When a storm is brewing!

Storm nearing inIt sounds a little crazy to say, but I can feel a storm before it even arrives! Before I actually heard the thunder moving in all of my pain became increasing more intense. As this storm continues to build up in my area my back, legs and right arm have started to become more like a 10 on the pain scale. which isn’t any fun!

Honestly, I felt my pain increasing while I was still at work and was just chalking it up to the insane amount of frustration I was feeling! I was having a pretty heated disagreement with my direct supervisor. I normally would just let things go because I really hate confrontation, but I was sick and tired of being disrespected and thought it needed to be addressed and dealt with. To say the very least though, I ended the conversation by walking away when I saw it was not goingupload anywhere. When I get extremely angry I tend to cry before I yell and I could not give him the satisfaction to see how much he was getting under my skin! I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow and hope that he will not continue on with his petty harassing ways!

Anyways I got a little off topic with how the stormy weather causes me to feel so much additional pain! I feel like I could be a better weather person because my body tells me what to expect from Mother Nature! In my younger days, I would hear about how an elderly person can feel the rain in their bones and I never really put much thought into that. Now I may not be a young carefree person in her 20’s, but I am NOT an elderly person either! However, I do feel the rain in my body terribly! When it rains I just want to be able to stay at home where I am comfortable and not have to ever go out in it at all, but maturity with arguementunfortunately I do have to leave the comfort of my home to go to that place I work at, which as I already mentioned isn’t a pleasant place to be! When I add rainy weather and a semi-hostile work environment to my day, I often feel absolutely miserable!!! In these times I find it best to just stay very silent! Do y’all feel the rain in your bones, as I know many of you live with chronic illnesses? 

Thank y’all for visiting my site today. I do not typically do two posts in one day, but this was on my mind and felt it would be good to share this with you! I always appreciate your amazing comments which are always fantastic! I hope your day was much better than mine and I hope you have a very relaxing evening! Never forget that I am always sending you LOTS of love ❤and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

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Friday finally arrived!!!

happy friday quotesGood afternoon y’all! If you are anything like me, you are so incredibly happy the weekend is finally here! But I also do hope y’all had a delightful week! This week has been a bit LONG for me because due to a staffing shortage in my office and an increasingly busy work load, I have been working some additional hours! I know I said that I was not going to push myself too far, but the stubborn part of me took control and I might have pushed a little further than I should have! The only day that I did not work 6 1/2-7 hours  a day was Thursday and that was only because of a doctor’s appointment, which really took priority for me! Thankfully, my appointment went well even though he was just a little dumbfounded with one of my questions. I guess it is a good thing it was not a too much of a life changing question! 

I am extremely relieved for the weekend because I definitely need some relaxation and rest time! I think it is safe to say that I am so far beyond exhausted that being just simply fatigued sounds like paradise. I know our bodies let us know when we need to rest, but I often ignore what my over exerted body is pretty much screaming at me. When I know that relax and don't controlsomething needs to be done, I tend to think everything needs to be right away and never completely understand that somethings really can wait! I am trying to get better at this, but it isn’t easy because I have some control issues about tasks being completed immediately and the right way! The funny thing is when I say I have come control issues about tasks being done, I never want any help and just want to do everything on my own, so I guess just try controlling myself! I guess only controlling what I do is better than trying to control others because that is very impossible!

I have been noticing an increasing amount of anger, frustration, hostility, hatred for no friday_quoteapparent reason and sadness in so many people! What is really causing these negative emotions among so many? I tend to blame the actions of those in charge of the country because they seem to be creating SO much negative energy which is why I do my best to avoid hearing anything they are talking (lying) about. I know there are many people who will agree with this statement and probably many who will disagree with me, which is okay because we are all entitled to our own opinions. If we all thoughts alike on everything there would be absolutely no dynamics and that might actually be a little boring! It is perfectly acceptable to have you own thoughts and opinions, but I do believe it is also extremely important to have an open mind as a close minded person never grows!

Thank y’all for visiting my site today! I always appreciate and value your comments as they are always very insightful! I hope your Friday has been very pleasant and I certainly hope you have an amazing weekend! Please always remember that I am sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

 

 

Unanswered Questions!

drowningI sometimes feel like I am drowning in all the unanswered questions in my mind. Life works in such mysterious and unexpected ways which at times cause a whirlwind of various emotions to run through me! My unanswered questions typically lead to overwhelming frustration because life makes absolutely NO sense. For starters one question I have had since I was 19 years old is what causes all these incurable illnesses? In a world that has many brilliant minds why have more cures been not discovered yet? Or have many cures actually been discovered but not released because the greedy people with Big Pharma do not want to lose massive amounts of money from less prescriptions being written? Big Pharma makes a living from all of us that need prescription medications, so without us they would see what it is like to struggle to scrap by pay check to pay check.

Another question that plagues my mind is why is there always so much hate and terribly unfair treatment for SO many? Why can people not all be treated with nothing but love and respect? I do not think it is at all right to judge someone for how they choose to live love and respecttheir life, especially when it does not cause any harm to anyone! I am a firm believer that we should ALL be treated equally because no matter what choices are made, we are all human-beings with feelings that can and do get hurt. For those of us that fight through life with a chronic illness, we often get judged by those that just do not understand! Many of us have a family to support, so we are forced to go to a job we may not enjoy just for a paycheck. When you struggle through a day of work in pain and then have altered hours, our co-workers tend to make ignorant comments that are hard to hear! One comment that just irritates me to the core is, “I wish I had your hours! It must be nice to be able to leave early daily.” Every time I hear this comment my response is ALWAYS, “Well I wish I had your hours because working fewer hours kind of hurts the paycheck!”  I guess life was never meant to be a walk in the park, but sometimes it seems incredibly unfair!

helping othersIn the city I live in you can not make the short drive to the grocery store and not see a homeless person holding a sign asking for money for food, which is terribly sad for me. Why do those that are in power chose to invade other countries wanting to make changes that are unwelcome, when the country they “stand” to protect needs our help? If our so-called help for other countries is not wanted, I think we should focus on the problems right here in front of us every day! I guess I believe our tax dollars should be spent on making changes to the education system, road conditions, homeless, healthcare and helping other countries when they WANT it, not when we think it is necessary!

Another question that I find extremely troubling is why do we pay massive amounts of money for health insurance, but then still get terrible coverage and pay extremely high co-pays? I am supposed to have an MRI once a year, but the co-pay is absolutelyhealthcare is a right ridiculous and completely not affordable to do once a year! Every other developed country offers FREE healthcare for all and that works for them, so why does the United States not try something that actually helps the citizens instead of keeping us in mounds of medical debt?

There are times when these unanswered questions cause me so much anger, but I do not help otherswant to focus my entire life on what will never be answered! I do not have the ability or the power to change other people, but I will always stand up for what my beliefs! I will continue for the rest of my life wishing for cures we all need and I will never treat anyone in a bad nature because of how they live their life!

Thank y’all for visiting my site today! I know this might seem like a bit of a rant, but I feel like certain issues need to be voiced! I really hope y’all are having a nice weekend and feeling well! I definitely encourage your amazing comments and I do promise to respond just as quickly as I can! Please remember that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

Out Sick!

out sick todayGood morning y’all. I am so sorry I have not been able to respond to all of your great comments from yesterday and today. I started having a terrible migraine on Sunday afternoon, but thought it had eased up enough to go to work yesterday. I was very wrong about my migraine being better because while I did work yesterday, I started feeling the pain ease back in. Even one of my co-workers looked at me and said “Alyssa, you look terrible!” I did manage to work for six hours, but when I came home did not leave the bed. The massive migraine brought all of my pain to the extreme! Unfortunately, I am home from work today to try to get better. I will do my best to start responding to your comments, but please be patient with me I am still feeling pretty darn horrible!!

I certainly hope you are having a good day and I hope you are feeling okay. Thank you so much for taking the time to visit my site and leave me great comments. Even though I am feeling pretty bad I am still sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

Looking back over last year

never look backDeciding to read back over the posts that I made over this past year has been a little scary, upsetting and satisfying all at the same time, if that makes any kind of sense. This past year really has been pretty darn hellacious and that is putting it mildly! There seems to have been so many ups that gave me hope, but then the falls that followed were just that much more discouraging. Getting back up after a failed attempt at something may seem like a daunting task, but it is also a necessity in life. Allowing for anything to keep us down for long is just not an option in my mind because if we stay down, we are only allowing for what brought us down to win the ever so long battle.

I think that in the past, I have had a faithful dedication to believing blindly in hope. I was naïve to think that hope could change everything and still do believe that to a lesser extent. Honestly I think one of the reasons for me losing hope is because of just how Hope-1-100Pedalshorrible the world has become in a very short amount of time. The negativity and pure hatred that has been bred by those leading the country has been incredibly upsetting and terribly shocking! Living in a country that was once known for its freedom and justice for all, has made a drastic change at becoming the polar opposite and that is quite frightening to me. The downward spiral happened so painful fast and building the beliefs we all once stood for back up seem almost impossible. I feel this country started to become much more equal for everyone once upon a time, but now it seems like everyone is against everyone else for no real apparent reason besides becoming way too passive and folding! How can you change the thoughts of others that are just stand upsimply following what the leaders are doing?

I think in a world so full of chaos it takes kind-hearted❤ and loving people to stand up for what they still truly believe in their hearts! Is that difficult? Possibly yes, but it is for the shear fear of ridicule and not be accepted by our peers. But, really who wants to be accepted by those that have so much hate in their hearts? I honestly do not have any desires to be accepted into that world. I would much rather stand-alone if it means I am not giving up the beliefs I hold dear in my heart and soul!

So when I said that I have started to lose faith in hope, it is because hope sometimes feels like a foreign object that many others lost a long time ago. Hope is a like fragile piece of don't lose hopeglass that if it is pushed around too forcibly can and will break under the pressure that is forced on it. I like to believe that the strength I have deep in my heart and soul is powerful enough to defeat the constant negativity I have been faced with daily! I am only one person with a strong voice when pushed into a corner, but I will always stay true to my beliefs and passions!

I know I started this off by talking about looking back over the past year and kind of got off on a different tangent. What I can say is this past year has helped me grow stronger happiest momentsas a person. Last year was the start of a pretty nasty relapse that is still in the healing process. I do not know if all the pain I have been struggling with is ever going to subside, but I do plan to keep the fight moving forward and not allow it to defeat me or threaten my courage. There is absolutely NOTHING I can do to change what happened in the past leading up to the relapse, but I can decide how I am going to handle it from this point on. I do not truly think I can go back to where I was or who I was last year at this time, but that person I was is still in me somewhere just a little more rattled by the torture of MS. No matter how beat down I might feel at times, I am still just me!

I hope y’all have had a nice and restful weekend. After the hellish week I had, I have done my best to recuperate so I can tolerant the week ahead of me. Do I plan to push myself to the limits again? Probably not as forceful, but I will still test my limits because that is what living is all about. Thank y’all for visiting my site today and every other day. Y’all always leave me with the best comments and I do treasure what you have to say! I hope y’all are able to enjoy your Sunday and prepare yourself for the start of a new week, leaving behind anything that happened last week! As always I am sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

Truly A Painfully Long Week!

Good-Night-Quotes-20Good evening y’all! I hope you had a nice day today! I am so beyond happy that tomorrow is Friday because it has been a painfully long week! When I say painfully long, I really mean it has been incredibly painful for me!

Earlier this week I mentioned a goal I had for myself, but did not want to share it because I was honestly afraid I would not achieve my goal. Well now that tomorrow is Friday, I am perfectly at ease to share that goal with y’all! I desperately wanted to be able to increase my hours at work slightly, but it seems that every time I fear of goalssaid it in the past I was not able to succeed. This week I have been pushing myself a little harder to work six and a half hours each day instead of just the six hours daily and not miss one day, I have done this so far and I do not see tomorrow being any different!! Sure pushing myself just 30 minutes probably does not seem like a lot, but my goodness it really has been! I have been so completely worn out every day, I was not even able to do a post. Now on Thursday evening, even being extremely tired and in a terrible amount of pain, I was also very proud of the success I have made and wanted to share it with you! I figured I did give that cliff hanger earlier in the week about a “goal” and I know y’all must have been a little curious and deserved to know more about the goal!

I am not sure what next week will hold, but I do fully plan to keep trying my very best. I really am so glad tomorrow is Friday, so I will have the weekend to recuperate from this past week and only hope I have not caused too much damage to my already hurt body! I falling down is how we growknow I have put myself through a lot of pain and stress which may not have been a good decision, but what is done is done and I made it! I will continue to set achievable goals for myself because I do think it is so important to keep trying, which in turn means trying harder every week!

I want to thank y’all for taking the time to visit my site today and really do love to read your comments, which I always will respond to. The blogging community really has been a wonderful and amazing experience for me. I was completely shocked that a fellow blogger that read about me having a difficult day on Tuesday emailed me to see if I was okay. Let me just say that❤❤ Angela Gagliardi is an amazing woman and I am truly thankful for her! Angela also has a blog and if you have not already seen her site, I strongly encourage you to do so, https://fuckms.ca/! Angela has a ❤heart of gold and even when she is struggling herself, still takes the time to care for others. Thank you so much Angela for being a wonderful friend! I hope y’all have a nice relaxing evening and a fantastic Friday. Please know that no matter what I might be dealing with, I am always sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

Physical & Emotional Pains team up!

great afternoonGood afternoon y’all! I hope you have had an amazing weekend and you are feeling the best you possibly can. I hope wherever you live the weather has been treating you well and there has not too much extreme with the temperatures. I know where I live there have been many extremes and it has been absolutely insanely HOT!

Physical and emotional pains tend to all blend together over time. I think at times it is almost hard to distinguish the difference between the two, especially if they are both overly intense. We all go through times during our lives when we struggle with certain aspects of life and there is no denying that is emotionally painful. Some people when struggling with emotional pain hold it inside because maybe they do not want to burden anyoneno-pain-no-gain-by-ms-anu-mehta-39-638 else with what they are battling internally. I can speak from personal experience that when I am dealing with something that is deeply emotional to me, I do not want to talk to anyone about the issues. I will let most things fester in my own mind, which honestly only causes SO much additional stress. I think that for people who really know me, I am not able to hide when I am terribly disturbed about something because it is clearly all over my face and my demeanor changes drastically. I would make the absolute WORST poker player because I do not do well masking what I feel. The bad part about holding all the emotional struggles inside is, I feel like I am going to explode after a while! Have you ever shaken a bottle of coke vigorously? When you finally open that bottle, the coke will explode all over the place because of all the pressure it felt while being Pain-Changes-Peopleshaken. It is not a good feeling to say the least!

Most of us experience physical pain over the course of our lives. There are so many times when that pain may become so intense that it really changes your personality. For the most part I am a happy and positive person, but when my pain becomes too severe it overpowers me and I become reserved and a little negative. I find that I will fly off the handle over the smallest of things and really overreact. Sometimes the pain makes me say things I do not mean and even feel hostility towards something so minuscule that when I think back all I can say is “What was wrong with me?”

Emotional pain can and does trigger even more of the physical pain! I often feel that they are teaming up together just to test my strength and see which one of them will break me first. During times of war between the various pains I deal with, I do my best to hold onto my determination to excel in this life! I think there are many people pain demands to be feltthat when they are faced with too much trauma and or struggles, they tend to just shut down because it is easier that way. I almost think that shutting down makes it so you just can not feel the difficulties of life and also may not care anymore. In my own personal opinion, shutting down completely is the same as giving up and allowing the internal and physical battles win the war. Call me delusional or just completely wrong, but I do feel the only way we can ever fail ourselves and our loved ones is to give up the fight we were chosen to be in.

Thank you so much for stopping by my site today! I always encourage your comments because they are always so fantastic! Please know that I will respond as quickly as I possibly can! I hope your weekend has been filled with nothing but happiness and I hope you are ready for the new week to start tomorrow! Enjoy the rest of your Sunday to the fullest! As always  I am sending y’all LOTS of love ❤and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤