TGIF

Life is not always perfect, and it is impossible to be happy all the time, but we do have the power to make changes when necessary. Complaining about things in life we are unhappy with is NEVER going to change things for the better. Sometimes we need to implement the changes we NEED in our life. The problems we encounter are NOT going to fix themselves and will only get worst. We spend most of our time at work, so if we are miserable in our job, it might be time to start looking for something different where we are not miserable for eight hours a day, five days a week.

Work is not always fun, but it can be fulfilling and semi-enjoyable. I have always enjoyed working with people and find “some” of them interesting. However, more and more I am finding the way people behave and treat others disturbing and offensive. I treat people the way I would want to be treated and try my best to understand their outlook on things and what they might be going through. The way things have been in recent times, I have a new view on this. Unfortunately, so many people are selfish and do not care how their tone, verbiage, and treatment affect others.

Changing jobs is extremely frustrating and challenging. It takes persistence and perseverance. Numerous job search sites are available. The most popular and user-friendly are https://www.linkedin.comhttps://www.indeed.com/https://www.monster.com/, and https://www.glassdoor.com/. I am sure there are many more out there, but I am not familiar with any others. A quick and simple google search can bring up others if you are looking for another job. 

We are only offered one life and there is no way to rewind, pause, repeat, or fast-forward. If there is anything you are not completely happy or content with, it is time for a change. This can be in a job, relationship, where you live, what you do for enjoyment or anything else involved in your life. Of course, change is never easy, but it can be accomplished with strength and determination. 

Relationships whether they are romantic, friendship, colleagues, or family can be complicated. All relationships require strong and open communication. Without being able to be open and honest, a relationship will fail quickly. It is also important to never hide anything from your life partner. When people hide things from the person, they are building a life with, there will only be unnecessary complications. We should not feel like we need to hide anything because we are already being open and honest, so there should not be anything to hide, right?

I am not complaining about my job, but I am unhappy with the way things have been. The training missed many things we needed to know and now everyone is so overwhelmingly busy, that no one has time to help those that are newer. I have always been a perfectionist with my work and hate making mistakes. Therefore, I take a massive number of notes because I want something to reference when I am unsure. There have been several people that I work with currently that are amazing and helpful, but then there are others that talk or email in a demeaning and discouraging way. I think some people forgot what it was like to be new and learn an entirely new industry.

I think part of the reason I have felt so irritable lately is that it is WAY too hot! The heat causes many of my MS symptoms to be aggravated and intensified. It is only May, and the temperature has already been in the high 90s. I do not even want to know how hot it is going to get when it is summer. Living in the south and still waiting to get central air has been troublesome and infuriating. I do enjoy summer, but only when I am at the beach because the ocean breeze counteracts the insane heat. I mean who in their right mind wants to be out when the temperatures are so high? No sane person! 

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you enjoyed this post, and the information was beneficial. It is finally Friday, and we now have the weekend to look forward to. We can let of the negative feelings the week caused us. There is no point carrying those negative feelings into our weekend when we know anything we were dealing with this week will probably still be waiting for us on Monday. I look forward to reading your comments and will respond as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Tuesday Survival Mode

Tuesday is an indicator we made it through one of the hardest days of the week, Monday. Yesterday was a challenging and frustrating day for me for a few reasons. Work is getting busier, and people are getting more demanding. There are a few people I work with that are helpful and I can communicate with, knowing they respect me because they never talk down to me. Another person I have a lot of respect for the way she views things, however, she does not always respect me when speaking to me I guess everyone handles stress and busy days differently. Regardless of, how people chose to talk to others, I am trying to not let things upset me because, at the end of the day, it is not worth it.

Another reason yesterday became challenging is because the MS hug is back. It has been happening on and off, but when it is in full force, it is awful. The MS hug is the kind of hug no one wants. I am sure it feels different to everyone, but for me it hurts and takes my breath away, making it hard to breathe at times. I have no plans on letting my specialist know because I do not like their ways of healing it. I hate steroids more than most anything else.  Steroids make me miserable and cause my personality to be altered and not for the better.

On a positive note, on June 10th, one month from today, I get to meet my literary role model. I think of James Patterson as an icon with his writing. I view him as one of the best and most memorable authors of our time. His books are creative, engrossing, and captivating. Once I start one of his books, especially in The Women’s Murder Club series, it is nearly impossible to put down. I have thought a lot about what I will say to him during the brief encounter. I have decided to call him Mr. Patterson. He is an elder and deserves the utmost respect. I want to tell him how much I love his writing and how much I respect his abilities, and of course, I would love to know how he does what he does. Unfortunately, I also know my time will be limited.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope your week is going well so far and that it only gets better as the days pass us by. Thankfully, we have survived one day of the week and have four to go, but I think we can handle it. Yes, each day brings us new demands and it takes determination and a strong will to make it. The truth is, this is never easy, but we are all strong enough to handle anything thrown our way. I look forward to your comments and will respond to them as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Defeat Tuesday

The weeks can feel extremely long and strenuous. We typically prepare ourselves for Monday on Sunday evening because we understand they can be very demanding. Honestly, not every Monday is as bad as we think it is going to be and some are worst than we were expecting. Whether it be Monday or any other day of the week, sometimes there is no amount of preparation that can help us be ready for the days ahead of us. No matter what happens, we should never give up and should always try to see the positive in all situations. I believe a positive mindset will keep us healthier and happier rather than being negative.

Yesterday felt like a train wreck and I believe it had a lot to do with getting too little sleep. I knew it was going to be a rough day because if I had to guess, I might have slept for four hours. By the time we ate dinner, finally got my work monitors set up correctly, and cleaned up, it was close to 2:00 AM and I normally get up a little before 7:00 AM. Knowing I would be exhausted, I tried giving myself a few extra minutes of sleep and pushed the alarm back to 7:30. I still felt foggy, irritable, achy, and distracted all day, which made for a long day.

Besides being overly tired and achy all day yesterday, I was dealing with other frustrations. No matter how many times in our life we deal with challenging and frustrating times, it never gets any easier. While life was never meant to be perfect and easy, we must NEVER let go of trying to think positively and NEVER give up. We were all dealt a hand of cards when we were born, and we are forced to keep playing the game of life and not fold. It is so easy to feel like we cannot handle life anymore and give in to those awful negative thoughts. The only thing a negative mind will do is make everything worst.

I am not going to tell y’all that remaining positive during challenging times is easy because that would be a lie. The only thing negativity will do is make you feel empty. The life we were given is a gift and viewing everything as negative makes us take our life for granted, which tends to be selfish. There are so many people every day that lose their life and through NO fault of their own and they would all love another day to enjoy their life.

Thankfully, we have survived Monday and hopefully, every other day of this week will get easier. I understand more than I care to admit how unfair life can be, but through all the unfair things we have endured, we are stronger than we realize. We all have a strength inside that is powerful. When you start thinking you cannot deal with anymore, remember what you have already accomplished in life and hold your head high!

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope what I have shared was beneficial for you and you are feeling better about life the way it currently is. Understanding what we have control over and what we have no control over, is a valuable lesson to learn because it will make things easier. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Invisible Illness

I have written about Multiple Sclerosis many times before and I have talked about it a lot as well, but neither of these can explain what it is like to live with it. Many people have heard Multiple Sclerosis referred to as the “invisible disease” and I supposed for the most part it is invisible. Of course, some people stumble because they struggle their balance, or they may have challenges to walk and are bound to a wheelchair or use a walker. These challenges are obviously visible because the person cannot and should not feel compelled to hide them. However, some try to out of fear of being judged. There was a time that I felt I needed to hide my illness because I know people talk and it is always about things, they know nothing about, but that is not my fault, and it is on them.

Out of all the issues Multiple Sclerosis puts on a person, many that are truly invisible issues to deal with. No one can feel the pain someone feels, which those with Multiple Sclerosis tend to face daily. I have mentioned before that I live in pain every minute of every day but try my best to hide it and not because I am afraid of what people may think. I hide the pain because nothing helps my pain ease. It does not matter if I explain how I feel or even cry about it, the pain will still be there. I am thankful that the pain I feel cannot be felt by those around me because I would not wish that on anyone, and it is not fair for anyone to experience it.

Another issue I deal with that is invisible is the neuropathy. The feeling of spiders crawling around on my legs and feet is only something I endure, and no one can see it. This is something that I feel daily and mostly it increases at night, but still there are times during the day I get experience this. Of course, my husband that is with me all the time can see it because I start getting fidgety and cannot stay still. Not that it helps but I will start rubbing my legs when we are watching TV or having lunch together. I cannot explain why I rub my legs or feet, but I supposed I am trying to make the feeling go away. My husband has even asked me if it helps or why I do it and I cannot explain it to him, I guess it is just a habit.

Stress causing my condition to deteriorate is not something anyone can see. Heck, I cannot even see it immediately, but will understand later what stress does to me. Stress can cause symptoms to worsen and potentially cause a relapse. Anyone that has Multiple Sclerosis or knows someone with it understands how bad a relapse can be and it is something that we all try to avoid. A relapse can be awful, but the actions taken to decrease the length of time one deals with them are typically by using steroids. For anyone that has been on a high dose of IV steroids, you know how terrible that can make you feel. I can admit that the steroids will make the relapse not last as long, I would prefer to not take them.

The only person that knows how exhausted I always feel is me. It is not something anyone can see, but I do see and feel it. I cannot even explain it to anyone because it does not matter how much sleep I get. I will wake up feeling like I have not slept at all and truthfully, I probably did not sleep well through the night. The pain and tingling will wake me or prevent me from falling asleep, but I still try pushing through the day like I have slept eight hours.

COVID introduced a new invisible issue to Multiple Sclerosis. Everyone had to deal with the normal things that came with COVID, but anyone that is on a medication that weakened their immune system had to be even more careful. Even after there were vaccines available, we had to determine how safe they were mixed with their medication. Being under isolation could make people feel even more isolated and nervous for what could happen if they got COVID. I know I was afraid that if I got COVID and being on Gilenya if I would survive. Anytime I left the house, I would wear a mask and be looked at like I was insane, but I do this because I refuse to gamble with my life.

I think COVID has made everyone feel like they are living under house arrest. My mother moved to Texas a few years ago and we did not see each other before she moved because of the fears of COVID. It is not that I do not want to see my mother, but I refuse to get on an airplane until COVID is gone and there are no new variants. I also do not want her getting on an airplane to come to where I live because I do not want her getting COVID or bringing it into my house. It is not easy dealing with this because she is my mother and I know she would get on a plane tomorrow, but it is not safe for either of us.

Considering March is Multiple Sclerosis Awareness Month, I thought it would be good to do a post about the invisible side of it. I understand why people would call it the invisible disease because much of it is invisible. Truthfully, I would prefer the balance issues I deal with to be invisible because I feared when I was diagnosed about being in a wheelchair and not that it is a bad thing. After all, it can happen. Although the pain is invisible, anyone that knows me can see how much I hurt.

Thank you for visiting my site today and reading what I have written. I hope this provides some clarification to the issues I deal with that are truly invisible and why I hide some of them. I am not hiding things because I am ashamed, but because it does not help. I do look forward to reading your comments because I know they will be insightful. I will respond to all comments as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Do you believe in signs?

Although I may never understand why certain things happen in life, there is a huge part of me that believes there are signs behind what occurs in life. Maybe there are signs that we are sent from a spiritual place or from a loved one we have lost. I am aware that not everyone believes in signs because that is something my husband and I disagree on and that is okay because everyone is entitled to their opinion.

I remember when we were relocating to another city and state a few years ago and I had just finished an interview, which I was not certain about. A beautiful butterfly flying near the car and landed on my window. She stayed there for a short time, showing off her vibrant colors. I have always loved butterflies and thought they held a powerful meaning. I viewed this encounter as a sign the job and the move were the right decision and things were going to work out beautifully. I thought this sign was from my late grandfather watching over me and ensuring life was going well.

Before the encounter with the butterfly, I have always viewed visits from them as a sign from somewhere above. After my late grandfather’s funeral and I was back home on my lunch break at work, which I took outside on nice days to get away from being trapped inside, the same butterfly or at least I thought it was the same butterfly came to visit me every day on my lunch break. Considering how heartbroken and lost I felt after this loss, I viewed this butterfly as my grandfather coming to let me know he was doing well and to continue living my life until we met again. This might sound delusional, but this butterfly offered me comfort during a tragic and painful time in my life.

Recently, I experienced something I feel is unusual. While I was working at my previous job, which of course, was at home I had a daily visit in the window above my desk. This visitor was a small, adorable bird called the Ruby-Crowned Kinglet. He always flew outside my window, kind of hoovering within my view. He seemed to be almost showing off, trying to get my attention and more so on a bad day. During the unpleasant Zoom meeting in December when I was laid off, the little bird stayed in the window for a while showing off his flying abilities, which brought me some joy during an upsetting time.

Out of pure interest and curiosity, I have looked up the meaning behind a visit from a butterfly. No to my surprise, visits from butterflies means angels are approving your actions and you might be on the right path. This can also mean that the angels are guiding you through life. This makes perfect sense to me because I am confident saying my late grandfather is my guardian angels that is always watching over me and carrying me through most struggles in life. Even to this day when I see a butterfly, I feel my grandfather’s presence nearby.

Again, purely out of my curiosity, I had to know what the sign was from the Ruby-Crowned Kinglet. Sure, enough there is meaning or a sign behind them. The spiritual meaning for the Ruby-Crowned Kinglet is fearlessness and calm, which is exactly what I needed the day I was laid off. The amusing part about my Ruby-Crowned Kinglet friend is even when he is not seen for a few months, he always returns and puts on a show by doing his little dance in the window.

When I was younger, I thought when the clocked showed “11:11” you had to make a wish. I did this for years, but when I looked this up, I learned something slightly different. The numbers 11:11 still appear to be a good sign because they are angel numbers. These angel numbers can suggest new beginnings and possibilities. It may be good to pay close attention when these numbers are seen because your guardian angels are attempting to reach out to you with positive energies. These angel numbers can also be interpreted as a sign from the universe guiding you to focus on someone or something.

Is there anything that you believe is a sign and if so, what is it? I know there are many more signs other than the three I mentioned, but I did not want this post to be too lengthy for you to read. I do believe signs can be extremely powerful but also understand some people believe these are merely coincidence. However, I do not  think things happen by accident or coincidence and believe everything happens for a reason.

Thank you for visiting my site and reading this post. I hope you found this post interesting and maybe you believe in signs as well. Monday is never an easy day because we are letting go of the weekend, but hopefully you have an amazing week. I am looking forward to reading your comments on this post and will respond as quickly as I can.  Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Midweek rain & pain

Happy Wednesday y’all! We have made it through the first half of this week, so we are at the halfway point. How has your week been? I hope you are having a great and safe week. The past few days where I live have had on and off rain, which always makes me feel worse than normal. Of course, when I look at the weather there is rain for many more days this week. The only thing rain does is make my legs and feet, back, and head have more intense pain as if I need any additional pain!

I was planning to do another post about March being Multiple Sclerosis Awareness month, but with my pain being awful I have not been able to yet. Even though I see a lot of rain for this week, I am hoping to be able to do at least one post to explain a little about what Multiple Sclerosis is. Without going into too much detail because my pain is that miserable, I will say one thing about MS, it is the most unpredictable, frustrating, and painful thing I have dealt with in life. Most days I do not get too upset about it, but on the bad days, it feels like a punishment for something I am unaware of.

Recently, I read something about Multiple Sclerosis being more about environmental factors and nothing about our genes. Considering there is not anyone in my family that lives with this disease, I am starting to believe that to be true. I do know already that certain foods increase inflammation and with that being a huge issue with MS, I try avoiding these foods. *I will be explaining this further in another post soon*. I also know for a fact that stress makes issues with MS a lot more intense because it has caused me numerous issues. Weather is another challenge with this mean disease. With all seasons and temperatures changing, my body feels it and does not adapt quickly. Even though I enjoy the sound of rain when I sleep, rain has become one of my enemies!!

Thank you for visiting my site today. I am sorry I was not able to do a more thorough post regarding Multiple Sclerosis Awareness Month, but I do promise I will do one before the end of this week. I hope you are doing well and having a lovely week. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

~Advice to younger self~

If you could go back in time and talk with your younger self, would you have any advice to give yourself? Through our years and as we grow, we learn many lessons. Most of these lessons have built us into who we are today. Even though we learned from our mistakes in life, there are always those things we look back on and wish we had avoided because it was not an easy lesson to learn.

Years have passed by and there may have been things we missed out on because of fear of failure or lack of confidence. Would you have any advice to give yourself that could change the way your life is today, and would you want to? Over my 40 years, I have learned some valuable lessons, but I also think the way life has played out is the way it is supposed to be. However, even with that said there is some advice I would give myself that may or may not alter how my life is today.

The most important piece of advice I would tell my yourself is, never think you are not good enough. My entire life I have battled with self-confidence. I never believed that my skills in any part of life was good enough and that I should do better. I wanted to become a writer but thought that my writing was never up to par, and I would be ridiculed because of it. When I started my blog five years ago, I worried I would fail, but I have not failed and would have failed if I did not try.

I think another piece of advice I would offer my younger self would be stop second guessing myself. There have been many times I second guessed myself and then come to find out I had been correct from the start. This was not anyone else’s fault but my own because I lacked confidence in my abilities. I am not saying that I am always correct, but in some situations when I have a strong belief in something, I am 100% correct. My mother has witnessed this and is finally listening to what I say more. It only took 40 years, but at least something changed.

The third piece of advice I would tell myself is to always be proud of the person you are. You are not always going to agree with everyone around you, but if something means a lot to you never back down. I have always been firm in my beliefs and have never allowed anyone to change my mind. Of course, this has created tension in some situations, such as politics, how I treat everyone equally, and think we all have a right to love who we love. I do not judge people for who they are, unless they are harming someone else. I also do not try changing anyone else’s beliefs and will respect what they say, even if I disagree. I do tell myself that my late grandfather that I idolized would be proud of the woman I have grown to be!

The appointment I was forced to go to at the unemployment office yesterday went well but was completely pointless. The lady I spoke with asked me five or six questions and it was over. She said I should not have any issues next week with the unemployment payout, but we will see. It is terrible they require someone that has a weak immune system to go into a facility with too many people and some were not wearing a mask. Of course, I had my mask on and tried being as safe as I could.

Sadly, it is nearing on a month that Ukraine has been dealing with threats to their life. It is incredibly heartbreaking to watch the news and see what they are sharing, but even more upsetting to know they are not showing the worst of it. I guess it is good they are not showing everything because anyone with a heart and any empathy would be extremely upset. I cannot imagine what they are going through because I have never been put in this kind of situation. All I could think is it would be like North Carolina or Georgia wanting to take control of South Carolina. I mean, what do you do fight or run?

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope what I have shared meant something to you and I look forward to reading what advice you would have for your younger self. It is a little interesting reflecting back at life and realizing what has been learned. I will respond to all comments as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes.

Always, Alyssa

Beautiful Complications

The world is a beautiful, complicated, and challenging place to live in. There are times we may feel like we are suffocating or drowning in the dark and deep waters because the intensity of what we are facing is so strong. We will also experience days that are bright and full of joyful moments. These days are not normally perfectly balanced, but we have a choice to hold onto our optimism and understand it is a necessity.

As children, we depend on our parents to guide us down the right roads and teach us right from wrong. Sadly enough, not all parents teach these lessons to their children, and they go out into the world blind and unprepared. It leaves me feeling confused because there are so many people in the world that want children and would provide a loving, nurturing, and wonderful home, but they are unable to have children. On the other hand, some never wanted children and should not have them, but they do.

It breaks my heart to see the world being where it is today. The sheer levels of hate and anger tear people down and leave them as nothing more than an empty shell. I have always tried so hard to see the best in people but am struggling more and more to find the good in some that I have encountered. I used to think that there was good in everyone, no matter who they are, and I am not so sure about that anymore.

We are all faced with choices in life, one road will be the one that takes additional effort and honesty and another path, that is that easy path and can include dishonesty. Why does it seem like in the world today, people chose that path that is filled with lies, dishonesty, and deceit? It takes more effort to lie, than it does to be honest because once you begin lying, it is like a snowball effect and never ends and causes people to be hurt and disappointed.

I hate thinking that it is possible that the last honest people in the world, were in my late grandfather’s generation. You cannot turn on the news without hearing lies, deceitful, and dangerous misinformation. So many people are too selfish to understand their behavior is damaging and evil. It is not that difficult to be compassionate and understanding towards other, but it seems like people think if they practice these behaviors, it would be the end of the world.

As you can probably tell in what I have written today, I am frustrated with the mindset and behaviors of others. I do the best I can to treat everyone equally and with respect but have been treated like a nobody by people I thought were different and believed they were caring. I am proud to be different from others because I would not feel good about who I am if I were just like everyone else. What others consider normal, I consider mean and evil, so I have no interest in being what normal is to others.

I have been struggling lately with trying to find a job and understand the way people think and act. As challenging as it has been, I think finding my “perfect” job will happen long before I can understand people because most people do not make sense in anyway shape or form. I do not understand where all the hatred is coming from and why it is spreading like wildfire. It is just a sad situation and I do not know how or when it will improve. Maybe when we see the end of COVID, we will also see positive changes to those currently filled with hate. Stranger things have happened.

Thank you for visiting my site today and reading this post. I know it was not filled with sunshine and rainbows, but it was filled with my honest feelings and struggles. I am not normally a negative person, but I am an optimistic and realistic person. I hope you are enjoying your weekend and staying safe! I do look forward to reading your comments and I will respond as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Positive endings and beginnings

Happy Friday y’all! Another week is now behind us and the weekend is in front of us. I hope you had a good week and it was full of wonderful memories. It seems like the days, weeks, months, and years go by and we do not have enough time to take it all in. There are so many struggles and challenges we face daily, but we do not always remember many others are facing worse things. My grandfather was the type that spoke nothing but the truth, which is one of many reasons something he said to me many years ago, “No matter what you are going through in life, someone else is always going through something worst”, has stayed with me through the years.

Truthfully, after I was laid off and still struggling to find another job, I have felt anger, frustration, sadness, and many other negative emotions. During this time, I think I often forgot that there were others in the same situation and had a family to take care of. I failed to remember that I do not have children or other mouths to feed and I will be okay until I do find a job. When I stop and think, I do feel bad for those that are not as fortunate as I am because I do not know how they are keeping their heads up and not surrendering to the negative emotions. I guess it is true, we are not given more than we can handle in life.

I do want to share with y’all a quote that I found to be a good reminder and inspiring. I do hope this quote will resonate with you as well. All the people we come into contact with, every action we make, and every word we speak can affect another person. These can be positive or negative, but we are responsible for this everything we do in this life. We must decide if we how we want to be remembered and viewed and always do the best we can in life.

Thank you for visiting my site today! I hope you enjoyed what I have shared with you today and I look forward to your comments. I will be responding to all comments as quickly as I can. I hope whatever you do over the weekend, you do so safely. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Hard times with Multiple Sclerosis

I think most of you reading this already know that I have had Multiple Sclerosis since I was only 19 years old. Living with MS for 21 years has not been easy, but I also try to not let it get the best of me. There are always going to be good days and bad days with this disease. Over the years, people have asked me various questions, which some do not bother me at all because I think that means people want to gain knowledge. However, there are other types of questions that do bother me tremendously because the questions show how inconsiderate and cruel people can be.

In this post, I am going to tell you the questions that are hurtful and why I feel the way I do. I am also going to share a few things about this disease that are hard to live with.

One question that always gets to me is, “Why do you not go on disability?”. The reason this question affects me the way it does is because I have always worked and without restrictions. There is no logical reason anyone should think that I need to be on disability because my MS has not progressed to that level. Do I know if it will someday? Absolutely, not because I do not have a crystal ball that sees the future.

Another question that rubs me the wrong way is when people ask me, “What did you do to cause it?”. I mean, really who would ask someone a question like that? In the beginning, when someone asked me this I would wonder if there was something I did wrong and then it would send me into a tailspin of negative feelings about myself. No matter what the disease is, most of the time the person living with it did not do anything to cause it and this is very true with Multiple Sclerosis. The top doctors and researchers in the world, still do not know what causes this disease to happen.

This next question that I find disrespectful and vicious is, “Do you think this could all be in your head?”. My response is normally not pleasant or polite, but I do not think they deserve a nice response. I simply say, “Yes, this is all in my head. The numerous lesions in my brain do cause many issues that I must deal with daily. Maybe you would understand if you had even half of a working brain cell.” I told you my response was harsh, but how do you think I should answer a question like that?

Another question I have been asked that bothers me immensely is, “When do you think you are going to need a wheelchair?”. This question used to bring me to tears because it was my #1 fear when I was diagnosed. As I said, I was only 19 years old and might have still had a partial childlike mind plus, I did not know much about the disease, and I was terrified of a wheelchair. During times when my legs and feet are at their worst with pain and the annoying tingly sensation, this thought does enter my mind again. It is hard to not think this might be something I have to deal with in life, but it is not going to happen anytime soon, or at least that is what I hope for.

Multiple Sclerosis comes along with the pains of different types and severities. After living with these for half of my life, I tend to expect them. Most days, my pain levels are manageable, and I can try ignoring them. However, as the days progress the pain increases gradually. Since I am so used to pain, I often have said if there is ever a day or even an hour when I do not hurt, I would think I died and am on a cloud still comfortably. My life would not be the same without the constant pain, but it would be amazing to have a few minutes with NO pain at all.

The migraines that happen at least once a week are brutal and even more ruthless when they are accompanied by a sinus headache. I do know that migraines are one of the symptoms of MS and sinus issues are a side effect of the medication I take. There is not anything I can do to end these. I cannot stop the MS from being in my body and I cannot stop taking the medication because then the disease would progress and possibly quickly.

Neuropathy is an incredibly annoying symptom of Multiple Sclerosis. The feeling of spiders having a party on my legs and feet is irritating, to say the least. This tends to happen more during the evening hours, which includes times when I am “trying” and failing to sleep. The past few days, the neuropathy has not been limited to the evening hours and instead has been all day long dealing with the spider party. The crazy thing is a heating pad is the only thing that offers any kind of relief and yet, heat is also something that makes the MS flare up.

The final symptom of Multiple Sclerosis I deal with that is mildly obnoxious is fatigue. Everyone experiences fatigue from time to time, but I do on most days. The awful part about this is, even though I get extremely tired halfway through the day, I also at times cannot sleep. My guess is the reason I cannot sleep is because of the pain and neuropathy.

There are many times throughout the days that I wish Multiple Sclerosis did not exist, but it does and affect millions of people around the world. I think it has increased the strength I have to fight against it and every other difficult time in life. I have always been the type of person that does not allow anything to defeat me, at least not easily. Over the years, I have met many other people living with this disease and been able to offer them support, which makes me happy to help someone else struggling.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I am sorry this post was a longer than some of my others, but there was a lot to say about fun times with Multiple Sclerosis. I hope you found what I have shared helpful, and I look forward to reading your comments. I will respond to all of your fabulous comments as quickly as I can. Hopefully, your weekend has been wonderful and safe. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa