Bad night turns to a bad day!

stressOverwhelming stress will only cause literally nothing but a terrible amount of pain! For reasons I can completely acknowledge, I was in so much pain last night and could not turn my brain off long enough to get any sleep. I would just lay in bed worrying about every little thing in life and then look over at the clock and just think, “Well if I fall asleep now, I will get 4 hours asleep”. Then an hour later still be awake and see the time and once again think to myself, “ If I could just fall asleep now, I will get 3 hours of sleep.” This went on all night and in turn I was not able to go to work today. Truthfully I am really disappointed in myself because I had been doing so well this week working six and a half hours, so to turn around and miss an entire day is just discouraging! I did think about just trying to push myself to go into work on ZERO hours of sleep, but I also knew that would not do my health any good and getting that run down would cause my health to deteriorate even more.

I can not say and be 100% sure if my increased amount of pain is due to the crazy stress 1weather or to the unrelenting stress life continues to throw at me! I never was good at dodge ball, so the stress just keeps hitting me hard! I often wonder if I am causing the stress I feel to take control of my life and I am actually the one that is responsible for making it worse. I know that allowing stress to bombard my thoughts is NOT any good for my friend “MS”, but I also do not seem to have the strength to avoid it and let it just roll of my back. It never fails, instead of when I am faced with anything I know will be stressful, I am not able to just fight to find something a little more peaceful to focus on, but I focus completely on what is causing my stressful thoughts! I can give advice all day long to others on how to handle stressful times, but I NEVER take my own advice!

Now that I am home for the day to allow my terribly achy and fatigued body to rest, all I can do is be hard on myself for breaking the success I did make by working more hours Monday-Thursday! How is it possible that I had such a successful week and now I am in so much pain it hurts to move? Did I push myself too hard in the beginning of the week by trying my hardest to work more hours because of how busy it is right now? I do not feel like I i will breatham capable of not being hard on myself because just last year I was working many more hours and I was fine! Why since October am I not able to do more like I use to be able to? Is it possible that I am now just allowing the MS to win the battle and control my life? That is not me and is just not the way I ever planned for my life to be. I had always planned to control this illness as much as I could, but seem to be failing miserably at that lately! I guess the truth is control is really just an illusion and what is going to happen, it just going to happen! We are not able to control things that are really uncontrollable, in all reality we are only able to control how we handle the difficult times in life.

In all honesty, the only thing I can do right now is rest in order to get better before the new week starts again. I will not give up on the progress I was making earlier this week, I will try again next week and just hope for a better outcome! I really need to learn how to handle my stress levels A LOT better than I have been because really all I am doing by allowing the stress to consume me is destroying my own body and my health! I can dont-lose-hope-everything-happens-for-a-reason-you-never-6877637promise myself all day long that I will make the necessary changes, but I do not know how to. Writing is definitely a great way for me to get my thoughts out which does help some, but I need to find even more ways to cut the stress out completely and for good! Do y’all have any suggestions on how to do this?

I hope y’all had a pleasant Friday the 13th and I hope you are looking forward to your weekend! I do really appreciate you stopping by my site today and look forward to reading your fantastic comments, which I promise I will respond to as quickly as  I possibly can! Please remember that no matter what I may be dealing with in life, I am always sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

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What do you do when…..

power-outage-generic-320Good afternoon y’all! I really hope your day is going much better than mine has. I already have to get up pretty early for work, but being woken at 3:00 am due to a power outage is a terrible way to wake up. It kind of sets how the day is going to go for you! Waiting patiently for the power to come back on so I could get ready to work was frustrating to say the least. I could not fall back asleep for a few reasons, it was a little hot without the air conditioner and sheer panic in thinking how I would wake up if I fall asleep without an alarm and get ready for my day. Thankfully the power company did work fairly fast and the power was restored by 6:45 am, but I am typically at work at 7:00 am. I guess you can say I was able to partially throw myself together and I was at work at 8:00 am. Even though my manager was fully aware of the situation, my day felt off due to being an hour behind my normal schedule. Thankfully it is over now and hopefully tomorrow will start off much better! 

Of course to add to my frustrations from the power outage this morning, I can not seem to get any responses from my doctor’s office. I am waiting for them to send the MRI order tofrustration the company that might approve for me to get assistance with the co-pay for the extremely expensive MRI. The nurse, that is normally helpful, sent me the paperwork I needed to fill out and then send to the company MSAA, but apparently failed to send me the MRI order that the company requires. After several phone calls and emails they still have not sent this in or responded to me! The doctor is the one that wanted me to get the MRI, but I guess it was not all that important to her after-all! Maybe I am wrong, but I am taking this to mean my health is NOT all that important to her and neither is the MRI she was forcing on me. Through the fatigue and frustration, I emailed the AVP of the practice and SURPRISE still NO response!!!! I mean who else do you go to when even the AVP does not respond?

Maybe this is my fault because I expected this new doctor to care and treat patients the way my previous doctor from this same office did. Nothing has been the same in this Expectation-withoutpractice since my first doctor retired. My first MS Specialist was caring , compassionate and knew how to communicate, but I guess this is a new day in age and doctors like him are scarce. Communication between doctors, nurses and the patient is vital to good health care, but apparently they see things differently. Every time I see this doctor I go into her office prepared with all my questions written out, just so I do not forget anything and considering I know when I leave the office I will never get a response to my questions. I am not sure what happened to doctors that actually care about their patients, I think they are extinct like the dinosaurs! It is really sad that we pay all this money for a few moments of the doctor’s time, but sometimes feel like we are a nuisance to them? Or maybe that is just me.

Thank y’all for visiting my site today and reading my small rant! I really hope you had a lovely day without any of the frustrations I have experienced today. Your comments are always encouraged and very much appreciated! I hope y’all have a great evening doing what makes you happy! As always I am sending y’all LOTS of ❤love and comfort!

My signature heart❤Always, Alyssa❤

Just Another Day

just-another-day.jpgGood afternoon y’all! For me today is just another day of resting trying to get past this incredible amount of pain I have been dealing with for WAY too long! This obnoxious pain is mixed with that burning sensation that will not cool down, tingling throughout my entire body, numbness which sounds like it would be better than pain, but it really isn’t it is almost worse and a headache that seems never-ending! The nurse practitioner I normally deal with is off today and the doctor that I do my best to avoid is in clinic today, which makes her pretty much unavailable. The only thing the nurse I spoke with was able to say is rest and staying hydrated is important until I can get the MRI, which I was still waiting to hear back from the assistance program. I did just email the Multiple Sclerosis Society of America, which is the company that will either approve or deny assistance for me to get MRI assistance. Now the response I got back from my email was quite upsetting, which is something I really did not need today. They stated the doctor did not provide an order for the MRI, which made no sense to me considering I did send them everything I was instructed to by the doctor’s office, imagine that another miscommunication from them! To hopefully make things actually work out for me, I emailed the nurse requesting the MRI order. Honestly the nurse has been the ONLY person at this office that has been at all helpful to me.  Maybe I will get that back from them sometime this week!!

It is a little frustrating when you are doing everything you possibly can to get well, but itbutterfly-3054736_960_720 just isn’t working the way it should be! I am resting, staying hydrated and taking all the medications the doctor has prescribed, but there is still NO relief yet! My guess is the stress this issue is causing me is not helping me get better, but it is in fact making things so much worse! Isn’t it crazy when we know what is causing our problems to become worse, but yet we still change absolutely nothing with our thought process? Obviously I know exactly what is making all my pain more intense, but I am still getting myself worked up and upset about it anyways!

I think to help get my mind off of my many pain issues; I am going to work more on my bullet journal I am trying to put together. I do not want to start it at the end of the month because I do not think that makes sense, so I am planning this for July! My plan so far is to have a few trackers that will include: symptoms and food I eat in a day (this will be to peace 1see what foods could be causing more issues for me). I want to also include a Hopes & Dreams page, Positive thinking page to really keep my mind in a happy place and a Gratitude page. I might include a page of books that I want to read considering sometimes I think of a book I want to read, but then forget the title! Then lastly I want to include a page of ideas for my blog because I come up with random ideas, but then forget what I wanted to write about when I try to start! I guess I can contribute my forgetful mind to brain fog from the MS.

I really appreciate y’all visiting my site today! Your comments are always appreciate and encouraged because I do love hearing from y’all! I am doing my best to respond as quickly as I can, but with the way I am feeling there is a chance I might be a little delayed, but I will respond!! I hope y’all are having a good day and feeling well! As always no matter how I am feeling or what I am dealing with I am sending y’all LOTS of ❤love and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Fight the pain tears!

RTFRDRR_zpsstqz8fkyGood morning y’all! I hope you had a wonderful week and I really hope you have a fabulous weekend! This week was literally the first week in a while I was able to push myself through working the entire week. Despite the unrelenting pain I was feeling, I managed to work all five days for six very painful hours! Who would have ever thought that 30 hours in one week would be so difficult? I mean I used to work over 40 hours and not really struggle that much, it was just what had to be done.

There were days during this week that I did not think I would be able to continue in the day because my pain level was a 13 on the 10 scale, but I had something to prove to myself. I had to prove to no one but myself that I was still strong enough to handle a work day.  There were days that I would be almost in tears on the drive home, but that did not help the pain subside at all. Self pity has painnever really been for me, so I fought the tears vigorously trying to never allow even one tear to fall! I am not saying that tears are a sign of weakness, but I am way too stubborn to allow something like pain to keep me down for too long!

I get so tired of people saying things like, “Why do you not go on disability?” or “If this is too hard for you, go home.” or  “Why do you not just work part-time?” or just the pity stares because they are just making some unnecessary judgment call. It is so true that the only one person truly knows how you feel and that is you. No one can understand how I really feel because they do not have to walk in my shoes. So many speculate, but until they walk in my shoes for one day they have no idea what I am fighting. There are times that words do not do any justice to what I am dealing with, so I find peace in silence.

Thankfully the weekend is here and I have the opportunity to just rest my poor brokenpain makes you stronger body and allow it to do much-needed healing. The only things I plan to do this weekend is rest, write, read and I have a new project that I am so excited to work on which is a bullet journal! I was absent from making a post for a few days because I was just trying to manage my pain. After working 6 hours in a day my back, shoulder to my finger tips and legs were in so much pain I would not have been able to write the way I wanted to. When I create a post I want to be able to write with strength and from my heart which I am not able to do when I hurt too much.

Now my fun project I will be working on, the bullet journal was inspired by a fellow blogger Hannah https://hannahelizasite.wordpress.com/, who has created some fantasticcreativity bullet journals. If you have not already viewed Hannah’s site, you definitely should because she is so incredibly amazing!!! Hannah has been very helpful to me with creating my own bullet journal by giving me advice and answering questions I had! I think this is going to be a creative and fun way to keep track of my illness! Maybe a little creativity will help ease the pain I am feeling and also allow me to find ways to see common trends and maybe correct them!

I appreciate y’all stopping by my site today and do look forward to any comments you may have. I hope you have an amazing and relaxing weekend! As always no matter what I am going through, I am sending you LOTS of love ❤and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

News from FMLA

1052674_good-evening-sunday-images-wallpapers-of-2015_1024x768_hGood evening y’all! I hope you had a great day and are feeling well. This will be a short post just to give you an update! I had shared with y’all on Friday about my FMLA drama, well I actually have some good news. I did of course have to make a few phone calls, but the end result was positive. Both parts of my FMLA request have been approved and will be good through the end of the year and part of January 2019!! So now if I have any relapses, I am covered by law and I was also approved to have my reduced hours, which of course I had already been doing since November of last year. Even though my nerves were completely shot late Friday afternoon, I guess I knew that things would work out the way they were supposed to. 

After that ordeal with FMLA was all taken care of I have moved onto another issue, dealing with the MRI assistance paperwork. I have completed the necessary paperwork and even typed up a letter addressing any financial questions they will probably have. I will get this paperwork emailed to the company tomorrow morning and then just hope for the best. I am going to look at this with an optimistic mind and believe that things will fall into place because I also know the MRI is needed. After the request is sent I willhope know I have done all I could do and hope they will approve my request for assistance. MRI’s  even with insurance in the United States are insanely expensive. I still wonder why in the world I pay so much for my medical insurance just to have to turn around any pay tons of money for doctor’s appointments and required procedures, it just really does not seem right to me! Maybe someday the US will follow suit with the other developed countries and offer “free” health insurance. I kind of think it would be insane to hold my breath because things have been this way for many years without anyone stepping in to make GOOD changes! 

Thank you so much for visiting my site this evening! I always appreciate you taking the time to read and love reading your comments. I hope y’all have a lovely and relaxing evening. Just think we are almost half way through the week! Remember I am always sending you LOTS❤ of love and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

My Friday FMLA Drama!!

fmlaLate in the day yesterday, I received an email from the company that handles my FMLA. To say the very least this email caught me off guard and took my anxiety to levels I did not know existed. In this email I notified that I had been “approved” for medical leave, basically when I have a relapse the days that I need off are within the guidelines. That part was a relief, but the part adjusting my hours at work to working six hours five days a week was “DENIED”. There were NO explanations as to why my adjusted hours that was authorized by my specialist was denied. I have been working this adjusted schedule, probably since November last year when I returned to work after my relapse. It was my manager, who is also the AVP that suggested this and approved it, so I just went with it!

The company that is dealing with FMLA is relatively new to my company and even though they should be aware of the policies, I am sure the company I work for does not have clue about the new policies that need to be implemented. Amidst my overwhelming anxiety I responded to the email immediately, but of course had no patience to wait for a response, so I called the company a few minutes after I sent the email! I was so thankful and a little surprised the woman I spoke to was understanding and very compete to help me. You all know customer service has been on a rapid decline especially with medical issues. She explained to me why my adjusted hours request was “denied” and what needs to fmla rejectedhappen next. First, the reason for the denial is a bit crazy, but it was due to an untimely manner of reporting the adjustment. This was really not my fault as I followed the instructions given to me from the HR department, which was probably my first mistake! I had been working these adjusted hours for a long time without any issues and now the new FMLA company wants to add specific procedures my manager was not aware of and neither was I! She told me she understood why I was so upset, but then also gave me steps to have the denial overturned. All I need to do is have my manager email or call the company explaining the reasons for my untimely manner of reporting this and it should be “approved”. Thankfully my manager is very understanding and I am sure he will be happy to email the company to have my denial overturned. We will see what happens next week when I explain this to my manager. I am sure there is going to be more phone calls from me to the FMLA company as it is apparent not many people care about what my rights are! Is it just me or do you agree that I should not have to jump through SO many hoops to have FMLA? It’s not like I asked for this illness! I already had to deal with my doctor several times so she would sign the paperwork and now they expect more from me! It seems SO wrong to add so much stress to my life!!

This not so pleasant Friday drama added to my pain level immensely!!!! I have honestly been having a lot of issues with my right side for a few weeks now. My right arm, from the shoulder to my fingertips has been in SO my pain. Although there is much more than the pain situation, but some burning and tingling as well. This has happened before so I am a little concerned there may be new lesions or lesions that were already present are acting up! I am going to have another MRI soon, but I am in the process of completing paperwork to FMLA family medical leave act ,FMLAhave MRI co-pay assistance, that in all these years I did not know existed. How is it possible that I have been living with MS for almost 18 years and I am just now hearing they do have co-pay assistance for MRI’s? I am not going to complain about this but I do feel someone should have shared this with me YEARS ago! The co-pay for MRI’s is about $600 and I have had SO MANY over the years, which gets so darn expensive$$$! With all that I have recently learned about co-pay assistance for MRI’s, I am going to urge y’all to check this out as well. I know everyone that has MS must get MRI’s at specific times, so maybe this would save you some money$$ if you could get co-pay assistance or you may have better insurance, especially if you do not live in the states!!! Insurance here in the states is really not what it should be and is probably going to get even worse in the near future! We already have to pay so much for the insurance, just to find out we have to pay ridiculous co-pays as well! I mean seriously, why pay a ton of money for insurance that does not help the way it should! I do feel that we should have free health care, but apparently those in charge disagree, y’all already know who that is! We are the only developed country in the world that does not offer free health care, which is really a shame! 

I hope y’all are having a great Saturday! The weather where I live is sunny and HOT, which I am pretty sure is going to be the case until October at the earliest! I really appreciate you visiting my site today and look forward to reading your comments. I promise to respond to all comments as soon as I possibly can! As always, I am sending y’all LOTS of ❤love and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Behind the scenes of life with Multiple Sclerosis!

My-life-with-Multiple-SclerosisGood morning Y’all🌼! I hope you have an amazing day!! I wanted to take a moment to share what life is like living each day with Multiple Sclerosis. It obviously is not all sunshine🌟 and rainbows🌈, there is so much more to it!

I have lived with Multiple Sclerosis for almost 18 very long years and this illness is still a mystery to me! I mean for some the cold makes them feel much better, whereas for others it makes them feel absolutely horrible. Some feel a little better with warmer temperatures and others it takes away all their energy and makes them feel terrible. ribbonThere is no right or wrong, it is all based on each individual person!

My doctor always told me that the heat is the worst thing for me and that might be true in a sense, but the heat does not bother me near as much as extreme humidity!!! Of multiple-sclerosis-quotes-3course the heat causes me a lot more fatigue, but it does not cause the increase pain that cold weather does. I actually swear by my friendly heating pad because it decreases my pain immensely! I might live in the city, but I am a beach girl at heart🏖! I love the beautiful and relaxing sounds of the ocean waves. I think it is the only time that I am not full of stress and anxiety.

The cold weather on the other hand causes me nothing but extreme pain because I get so tense from being cold. Of course with cold weather you can put enough layers of clothing on to stay warm, but the chill that lingers in the air can be miserable. I did find an thermacareamazing solution for dealing with the frigged temperatures. They sell a heating pad that is mobile and no batteries needed. This fabulous product is called Thermacare Heat Wrap.

Living with Multiple Sclerosis comes along with a lot of decisions that need to be made and sometimes they need to be made immediately, which I am not all that great at. There are tons of diseases modifying medications available now and finding the right one can be quite challenging. Of course when I was first diagnosed there was a limited amount of choices, so I put ALL of my trust into my doctor. We soon found out that I am not one that can give myself shots. The funny thing is I do not have any fears of needles; it was the only choice we havemedication I was injecting myself with that I could not handle. The medication would cause me to feel like I had the flu and burned like fire going in. I did try everything possible to stay on the injection based medications, but I failed and just stopped without telling my doctor at first! After a few months, I did finally confess to my doctor and we had to figure out what I would be comfortable with and could tolerate. After several failed attempts, I did finally find the medication that worked best for my body chemistry. My goodness my doctor was a very kind a patient man❤, it really is too bad he had to retire! I do not think I will EVER find another doctor I will connect to as much as I did him.

Of course there are always more decisions that need to made because MS is a constant changing illness. Even after deciding on the disease modifying medication there seems to always be more medications that doctors think should be taken. I do believe that living with MS you have to be willing and able to alter your life when necessary. To me it does seem that the conditions with MS can change at any moment and without any kind of warning.

positive over negativeOver my years with MS, I have experienced vision loss (which I did gain back), intense legs pains, muscle spasms throughout my entire body, fierce back pain, persistent headaches and some memory loss at random times, which is a little unsettling. But through it all, I have never truly given up. Of course I have had some massive frustration issues, but I will NOT let this illness to defeat the strong person I know I am. I am very determined to remain as strong as I possibly can, but I also want to help others hold onto their optimism. Y’all know that I am  a very strong believer in the fact that positive thoughts will bring positive results. I honestly believe that it takes a lot more energy to be negative than to just be as positive as you can!

Thank y’all for visiting my site today❤. I hope y’all enjoyed my thoughts on my life with MS so far and of course I will appreciate any comments you have. I do promise to respond to all comments just as soon as I possibly can. I hope y’all have a wonderful Wednesday! Thankfully we are half way through the week and the weekend is coming up soon. Please remember that I am always sending y’all LOTS of ❤love and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

 

 

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