Forgiveness

Forgiveness can be one of the most challenging things to accomplish in life, especially when the person we are trying to forgive does not change and continues to disappoint us. We are never required to forgive someone and should only do so when and if we are ready to do so. Forgiveness is not something we do for the other person’s benefit and is for our benefit. This is meant to release ourselves from the feelings of resentment, regret, and reserve the limited energy we have inside.

If we forgive another person and they continue to let us down, should we continue to forgive that person or remove them from our life? I do not think there is a right or wrong answer for this question because it is a personal decision. We do need to think about self-preservation when making this decision. It becomes obvious when someone does not change, they are not thinking about anyone besides themselves, and we need to consider our needs.

In this short life we do not have a rewind button to go back in time and there is not a pause button, so we must understand we only have one chance. We should try to forgive but should not set ourselves up for further pain from being disappointed. Most times removing those from our lives that have caused monstrous amount of pain and heartache is the best chance for us to have a happier life.

Everyone deserves a chance to make changes. Even with that said, there are only so many chances we can offer before we are tormenting ourselves. Unfortunately, there have been people in my life that I have forgiven and even today they would continue to disappoint me if I did not remove them from my life. I do not have any regrets from eliminating people from my life. Why should I allow myself to be hurt repeatedly?

Boundaries and limitations are crucial to find. Personal boundaries are limits and rules we determine for relationships. Boundaries are a necessity to maintain self-care. Without boundaries we can feel exhausted, taken advantaged of and taken for granted. Not having boundaries can lead to resentment, anger, and feeling burnt out. Understanding our limitations means what we are willing to endure and to what extent.

Do you think there is such a thing as being too forgiving? How many times have your forgiven someone only to be hurt again by the same person? I am not sure what I think about being too forgiving. If the same person has hurt us multiple times, is that on them or are we responsible for the pain? There is saying, screw me once, shame on you, screw me twice, shame on me.

There is still some of the weekend left and we need to enjoy it as much as possible. Hopefully, your weekend has been full of things that made you happy. Unfortunately, I have not felt well this weekend. It has mostly been sinus issues mixed with pain, but that is just normal for me. I know the Gilenya I take for the Multiple Sclerosis is responsible for the sinus issues, but I would rather deal with that than have the MS worsen.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you found what I have shared beneficial and helps you understand forgiveness, boundaries, and limitations. I am looking forward to reading your comments and will respond as quickly as I can! Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Toxicity in families

Family can be a sensitive topic to talk about because there tend to be various types of feelings. Families either are happy and get along well or there are vast levels of drama and ill will. The truth is we do not get to choose our family because it is something we are born into, but the same blood that runs through our veins does not mean we must endure the toxicity that can come along with it. Toxic relationships cause stress and unpleasant feelings, so when life is short, we do have the right to decide when to free ourselves from venomous people.

The reason I am writing about this today is that I decided a long time ago to not associate with my mother’s side of the family. Even as a young child I could see their actions to be deceitful and malicious. I wanted no part of their destructive behavior and know I am a better person because I cut ties with them years ago. I feel that if they had been part of my life all these years, I might not be the happy, kind, loyal, loving, compassionate, caring, and honest person I am today because they are the polar opposite of who I am and who I want to be.

Recently, my mother’s younger sister went to her house for a visit. Despite me saying it was an awful idea because they have always had a toxic relationship and I did not think it would go well. Unfortunately, this is a time I wish I was wrong because the visit went terribly and caused many hurtful feelings. I do not have siblings, but from what I understand siblings should have a bond that was built in their childhood which they clearly never had.

Something people often forget is, hurtful words cannot be erased or forgotten. I have always said although physical bruises can heal, verbal wounds do not heal and can hurt for years. It is important to value yourself enough to never allow another person to attack you verbally or physically because you are worth more than that. Most of the time those that say vicious things are unhappy with their life. We have all heard that saying, “misery loves company” and we need to not welcome their company into our lives.

I do understand that family is important, but no one needs to deal with listening to ugly words from family. Maybe it would be better to say we need to understand how to maintain boundaries with others. We know what we are willing to endure and what we will refuse to deal with. When we do set boundaries, we must never change them to make someone else happy because these boundaries were set for our happiness and mental health.

Thank you for taking the time to visit my site and read what I have shared. I hope what I have written helps you if you are dealing with toxic a family member or other relationships. We all need to learn to value our self-worth and love ourselves before anyone else can truly love us. I do look forward to reading your comments and will respond as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending you LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Difference between personality traits

When we can recognize the different types of traits one can have, we can understand those around us better. Through this post, I am going to explain the difference between Introversion, Empathy, and Highly Sensitive People. I know not everyone is interested in this kind of information, but I am incredibly fascinated and hope you will be as well. Once you have read about these traits, you might find you can relate to one of two of them and I would love to know which resonates with you the most.

Over the years the term Introvert has been misunderstood. About 30-50% of the population are introverts. Many believe when someone is shy or antisocial, this means they are an introvert, but this is not always accurate. The truth is many introverts are social and enjoy spending their time with a few close friends. With this understanding, it is important to know that introverts commonly feel drained quickly when they are in social situations and they need a great deal of time alone to rejuvenate their energy. This is the reason introverts tend to prefer to stay in or spend time with one or two people, instead of a big group.

Something I found interesting because I was not aware of it is being an introvert is genetic. This involves differences in the way the brain processes the “reward chemical”, dopamine. Those that are born an introvert do not feel rewarded by external stimuli with things such as large gatherings and small talk. Where introverts lose energy with groups, they get great satisfaction from more meaningful activities such as reading, creative hobbies, and time alone to ponder their thoughts.

About 70% of all introverts are also highly sensitive people. A person that is a highly sensitive introvert may come across as very observant, caring, emotional, and even though others are exhausting, they can read them very well.

Over the years, empaths have taken on several different meanings. It is mostly and most accurately explained by a person with the ability to understand the mental and emotional states of those around them.

An empath would explain they do not just notice another’s feelings but feel the other person’s feelings deeply, almost as if they were their own. They can become overwhelmed with feelings of stress and the empath may experience panic attacks, chronic fatigue, and physical symptoms that are typically used to form a conclusion for a medical diagnosis.

Being an empath, can be thought to be a blessing and a curse for the person. This is often felt so intensely, and the empath is unable to turn it off or ignore the feelings. It can take years to establish ways to turn it down when necessary. This can result in the empath going from feeling extremely happy to being overpowered with stress, anxiety, or other negative emotions because someone else came into the room.

The trait of being a Highly Sensitive Person has been commonly misunderstood. With one word, “sensitive” being in the name tends to leave these people with negative views from others. This does not mean you are made from glass and will break easily or cry at a pin drop. It does indicate you process more information regarding the world than those around you.

Highly sensitive people can be described as the following:

*Process information and notice connections that other people do not.

*Become overwhelmed or overstimulated because the brain processes so much input.

*Like empaths, they pick up on emotional signs and feel empathy for others deeply.

*Conscious of the smaller things that others overlook.

Highly Sensitive people have different emotional elements involved. Similar to an empath, they feel the emotions of others and tend to be sensitive to more than emotions only, but are sensitive to all sensory inputs. They may become overwhelmed in situations where it seems to be noisy, crowded, or too fast-paced no matter what type of emotions they are dealing with.

Thank you for visiting my site today! I hope you are having a great week and you enjoyed the information in this post. I am looking forward to reading your comments on this post and will respond as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Fight off Pandemic Fatigue

For almost two years, we have been forced to face a deadly pandemic. This was something no one could have imagined happening, but it did. This situation has plagued every inch of the world and left no area untouched. While the pandemic caused a great deal of uncertainly, sadness, loss, stress, learning ways to adapt to our new “normal”, and feelings of isolation.

The pandemic lift has allowed many to work from home, which is a benefit. Others might be learning how to stay on task working from home while helping their children with remote learning. The pandemic has brought on good changes but has also shown the true colors of so many. This part has not been pretty but has been a rude awakening.

Since the pandemic started most have experienced a type of fatigue we did not know existed. Through the rest of this post, I am going to explain three types of fatigue and a few ways we can counteract fatigue.

TYPES OF PANDEMIC FATIGUE:

1. Decision Fatigue- No one ever had to think about if it was safe to go out to dinner at their favorite restaurant before the pandemic. Unfortunately, now we must think about this as it is a life-or-death situation because it can be. We need to decide if it is safe to sit inside or safer to sit outside or if it is at all safe. Constantly worrying that the decisions we make will be wrong and cause illness or worst-case scenario death. The sad truth is our everyday choices are weighing on us and wearing us out.

2. Physical Fatigue- The many challenges we have encountered with the pandemic may be affecting our physical health in various ways. First off, the stress we are feeling could be causing falling asleep difficult or keeping us up at night. It is possible to feel overly stressed and our typical healthy coping mechanisms are not helping reduce the stress. This may force people to turn to less healthy coping mechanisms, such as overeating, alcohol, or other substances that we think make us feel better.

3. Compassion Fatigue- Our first responders and medical professionals are on the front line and witness the awful issues with the pandemic every day. These people are seeing people struggle and take their last breath daily. Some of these people are saying their goodbyes to loved ones on a computer screen, which can be heartbreaking. However, you do not need to be someone on the front line to experience this circumstance. We all see these cases on the news, and it can tug on the heartstrings because knowing someone lost someone, they love is extremely sad.

Even though it may feel impossible to not feel the threats of pandemic fatigue, there are several ways to find stability thought so much instability. During these challenging times it is crucial to take care of your body and soul, and even find some forms of optimism.

1. Ensure your basic needs are being met: Combating pandemic fatigue requires maintaining proper nutrition, sleep habits, good hygiene, and mild exercise. Of course, this does not mean you need to dive into a new healthy habit immediately. What this can mean is going to bed five or so minutes earlier, taking a short walk at lunch, or simply doing light stretching during the day.

2. Discover mindfulness exercise that works: Mindfulness exercises can be a useful tool in overcoming pandemic fatigue. This can be practiced in many ways and what works for some people, might not help another in the same way. It might be beneficial to write down some mindfulness exercises you would like to try until you find the perfect one for you! A few ideas are Five-minute guided meditation, mindful pause, or reciting your favorite song. Experiment with different techniques and you will find the right one but be sure to stick with the one that works the best.

3. Enjoy Stability when you can: Review your daily routine and determine what is not negotiable and must be done. Understand what needs to be done no matter what happens and what does not and eliminate what is not important. The must be done could be going to bed at the same time every night, eating meals at a certain time, or exercising the same routine at the same time on specific days. Do not forget to make some of the “important/must do” things that bring you a sense of joy.

4. Set boundaries with social media and the news: I am sure I am not the only one that followed new COVID cases and deaths during the beginning of the pandemic. Even now as the cases of COVID are decreasing, I still tend to look up the latest information about new cases and vaccinations. This can be very exhausting and frustrating, so setting boundaries is one of the healthiest things to do. Both the news and social media are full of negativity and can cause even more pandemic fatigue.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I had taken a break from writing about anything to do with the pandemic, but I thought this information could be useful to some of you. I would love to know what you think and if you have anything else to add. I hope your week went well and you are looking forward to the weekend. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Boundaries and how to set them

Do you ever feel trapped within other people’s problems because they constantly lean on you for either advice or help? Do your friends and even family know you will always lend an ear to whatever they are going through, even when it is self-inflicted? How many times has what whoever comes to you with their latest problem or problems did it make you feel an incredible amount of emotional pain that was almost suffocating?

The truth is I have never been able to turn my back on anything that was in distress and needed someone to talk to. It is not in my nature to tell someone I can or do not have time to listen and attempt to help them. Is it even possible to avoid becoming emotionally involved when an individual you care about is struggling? Even though we do always want to be compassionate, empathetic, supportive, solicitous, and caring, there can come a time when we need to consider our own well-being over another’s.

I am sure that everyone has heard about the importance of developing personal boundaries and has probably implemented them by now. Even though I am very aware of the fact I need to set boundaries, but I have yet to execute any what-so-ever. I guess the reason I decided to write about boundaries is that I need and want to learn how to set boundaries before losing too much too myself and feeling resentful way too frequently.

We all have our limits to what we are willing and able to cope with, after all, we are only human and unfortunately do not have magical powers. How many times throughout your life have your friends, co-workers, or family pushed far beyond the limits you are willing to deal with? I can say without hesitation that I don’t think I can count the number of times using both my fingers and toes. Once you have been unsuccessful in separating yourself from what others are going through as much as I have, you are going to want to find change. Often the changes we desire to make are not easy and can be outright frustrating, but with enough perseverance anything is possible!

I have heard many people talk about how crucial it is to have boundaries in all of our relationships. With that said, how would you define boundaries? It is my understanding that boundaries are the limits we put in place with other people. These boundaries specify what we find to be both acceptable and unacceptable in the way others behave towards us.

Our capability of knowing our boundaries typically comes from our sense of self-worth or evaluating one’s self in ways that are NOT dependent on anyone else or the feelings others may have towards another. Self-worth is about discovering the natural value of who we are, which helps our awareness of the following:

1. Intellectual Worth which means just like you are entitled to your thoughts and opinions, everyone else is as well.

2. Emotional Worth means you are entitled to your feelings towards any situation, everyone else should be given the same respect.

3. Physical Worth refers to no matter how broad the space is you are entitled to your personal space as do others.

4. Social Worth means just as you are entitled to your friends and the ability to pursue your social activities, so do others.

5. Spiritual Worth means just as you are entitled to your spiritual beliefs, so is everyone else.

To set boundaries it is important to fully understand that four different types which can be defined as the following:

Physical Boundaries are the easiest to define because they are external and seen.

These boundaries can be described as your office, your desk, your computer that is password-protected, and your money in your bank account, your car that is locked, and your body.

Over the years as I got older the one boundary I never had an issue with is my physical boundary. I do not like for people to come too close to me or put their hands on me. Concerning my personal boundaries, before social distancing, I do not want anyone invading the space between me and the length of my arms.

Mental Boundaries are regarding to our personal thoughts.

It is impossible for two people to always agree on everything all of the time. Each individual is entitled to their thoughts, opinions, values, and beliefs. We all want our mental boundaries respected, so we must reciprocate the same respect to others.

I can say that when I am having a conversation with someone that has opposing views than I have, I am stubborn enough to know I will not change my thought process. When discussing something I am extremely passionate about and believe strongly in, I will simply explain my reasoning to the other person and understand everyone is free to have their own beliefs and I will not try changing the other person.

Emotional Boundaries are what gives us the freedom to feel how we feel.

Setting healthy emotional boundaries has two distinct and beneficial purposes. They help prevent us from inflicting others with our emotion and unloading continuously on anyone that will listen, which later we will probably regret doing. Emotional boundaries assist us in managing our emotions in appropriate and healthy ways.

The other aspect of emotional boundaries is they prevent us from taking on and carrying other’s emotions that constantly share. The emotional boundaries we put in place are meant to disconnect our emotions from another person’s emotions, which is where I consistently fail. If someone close to me is struggling and distressed, I want more than anything to be able to help them with love, empathy, and advice. It is painfully difficult accepting that I can’t help or force them to do things I think are mortally right, they are the only person that can help themselves through their problems.

Spiritual Boundaries are protecting our beliefs and regarding to our sense of spirituality.

We are all entitled to believe in what we feel and we should never dismiss what anyone else believes, as no one else should dismiss ours.

Our personal boundaries come in three distinct categories which are defined as:

1. Healthy Boundaries meaning not only does a person value their opinion, but also do not compromise their values for anyone else. They are also welcoming and accepting when others say “NO” to them.

2. Rigid Boundaries are when a person avoids both intimate and has very few close relationships. Typically never asks for any help and often seems to be detached. Those with rigid boundaries distance themselves from others to avoid rejection.

3. Porous Boundaries are when individuals share too much personal information. Not only do those with this form of boundaries have a hard time saying “NO” to other’s requests, but they also become overly consumed with the problems other people are going through. These individuals tolerate abuse and or being disrespected.

If you already have established boundaries in your relationships, that is great and I applaud you for that. On the other hand, if you are like me and want to set boundaries in place for your well-being, I am glad that I am not alone and we can tackle this together. I have found various ways to implement boundaries, but I figure it is best to start easy. I am going to share the four simple steps for straight-forward boundaries.

1. Understand and recognize your limits-

Clearly describe your intellectual, emotional, physical, and spiritual boundaries with all your relationships first. Take the time to scrutinize previous experiences when you felt unsettled, irritated, bitter, resentful, and or disappointed. It is reasonable the reason we felt this way was a result of your limits being violated.

2. Be assertive-

Taking time to create and explain your boundaries is a step in the right direction, but maintaining follow-through is also critical. When someone invades our boundaries the only they are going to know is if we are direct and assertive with that them.

3. Practice makes perfect-

Being assertive may not come naturally to you because you are worried people will view you as mean and or rude. When we confirm what our boundaries are it shows that you value yourself, your needs, and your feelings more than what others think. It does not indicate you are being rude or even mean when you are assertive; it actually means you are being honest and fair with the other person.

4. If all else fails, delete, ignore, and move on-

Of course, we need to voice what our boundaries are first and then follow an action plan. You do need to tie up any loose ends and given family, friends, co-workers, and whoever else about the cease to any promises previously made, and you no longer owe them anything more. Once you asserted yourself and made things crystal clear, if they choose to violate your boundaries, it is perfectly acceptable to simply ignore them.

Thank you for taking the time to visit my site today. I hope the information provided was beneficial for you. Life is short and being constantly consumed with everyone else’s problems can be draining. I am hoping that developing boundaries, I will be less stressed and frustrated with the problems I hear about. I would love it if you have any other advice for anyone that wants to develop boundaries, you will share your knowledge! I hope your weekend is going well and you are staying very safe. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, and many positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa