Things I never wanted to know!

images (12)Sadly, struggles with healthcare in the United States are not only terrifying but also incredibly real. I am not trying to be negative but healthcare in the United States is a massive joke that is NOT at all funny! Recently I found out just how much insurance was going to cost me through my company and it is outrageous. This has caused my husband and I to start looking into buying our own insurance. This also raised my curiosity into what is really going on with health care within the country I am living in.

In 2018, the costs of health care in the United States skyrocketed drastically!  In an familynursing2018-1468analysis from the US Federal government, it was found that Americans would spend $3.65 trillion for health care. With this appalling amount for health care, it represents each person would spend $11,212. Breaking it down even further, 59% of the spending is going to hospitals, doctor’s appointments and clinical services. Even prescription costs have increased 3.3% over the years.  In my personal opinion, this is ridiculous and only shows sheer greed. According to data from the Organization for Economic Co-Operation and Development, spending on health care in the United States is by far the higher that any other developed country.

The GDP (Gross Domestic Products) in the United States is larger than countries like health costBrazil, the UK, Mexico, Spain, and Canada. Reports from the Journal Health Affairs have estimated an average annual growth rate of 5.5% just from 2018 to 2027. Now if things continue as they have been, health care will be 19.4% of the country’s entire GDP! Unfortunately, according to the Federal Reserve Bank of Atlanta, wage growth remains below 4% and yet insurance prices will only increase! This is wrong on so many levels and yet there is no one trying to fix this issue! Actually, there are a few people fighting hard to correct the madness and they are Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren in the senate and a several other progressives in the house. 

Even Private Health Insurance is only going up in price! Spending per person rose 4.5% between 2017 and 2018, even though the individual was already in the exact same insurance policy.

To say this is ludicrous is a HUGE understatement! Health insurance should not be a CR-Money-Inlinehero-short-term-health-care-expense-0918privilege, but it should be a right! It is despicable the way this is being handled among pharmaceutical companies and our own government. There are so many people graphoid080818including myself that need insurance or we will never be able to afford the medications that the doctor prescribes for valid reasons. Many of the medications we get at the pharmacy are required so our illness does not progress at a rapid rate.

I think it is obvious I think it is a disgrace that all the pharmaceutical and insurance companies care about it how much money they can make and not about the well-being of others. What ever happened to humanity or did it ever really exist? Once upon a time, the United States was at the top for education and health care and now it is only at 27th in the entire world. It is pathetic that doctors do not care as much as they did years ago for their patients, but download (3)now it is all about their paycheck! They get patient after patient, rush them without listening to anything their patient is saying, which is terrible!  I am pretty sure that doctors completely forgot what the Hippocratic Oath says and might need a refresher!

I apologize that this post may have seemed negative, but I am very frustrated with how awful health care is in the country I live in. I am not sure if I was just extremely naive before best-health-insurance-in-usa-1and things have always been the way they are now or if something just went very wrong in the thinking of Americans! I guess I may never know.

Thank you so much for visiting my site today. I hope your weekend has been great and you are enjoying every moment of it. Even though this was kind of a rant of my feelings, I would love to read your thoughts on this topic. I promise to respond as quickly as I can! Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤, comfort and many positive vibes!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

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Accepting realities!

acceptanceSomething that I have had a really hard time admitting and accepting is that Multiple Sclerosis is a disability. Whenever I have applied for a job, there is always that annoying question “Do have or have you had a disability.” I mean what kind of BS question is that to ask someone? Of course I want to say “NO”, but Multiple Sclerosis is listed as a disability on the darn application and I can’t falsify anything on an application because that could result in me being disqualified for a position I applied for and want. I think this is so invasive and completely ridiculous, but I guess it is what it is in life!

For some strange reason the words disabled and disability shatter my heart into aimages million pieces and cause me to feel like a useless failure . I do realize how irrational this may sound, but that is how I have been feeling. It made me incredibly sad when I had a difficult time walking through a store last weekend because my legs and feet were experiencing SO much pain and weakness. All
hashtag person not disabilityI wanted to do was cry, but I couldn’t because I view that as letting this illness win the never-ending battle we have been in for years and that will NEVER be an option for me!!

I know I already shared with y’all that I figured out I am gluten-intolerant without the expensive tests a doctor would want to run. It seems like a punishment to have to deal withlife isn't fair the issues Multiple Sclerosis comes along with and then add gluten-intolerant to the mix seems quite unfair. I know we all deal with random issues and keep on moving forward because we do not have a choice. I am also very aware that many others deal with SO many other struggles that are far worse than what I am, so I am really not complaining. I am going to share more about this gluten-intolerant situation in a later post.

tired.jpgThe truth is, because I am always so exhausted during the week after working 8 hours every day of the week, I often don’t have the energy to write as much as I would like to. I end up with so many random thoughts running around like crazy in my mind; it gets so hard to keep track of them all and have those thoughts come together for a good read and one that I am proud of.

For the past week or so, I have been experiencing an increase in the number of horrible do not confuse bad days as weaknessdizzy/black-out spells. I have had these issues happen before, but never so many in just one day. At least 2 days last week, there were several moments when the room went completely dark and there NO were sounds at all, which under other circumstances would be great. There was one time I was talking with a co-worker at her desk about work and all of sudden I felt weak, light-headed, hot as hell and dizzy. Luckily I was standing very close to the wall, which kept me standing upright. It might have been pretty embarrassing if I all of sudden fell to the floor at this new job.

I am not really sure which of these issues are more images (3)terrifying; dizzy spells, black-out moments or the combination of the two. Of course I would say the combination of dizziness and black-out would the most terrifying because you are dealing two different disturbing issues at the same time. I have dealt with dizzy spells for so many years now, but I have found ways that help me limit the duration of my dizziness, most of the time at least.

Truthfully my experiences with black-out spells aren’t plentiful in comparison to dizziness, but I have enough sense and knowledge to download (6)understand how horribly upsetting they can be. I remember a few years ago there was a period of time when I had a several short black-outs throughout the week, but they weren’t anywhere near as severe as they are now. I am not sure if its stress, lack of sleep, weather changes or something else. The list of possible reasons really could go on and on and on, but I really just wish they were STOP!

Thank you so much for stopping by my site today. I will never pressure you to leave a download (7)comment, but I do encourage your comments if that makes any sense, but I know your thoughts will be amazing. I promise to respond to your comments as quickly as I can! I hope you are feeling well and enjoying your weekend! Sometimes I think the best part of a weekend isn’t getting out and staying busy, but not having any plans at all so there aren’t any time requirements. My days are set in stone during the week with work, which I tend to strongly dislike, but I guess it is just the life of adulthood. I enjoy spending my 2 very short weekend days living in the moment and not doing anything that might cause unnecessary stress. Please remember that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤, comfort and many positive vibes!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Puzzle of Life!

Good afternoon y’all! I hope your weekend is starting off great and only gets better moving forward! Weekends provide much comfort and relaxation, which is often very needed and well deserved. I am still trying to get adjusted to this working full-time thing and still maintaining household duties, my blog and anything else that comes my way. Honestly it isn’t easy, but I also think I can handle it!

Over the past week or so, I have been thinking about how much our lives actually resemble a huge jigsaw puzzle. Sometimes we have a piece that fits together perfectly and other times nothing at all fits the way we expect or want  it to. It really is like when you try putting a large puzzle together, but some of the pieces you have in front of you become difficult to place because of their shape and size. We all face the same situation daily when we are confronted with people with different views and behaviors. We may strongly disagree with others point of views, but we are all entitled to our own views and perspectives. As long as these  thoughts do not cause physical and or emotional harm to another it should be accepted. 

Personally I think I am very capable of getting along with everyone and anyone, as long life-is-like-a-puzzle-stop-trying-to-place-people-where-they-dont-fit-quote-1as they are respectful of me and my beliefs. I have never tried changing another person or their views because that is just wrong to do! I feel that if we were all alike the world would be downright boring and we need diversity! I enjoy being around people who are different from myself and find learning about how they view things pretty fascinating!

All relationships and even jobs can be like putting a challenging puzzle together. When you start a new job, there will be some that51accc1426746b8fa9976fe7436086f5  co-workers you mesh well with and others whom you don’t and that is perfectly okay! You really can’t force the pieces of life together, things just fit when it’s meant to be! I have always believed that everything in life happens for a reason and when it is supposed to. Of course I tend to forget this often and get frustrated because I just want things to work out perfectly. I guess that is the part of me that is controlling, but we all have our faults and we deal with them as needed. 

Other parts of life, like dealing with a chronic illness or other difficulties just adds to thepuzzle-pieces-of-life-2-stock-illustration_csp34374889 puzzle of our life. It can be incredibly frustrating and test our strengths, but at the end of the day we can be proud of what we have accomplished. It is so important to never give up and know all the pieces will fit perfectly eventually.

I did try the new Editor version of WordPress, but did not do all that well with it. I will puzzle-piece-quotekeep trying and I am sure I will understand how it works soon. Have y’all tried it yet and do you have any advice for me?

Thank you for stopping by my site today! I always appreciate your words of wisdom and kindness. I am still working on getting caught up on reading and commenting on your posts and should be caught up before the weekend ends. I hope the rest of you day is amazing and you are feeling the best you can! Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love❤, comfort and many positive vibes!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Outraged!

IMG_0579I can’t believe it’s only Tuesday because it certainly feels we should be much closer to the weekend. It is crazy how fast the short weekends go by and then how LONG the work weeks are. I am thankful I found a job that is close to home and all, but strongly believe 40 hours a week is too much for anyone to dedicate to a job! I think it is even more outrageous that here in the United States we are often forced to wait 90 days before we can even get insurance, not to mention the fact it is INSANELY expensive! I mean, if I were to get insurance for myself and my husband the cost per pay check would be more than a quarter of my paycheck!

I know I have written about this before, but now it is getting painfully more real! The obamacare-pre-existing-conditionsnews I heard, after a long day at work, was so disturbing and caused me so much ANGER, as it would anyone with a heart and any empathy for others! For someone during their campaign they ran to become president, no names being mentioned of course, saying they wouldn’t do anything negative to those of us with pre-existing conditions, to now doing the EXACT OPPOSITE and trying to eliminate protection for pre-existing conditions! I know this person in the white house has some of-nonelderly-adults-with-a-pre-existing-condition-twitter-v1crazy issues with the former president,  but to banish the good things that were done is very wrong. How anyone could still support this person is beyond me because I sure as hell couldn’t and never would! There are millions of people in the United States that will be affected by this and many could even lose their lives if anything happens to their health insurance. 

I try my best to keep my blog encouraging and never talk politics because we are all understandingtheacaentitled to our opinions, but when something can change my own life for the negative, I can’t help but to share my thoughts on the matter! I have been trying to tell myself that no one would ever think about doing something so awful and ruin lives for so many, but it just may happen! Striking down the Affordable Care Act, as has been put on the table, is wrong on so many levels, no matter what your political views are! I wish there was something more I could do to stop anything like this from happening, but I do not even know what that would be! Of course I can write about it, but I don’t know how much that will really change the issues! I do understand there is a chance that nothing being proposed will pass, but what if it does? How can anyone afford the medications they need to live their lives? I know there is absolutely NO way I could ever afford the medications I take to slow the progression of my Multiple benefits-affordable-care-actSclerosis down without insurance. Where would this leave people battling with a chronic illness and does anyone in power really care??

I am sorry for my second rant in a matter of days, but I am hoping we could some how all join together and find a way to help make things better for millions of people! We all deserve WAY better than this and it is shameful we are facing this fear now! I have always heard that there is strength in numbers, so all I can do is hope for better times!

Thank you for visiting my site today and reading this rant! My frustrations are sky-high and the only thing I know to do is write about them! This helps me calm my nerves and ease my stress some! I hope y’all have a pleasant and relaxing evening. I always encourage your comments and I will respond as quickly as I can! Please know that even though I am a little high-strung right now about all this, I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤, comfort and many positive vibes!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

 

Prisoner of my own body

prison bodyIn a previous post I shared with y’all that my recent MRI results showed improvement and there were NO new lesions, which is great news! I felt so incredibly relieved with these wonderful results, but for some reason which I am sure is probably stress related, I still feel an incredible amount of pain and burning in my legs/feet. This pain and burning sensation is constant and unrelenting, which is nothing more than frustrating.

Trying to continue doing all that I want and need to do become trying because it seems like not much really help the issues I continue to struggle with. I feel that my body is trying to hold me as a prisoner from my own illness. Isn’t there normally parole from prison? Unfortunately parole has not been offered to me, so maybe that means I have not stay in painshowed good behavior! I know I do not listen well to my doctor (whom I do my best to avoid to at all costs), but I also continue to ignore the advice from the Nurse Practitioner (NP) that I actually like and respect, considering she worked closely with my first specialist that I just loved! During the MRI results reading with the NP, she encouraged me once again to try things to reduce my stress, considering she seems to believe that is where my pain is stemming from. I am do not agree with her completely on this, but maybe she is right.

Avoiding stress in the world we live in seems completely impossible to me, but maybe and not very likely I am wrong. I mean you are not able to turn the TV on without interruptions from the government, spewing nothing but lies! It is impossible to be out stress everywhereamong people without one them mentioning some lie they heard on the news that they of course believe. Avoiding stressors that I have been aware of for a long time is possible, but then through no fault of my own they seep through and then cause me nothing but frustrating feelings. I have even tried to ignore the stress-factors, but all that does is bottle up hostile feelings which tend to come out in rather terrible and unhealthy ways!

Now considering my MRI results indicated improvement, I am left to wonder if the pain and burning sensation that will not let up is just my life. This is what makes me feel that I am nothing more than a prisoner in my own body. How do you break-free when nothing seems to help? All that seems to be happening is the walls are growing taller and more impossible to escape from.light

Even though the issues I continue to face are frustrating, I will continue searching for the light I know is there somewhere. There must be an end to the pain and burning sensation and in time I am sure I will figure it out. However, by the time I figure out ways to end the pain and burning I am probably going to be very elderly and in an assistant living home, in which they will have to deal with me! I definitely feel bad for those individuals! 

I would like to thank y’all for stopping by my site today. I always appreciate you reading my thoughts for the day and leaving your amazing comments! I hope y’all have had a nice day and I hope you are feeling well. Please remember that I will respond to all comments as quickly as I can, as I really do enjoy the open communication we have. As always I am sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Somewhere between lonely

lonelinessThere are times during our lifetime we may feel extremely lonely because we think that no one really understands what we are fighting against. There might be some situations that we just do not want to talk about anything because it is too painful to relive. Has there ever been a time when you were in a room full of other people, but yet you still felt so lonely? I often wonder if it is normal to feel lonely when I am actually not really alone. It even sounds silly when I read what I just wrote, but it is the way I feel sometimes, especially lately. I think there are times that I get so lost in my own thoughts, which honestly are normally unhealthy stress points, but I do not have a desire to talk at all because it is way too frustrating. In fact during those lost moments, I just want to sit in complete silence as I try to wrap my mind around all the turmoil of life! Whether it was supposed to be or not, life is a challenge that just keeps going without giving us a break to recuperate from what we have already dealt with.

I do believe that sometimes life can become SO overwhelmingly stressful and it feels likeoverwhelmed there is just no way out of those moments. Why is it the great and delightful moments in life go by so incredibly fast, but the difficult times seem to drag on FOREVER!? I remember my wedding day that was almost 7 years ago, it was one of the happiest days of my life and it went by in the blink of an eye. Then the day the doctor told me I had MS, which was 18 years ago seemed to have lasted forever! I can still see and feel myself in the room with my old doctor and listening to him say, “Alyssa, you have Multiple Sclerosis”, but all the words after that are a blur. It seems as though the bad times in our lifetime taint our views on life in general and it just leaves a permanent scar that never truly heals.

Do you ever want to become a recluse, just to escape all the craziness of the world we live in? Living in solitude can become depressing and therefore is not healthy at all! On aristotle1the flip side of that, living in a world that has so much negativity is not healthy either! It is a catch 22 with how to proceed. I have tried to convince myself that one smile can go along way and if everyone could just adopt that concept there would be a lot more happiness surrounding all of us. Even though I might be feeling a little down right now, I do still believe smiles go so much further than anyone realizes.

Of course right now I am drowning in my thoughts about what the MRI results are going to be. Then I have a moment of clarity and know that there is absolutely nothing at all I can do to change what my results will tell me on Thursday. So why in the world am I unable to let these negative thoughts go? I think that is the million dollar question that might never be answered!

Y’all know me by now and know that I pride myself on thinking more on the positive051aa4b37f544a9783141575bb01c1dd61b51b-wm.jpg side of things. This is just a phase of negativity that will clear up as it always does. Things could be worse than they are, but my poor mind has been SO overwhelmed with stress. It honestly feels like I have been engulfed in way too many decisions and changes that need to be made that it is hard to breath sometimes. I try to handle one moment at a time, but then more thoughts pop up in my mind making it go into a tail spin!

Thank you for reading my random thoughts of the day or I guess I should say of my weekend. I am terribly sorry for all the negative thoughts, but I will say writing my feelings out helps so much! Tomorrow is another day and things will hopefully be much brighter. The countdown is on for when I get to hear my MRI results, good or bad I will handle them with grace and dignity. I will not go into the appointment with all my negative thoughts, but I will be calm and ready for anything. I hope y’all enjoy the rest of what is left of the weekend! As always, please remember that no matter what I might be going through, I am always sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Brain MRI Day

good afternoonGood afternoon y’all! I hope your weekend is starting off wonderfully! Last night I was able to have my much-needed and dreaded brain MRI. Even though over my 18 years with Multiple Sclerosis I have had SO many MRI’s, I was still extremely nervous! However, if I am being 100% honest I am WAY more nervous about getting the results next week! The waiting period will be brutal because my mind will go in a million different directions and most of those directions lead to the negative thoughts. I am trying to be logical, which is not always easy for me because I know there is no amount of stress or worrying that will change what these results are going to show and all that worrying will just add stress to my life leading to even more PAIN!  

With all the MRI’s I have had in my 18 years with Multiple Sclerosis, this one was just of the brain. It was not long at all and the two MRI techs were absolutely amazing. One of them was the same tech I have had several times before, so it was not scary at all. It was pretty funny because Radiologythe one I have seen many time previously said to me, “Alyssa, do you have any questions before we get started?” Before I was even able to speak he said, “You know I can not tell you anything because this needs to be read by the Radiologist and I just do not have that type of knowledge. Now you also already know you can go online in a few days and read the full report.” I do tend to always ask at the end of the test if they saw anything like lesions. I hate waiting to see the doctor and I know the techs can see the images and probably have a somewhat educated guess on what they are looking at. My goodness they are so stubborn about sharing any news with me which I kind of think that is just mean, just kidding! He did make one funny remark by saying he was happy to announce that I do still have a brain!

For some reason today I am in so much pain, but I am doing my best to just rest. I do tend to use my Saturday’s as a day of rest and anything I think needs to be done waits until Intraoperative-MRI_Joyce_690x380pxlSunday. More than likely the reason for my pain is due to stressing about the MRI and also the argument I had with my mother on the way to the MRI. Isn’t it funny how when you are stressed about something all it takes is one comment to make the calm barriers fall down hard? The smallest of disagreements can turn into a disaster! I am not proud of this, but I am very strong in my nature and can have a hot temper when provoked. Anything I am really passionate about causes me to protect and defend it to the fullest. I will say things I mean, but it will come out in a very hostile manner. I do also believe that anything that happened yesterday is in the past and can not be changed, so all you can do is move on with life and hopefully be less hostile, but we will see about that!

Thank you for visiting my site today and I hope y’all have a great and restful weekend! IHappy-Weekend.-Do-what-makes-you-smile-and-be-happy will do my best to stay calm and definitely not continue thinking about “what” the results are going to tell me on Thursday. I think the only thing I can do between now and Thursday is keep my mind busy by thinking about only the positives aspects of life! Even though those positives can be hard to find because of all the negative in life are still there! Please remember that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤