It is okay to not be okay all the time

okayIt has taken me a really long time to realize that it is okay and perfectly normal to admit to not being okay all of the time! We are all just human and we all have times when we do not feel like our normal selves, as I said this is normal and there is not anything wrong with it! For some of us, including myself, it is not easy to admit to ourselves let alone anyone else that we are really not okay, but possibly struggling to keep pushing forward. Pain inflicts so many hardships to our lives and that pain can and does cause much sadness, fatigue, irritation and even bitterness.

As y’all already know, I have been dealing with a lot pain and muscle spasms, which you also know is extremely frustrating! Last week I had planned to increase my work hours, but unfortunately was not able to do this because of the intense pain I was experiencing. Trying to remain positive I thought, “It is okay, I will just try again next week.” Well that would be this week and so far it is not happening again. I did work 6 hours yesterday, but I was not able to go to work today.

dont-give-up-galaxy-hold-on-hope-Favim.com-1428490I will continue to refuse to give up and I also refuse being too hard on myself because at least I am trying! I want to be able to work “normal” hours, but more than that I want all this pain to give me a break even for one day! As crazy as this may sound, I am standing by my decision to not share this information with my specialist. Do I think she could give me any additional information that I do not already know after living with this illness for almost 18 years? My answer to this question is a FIRM NO! I will not struggle 1subject my body to even more steroids than I have already dealt with and I do not want to switch medications again! Prior to June 2017, I was on Gilenya for 6 years and it seemed to have worked well for me. My reasons for changing the medication was because I was dealing with horrible sinus issues and I thought it was due to the Gileyna, but now I see things differently!

With this horrible leg pain, which is also causing much additional back pain, I want to find some leg stretches that may help me even just a little! Do any of you do any leg stretches that you find beneficial and if so what are they? I know many of you know and understand what I am going through and I value your advice and opinions so much more than I can even explain❤!

❤ I hope y’all have had a great day and I appreciate you visiting my site today. I hope your evening is filled with much happiness and relaxation! I am really looking forward to reading your amazing comments! As always I am sending y’all LOTS of ❤love and comfort!

Love 2

❤Always, Alyssa❤

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Fading Hope

Hope lostI feel as though I am slowly starting to lose hope that my leg issues are NOT going to come to a much deserved end! I have been dealing the pain and spasms at their worse for well over a week now and I am just really ready for a break! I know that may sound like I am just giving up and letting these issues win, but I am really not, I am just way beyond FRUSTRATED! It seems that in the past when I had these issues they subsided much faster than they are now. All I can think is, I am getting older so my body is going to take a lot longer to heal. I do not know if this is a real thing or not, but it is all I have to go on right now!

Just walking around our house feels like I am running a marathon and our house is not that big! When I am doing laundry, I have to carry the clothes down stairs to where the washing machine is and then carrying the clothes back up the stairs once they are dry to put them away. Logically that might wear anyone out, but right now for me it is tormenting my legs and in turn my back as well! Besides doing my normal things like laundry, grocery shopping, taking care of my sweet cats I am trying to rest, but the spasms and pain are still here with what seems like NO end in sight! I highly doubt my aggravation is helping at all, but I just really can not help it!

Let me also be completely honest with y’all, I have not informed my doctor of these issues because I do not want to hear what she might say! At that point with these issues that will not vanish she may insist even stronger I get an MRI, which will probably shed light on news I do not want to hear! Sometimes being a little ignorant to the truth infertility-card-losing-hope-not-optionhelps me not think about the troubles right in front of me. Considering I have had MS just shy of 18 years, I know in my heart and mind what is happening, but having a doctor that I do not care much for or ever agree with confirm my suspicions is  just not something I am ready for. Call that childish behavior or just being too stubborn for my own good or whatever else this might be, but I do not deal well with the constant disappointment of this illness. I always do my very best to just turn a blind eye to things I wish were not happening and hope they will just go away when they are ready! I think that MS sort of has a mind of its own and will do what it wants whenever it wants to without consulting me ever, which is just a little rude and mean!

I know how crucial it is to never give up hope❤ as it is something that is vital to our lives, but right now it is a little hard for me. I often feel like I have been fighting a battle that losing-hope-quote-1-picture-quote-1does not end and it is not ever easy! I also know how much staying positive can change our lives, but that positive attitude when it comes to all the pain and spasms I deal with is fading relatively  fast. I guess the reality is the pain and spasms are either permanent and I will learn to cope with them or some magical day it will ease up allowing me to feel as “normal” as I can! The real truth is what I am going through right now could be so much worse and other people are dealing with way more than I am so I really do not have much to complain about! This is all just frustration and wanting more than ever to not have this pain anymore because it is effecting my life, daily!

❤Thank you so much for visiting my site today. I am terribly sorry that this post might have been a little more negative than I normally am, but I guess we all have those days and it is okay because things will get better in time! I encourage your amazing comments and I promise to respond just as quickly as I can, your thoughts are so important to me. I hope you had a lovely weekend and I hope your Mother’s Day was very special! Never forget that no matter what I am dealing with, I am always sending you lots of ❤love and comfort!

Love 2

Always, Alyssa

Friday Sunshine!

struggleGood morning Y’all and a very happy Friday! Even though logically I know it is not possible, it feels like the weeks are getting longer. I had expectations for myself for this week, but those expectations were unfortunately not met. I told y’all in the beginning of the week I was going to try to increase my work hours from 6 hours daily to 7, but I was not able to. I also said I would not be hard on myself if I did not achieve this goal, which is a little untrue. As y’all know I have been struggling with a lot of spasticity in my legs, which is causing a massive amount of pain. I tried to push myself further so I could work 7 hours, but the most I was able to do was 6.5 hours. All I can say is, better luck next week because you know I will keep trying until I achieve my goal!

How was your week? Do you feel like the weeks are getting longer or is it all in my head? I think my week might have felt longer because I wanted so much to work longer hours and I was having so much pain! Frustration was definitely at a high! 

I am trying to make an important decision about whether I should or should not get another MRI. The only reason why my specialist sent the order in was because I haveMS Warrior been back on the Gilenya for 6 months and they want to see if it is helping my illness. Until I mentioned that I was on Gilenya for 6 years previously they did not seem to have any idea and now it might not even be necessary. It is a little disturbing to me that my specialist did not know or remember that I was on Gilenya for so many years prior to October. When she first told me I needed to have the MRI, I thought it was to see if the new active lesions from the October MRI had went into remission or if there were new lesions, I did not know she was ordering this because of the 6 month time line due to restarting the Gilenya! If I am being 100% honest, the only reason I would want this MRI done is to see if there are new active lesions causing all this spasticity and pain. But all the MRI will do is cause me a lot of unnecessary stress and in turn upset me way too much, which we all know the damage being upset will cause. I mean seriously, if all is well with the MRI the specialist mswill say I am doing well with the Gilenya but, if there is any activity on the scan she might say the Gilenya is not strong enough for me and I need to consider starting a different medication. The bottom line is I am NOT switching medications again until there is a cure because the Gilenya worked SO well for me for 6 long years and if the MS has progressed to Secondary, Gilenya is still used to treat the illness. Do you think I am being logical or irrational with my thought process?

I really appreciate you taking the time to visit my site today and I am really looking forward to your comments, which you know I will always respond to as soon as I possibly can! I hope y’all have a fantastic Friday and I also hope you are feeling well! Please never forget that I am always sending y’all positive vibes and lots of ❤love and comfort!

Love 2

Always, Alyssa

Reality of Struggles

struggle-strengthsI know just how fast life can become difficult and how frustrating that may be. Struggles are very real and most often completely and totally unavoidable. It is not ever easy to continue fighting a battle that seems more like an uphill battle, but we are all living and breathing proof it is possible and can be won in time or at least made more tolerable. It is important to realize that you can not rush change or success, it just happens when it is supposed to, not just when we want it to! This is when we much practice something I have never fully learned, patience.

So how do you maintain a positive and bright outlook while in a dark and gloomy struggle 1situation? Each person is so different with various strategies to survive the craziness of the world we live in. It makes me terribly sad to be witness to the misfortunes of others, not just in the country I was born in, but literally all around the world. Everyone falls on hard times over the course of their life, but sadly some experience it more than others and way more than they deserve. I do not believe anyone really deserves to fall on hard times, but when they do through no fault of their own, some recover faster than others by the sheer force of determination. There are times though that even the person with a significant amount of strength and determination can get beat down to a very negative level. So many events in our lives can crush our willpower to push forward; instead we tend to give up.

Is it true to say that bad choices can land people in bad situations? It is most definitely possible that poor choices can lead to a terrible amount of despair and difficult times on the roads ahead of that person, but it does not have to be a permanent situation. struggleLearning from our poor choices of the past can be beneficial to our future. The important thing to never forget is, we can not live in the past because it will always hinder our future! It is not by poor life decisions people end up battling cancer or chronic illnesses, it is just the way the story of life unfolds. It should not be viewed as a punishment, but maybe a way to show the strength we have.

 Isn’t it hard to believe we are already in May? I feel like we just celebrated the New Year recently with the hopes of so much positive changes, but I honestly have not seen many great changes. It still feels like the world is in massive chaos and so full of negativity and hatred. I think many of y’all know me by now, so you know that I try to spread a lot of positive vibes your way and I have a tremendous amount of compassion for everyone. I do not believe there is one ounce of me that has the need for drama, negative thoughts and hatred because all that does for anyone is bring them down to levels that are not healthy. I appreciate so many of you that try to spread nothing but positive thoughts and ❤love to everyone! 

Thank y’all for taking the time to visit my site today. I always appreciate all of your support and lovely❤ comments that I do my best to respond to as quickly as I possibly can! I hope y’all have a fantastic day and I hope you are feeling well! As always I am sending y’all lots of love  and comfort!

Love 2

Always, Alyssa