Just Another Day

just-another-day.jpgGood afternoon y’all! For me today is just another day of resting trying to get past this incredible amount of pain I have been dealing with for WAY too long! This obnoxious pain is mixed with that burning sensation that will not cool down, tingling throughout my entire body, numbness which sounds like it would be better than pain, but it really isn’t it is almost worse and a headache that seems never-ending! The nurse practitioner I normally deal with is off today and the doctor that I do my best to avoid is in clinic today, which makes her pretty much unavailable. The only thing the nurse I spoke with was able to say is rest and staying hydrated is important until I can get the MRI, which I was still waiting to hear back from the assistance program. I did just email the Multiple Sclerosis Society of America, which is the company that will either approve or deny assistance for me to get MRI assistance. Now the response I got back from my email was quite upsetting, which is something I really did not need today. They stated the doctor did not provide an order for the MRI, which made no sense to me considering I did send them everything I was instructed to by the doctor’s office, imagine that another miscommunication from them! To hopefully make things actually work out for me, I emailed the nurse requesting the MRI order. Honestly the nurse has been the ONLY person at this office that has been at all helpful to me.  Maybe I will get that back from them sometime this week!!

It is a little frustrating when you are doing everything you possibly can to get well, but itbutterfly-3054736_960_720 just isn’t working the way it should be! I am resting, staying hydrated and taking all the medications the doctor has prescribed, but there is still NO relief yet! My guess is the stress this issue is causing me is not helping me get better, but it is in fact making things so much worse! Isn’t it crazy when we know what is causing our problems to become worse, but yet we still change absolutely nothing with our thought process? Obviously I know exactly what is making all my pain more intense, but I am still getting myself worked up and upset about it anyways!

I think to help get my mind off of my many pain issues; I am going to work more on my bullet journal I am trying to put together. I do not want to start it at the end of the month because I do not think that makes sense, so I am planning this for July! My plan so far is to have a few trackers that will include: symptoms and food I eat in a day (this will be to peace 1see what foods could be causing more issues for me). I want to also include a Hopes & Dreams page, Positive thinking page to really keep my mind in a happy place and a Gratitude page. I might include a page of books that I want to read considering sometimes I think of a book I want to read, but then forget the title! Then lastly I want to include a page of ideas for my blog because I come up with random ideas, but then forget what I wanted to write about when I try to start! I guess I can contribute my forgetful mind to brain fog from the MS.

I really appreciate y’all visiting my site today! Your comments are always appreciate and encouraged because I do love hearing from y’all! I am doing my best to respond as quickly as I can, but with the way I am feeling there is a chance I might be a little delayed, but I will respond!! I hope y’all are having a good day and feeling well! As always no matter how I am feeling or what I am dealing with I am sending y’all LOTS of ❤love and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

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Lesion Party

discouraging.jpgFor the past few weeks it seems that the issues I have had with my legs, arms and back has increased drastically! Now like most of us I was curious as to what could be causing this increase of pain, tingling, burning sensation and pins and needles, so I looked it up on Google. Oh my word looking things up online is almost worse than dealing with what the doctors have to say! Honestly the main reason why what I read online was disturbing is because it was pretty close to what I already suspected, but there really is something about reading it that makes it a little more upsetting.

It has been in my overworked and mildly stressed mind for weeks now that these issues are being caused from new lesions or those that were already present are active now. It shut down the partydoes not seem to matter if I am resting or moving around, the pain does not just go away! This possible lesion party that is going on in my body needs to be shut down! This party is more like a hostile takeover of my ability to live pain-free rather than a happy time with friends having fun like most parties are!

With all of the different issues I have been fighting with for far too long and keeping it from my doctor, today I finally have had enough and sent a message to my doctor to see her recommendations would be. Y’all already know that I completed paperwork last week to hopefully receive MRI assistance, as I do realize that is what is going to be needed, but I am still waiting to hear back about that. Do you just wish these doctors could hear what we are going through, make a true educated assessment and not have to go through the MRI ordeals? I personally think what we are suffering with could be something a true and competent specialist could easily figure out what is causing it and diagnosis the issue.

With all the said, I ended up staying out of work today because of how I was feeling. Even though my legs did not feel stable enough, I did get up when my alarm went off this morning  and made an attempt to try getting ready for work. However, when the short distance from ribbon-e1528247275292.jpgour room to the bathroom felt like 10 miles, I knew anything more would be too hard on my broken body. Crazy thing is I did rest all weekend, but it did not help at all! It really seems like rest hurts, moving hurts and basically anything I do is painful so what do you do when that happens?

I certainly hope y’all had a good start to the week and I hope you are feeling well. I appreciate you taking the time to visit my site today and your comments are always appreciated and encouraged. It may take me a little longer to respond just because it is a difficult day, but I promise I will respond! As always, no matter what I am going through I am sending y’all LOTS of love and comfort!

Love

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Fight the pain tears!

RTFRDRR_zpsstqz8fkyGood morning y’all! I hope you had a wonderful week and I really hope you have a fabulous weekend! This week was literally the first week in a while I was able to push myself through working the entire week. Despite the unrelenting pain I was feeling, I managed to work all five days for six very painful hours! Who would have ever thought that 30 hours in one week would be so difficult? I mean I used to work over 40 hours and not really struggle that much, it was just what had to be done.

There were days during this week that I did not think I would be able to continue in the day because my pain level was a 13 on the 10 scale, but I had something to prove to myself. I had to prove to no one but myself that I was still strong enough to handle a work day.  There were days that I would be almost in tears on the drive home, but that did not help the pain subside at all. Self pity has painnever really been for me, so I fought the tears vigorously trying to never allow even one tear to fall! I am not saying that tears are a sign of weakness, but I am way too stubborn to allow something like pain to keep me down for too long!

I get so tired of people saying things like, “Why do you not go on disability?” or “If this is too hard for you, go home.” or  “Why do you not just work part-time?” or just the pity stares because they are just making some unnecessary judgment call. It is so true that the only one person truly knows how you feel and that is you. No one can understand how I really feel because they do not have to walk in my shoes. So many speculate, but until they walk in my shoes for one day they have no idea what I am fighting. There are times that words do not do any justice to what I am dealing with, so I find peace in silence.

Thankfully the weekend is here and I have the opportunity to just rest my poor brokenpain makes you stronger body and allow it to do much-needed healing. The only things I plan to do this weekend is rest, write, read and I have a new project that I am so excited to work on which is a bullet journal! I was absent from making a post for a few days because I was just trying to manage my pain. After working 6 hours in a day my back, shoulder to my finger tips and legs were in so much pain I would not have been able to write the way I wanted to. When I create a post I want to be able to write with strength and from my heart which I am not able to do when I hurt too much.

Now my fun project I will be working on, the bullet journal was inspired by a fellow blogger Hannah https://hannahelizasite.wordpress.com/, who has created some fantasticcreativity bullet journals. If you have not already viewed Hannah’s site, you definitely should because she is so incredibly amazing!!! Hannah has been very helpful to me with creating my own bullet journal by giving me advice and answering questions I had! I think this is going to be a creative and fun way to keep track of my illness! Maybe a little creativity will help ease the pain I am feeling and also allow me to find ways to see common trends and maybe correct them!

I appreciate y’all stopping by my site today and do look forward to any comments you may have. I hope you have an amazing and relaxing weekend! As always no matter what I am going through, I am sending you LOTS of love ❤and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

My Friday FMLA Drama!!

fmlaLate in the day yesterday, I received an email from the company that handles my FMLA. To say the very least this email caught me off guard and took my anxiety to levels I did not know existed. In this email I notified that I had been “approved” for medical leave, basically when I have a relapse the days that I need off are within the guidelines. That part was a relief, but the part adjusting my hours at work to working six hours five days a week was “DENIED”. There were NO explanations as to why my adjusted hours that was authorized by my specialist was denied. I have been working this adjusted schedule, probably since November last year when I returned to work after my relapse. It was my manager, who is also the AVP that suggested this and approved it, so I just went with it!

The company that is dealing with FMLA is relatively new to my company and even though they should be aware of the policies, I am sure the company I work for does not have clue about the new policies that need to be implemented. Amidst my overwhelming anxiety I responded to the email immediately, but of course had no patience to wait for a response, so I called the company a few minutes after I sent the email! I was so thankful and a little surprised the woman I spoke to was understanding and very compete to help me. You all know customer service has been on a rapid decline especially with medical issues. She explained to me why my adjusted hours request was “denied” and what needs to fmla rejectedhappen next. First, the reason for the denial is a bit crazy, but it was due to an untimely manner of reporting the adjustment. This was really not my fault as I followed the instructions given to me from the HR department, which was probably my first mistake! I had been working these adjusted hours for a long time without any issues and now the new FMLA company wants to add specific procedures my manager was not aware of and neither was I! She told me she understood why I was so upset, but then also gave me steps to have the denial overturned. All I need to do is have my manager email or call the company explaining the reasons for my untimely manner of reporting this and it should be “approved”. Thankfully my manager is very understanding and I am sure he will be happy to email the company to have my denial overturned. We will see what happens next week when I explain this to my manager. I am sure there is going to be more phone calls from me to the FMLA company as it is apparent not many people care about what my rights are! Is it just me or do you agree that I should not have to jump through SO many hoops to have FMLA? It’s not like I asked for this illness! I already had to deal with my doctor several times so she would sign the paperwork and now they expect more from me! It seems SO wrong to add so much stress to my life!!

This not so pleasant Friday drama added to my pain level immensely!!!! I have honestly been having a lot of issues with my right side for a few weeks now. My right arm, from the shoulder to my fingertips has been in SO my pain. Although there is much more than the pain situation, but some burning and tingling as well. This has happened before so I am a little concerned there may be new lesions or lesions that were already present are acting up! I am going to have another MRI soon, but I am in the process of completing paperwork to FMLA family medical leave act ,FMLAhave MRI co-pay assistance, that in all these years I did not know existed. How is it possible that I have been living with MS for almost 18 years and I am just now hearing they do have co-pay assistance for MRI’s? I am not going to complain about this but I do feel someone should have shared this with me YEARS ago! The co-pay for MRI’s is about $600 and I have had SO MANY over the years, which gets so darn expensive$$$! With all that I have recently learned about co-pay assistance for MRI’s, I am going to urge y’all to check this out as well. I know everyone that has MS must get MRI’s at specific times, so maybe this would save you some money$$ if you could get co-pay assistance or you may have better insurance, especially if you do not live in the states!!! Insurance here in the states is really not what it should be and is probably going to get even worse in the near future! We already have to pay so much for the insurance, just to find out we have to pay ridiculous co-pays as well! I mean seriously, why pay a ton of money for insurance that does not help the way it should! I do feel that we should have free health care, but apparently those in charge disagree, y’all already know who that is! We are the only developed country in the world that does not offer free health care, which is really a shame! 

I hope y’all are having a great Saturday! The weather where I live is sunny and HOT, which I am pretty sure is going to be the case until October at the earliest! I really appreciate you visiting my site today and look forward to reading your comments. I promise to respond to all comments as soon as I possibly can! As always, I am sending y’all LOTS of ❤love and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Running on EMPTY!

Well spent SundayGood afternoon y’all! I hope you are having a pleasant and relaxing Sunday! My poor mind has been going in so many different directions this weekend! I think I might have hit the wall today because I could not sleep AT ALL last night! I have so many random thoughts running through my mind and this is to the extend I can not just focus on just one.

I have been stressed to the MAX about various things my car being one of them. That poor car has been having issues for the past two weeks and even after placing a special order for the part needed, it is still not satisfied! My husband put the part needed in last night which did fix the problem. We were able to drive my car around our neighborhood a few times, but now a completely unrelated issue has appeared, the car will not switch gears! I mean what in the world could be wrong now? I am unsuccessfully trying to be optimistic that we will figure out what the issue is now and be able to fix it without spending too much money! The reason I am failing with this is because that car seems to have a never-ending bad attitude!dont-give-up-galaxy-hold-on-hope-Favim.com-1428490

My constant pain that will not let up is also causing me to be more than just stressed. Like I do not know what is beyond stressed, but that is how I feel! This pain has been going on for way too long and I really feel I have been patient enough, but I NEED a break! The constant headaches cause me to not be able to focus on what I need to be focused on. The incessant leg and back pain is so becoming SO  FRUSTRATING!! When nothing relieves that pain, what do you do??

Another thing that weighs heavy on my mind is the state of our country because of the government’s behavior.I normally do not bring politics into a conversation, but this is very disturbing to me.  I am not able to put myself in the mind-set of a politician, so I just do not understand why we all can not just get along. Watching the country I grew up in be destroyed at a very fast pace is stressmind-blowing and extremely sad! It is difficult seeing what the problems are and not being able to do anything to fix the issues! 

I am pretty logical person, well most of the time at least, so I know that being overwhelmingly stressed is very unhealthy! I know staying stressed will not make anything better and it is only going to cause me more pain, but I can not seem to turn my mind off! I doubt the lack of sleep is helping me at all right now, but the pain I am in will not even allow me to even take a nap! So I decided writing about it may help ease my stressed out mind! I know this post has been a little all over the place, but this is a mild form of how much is on my mind! 

I appreciate y’all visiting my site today and I strongly encourage you to leave a comment. I always love your comments and I will respond to you just as quickly as I can. I hope your day is going well and I hope the rest of your Sunday is wonderful. Please never forget that I am always sending you LOTS of ❤love and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

 

Yesterday was World MS Day

world ms daySo World MS day was yesterday on May 30th and I did not make any posts about this. I did not ignore World MS Day because I do support the research, but MS is something that plagues my life everyday and it takes so much out of me. My energy level has been pretty low lately and I have been dealing with a lot of fatigue and PAIN! I only want to share information when I can put my heart❤ and soul into writing, but unfortunately yesterday just was not the day! I am trying my best to make up for this today💞!

Y’all know that I have battled MS for almost 18 years without ever giving into the illness. I made myself a promise when I was diagnosed that I would never allow this to control my life and that someday I would win the fight! I am a strong believer that positive thoughts brings positive things into our lives, but you also know sometimes that is easier said than done! MS adds so many different issues to everyone’s life and none of these funworld ms day 1 difficulties are the same for anyone! We all experience this illness in similar, but also different ways. I guess maybe that is the reason it has been so difficult for the doctor’s to figure out a cure, but someday I must believe it will happen for us! 

My journey with MS started when I had lost vision in my left eye, but thankfully the vision came back after a few days of steroids. Y’all already know that steroids are never any fun, but I have definitely had my fair share of this not so pleasant and I guess helpful drug. Over my years with MS, I have experienced so much pain at times and numbness at others, it has been absolutely miserable! But I still refuse to give in and keep fighting a good fight! 

I hope y’all have had a good Friday Eve and hope you are looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend! I really hope y’all are feeling well and of course staying as positive as you possibly can! We all must stay strong to fight through this illness until the wonderful day of a cure. Please never lose hope for this because I do believe it is going to happen for us! Your comments are really appreciated and I love❤ to read them. I do my very best to respond as quickly as I can! I will continue to always send you LOTS of love and comfort! 

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

 

Does pain cause you to be angry?

Good morningGood morning y’all and happy Wednesday! Thank goodness we are half way until the weekend is back! Are you having a good short week? When my office is closed on Monday, don’t get me wrong I love the day off, but I end up confusing the rest of the days of the week and being a day behind! Heck Tuesday morning I thought it was Monday, but I was thrilled to find out when I got to work it was Tuesday! I guess that is one of lives many pleasures! During a normal week, my mind is always a day ahead of time, so usually disappointed! 

Anger, pain and depression are three negative experiences that are bonded so closely together it can almost be impossible to know when one of these feelings ends and another begins. Pain can impact our emotions so deeply, producing a wide range of emotions from sadness, to anger to possibly rage! The feelings of anger are so often anger and painmisinterpreted as hostility because others may not understand what we are dealing with at any given time.

Anger can actually be a motivating force to put things into action, instead of just being all talk and complaints. For instances, when we are dealing with an insurance company and all the many hurdles to get through, just to get a needed procedure. Or even when trying to get our doctor to listen to our requests and not just pushing our needs to the side so they can move onto their next patient.

There are numerous physiological effects we can have from anger. Anger can be felt in our chest, head and the entire body! This could mean that the anger we feel increases the pain already felt, which makes so much sense to me. I started writing this because I have been dealing with SO much pain lately in my EmilysQuotes.Com-anger-pain-negative-sad-Eckhart-Tollelegs, back, arms and head and that pain is causing me so much frustration which quickly changes to ANGER! Logically, I know that being angry with my pain is not going to solve anything, but it just keeps happening without fail! I am typically a very calm and ❤caring person, but lately I feel like I am losing my temper so much faster and a lot easier! Today I had a co-worker, who let me just say has already made some really negative comments about me in the past, stop me to ask if I was okay because I seemed to not be walking as she thought would be “normal”. Considering my legs have been in a lot of pain lately, I do walk a little slower and refrain from using my right leg when I can, but pointing that out was not necessary. Could she have been being caring? Probably not! But I was hateful with my response when I said “I am fine!”! She had to push the issue a little further causing me to say once again, “I am FINE”, with a lot more force before walking away. Was I wrong in my reaction? Or was it the pain and frustration talking? Who can really say? But I do not feel like I was wrong and I do think it was the pain and frustration talking!

Do you personally find when you are in pain you have less patience for dealing with pain and angerothers? If so, how do you control your emotions and remain pleasant to others? I know I sometimes am shorter with my poor husband❤ and he  does not deserves that at all, but he also knows that is not me and I do not mean to be short with him. However, I still will feel bad about my less than ❤sweet attitude! I guess the vows are hold true, but maybe we should have added, with attitude and not as well!

Thank y’all for taking the time to visit my site today! I always appreciate you taking the time to read my posts and I really love to read your comments, which I will always respond to as quickly as I can! I hope you have a great day pain-free day! Please never forget that I am sending y’all LOTS of ❤love and comfort always!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤