Who Am I?

Who am IHave you ever asked yourself this what should be a fairly easy question, “Who am I?” I sometimes am forced to ask myself this question a few times a day, especially when others challenge the person I know I am, by being disrespectful and even a little demeaning. I find that other people can cause a slight change in my views of myself and then I react unkind. For instances, there is a person I work with that seems to enjoy treating others as if they are beneath him, which creates a very hostile work environment, or at least it does for me! I do not need someone to blow smoke up my rear end, but I do demand and deserve to be respected. This negative treatment causes an excessive amount of anger and frustration in me, which then causes my attitude to be so NEGATIVE and this is not me! In your experiences and opinion, what is the best way to handle this extremely disturbing individual?

Underneath everyone is a person that is so much more than what can be viewed from their exterior appearance! Our exterior is just a visual image, but underneath that visual image is an entirely other person with emotions and passions. When I was first diagnosed with MS, I thought that people just viewed me as just my illness and not for underneath-copywho I was on the inside. Even now, almost 18 years later I feel that is all people see me as which could not be further from the truth, but I am learning that is their problem and not mine! Others view me from my outside as a vertically challenged (I am a little short) and petite person which makes people make annoying comments that I do not eat, which I do! The verbal attacks cause frustration to me and therefore make me very uncomfortable, but again I know this is those doing the talking problem not mine!

At 36 years old, I am still learning how to deal with other’s personalities and how to interact with them when it is the complete opposite of my own. When I ask myself, Who am I?, I typically answer it the same way every time! I pride myself on being ❤kind and understanding of everyone. I also have never been and never will be ❤judgmental towards anyone by judging on race, color, religion and or sexual preference. I always butterfly who am Iwant to help others get through hard times by offer support and encouragement to those! I will always be compassionate, loving❤, caring and giving to a fault despite how most around me are not. So, if I ask y’all the same question, “Who are you?” what would your answer be?

I really appreciate you visiting my site today and I really look forward to any comments you may have! I do promise you, I will respond as quickly as I can! I hope you have a wonderful rest of your weekend and I hope you are feeling the best you possibly can! Please never forget that I am always sending you LOTS of ❤love and comfort!

Love 2

❤Always, Alyssa❤

 

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It is okay to not be okay all the time

okayIt has taken me a really long time to realize that it is okay and perfectly normal to admit to not being okay all of the time! We are all just human and we all have times when we do not feel like our normal selves, as I said this is normal and there is not anything wrong with it! For some of us, including myself, it is not easy to admit to ourselves let alone anyone else that we are really not okay, but possibly struggling to keep pushing forward. Pain inflicts so many hardships to our lives and that pain can and does cause much sadness, fatigue, irritation and even bitterness.

As y’all already know, I have been dealing with a lot pain and muscle spasms, which you also know is extremely frustrating! Last week I had planned to increase my work hours, but unfortunately was not able to do this because of the intense pain I was experiencing. Trying to remain positive I thought, “It is okay, I will just try again next week.” Well that would be this week and so far it is not happening again. I did work 6 hours yesterday, but I was not able to go to work today.

dont-give-up-galaxy-hold-on-hope-Favim.com-1428490I will continue to refuse to give up and I also refuse being too hard on myself because at least I am trying! I want to be able to work “normal” hours, but more than that I want all this pain to give me a break even for one day! As crazy as this may sound, I am standing by my decision to not share this information with my specialist. Do I think she could give me any additional information that I do not already know after living with this illness for almost 18 years? My answer to this question is a FIRM NO! I will not struggle 1subject my body to even more steroids than I have already dealt with and I do not want to switch medications again! Prior to June 2017, I was on Gilenya for 6 years and it seemed to have worked well for me. My reasons for changing the medication was because I was dealing with horrible sinus issues and I thought it was due to the Gileyna, but now I see things differently!

With this horrible leg pain, which is also causing much additional back pain, I want to find some leg stretches that may help me even just a little! Do any of you do any leg stretches that you find beneficial and if so what are they? I know many of you know and understand what I am going through and I value your advice and opinions so much more than I can even explain❤!

❤ I hope y’all have had a great day and I appreciate you visiting my site today. I hope your evening is filled with much happiness and relaxation! I am really looking forward to reading your amazing comments! As always I am sending y’all LOTS of ❤love and comfort!

Love 2

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Fading Hope

Hope lostI feel as though I am slowly starting to lose hope that my leg issues are NOT going to come to a much deserved end! I have been dealing the pain and spasms at their worse for well over a week now and I am just really ready for a break! I know that may sound like I am just giving up and letting these issues win, but I am really not, I am just way beyond FRUSTRATED! It seems that in the past when I had these issues they subsided much faster than they are now. All I can think is, I am getting older so my body is going to take a lot longer to heal. I do not know if this is a real thing or not, but it is all I have to go on right now!

Just walking around our house feels like I am running a marathon and our house is not that big! When I am doing laundry, I have to carry the clothes down stairs to where the washing machine is and then carrying the clothes back up the stairs once they are dry to put them away. Logically that might wear anyone out, but right now for me it is tormenting my legs and in turn my back as well! Besides doing my normal things like laundry, grocery shopping, taking care of my sweet cats I am trying to rest, but the spasms and pain are still here with what seems like NO end in sight! I highly doubt my aggravation is helping at all, but I just really can not help it!

Let me also be completely honest with y’all, I have not informed my doctor of these issues because I do not want to hear what she might say! At that point with these issues that will not vanish she may insist even stronger I get an MRI, which will probably shed light on news I do not want to hear! Sometimes being a little ignorant to the truth infertility-card-losing-hope-not-optionhelps me not think about the troubles right in front of me. Considering I have had MS just shy of 18 years, I know in my heart and mind what is happening, but having a doctor that I do not care much for or ever agree with confirm my suspicions is  just not something I am ready for. Call that childish behavior or just being too stubborn for my own good or whatever else this might be, but I do not deal well with the constant disappointment of this illness. I always do my very best to just turn a blind eye to things I wish were not happening and hope they will just go away when they are ready! I think that MS sort of has a mind of its own and will do what it wants whenever it wants to without consulting me ever, which is just a little rude and mean!

I know how crucial it is to never give up hope❤ as it is something that is vital to our lives, but right now it is a little hard for me. I often feel like I have been fighting a battle that losing-hope-quote-1-picture-quote-1does not end and it is not ever easy! I also know how much staying positive can change our lives, but that positive attitude when it comes to all the pain and spasms I deal with is fading relatively  fast. I guess the reality is the pain and spasms are either permanent and I will learn to cope with them or some magical day it will ease up allowing me to feel as “normal” as I can! The real truth is what I am going through right now could be so much worse and other people are dealing with way more than I am so I really do not have much to complain about! This is all just frustration and wanting more than ever to not have this pain anymore because it is effecting my life, daily!

❤Thank you so much for visiting my site today. I am terribly sorry that this post might have been a little more negative than I normally am, but I guess we all have those days and it is okay because things will get better in time! I encourage your amazing comments and I promise to respond just as quickly as I can, your thoughts are so important to me. I hope you had a lovely weekend and I hope your Mother’s Day was very special! Never forget that no matter what I am dealing with, I am always sending you lots of ❤love and comfort!

Love 2

Always, Alyssa