where I know I am safe and can avoid unfriendly humans, and I love being around our sweet cats. As always, I look forward to reading your comments and will respond as quickly as possible. Please never forget I am always sending y’all LOTS of love♥, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Sunday Thoughts

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Good afternoon and another day when Mother Nature forgot to take her meds😉! I realize it is Spring but, the weather continues to change drastically to what appears to be by the minute. Today, there will be a high of around 60 degrees, but next week will range from 50 degrees to almost 80 degrees. Besides how warm it can get, it rains way too much where I live. The city I live in appears to idolize Seattle and tries to be as much like that area of the country as possible, which I do not enjoy. I do not know about anyone else, but the rain causes my pain to intensify. The weekend is not over yet, and several hours remain to do something enjoyable😊! How has your weekend been so far?

I know I mentioned before one of the classes I was taking was over, and I got an A in the class, but I still had two other classes. I am happy to say another class is complete, and once again, I got an A😊! The final class I need to complete is Anatomy & Physiology, and I hope to have it finished with another A in the next couple of weeks! The medical coding class I already finished was not enough to be able to become a certified coder, so I am working on pursuing the class that will enable me to do so! Of course, the class is longer, but I think I could still work (once I get a job) and do the class because I already have the basics down!

Since losing our cat, Sundance, we have missed him daily. There is not a minute that passes during the day when the memories of him do not arise, but I still find myself feeling at fault for his passing♥. I tortured myself after Chloe passed away with the same guilt because I felt I should be able to care for the precious cats and never let anything happen to them. I know I am not God and cannot control or fix everything, but this does weigh on my mind and heart. I will never understand why certain things happen during our lives and why loving animals must be taken away from us. How is it possible they have fulfilled their purpose in the world when they still have people missing and needing them?

Thank you for visiting my site today! I hope you have a lovely and relaxing day! Some days, we need to try putting our needs ahead of anything else because WE matter! Many of us spend our time taking care of others, which can cause us to neglect ourselves. I am very guilty of this, but it has always been in my nature. Today, I am going to attempt to finish another chapter in the A&P class because I am trying to finish it before the other Medical Coding class starts in May or when I finally get a job! I have many goals and I am trying to complete as many as I can! Please never forget I am always sending y’all LOTS of love♥, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Tuesday Thoughts

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Happy Tuesday, y’all! I hope you have been doing well and your week started the best way possible. What have you been doing for the past few days? I woke up on Sunday with a nasty migraine, and nothing helped it, which was frustrating. I am not sure what triggered the migraine, but then again, I never know 100% what triggers them, or I would avoid them as much as possible. Even though I was battling with a migraine, I still applied for a few jobs, took my A&P quiz, and scored a 100! Logically, I should have avoided the computer, but when I do not keep my mind busy, I start down a dark path with my thoughts. Sometimes, I think I am my worst enemy because I overthink everything, spiral down a rabbit hole, and cannot find my way out.

It has been over a month since we lost our cat, Sundance♥, and it still does not feel real. Even though it is not often, anytime I leave the house and come back home, I expect to have him meet me at the door, as he always did. When I am downstairs, either doing my classwork or spending time with my husband while he is working (he does not have to work very hard-working nights😉), I expect to have him meet me at the door with a curious look on his face indicating he wants to know where I was. Although I know he is no longer here with us, it always hits me hard and makes me emotional♥. I keep wondering when the tears will stop, but I do not expect this to happen because I still get emotional when I think about Chloe, and she passed away four years ago.

Love♥ can be wonderful but causes too much pain. I love♥ our cats but cannot say I would get another if we did not already have two girls because I cannot go through the loss again as it is too painful. They bring us so much love, happiness, and laughter, but the pain when they are gone is terrible. I wish there were visiting hours in Heaven because it would be great to see loved ones lost and our loving cats, but this is not a possibility. There are many days I could use some great advice from my grandfather♥, who passed away in 2013 because he could always make the worst days better with a few words. I do not know if we see our loved ones again, but I do hold onto the hope it will happen because it will make all the struggles and pain in life easier to tolerate.

Unfortunately, the older I get, the more I realize the levels of selfishness are high, and I cannot understand this. What causes a person to be overly selfish and self-absorbed? Was it something they learned during childhood, or were they born that way? The only thing that helps me is knowing people come into our lives for a reason, and they do not have to remain a constant in our lives. We can choose who we keep in our lives, and when a person only brings negativity into our lives, we do not need to continue to communicate with the person. We have the power and control to decide who we allow in our lives, and anyone we keep should bring positivity or benefits. However, we should also try to bring positivity and benefits to other’s lives as well because we can make a difference! I have also learned that some friends come and go, but real friends are constant, no matter how many years pass.

What helps you through hard times in life? Do you journal your thoughts, or is there someone you can talk to about anything without fear of judgment? Do bottle your feelings up inside until you burst with emotions? Of course, there are positive ways to handle difficult times, and everyone is different, so whatever works for you is great! I think my way of handling challenging times by bottling my emotions up is not the best, but I prefer not to cause anyone else stress or worry. I talk to my cats about everything, but one of our cats does not handle my tears well. Sundance was the best listener and did not get overly upset if I cried. He was the BEST boy in the world!

Thank you for visiting my site today. I promise to try keeping up better with my posts and responding to comments, which I have failed miserably at lately. I hope you found some meaning in what I have shared today and that it resonates with how you feel or have felt. Even though we have only made it through one day of the week so far, I hope you are doing well and having a good week. As always, I look forward to your comments and will respond as quickly as possible! Please never forget I am always sending y’all LOTS of love♥, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Friday Thoughts

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Happy Friday, y’all! I hope your week was great and your weekend includes doing what brings you the most happiness! Fair warning to those reading this post may not be overly optimistic, but I am sharing my feelings with you for several reasons. One reason is for the release of emotions because it can help overcome negativity. The second reason is that everyone knows that no matter what you are going through or how dark the road seems, you are never alone because everyone struggles in life. Of course, it is not fair, but life rarely is fair. We were not given a manual life when we were born, so we are just doing the best we can and hoping for the best. We might make mistakes along the way, but learning from those mistakes is what will improve our lives.

It has been several months since I started looking for a job, and I still have not found anything that fits my needs and abilities. Of course, I took a few classes to begin a new career path, but things are still not working the way I had hoped. Looking for a job and not having any luck has become discouraging and upsetting. Somewhere deep down, I still believe everything happens for a reason, and life works out the way it is supposed to, but that does not help the high levels of discouragement. Not working makes me feel helpless and useless, and this is a terrible combination. Even though I am feeling low, I will continue to look for a new job and build my hopes for a good outcome.

To make matters worse, I have been experiencing higher-than-normal levels of pain. Could this be the change in weather? Is it possible for the increase in pain to be caused by stress? Or could the increased pain be from still missing our cat, Sundance, SO very much? It could be a nasty combination of these issues, but I would appreciate some relief soon. Maybe it is for the best that I am not working right now because, with this level of pain, it would be very challenging. Of course, I know I could handle it because I have before, but it is not easy. Thankfully, to keep my mind distracted, I have been diving overly deep into my Anatomy & Physiology class because I find it extremely interesting. I realize I am overthinking the class and doing more than necessary, but it is helping keep my mind at peace.

Thank you for visiting my site today and reading about how I feel. Again, I apologize it was not the most positive post, but no person can be positive all the time, there is nothing wrong with that because we are only human! Anyone who claims to be happy and positive all the time might be lying to themselves or hiding their emotions, which is not healthy. I hope you have a wonderful day, and you are feeling well. Please never forget I am always sending y’all LOTS of love♥, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes, no matter how I feel!

Always, Alyssa

Mid Week Thoughts

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Happy midway through the week! I hope you are having a great week and not dealing with any unnecessary stress. Earlier this week, I mentioned that I completed my medical coding class and am now searching for a medical coding job. Thankfully, I still have two other classes to keep to myself because when I am left to think too much about life, it is never a good situation. My mind gets carried away and dives too deep into things that can be sad. Until I find a job, I want to stay focused on classes because they will be helpful to my career path. I have never done well being left alone with my thoughts and staying busy. My mind can be dark and chaotic, especially when I need assurance life will improve. Our minds can have dangerous thoughts and those thoughts can add more stress to our lives.

It has been eighteen long days since our precious cat, Sundance, passed away. Somehow, I made it through almost an entire week without breaking down in tears, but over the weekend, I cried my eyes out both days. On Saturday, it was something as simple as the type of bag he used to enjoy playing in, and all I could think was that he was not with us to play in the bag☹. There is a void in the house that will never be filled and cause everything to be unbalanced. After we lost our cat, Chloe, we had for fifteen years, I know the pain will always be in our hearts♥, and this will not change. We will always remember the good memories, but I cannot get the look on his beautiful face in the last moments of his life. The calls from the pharmacy saying his prescriptions are ready to be picked up or the emails from Chewy’s regarding his auto-ship food being ready to be shipped, still bring me to tears because I must explain why the food is no longer needed.

As we have made it to the halfway point of the week, we are getting closer to the weekend. The first half of the week has always been more challenging, so the last part should be much easier, or at least we all hope it will be. We rarely know what other people are going through in their lives, or why they may appear less than pleasant, so we should try to be more understanding. The person next to you in line might come across as rude, but who knows what they went through earlier in the day? No matter who someone is, everyone goes through painful things in life, and they might need a little extra kindness to help them through. We never want to add more negativity and harm to anyone’s life. Some people might be holding onto their sanity by a very frail string and close to falling apart. Lord only knows that is how I have felt for several weeks.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you have enjoyed what I shared, and the quote helps you through the rest of the week. I think it is important to try to remain positive, no matter what is going on in our lives because I believe everything happens for a reason, even if things do not make sense. I look forward to reading your comments and will respond as quickly as possible. Please never forget I am always sending y’all LOTS of love♥, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Motivational Monday

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When you lose a pet you ♥dearly, you are left with many unanswered questions, making the healing process last much longer. How do you know if your loved pet knew what would happen? Was your pet scared? Were they in excruciating pain? Did you do everything you could to keep your pet comfortable? Is it possible that something was missing from the diagnosis, and the pet you treasured could still be with you now? There are many unanswered questions we face in our lives, but these questions are painful and heartbreaking. The cats we have lost in the past four years were incredible, and we loved♥ them, so watching them go through anything terrible was hard to endure. There is nothing I would not have done for either of them because they deserved the best in life. It is painful enough to lose a pet you loved so much, but not knowing the answers to these questions is incredibly challenging.

Everyone heals from loss differently, and there is nothing wrong with this. The only way I heal from loss or anything else that is painful is to keep my mind busy. I have buried myself in my classes, which will be beneficial for my future career path. Without my classes, I am unsure what I would keep my mind occupied. I could have dived into improving my writing skills and attempted other writing competitions, but they can be disappointing and could cause negative and upsetting situations. At this moment, I only have about one week left in my medical coding class, and I will say I will miss my studies. Of course, I have the remainder of the medical terminology class, but that class has been easy. I hope once my medical coding class ends and I pass the final, I can find a job quickly because that will keep my mind busy.

Mondays can be a rude awakening to the weekend ending and a new week beginning, but this does not need to be a bad thing. We should embrace every Monday as another opportunity for something incredible. We may not have all the answers we want in life, but we must believe everything happens for a reason, and eventually, everything will work out for the best. Putting life on hold because we wonder what the future holds or why certain things occurred will never do anything positive for our lives. Of course, it is not easy to accept the negative things we experience, but what else can we do? There has never been a person who said life was easy, but everything we go through in life will make us stronger, and we learn many lessons! The MOST crucial thing is NEVER giving up because that is the only way we will fail.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you enjoyed what I shared and hope the quote provides you with the motivation and optimism needed to tackle the week. So many people dislike Monday morning, but no matter how we feel about the beginning of the week, we will always experience it. Instead of wanting to avoid Mondays, we must learn to embrace them and appreciate the opportunities we may find. I am looking forward to reading your comments and will respond as soon as possible. Please never forget I am always sending y’all LOTS of love♥, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

My Friday Thoughts

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Happy Friday, y’all! I hope you had a wonderful week and that your weekend will bring you joy and comfort. There are many things in this life we do not choose between, including losses and challenges. On the other hand, we do get to make many choices in how we live our lives. Anyone who has lost someone they love♥ can understand the emptiness it can leave in your heart. This emptiness cannot be explained or completed because of a hole in your heart♥. Maybe pieces of your heart left when you went through a loss, and you have days when it does not hurt as bad, but then there are days when the hole tears wide open again, and you are right back to the day you went through the loss. Today is my late grandfather’s birthday, and I try to honor his memory daily, especially on his birthday. When I lost him in September of 2013, I never thought my heart would recover, and in a way, it has not recovered because I miss him more than I could explain. On this day, I want to wish him the happiest heavenly birthday and hope he is at the best golf courses in Heaven.

It has been almost one week since we lost our sweet and loveable cat, Sundance, and it still causes much sadness. I think when he took his last little breath, a piece of my heart♥ died and left with him. I know that might sound extreme, but this baby boy stole my heart from the moment I saw his precious little face. I remember all his expressions and anyone who knew him could know his feelings at any given time. I remember the day he passed away; it was a new expression I had never seen before. I am not sure if he was scared, in pain, or both, but this is an expression that will forever haunt my mind because there was nothing, I could do to fix how he was feeling. The only thing I was able to do was to cry, hold his paw, and tell him it would be okay, and that he would be comfortable and at peace♥.

I do not believe the holes in my heart♥ from losing a loved one will heal, but I know I need to continue to carry on and live my life the best way I can. I always thought Friday was the perfect day to let go of any negative emotions so we could enjoy the weekend, but the negative emotions that I am feeling cannot be let go of just because it is Friday. These emotions will take time to get over and heal, but I know I can do this at some point, just maybe not today. Even though I cannot let go of how I am feeling today, there are still positive things happening in life for me♥. I am doing well in both my classes, I have moved past how I felt about losing my previous job, I had a chance to chat with someone I missed, and I am learning how to take care of things in my home when one important part is missing. I would say all of this is progress, wouldn’t you? I never use names because I respect the privacy of others, but I do have something to say as I hope she is reading this and knows I am talking about her. “S” thank you for being the understanding and loving♥ person you have always been for me♥!

Thank you for visiting my site today. Once again, I apologize for my delay in responding to your comments, and I will try over the weekend. I forgot how the house of cards collapses when there is a loss, but slowly, I am trying to rebuild and move forward. It is unclear how our other two cats feel about the loss, but they seem to be doing well, which I would guess is because they have one another. I hope to get back on track with my daily blogs, but mixing this with my classes is challenging. Even with that said, I love blogging and never want to stop! Please never forget I am always sending y’all LOTS of love♥, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa