World of Hurt

I think we can all agree the past several years dealing with COVID fears has not been easy. The COVID pandemic put our lives on hiatus. All the things we wanted to do and took for granted were halted. It was not easy to be stuck at home all the time and only see the same four walls, day in and day out. While COVID has not vanished from existence, many have taken the necessary precautions by getting the vaccine. I still have hope that life can start becoming closer to the normal we once knew, but I do understand things do not always work out the way we want them to.

The truth is, we are only offered one chance at this life, so we should not waste any time on anger and hate. Instead, we should always continue growing, changing, learning, and striving to improve. Each day we encounter numerous challenges and struggles, which even though it is not easy to see in the moment, make us stronger and more courageous. No matter how difficult the challenges we face seem, if we can think of them as opportunities, they might get easier.

We have been dealing with stress and loneliness due to COVID for so long, that I can hardly remember what life used to be like. I cannot remember what we used to do on weekends or vacations. The only way I can view weekends now is time I do not have to work. It seems like for years we have had nothing to look forward to or be excited about.

Although I know cases and deaths from COVID have decreased, there are still lingering fears in my mind that I cannot erase. Besides COVID, other terrible things are occurring too often. I understand the United States will not take away the people’s right to guns, but something needs to change. We should not have to fear going to a grocery store, hospital, mall, movie theater, out to dinner, or children going to school. Gun control may help save lives or at least lessen the chance of an unstable person being able to purchase a gun. Assault rifles and semi-automatic guns are not meant to be in the hands of ordinary people and should only be used during war times. Schools, stores, restaurants, and hospitals are not acts of war.

Mental health has been a serious issue for decades, but it does not seem like anyone is trying to make changes. Those that suffer in silence and alone need to feel comfortable asking for help, without fear of ridicule, judgment, and not having the ability to afford help. There are too many people battling addictions, which can lead to depression and possibly death. Why should people be forced to suffer without any viable help? The United States is one of the wealthiest countries in the world, but the citizens cannot afford help, healthcare, or medications. That just does not seem right to me!

Unfortunately, we continue to live in a world of fears. We should all try to understand others and help when we can. Of course, we need to try putting our needs first because if we are not well, we will not be able to help anyone else. Putting our needs first is not selfish, which I do tend to have a hard time understanding because has always been in my nature to put other’s needs ahead of my own. This is something I am working on and know I will succeed with someday.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you found what I have shared today meaningful. I am looking forward to reading your comments and will respond as quickly as I can. I hope you are enjoying your weekend and remaining safe. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Half-Way Through the Week

Happy Half-Way through the week! I was, unfortunately, unable to work on Monday because of an awful migraine that was making me extremely nauseous. I get migraines too much and I would rank this one of the worst I have had in a long time. I thought I was going to be able to work, but after twenty minutes decided there was no way I could make it through the day. I was miserable with pain that went into my neck and shoulders. I could hardly see straight much less do anything else. I am used to dealing with pain, but it was so bad nothing helped. I ended up being on the couch with my cats and an ice pack all day with NO relief. Thankfully, I was able to work yesterday, but still had a slight headache throughout the day.

Talking about headaches/migraines, do you get these frequently? I would not have wished the one I had on Monday on my worst enemy because no one should have to deal with that. I can normally use an ice pack to help the pain in my head subside, but nothing was helping me at all. My poor cats did not leave my side and I mean that literally. When you get a nightmare headache/migraine, what do you do about it? I feel bad because I think I probably neglected the cats on Monday, but I could hardly take care of myself, so they were lucky to have been fed.

Enough about migraines/headaches, how has your week been? Thankfully, we are closer to the weekend than we were on Monday, so it will be here soon! Of course, we do still have two more days to make it through and I think we could all use something to make us smile and give us some kind of hope! We have a choice to be happy with the life we were given and if there is something we are unhappy with, we need to find a way to change it. I understand change can be scary, but life is short and we need to make the most of what we were given!

Thank you for visiting my site today! I hope you found what I have shared interesting and you might even be able to relate. I look forward to reading your comments and I will respond as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

The count down!

I have been counting down the days until June 10th for several weeks, heck for many years. The next two days might feel longer than normal, but on Friday I am meeting someone I never thought I would get the opportunity to. I have been a HUGE fan of James Patterson for years and on Friday, I will get the chance to meet him and hopefully shake his hand and get a picture with him. As y’all already know, I enjoy writing and dream to write a book someday. I admire James Patterson’s writing style and logically I know that even if I do write a book anywhere near as great as his have been, a girl can dream though!

Considering I have been looking forward to Friday as much as I have, I have refused to allow anything to ruin this experience for me. No amount of stress, pain, frustrations, or anything else will destroy this for me. On Monday, something I dealt with over 20 years ago is trying to return, almost like a nightmare, optic neuritis. I am not 100% sure it is optic neuritis, but it has been a reminder of the past. My right eye has been incredibly painful, to the point I am unable to wear my contacts. Thankfully, I do have glasses, so I can see to work and read James Patterson’s autobiography before Friday!!!

I have dealt with pain for over 20 years, so this is not something new to me. Plus, optic neuritis is how I was diagnosed all those years ago. Thankfully, I have not lost my vision and only have to endure the additional pain. Again, no matter what and no matter how much additional pain I have this week, it will not diminish my excitement for Friday. I have picked out two outfits to decide between and yes, I know no one but me cares what I wear. I am also planning what I am going to say in the short time I will get to speak to James Patterson!

Thank you for visiting my site today. I know I have written too much about Friday, but I am extremely excited and feel this is an opportunity of a lifetime. I hope your week is going well and you are staying as stress-free as possible, believe me, I understand stress and know that all it does is make matters much worse. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Multiple Sclerosis Pain

Each person that lives with Multiple Sclerosis will have a unique journey, as this illness impacts everyone differently. I believe this is one reason why it is often referred to as the “snowflake” disease. The symptoms are vastly different from person to person, and we all handle the symptoms in our way. Of course, each symptom is frustrating, but some can be much easier to tolerate or even get used to. 

For over twenty years, I have battled with Multiple Sclerosis. When I was diagnosed, I was young and did not have extensive knowledge regarding the disease I would be forced to live with for the rest of my life. I was terrified, angry, sad, confused, and everything in between with the diagnosis because of what I did know about MS. I knew MS did not have a cure and it could be extremely unpredictable and there was a possibility to become disabled. Given my age, I was naïve and could not see any hope for my future, which made acceptance almost impossible.

Over the last two decades, I have experienced many different symptoms that had a variety of challenges. For instance, the first and only symptom I had was optic neuritis. This is commonly one of the first symptoms of MS. Optic Neuritis is a temporary problem. When the optic nerve is inflamed it can cause pain and partial or complete vision loss. Typically, this issue gets better on its own, but some cases require steroid medication to reduce the inflammation. 

During the early years after being diagnosed, I went through several frustrating days. Accepting the doctor’s diagnosis was painful and emotionally draining. Every appointment would start with me being argumentative and dismissive of anything the doctor said but would then end in tears. I could not fathom why I had this condition or why my life had to be altered so drastically and at a very young age. The truth is, I have always been a strong-willed person who could take care of herself without any help! I’ve never wanted to rely on anyone for help and was scared I would have to at some point in my life. 

The other frustrating part was deciding on a medication to slow down the progression of the disease. Back then my choices were limited to injections. I have never had an issue with needles but did not think there would be a way to give myself a shot. Even though I hated the options offered, I decided to try one that was three times a day. Unfortunately, after successfully giving myself a shot Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for a few months, the miserable side effects became too much for me to handle and I started slacking the medication, which made things worst. My first Neurologist was a sweet elderly man who has patience for days. He knew my fears, so to convince me to decide on another medication, he used my fears against me. It was a ruthless way of forcing someone to decide, but it did work. 

Of the various symptoms involved with MS, I did not suffer from pain in my early years. Unfortunately, during the past ten or so years, my pain issues have become increasingly more problematic. There has not been even a second, I have not experienced at least one form of pain. Considering it has been going on for so many years, there is a HUGE part of me that expects it and I can manage. Before I had MS, there were many types of pain I did not know existed. 

Through the rest of this post I am going to explain the different types of pain I deal with 24 hours a day, 7 days a week without a break in between. The reason I am doing this today is that my pain levels have become more intense and now in addition to all the other pains, my right shoulder and arm hurt so bad I can barely move my arm. I know my pain has become worst because of the incredible amount of stress I am under, which I am assuming is why my right shoulder hurts too. 

Although everyone has a different experience with MS, pain is a common symptom. Pain affects approximately two-thirds of people with MS worldwide and can impact their daily activities such as work and recreation, moods, and the ability to enjoy life. Most pain is a direct result of MS and is caused by damage to the nerves in the central nervous system. There are other forms of pain due to changes in the body due to MS, which could include experiencing weakness in your arms and legs, which forces you to walk differently causing pain in the back and hips. 

Neuropathic pain stems directly from damage to the nerves in MS. Pain from weakness, stiffness, or other mobility challenges is thought to be Musculoskeletal pain. Neuropathic and musculoskeletal pain can be acute with a rapid onset and short duration or chronic, which starts gradually and stays persistent. 

Neuropathic pain is miserable and, in my experience, not much helps ease the pain. This occurs due to “short-circuiting” of the nerves which carry signals from the brain to the body because of damage from MS. The pain sensation feels like burning, stabbing, sharp, and squeezing. The best way for me to describe this is, that it feels like spiders are having a constant dance party on my legs and feet. Neuropathic pain can be acute and chronic. 

FOUR TYPES OF ACUTE NEUROPATHIC PAIN

Trigeminal Neuralgia- stabbing pain in the face or jaw area. This can be misinterpreted as dental pain. Most often it is unpredictable, so we do not know when it will occur, but it does come and go.

Lhermitte’s Sign- is a brief stabling, electric-shock sensation that runs from the back of the head down the spine and possibly into the arms and legs. This can manifest by bending the neck forward. It typically means there is or has been damaged to the cervical spine from MS.

MS Hug- is a squeezing sensation around the torse. This feels like a snake is wrapped around your body and refuses to let go until it takes the breath out of you. An MS hug is the kind of hug no one wants and is an invasion of personal space!

Paroxysmal Spasms- is a periodic and painful tightening of muscles. For instance, this can happen in your arm or leg several times throughout the day and night.

Chronic neuropathic pain is normally the continuance of acute pain. This is unpredictable and may be experienced daily. Several issues can increase the likelihood to experience this pain, such as stress, fatigue, illnesses, and becoming overheated. 

Musculoskeletal pain with MS occurs because of weakness, stiffness or coordination struggles that change your walking or other mobility. This is often seen in the hips, legs, arms, and normally when muscles, tendons, and ligaments are immobile for a long period of time. 

Headaches and migraines are other common symptoms of MS. Although I deal with numerous other forms of pain daily, I am unable to tolerate migraines. These put me in the bed with an ice pack for hours and often even when I try to sleep them away, they are still present when I wake up. I have dealt with pain for many years and it never gets easier, but I also know crying or giving up does not fix the issues. I just try to keep pushing forward the best I can. 

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you found what I have shared interesting and that it helps you with anything you are experiencing. I hope you have had a safe and relaxing weekend. I am looking forward to reading your comments, which I will respond to as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Tuesday Survival Mode

Tuesday is an indicator we made it through one of the hardest days of the week, Monday. Yesterday was a challenging and frustrating day for me for a few reasons. Work is getting busier, and people are getting more demanding. There are a few people I work with that are helpful and I can communicate with, knowing they respect me because they never talk down to me. Another person I have a lot of respect for the way she views things, however, she does not always respect me when speaking to me I guess everyone handles stress and busy days differently. Regardless of, how people chose to talk to others, I am trying to not let things upset me because, at the end of the day, it is not worth it.

Another reason yesterday became challenging is because the MS hug is back. It has been happening on and off, but when it is in full force, it is awful. The MS hug is the kind of hug no one wants. I am sure it feels different to everyone, but for me it hurts and takes my breath away, making it hard to breathe at times. I have no plans on letting my specialist know because I do not like their ways of healing it. I hate steroids more than most anything else.  Steroids make me miserable and cause my personality to be altered and not for the better.

On a positive note, on June 10th, one month from today, I get to meet my literary role model. I think of James Patterson as an icon with his writing. I view him as one of the best and most memorable authors of our time. His books are creative, engrossing, and captivating. Once I start one of his books, especially in The Women’s Murder Club series, it is nearly impossible to put down. I have thought a lot about what I will say to him during the brief encounter. I have decided to call him Mr. Patterson. He is an elder and deserves the utmost respect. I want to tell him how much I love his writing and how much I respect his abilities, and of course, I would love to know how he does what he does. Unfortunately, I also know my time will be limited.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope your week is going well so far and that it only gets better as the days pass us by. Thankfully, we have survived one day of the week and have four to go, but I think we can handle it. Yes, each day brings us new demands and it takes determination and a strong will to make it. The truth is, this is never easy, but we are all strong enough to handle anything thrown our way. I look forward to your comments and will respond to them as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Bad day and shattered dreams

Today is our halfway point through the week, which is a good thing. Yesterday my day started early again, at 7:25 AM and I worked until 6:00 PM. My view of the day was negative from the start, and it might have been because I was sleep deprived. We were offered overtime at work, which I am always quick to say “yes” to. Honestly, I was a little discouraged at work because many times when I ask a question, I feel ignored because I do not get any answers. I have been dealing with a few challenging customers at work, which I can normally handle, but one was over the top difficult. I guess what made these customers extra challenging is because I had NO help!

After I finally decided to let go of my work frustrations, I saw an email regarding the ONE thing I have been looking forward to, meeting James Patterson. Sadly☹, the book signing and meeting with James Patterson is sold out. This was one of my dreams, to meet my favorite author and hopefully get a picture with him☹. This was the tip of the ice burg for me today, and I could not help but burst into tears. It is not like James Patterson goes on tour frequently, so this was a once in a lifetime event for me.

Of course, I am glad we are closer to Friday, but now not only do I feel discouraged but have nothing to look forward to. We often look forward to weekends or vacations, but I have not been anywhere fun and or exciting in years. The past few times we left town, the trip was miserable and a waste of time. The reasons for this are also upsetting and an enormous letdown. Life is aggravating enough living in pain 24 hours a day, so what has transpired in the past day was the icing on the cake of disappointments.

Thank you for visiting my site today and I am sorry it was not very positive. Life is hardly ever perfect, but we must have ways to release negative emotions. I know many people will not understand why missing out on meeting an author was so devastating to me, but we all have things that are meaningful to us that no one understands. I guess this is something that makes us unique. I do look forward to reading your comments and will respond as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Sunday, preparing for next week

Many people do not understand how changes in the weather affect others because it might not have any negative effects on them. During the winter months, the cold weather causes me to tense my muscles more, which causes additional pain. Then during the warmer months, the heat causes several other problems that are uncomfortable to deal with. It never fails when the weather changes with the seasons my body takes time to adjust. It does not just take a few hours to adjust, it can take weeks to adjust until I begin to feel semi-normal.

Currently, the temperatures change daily, and this is not easy for me. Last week there were a few days when the temperatures were mild but rainy. Rain causes increased pain issues, but I can deal with them for the most part. On other days the temperatures were extremely uncomfortable because it was too hot. Unfortunately, next week several days the temperature is going to be pushing 90 degrees, which is far too hot for April.

I have learned how to tolerate different weather better since being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis over 20 years ago. I will not say it is easy but decided to not let the weather and the MS control my life. I know life is short and feel strongly we must learn to adjust when things get difficult so we can enjoy life to the fullest.

Do you begin to feel different during the different seasons? If you do, how do you manage? Unfortunately, it is only April and we have not entered summer yet. There is no preparing for the ridiculously hot weather, but I will do my best to not be outside in the hot weather. Like I have done previously when I need to leave the house, I will start my vehicle ahead of time, so it has time to cool down before I drive. I already have dizzy spells randomly, but when I am overheated the dizziness is much more intense.

This weekend I have tried to rest and recuperate from last week as much as possible. I can admit that I have not gotten as much sleep as I would have liked, but I did try. Next week is going to be busy and possibly more exhausting than last week was. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow afternoon and will need to miss a few hours of work but will be making the time up. I am also planning to work two hours of overtime each day.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you were able to enjoy your weekend. Thankfully, the weekend is not over yet and we have a few hours left to rest or do anything else we desire. I look forward to reading your comments and will respond to all comments as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Finally Friday and time to let go

Thankfully, it is finally Friday. This week has felt long, and I never thought it would end. How has your week been? To say the week has been stressful is an understatement, which has only caused my normal pain to increase drastically. I am hoping for a restful, calm, and relaxing weekend because this pain needs to lessen. Originally, I was told my work hours were 9:00 AM -5:00 PM with a 30-minute lunch. I learned on Tuesday that was inaccurate and I am to work 9:00 AM -5:30 PM with a 30-minute lunch, which is better because that will be 40 hours.

Now that it is finally Friday, we need to let go of the frustrations and negativity the week caused so we can enjoy the short weekend. Our lives do not always end up the way we thought it would, so we need to try enjoying the life we were given. We are only given one chance at life and no matter how challenging it gets, this life is a blessing. I hope you were able to see the meaning in the quote I shared with y’all today and it provides you with hope for the future.

Do you have any plans for your weekend? The only plans I have for the weekend are to do nothing and relax because this week has left me exhausted. There were a few days I was so overly stress and frustrated I had no appetite at all. I know the ways to stay healthy are to eat a well-balanced diet and get plenty of sleep, which is what I intend to do next week.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you had a good week and it was not full of stress. I hope you have a safe and enjoyable weekend. I look forward to reading your comments and will respond to all of them as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Defeat Tuesday

The weeks can feel extremely long and strenuous. We typically prepare ourselves for Monday on Sunday evening because we understand they can be very demanding. Honestly, not every Monday is as bad as we think it is going to be and some are worst than we were expecting. Whether it be Monday or any other day of the week, sometimes there is no amount of preparation that can help us be ready for the days ahead of us. No matter what happens, we should never give up and should always try to see the positive in all situations. I believe a positive mindset will keep us healthier and happier rather than being negative.

Yesterday felt like a train wreck and I believe it had a lot to do with getting too little sleep. I knew it was going to be a rough day because if I had to guess, I might have slept for four hours. By the time we ate dinner, finally got my work monitors set up correctly, and cleaned up, it was close to 2:00 AM and I normally get up a little before 7:00 AM. Knowing I would be exhausted, I tried giving myself a few extra minutes of sleep and pushed the alarm back to 7:30. I still felt foggy, irritable, achy, and distracted all day, which made for a long day.

Besides being overly tired and achy all day yesterday, I was dealing with other frustrations. No matter how many times in our life we deal with challenging and frustrating times, it never gets any easier. While life was never meant to be perfect and easy, we must NEVER let go of trying to think positively and NEVER give up. We were all dealt a hand of cards when we were born, and we are forced to keep playing the game of life and not fold. It is so easy to feel like we cannot handle life anymore and give in to those awful negative thoughts. The only thing a negative mind will do is make everything worst.

I am not going to tell y’all that remaining positive during challenging times is easy because that would be a lie. The only thing negativity will do is make you feel empty. The life we were given is a gift and viewing everything as negative makes us take our life for granted, which tends to be selfish. There are so many people every day that lose their life and through NO fault of their own and they would all love another day to enjoy their life.

Thankfully, we have survived Monday and hopefully, every other day of this week will get easier. I understand more than I care to admit how unfair life can be, but through all the unfair things we have endured, we are stronger than we realize. We all have a strength inside that is powerful. When you start thinking you cannot deal with anymore, remember what you have already accomplished in life and hold your head high!

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope what I have shared was beneficial for you and you are feeling better about life the way it currently is. Understanding what we have control over and what we have no control over, is a valuable lesson to learn because it will make things easier. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Pick-Me-Up-Thursday

Happy Friday Eve! Some people think of today as Thursday, but that just makes the week seem longer to me. I think Friday eve makes the week feel a little shorter. This has been my second week back working full-time. Working full-time and learning something new has been exhausting. I know in time what I am doing will feel like second nature and easy, but right now there is SO much to learn. The weather today will not help me feel more alive because it is going to be raining. I know we need rain for life to grow in nature, but it makes every part of me hurt twice as bad.

We have almost made it through the week and the weekend will be here soon, but we do have one final day to survive and I think we could use a pick-me-up! I hope the quote I am sharing with you will offer you the pick-me-up needed and a little inspiration! With everything we deal with in life, it is not always easy to be strong. However, the stress and challenges we face are not going to last forever and there will come a day when life is easier! Keep your head held high and keep fighting because better days are ahead for all of us😊!

I am doing my best to fight through the fatigue I feel and do at least one post each day. I think it makes it easier because I enjoy writing, so it gives me the inspiration to push forward. Once I clock out of work, I do need to take a break from the computer and the cats need attention. It makes me smile😊 when they are so happy to see me and act like they have not seen a human in decades. They might be a little dramatic😊!

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope the quote I shared lifted your spirits and helps you survive the last day of this week. I look forward to reading your comments and will respond as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa