Feelings that have built up

Beware in advance, I want y’all to know this post is the most personal I have written and extremely emotional. It is also rather long, but not as long as at least one another post.

Everyone’s life unfolds in unique and often challenging ways. No matter how things appear on the outside, no one has the “picture perfect” life. Our lives are full of happy times and hard times, which might not be equal. When someone experiences something that is painfully difficult and they somehow overcome those times, others may not know how in the world they overcame such tragic times and they never ask. How many times have we been asked in life if there was anything we would change? I can recall countless times, but my answer will never change. Anything that occurred in life that was hard, I feel that I am strong because of the hardest times in life and therefore would not change anything at all.

How would you respond if I were to ask you, what would you change in your life if you could? Sure, there are probably hard times you might wish you did not encounter. If those hard times never happened, would you still be the person you are today? Maybe you would, but maybe you wouldn’t. I say this because things I went through in life, I don’t know if I would be who I am if those things didn’t happen.

2020 has been a difficult year so far and we do not know when or if things will improve. I want to believe that what the United States has witnessed will open everyone’s eyes to the state of our nation. We have NOT had ANY leadership over the past three and a half years. We have watched what feels like the fall of a country that was supposed to be “strong”, “fair”, and “equal”. The entire world was exposed to COVID-19 and most other countries acted in a way that protected the citizens when the United States acted late which caused hundreds of thousands of people to unnecessary lose their lives. There is no way to know if the government had acted sooner, those lives lost could have been saved, and sadly that is what these individual’s families must live with.

Unfortunately, there are still way too many people that believe the lies the president says and tweets. These are the same people that follow their “leaders” example and fail to wear masks when out in public and seem to not understand what is meant by social distancing. I guess it makes sense because we all saw the president and the crowd on the 4th of July close together possibly spreading the virus to one another and yet somehow magically neither the president nor vice president seems to get the virus. Y’all already know that I am terrified of the virus and I do have a weakened immune system because of the medication I take for Multiple Sclerosis.

I will say that finally, several states have made masks when out in public mandatory. Those that fail to comply with wearing masks will be fined. I hardly leave the house these days but did go to the pharmacy on Friday. They had in huge sign in bold letters saying that all customers entering the store must wear a mask or they will be asked to leave immediately.

It has also been made painfully clear that the United States has enormous problems with racial injustice and police killing unarmed black people. I am not naïve enough or blind to the fact that not all American’s are treated equally and it makes me feel shame for the country.

All my life I have always treated everyone the same and never judged anyone based on anything besides the way they treated others. I appreciate the beauty in the differences others show and find those distinctions fascinating. I think if we were all exactly the same, this world would be rather boring and we would miss out on some incredible opportunities.

We are already more than halfway through 2020. The news has put a lot of focus onto either COVID-19, politics, police brutality or the latest with the Epstein insanity. For starters, the United States knew about COVID-19 on January 20, 2020, but did not act on it until March. That left about a month and a half for the virus to spread throughout the country. How many months did the president say this highly contagious and deadly virus was a hoax or not that serious? The answer is just simply way too many and it should have been taken seriously starting back in January.

I am sure my feelings are pretty clear throughout this entire post. I am ashamed of how the country I was born and raised in has behaved for the past three and a half years and honestly probably many more. It will not come as a shock to anyone, but I am not and never have been a fan of Donald Trump. I think the way he blames everyone else for what has gone wrong in the world, how he disrespects everyone that disagrees with him and the media for doing their job, the revolting names he calls others, the way he refers to other countries “shit holes”, the way he has absolutely has no respect for the country he represents or the people living there, and so much more than just repulsive. This man cares so much about his pole numbers that rapidly dwindling and of course, he is blaming the democrats, when truthfully it is his own fault.

I think y’all know I always try my best to be optimistic and believe that positive thoughts will lead to a positive outcome. I also know how incredibly negative this post might seem, but these feelings have built up for a while now. I want to apologize if anything I have written was offensive to you and hope you know that was never my intent. I am a very sensitive person so hearing about the countless people that are dying daily because of COVID-19 breaks my heart and tend to have me in tears. Of course, I do not know any of the people that lost their lives to this virus, but they meant something to someone else.

I also have never been a political person and found most if not all politicians to be dishonest. Trump and Pence have proven my views of dishonest politicians. It is hard for me to understand how anyone could know about how many people have died because of a virus and how it would not affect them. It will never make sense to me how anyone that represents a country and not care about the people. How they sleep soundly at night is a mystery to me.

Since the news first broke about Jeffrey Epstein in 2005 it has made me sick. I then read a book by one of my favorite authors, James Patterson wrote about Epstein which made my feelings even more intense. After Epstein was arrested I thought that justice had been made for his victims.

Of course, he ended up committing suicide while in prison which could be viewed as a good thing, but it was an easy and selfish way out for him and his victims did not get to testify and feel the closure they may have needed. The latest with the Epstein situation was his long-term confidant and associate a female was arrested. This woman helped find Epstein young girls to become another victim and she also participated. Any woman that is capable of doing this kind of harm to a young and innocent girl is vile and appalling and should feel shame for the ways they ruined the child’s youth.

I do realize this might have not been the most positive thing I have written, but this is how I feel. Again, I am sorry if I have offended anyone reading this and hope I did not discourage you from reading future things I write.

This post was very personal and full of raw emotions. I do appreciate you taking the time to read and I encourage you to leave a comment, which I will respond to as quickly as I can.

Y’all know I am starting my new full-time, work from home job tomorrow and I plan to continue blogging as much as I can. No matter how busy I get I will continue doing Motivational Monday, Pick Me Up Thursday and Let It Go Friday! Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, and many positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Wednesday’s Random Thoughts

My Random Thoughts

Happy Wednesday y’all. I hope you are having a great week, you are feeling well, and of course, you are staying safe. I keep telling myself to stop obsessing about new COVID-19 cases in the city I live in, but yet I continue monitoring the massive increases daily. It doesn’t make any sense why I keep doing this because all it does is upset me and keep me stressed. I do not leave the house most days unless it is necessary and when I do, I always wear my mask inside places like the grocery store. It blows my mind how many people do not wear a mask and hardly ever respect social distancing. I am not sure which irritates me more, the carelessness of not wearing a mask, or the complete lack of awareness for social distancing. I was thrilled to hear the city I live in passed a law requiring people to wear a mask anytime they leave the house and will be fined if they do not. I think this should have happened months ago!

Do y’all ever have days when there is so much on your mind and numerous things you want to do, but then feel overwhelmed and do not do any of the things you wanted to? Or when your mind is consumed with things you want to write about, but then you just end up staring at a blank page for hours or constantly erasing what you just typed or wrote? I tend to have days like this a lot and do not know what to do about it. Do y’all have any advice? I may being feeling this way because I have not worked in several months and therefore I am not on any logical kind of schedule, which drives me crazy.

Life can sometimes feel more like a very long and nerve-wracking rollercoaster ride with many added sharp curves and free falls. The moment we think things are getting easier and it is safe to take a deep breath, we face another painful challenge. Sadly, I honestly feel like too much has taken place over the past four months or so and there doesn’t seem to be relief or improvement anytime soon.

I don’t think it would surprise anyone, but what we have witnessed recently has been heartbreaking and terrifying. The other situations that have made the news are things we have known to be hellacious issues for a long time, these mainly being inequality, racism, and pure hatred. Y’all know that I tend to blame negative things that happen on the president and even though things he says might fuel hate and racism, the issues wouldn’t be fueled if the people didn’t already feel a certain way to start with.

No one on the face of this earth has ever gone through a pandemic like the one we are seeing now with COVID-19. I do not even think anyone has thought of something this awful. COVID-19 has put fear in people around the world. Unlike some people in the world, COVID-19 does not discriminate and has affected people from all walks of life.

Even though I am viewing the world in different ways right now, not everything is horrible and stressful. Of course, the issues with the virus do cause me stress and sadness. I hate knowing some people that get this virus will lose their life and their family will have that pain to deal with. And even though I am a small-town girl that grew up in a state with no diversity and moved to a big city with LOTS of diversity when I was 19, racism will NEVER make sense to me. I have always believed that everyone was equal and deserved our respect. With people, the only thing that matters to me is how they treat others and the color of their skin, who they love, who they worship, or anything else that is different from my views does not matter.

Thank y’all for visiting my site today and reading some of the thoughts that have been racing through my mind for a while now. No pressure at all, but I would love to read your thoughts on this post! I promise to respond to all comments as quickly as possible! I hope you are having a good day so far and it continues to be pleasant. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, and many positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Fanatic Organization

Good afternoon y’all! I hope you are having a great day and of course, you are staying safe! How many of you love spending time organizing? I have honestly been just a little obsessive about it, but I find it relaxing for some reason. I have tore one room apart, which includes the closet and have been reorganizing the entire area.

I have one pile of things that need to be thrown out and then the other piles I am putting like with like. At this moment, it looks like a tornado went through the room several times, but the end results will be great, clean, and extremely organized.

When y’all get the urge to organized and rearrange, do you have a process you use? It would be helpful to know what other’s do when they go through the insanity and desire to redo everything in one room, well for now it is just one room but that I am sure is going to change. I think it is possible I have had just way too much time feeling trapped in the house without being able to do much of anything. I guess the positive part of this is I will have everything look less cluttered. When things are cluttered and unorganized it makes me anxious, which is the last thing I need.

Even though I am taking at least half of the day organizing, I do still have a few posts that will be published soon. One is my second post about migraines and headaches, the other one is about how we need to just say “NO” to racism. I think that is a pretty good slogan to have, what do you think? Things have gotten a little out of control with so many people in 2020 still being racist. I strongly believe we should all be treated equally and with the respect we all deserve. I am not sure if this has gotten where it has because of some country leaders setting an example that it is okay or if it goes deeper than that. My opinion is and please forgive me our country leaders (President, Prime-ministers, Chancellors, and whatever else they are called) should set the example to treat others as they want to be treated. It seems many are followers and behave in the same manner they see powerful people behave and it is plain and simply WRONG!

I am sorry for my little rant, but this is something that bothers me greatly. I grew up in an area that wasn’t diverse at all, but after moving to a big city at 19 I learned a lot about people from different backgrounds and I am thankful for that! In my eyes, it doesn’t matter what people look like, who they love, who they worship, nothing matters but how they treat others.

Thank y’all for visiting my site and reading my half rant and other half about organization. I think the organizing part was a lot more positive, but everything matters! I hope you are having a good day and I look forward to reading about ways y’all organize rooms of your house. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, and many positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

What do you think?

open americaWe have all heard the president of the United States and many of the southern states want to open. The president seems to think that if he can open the economy, it would be the best decision for the country. There have even been many protests throughout the country of reopen americapeople wanting to get back to work and they think allowing everything to open as normal they would be able to care for their families. Is it really a good idea to open everything up as it was before COVID-19, even when the number of new cases and fatalities isn’t slowing down?download

It is just my personal opinion if states are to open before we have the proper number of tests available to everyone and the numbers only continue to raise it gives a false sense of security. When we are given a false sense of security in a matter of months there will be a massive number of new cases and even more deaths.

schools closedOne good thing I did read today was that all schools in South Carolina will not reopen until the fall. At least children will not be going to school where they can interact with other kids that may be infected with COVID-19. Children being around others that have the virus would only increase the risks of parents and grandparents becoming infected as well and for the grandparents, it is very risky.

If y’all have been following the news you have seen how many innocent people lost theirdeaths lives because of the virus. At the beginning of this pandemic, we were told that the elderly were at higher risk of the virus taking their life, but that was not true. Unfortunately, there have also been many young healthy people that lost their lives as well. It is very clear and sad that this virus can end the life of anyone. I guess you can say the virus does not discriminate.

Even though some states are lifting some restrictions, I think it would be wise if everyone maintains social distancing. I also think it would be better if everyone continued to wear masks when going out of theblog_lat_hed_trump_relents safety of your home. I know uncomfortable wearing a mask can be, but isn’t it better to be uncomfortable and alive?

I know I kind of went off on a rant about COVID-19, but what do you think about everything we have been dealing with for many weeks now? Do you think opening the country up is a good idea? What do you think is more important the lives of human beings or the economy? I am sure you human livescan guess that I think human life is way more important than the economy. I mean the economy won’t do well if people continue to die, right?

Thank you for visiting my site today. I am looking forward to reading your thoughts on what I have written. We are all entitled to our opinions, so I promise to not be offended if you disagree with me and would love to understand your thoughte1b42322fdc0e8b1ce26fecadd51a421 processes. I hope your week is going well so far and you are feeling the best you can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤, comfort, and many positive vibes!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

What do you think?

imagesEven though things are slowly getting a little better, I am still feeling way too much anxiety and stress. I am glad that my unemployment was approved because that helps with the financial stresses, but not having insurance when dealing with Multiple Sclerosis is making me feel a little crazy. I do think this would make anyone feel like they were jumping out of their skin, which is the way I feel right now.

My husband keeps telling me that I need to relax and everything is going to be okay. I am a very optimistic person normally, but I do not see life the way he does right now. Medications are stupidly expensive and so are doctor’s anxietyappointments. One of the medications I take daily that is supposed to slow the MS down is Gilenya. Y’all will be surprised how much this one medication would cost me each month without insurance. For simply a month supply it would cost me $7,500. Seriously, who can afford that?

Something that I find frustrating is, health care in the United States costs a lot of money and then there are still additional fees that need to be paid. The United States is the ONLY developed country that does not offer FREE health care, which I find crazy! Of course, I have never lived in a country where health care was free, but from my perspective, it can’t be any worse that what we have now. Sure, you might have to wait longer to see a specialist, but for me to get into the neurologist in the states I wait at least 2 months. free-and-universal-health-care-universal-health-care-free-but-65307278With all the costs between the price of insurance, the costs for appointments, the price of tests that need to be run, and then medications, people could just about go bankrupt. Our brilliant politicians try their best to convince the American people why we do not have free health care and that it would be an awful thing! The sad thing is, some believe everything they hear on the news and all the lies that come out of the politician’s mouths! I strongly believe that health care should be a RIGHT, not a PRIVILEGE. No one should ever have to choose between food and their health!

I know some of you reading this post live in a country with free health care, so want to get your input! What are the pros and cons of having free health care? Do you fe62d503ebdec18d58277ced8257e5e9_survey-citizens-for-plainfield-township-trails_631-313like having free health care or would you rather have it like the United States does? On average how long do you have to wait to see a doctor? Are the physicians intelligent and knowledgeable?

I hope your day is going well and you are feeling the best you can. Thank you for taking the time to read this post and I am looking forward to reading your comment! Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤, comfort, and many positive vibes!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

My Rant that needs advice!

Happy SundayHappy Sunday y’all! I hope you are having a wonderful weekend and you are feeling well. I am really sorry that I have been a little MIA for the past few days, but I have been dealing with decisions that I am terrified I will make the wrong choice.

I think it is already perfectly clear how I feel about my job and manager. It is extremely difficult for me to sit by silently when I see people being treated like  third-class citizen that doesn’t deserve kindness and compassion. Of course my manager has found him an assistant manager that thinks the nasty treatment is acceptable and is almost worse than he is! Y’all know I currently work for an apartment community, which I had done frustration-level-to-maximum-conceptual-meter-d-rendering-87596475.jpgpreviously for years. I was a good manager and excellent with leasing and taking care of my residents. I NEVER once treated the residents in a demeaning manner, but always tried to understand what was going wrong with their lives. I have even gone as far to say to my heartless manager if it were not for the residents we would NOT have a job! But yet he still acts the same way!

On Wednesday night I was dealing with some horrible pain and unpleasant feelings in images (7)my legs and feet making it impossible for me to sleep. I know my body and knew it would not be possible to be at work and walk around, so I called out sick on Thursday. The manager decided to make things even more stressful for me requiring a doctor’s note to prove myself. He even went as far to say in a text message, “I hope you enjoy your day.” I mean seriously, I called out due to pain and NO sleep and this idiot had the nerve to tell me to “ENJOY” my day! I believe there is a point when being treated unfairly makes a person break. Well I hit that point on Thursday! 

First of all he knew when he hired me that I had Multiple Sclerosis and knew some days would be worst than others. It isn’t like I was hiding my illness from him, in fact I was confusedvery upfront with him! So what gives him the right to treat me as if I do not have a chronic illness?? I complied with the requests to provide doctor’s notes that I am NOT able to work more than 5 days in a row and yet he still had the nerve to ask me why I was scheduled off on the Friday before I worked the weekend! If I had worked that Friday, I would have been working 8 days in a row without a break, which is NOT ONLY ILLEGAL, but against my doctor’s orders! Why ask for doctor’s notes if he wasn’t planning to honor them?

At this point I have a doctor’s note keeping me out of work until Wednesday. Honestly, I debateam debating with myself if I am going to go back! I have one interview already and another one on Tuesday that seem promising. Are these jobs what I want to do for work? Probably not my first choice, but they both would be a hell of a lot better that where I am at now! I have gone back and forth with myself all weekend if I am just going to walk into the office at some point next week and tell him to take his job and poor treatment up his ass! Or I could go in on Wednesday to negative treatment and guilt trips! It should not be a difficult decision to make, but quitting like this isn’t who I am!

The other issue that is huge with this place is I have not been given my bonus for 2 months, which is SO WRONG! This so called man treats my co-worker like he is God! This co-worker doesn’t get anywhere near the amount of leases I do and most residents think he is rude! He is late to work every day, takes longer lunches and leaves early, but somehow still gets 80 hours. Hmm, how do you think that happens? So my question is what does this co-worker have that I don’t? frustration

I know this decision seems cut and dry, but I am still struggling with it! I know that if I quit suddenly, I will find another job because I am determined and I also do not do well not having a job. At the same time, I do feel like I deserve a short break to get my body feeling better. I have been suffering with pain and frustration for way too long! So, what do I do now? In my heart I know my health needs to come first and leaving this toxic environment would be good for my mental stability. 

AdviceThank you for visiting my site today. I am sorry this was pretty much a rant, but getting these feelings out has been helpful. Now, I am asking you for any advice you may have, please! I do hope the rest of your weekend is great! Please know that I am always sending y’all LOTS of    love ❤, comfort, and many positive vibes!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤