Somewhere between lonely

lonelinessThere are times during our lifetime we may feel extremely lonely because we think that no one really understands what we are fighting against. There might be some situations that we just do not want to talk about anything because it is too painful to relive. Has there ever been a time when you were in a room full of other people, but yet you still felt so lonely? I often wonder if it is normal to feel lonely when I am actually not really alone. It even sounds silly when I read what I just wrote, but it is the way I feel sometimes, especially lately. I think there are times that I get so lost in my own thoughts, which honestly are normally unhealthy stress points, but I do not have a desire to talk at all because it is way too frustrating. In fact during those lost moments, I just want to sit in complete silence as I try to wrap my mind around all the turmoil of life! Whether it was supposed to be or not, life is a challenge that just keeps going without giving us a break to recuperate from what we have already dealt with.

I do believe that sometimes life can become SO overwhelmingly stressful and it feels likeoverwhelmed there is just no way out of those moments. Why is it the great and delightful moments in life go by so incredibly fast, but the difficult times seem to drag on FOREVER!? I remember my wedding day that was almost 7 years ago, it was one of the happiest days of my life and it went by in the blink of an eye. Then the day the doctor told me I had MS, which was 18 years ago seemed to have lasted forever! I can still see and feel myself in the room with my old doctor and listening to him say, “Alyssa, you have Multiple Sclerosis”, but all the words after that are a blur. It seems as though the bad times in our lifetime taint our views on life in general and it just leaves a permanent scar that never truly heals.

Do you ever want to become a recluse, just to escape all the craziness of the world we live in? Living in solitude can become depressing and therefore is not healthy at all! On aristotle1the flip side of that, living in a world that has so much negativity is not healthy either! It is a catch 22 with how to proceed. I have tried to convince myself that one smile can go along way and if everyone could just adopt that concept there would be a lot more happiness surrounding all of us. Even though I might be feeling a little down right now, I do still believe smiles go so much further than anyone realizes.

Of course right now I am drowning in my thoughts about what the MRI results are going to be. Then I have a moment of clarity and know that there is absolutely nothing at all I can do to change what my results will tell me on Thursday. So why in the world am I unable to let these negative thoughts go? I think that is the million dollar question that might never be answered!

Y’all know me by now and know that I pride myself on thinking more on the positive051aa4b37f544a9783141575bb01c1dd61b51b-wm.jpg side of things. This is just a phase of negativity that will clear up as it always does. Things could be worse than they are, but my poor mind has been SO overwhelmed with stress. It honestly feels like I have been engulfed in way too many decisions and changes that need to be made that it is hard to breath sometimes. I try to handle one moment at a time, but then more thoughts pop up in my mind making it go into a tail spin!

Thank you for reading my random thoughts of the day or I guess I should say of my weekend. I am terribly sorry for all the negative thoughts, but I will say writing my feelings out helps so much! Tomorrow is another day and things will hopefully be much brighter. The countdown is on for when I get to hear my MRI results, good or bad I will handle them with grace and dignity. I will not go into the appointment with all my negative thoughts, but I will be calm and ready for anything. I hope y’all enjoy the rest of what is left of the weekend! As always, please remember that no matter what I might be going through, I am always sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

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Friday finally arrived!!!

happy friday quotesGood afternoon y’all! If you are anything like me, you are so incredibly happy the weekend is finally here! But I also do hope y’all had a delightful week! This week has been a bit LONG for me because due to a staffing shortage in my office and an increasingly busy work load, I have been working some additional hours! I know I said that I was not going to push myself too far, but the stubborn part of me took control and I might have pushed a little further than I should have! The only day that I did not work 6 1/2-7 hours  a day was Thursday and that was only because of a doctor’s appointment, which really took priority for me! Thankfully, my appointment went well even though he was just a little dumbfounded with one of my questions. I guess it is a good thing it was not a too much of a life changing question! 

I am extremely relieved for the weekend because I definitely need some relaxation and rest time! I think it is safe to say that I am so far beyond exhausted that being just simply fatigued sounds like paradise. I know our bodies let us know when we need to rest, but I often ignore what my over exerted body is pretty much screaming at me. When I know that relax and don't controlsomething needs to be done, I tend to think everything needs to be right away and never completely understand that somethings really can wait! I am trying to get better at this, but it isn’t easy because I have some control issues about tasks being completed immediately and the right way! The funny thing is when I say I have come control issues about tasks being done, I never want any help and just want to do everything on my own, so I guess just try controlling myself! I guess only controlling what I do is better than trying to control others because that is very impossible!

I have been noticing an increasing amount of anger, frustration, hostility, hatred for no friday_quoteapparent reason and sadness in so many people! What is really causing these negative emotions among so many? I tend to blame the actions of those in charge of the country because they seem to be creating SO much negative energy which is why I do my best to avoid hearing anything they are talking (lying) about. I know there are many people who will agree with this statement and probably many who will disagree with me, which is okay because we are all entitled to our own opinions. If we all thoughts alike on everything there would be absolutely no dynamics and that might actually be a little boring! It is perfectly acceptable to have you own thoughts and opinions, but I do believe it is also extremely important to have an open mind as a close minded person never grows!

Thank y’all for visiting my site today! I always appreciate and value your comments as they are always very insightful! I hope your Friday has been very pleasant and I certainly hope you have an amazing weekend! Please always remember that I am sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

 

 

One Year Blog Anniversary!

Good morning FriendsGood morning y’all! I hope your week has started off wonderfully and you are feeling good on this Tuesday morning or at least as good as possible! My Monday went fairly well and I was actually able to work six and a half very LONG hours! I found this to be great success and I was pretty happy about it! If I am being completely transparent with y’all though it was not easy because I was in pain, but I did make it! When I finally was in the comfort of my home, I received a message from WordPress that read:

 

“Happy Anniversary with WordPress.com!

You registered on WordPress.com one year ago.anniversary-2x

Thanks for flying with us. Keep up the good blogging.”

 

It is so hard to believe just one year ago I embarked upon my blogging adventure! I will admit that at first I knew absolutely nothing about blogs, how to blog or really anything about it at all and I was incredibly nervous about sharing my personal experiences with others. My thoughts and feelings have changed dramatically over this year with y’all and there has never been even one day that I regretted my decision to take this fabulous journey!

I have been so honored to be able to get to know so many fantastic and absolutely amazing people all around the world that really understand the struggles I deal with on a stranger-become-important-peopleday-to-day basis. It has been very humbling to have been nominated for numerous awards over this past year and receive many astonishing comments from fellow bloggers with praise for my positive outlooks and my perseverance with fighting this illness I live with. I feel that I have made some real true bonds and friendships with so many of you and I am far beyond thankful for each and every one of you! With your help I have gone from three followers to over 1,000 before my one year anniversary! My goals from when I first started my blog have not wavered as I am still very determined to spread as much positivity, compassion, encouragement and support as I possibly can!  Every word I share comes straight from the heart and will always be very real; I tend to not have the ability to sugar coat things because my thoughts are my reality.

So many of you have offered me some excellent advice and it has all been extremely appreciated! I value the connections I have made over this year and really look forward amazing-people-quotes-8to learning even more from y’all in the future! I sincerely hope that the posts I have shared thus far have been helpful and encouraging to you as well and I promise to continue sharing uplifting posts!

Thank y’all for visiting my site today and for always being so breathtakingly amazing! I hope you have a wonderful day and really do hope you are feeling as good as you possibly can! Of course your comments are always encouraged and I will respond to them as quickly as I can, unfortunately work has been busy so I can not respond until I get home from work, but I still will! As always, I am sending y’all LOTS of ❤love and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

1,000+ Amazing Supporters!

1000 followersI started my blog on July 17, 2017 to raise awareness about Multiple Sclerosis, but also to encourage and inspire those that suffer from any chronic illness or just difficulties life has to offer us that we really do not want. I was just learning about the blogging community and I had only 3 followers, my husband, mother and mother-in-law. Since that time my blog has grown to over 1,000 amazing followers❤! I have learned so much from each and every one of you and I really hope that I have been able to do some good for you as well. I am so very thankful for y’all!!  I never thought that blogging would be so incredible but I am really glad I made the decision to start my blog!

I hope y’all are having a good week! I know you are probably happy that tomorrow is kindnessFriday and then we have the weekend to enjoy! I am definitely really glad the weekend is near considering I have not been feeling all that great. Y’all already know that I have been dealing with a lot of pain and headaches for weeks now without any help from my doctor! I reached out to my doctor on Monday to inform her about the fainting spells I was having, but there was NO response. Unfortunately the lack of caring from my doctor does not surprise me at all and it only makes me more excited to move soon and find a new doctor that will hopefully be more attentive!

I would really like to thank y’all for always being so amazing and caring! In our society kindtoday it is so hard to find people who really truly care about more than just themselves. It seems as though so many have adopted a selfish behavior, but none of you have gone that way in life! All of you are so caring, compassionate, sympathetic and empathetic for others and I appreciate this more than words can even begin to describe! Y’all have given me so much hope that love❤ and kindness still exists in this world!

Thank you for stopping by my site today! I always appreciate you taking the time to read and make fabulous comments, which I will always respond to as quickly as I can. Again, thank you so much for your continued support. I value all the friendships I have been able to make through this blog! As always I am sending you LOTS of❤ love and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Half way there!

wednesday.jpgGood afternoon y’all!  I hope you are having a wonderful Wednesday! I am beyond excited that this week is almost over and next week is a four-day work week because of the holiday! 

I have honestly had kind of difficult week dealing with pain issues! There is a certain amount of pain that I find tolerable, but then there is another kind that makes me feel absolutely miserable and incredibly fatigued! Even though I have been dealing with a terrible amount of pain that is mixed with headaches and muscle spasms, I have been able to go to work. I did not make it through six hours Monday and Tuesday, but I did today! Of course after whatever hours I do work, I come home and I am absolutely exhausted. But the simple achievements are better than none! There has been another issue I have experienced this week and I have no idea what is causing it. Both Monday and Tuesday while sitting at my desk at work, I had several what seemed to be fainting episodes. It was really scary, but I was thankful I was sitting down. I did call my doctor’s office to let them know about this, but not so surprising they did not call me back. Have any of you ever experienced this before?

I am a pretty resilient person and I never give up on the goals I have for myself!! A while back I had made the goal to work six hours each day, which honestly did not happen at first. However I did not allow that to keep me down for too long  and tried to not view it as failure. I have always been veryresilience1 hard on myself, but seriously that does not help at all. Being too hard on ourselves only sets us up for hard times, which is never good. My goal now is to just continue to always be resilient and keep moving forward! 

I have to say everyone on this blog helps me see the strength I have and keeps me focused on that strength! There are so many incredible people who I have had the pleasure to get to know and I am very thankful for this. There really seems to be so much ugliness in the world today, but y’all allow me to see the good in others!

I hope y’all had a great day and I hope you are feeling well. Thank you for stopping by my site today and I really do encourage your comments. Y’all already know that I do respond as quickly as I possibly can! I hope you have a lovely evening and do what helps you relax! As always I am sending y’all LOTS of ❤love and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

 

Dismiss the judgments and embrace compassion!

Good afternoonGood afternoon y’all! I hope you are enjoying this beautiful Saturday! Of course it is insanely hot where I live today, but I have learned to accept it because that is the way it will be for the next several months.

 

So much is going on in the world and it has really affected me emotionally. Life can be viewed as short or even painfully long at times! But, however we view life, why waste any of our precious time passing judgments on others? I do believe too many people judge a book by its cover and fail to see the bigger beautiful picture that each individual is in their own unique way.

I do feel that it is extremely important to always treat others the same way we would likeBe kind to be treated! I do not have any room in my life for hateful and judgmental people. It seems like there are far too many out there that do not view things the same way I do and that is incredibly unfortunate. I am not saying that everyone should follow everything that I do because I am not perfect in any way, but I do feel that we should all try to spread as much love and compassion as we can! I know y’all already do an amazing job with this, but there love is absenseare still so many others that do not!

When I look at the way the country I live in is behaving, it is very troubling to me. It seems that some think it is perfectly acceptable to use innocent children as a bargaining tool, which in my opinion is anything but acceptable! Anyone that has children or use to be a child, which we all were at some point, should not think it is acceptable to use children like they are pawns on a chessboard. It is just incredibly disturbing to me. There are children being taken from their parents and put into cages like animals. These parents and children that are being tormented did not ask for this treatment and definitely DO NOT DESERVE IT!

I will never understand why some people will continue mistreat others just because of the color of their skin, sexual preference, religious beliefs or any other thing that may too many criticsdiffer from them. It is 2018 and we should all be evolving instead some are devolving at an incredible fast pace. We are all entitled to our own opinions, but everyone is also entitled to never have to fear being ostracized for being who they are. I know it is probably obviously, but I strongly believe everyone should be treated equally and with respect. 

Thank you for stopping by my site today and reading how passionate I truly am about equality for all❤. I am sorry to go off a rant about how horrible people are treated in the United States, but it is something that I feel is not right in any way! We all have our own opinions and it is perfectly fine if you disagree with anything that I have written. I do look forward to any comments you may have and I will respond as quickly as I possibly can. I hope you have a wonderful weekend and I hope you are feeling well! As always I am sending y’all LOTS of❤ love and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Behind the scenes of life with Multiple Sclerosis!

My-life-with-Multiple-SclerosisGood morning Y’all🌼! I hope you have an amazing day!! I wanted to take a moment to share what life is like living each day with Multiple Sclerosis. It obviously is not all sunshine🌟 and rainbows🌈, there is so much more to it!

I have lived with Multiple Sclerosis for almost 18 very long years and this illness is still a mystery to me! I mean for some the cold makes them feel much better, whereas for others it makes them feel absolutely horrible. Some feel a little better with warmer temperatures and others it takes away all their energy and makes them feel terrible. ribbonThere is no right or wrong, it is all based on each individual person!

My doctor always told me that the heat is the worst thing for me and that might be true in a sense, but the heat does not bother me near as much as extreme humidity!!! Of multiple-sclerosis-quotes-3course the heat causes me a lot more fatigue, but it does not cause the increase pain that cold weather does. I actually swear by my friendly heating pad because it decreases my pain immensely! I might live in the city, but I am a beach girl at heart🏖! I love the beautiful and relaxing sounds of the ocean waves. I think it is the only time that I am not full of stress and anxiety.

The cold weather on the other hand causes me nothing but extreme pain because I get so tense from being cold. Of course with cold weather you can put enough layers of clothing on to stay warm, but the chill that lingers in the air can be miserable. I did find an thermacareamazing solution for dealing with the frigged temperatures. They sell a heating pad that is mobile and no batteries needed. This fabulous product is called Thermacare Heat Wrap.

Living with Multiple Sclerosis comes along with a lot of decisions that need to be made and sometimes they need to be made immediately, which I am not all that great at. There are tons of diseases modifying medications available now and finding the right one can be quite challenging. Of course when I was first diagnosed there was a limited amount of choices, so I put ALL of my trust into my doctor. We soon found out that I am not one that can give myself shots. The funny thing is I do not have any fears of needles; it was the only choice we havemedication I was injecting myself with that I could not handle. The medication would cause me to feel like I had the flu and burned like fire going in. I did try everything possible to stay on the injection based medications, but I failed and just stopped without telling my doctor at first! After a few months, I did finally confess to my doctor and we had to figure out what I would be comfortable with and could tolerate. After several failed attempts, I did finally find the medication that worked best for my body chemistry. My goodness my doctor was a very kind a patient man❤, it really is too bad he had to retire! I do not think I will EVER find another doctor I will connect to as much as I did him.

Of course there are always more decisions that need to made because MS is a constant changing illness. Even after deciding on the disease modifying medication there seems to always be more medications that doctors think should be taken. I do believe that living with MS you have to be willing and able to alter your life when necessary. To me it does seem that the conditions with MS can change at any moment and without any kind of warning.

positive over negativeOver my years with MS, I have experienced vision loss (which I did gain back), intense legs pains, muscle spasms throughout my entire body, fierce back pain, persistent headaches and some memory loss at random times, which is a little unsettling. But through it all, I have never truly given up. Of course I have had some massive frustration issues, but I will NOT let this illness to defeat the strong person I know I am. I am very determined to remain as strong as I possibly can, but I also want to help others hold onto their optimism. Y’all know that I am  a very strong believer in the fact that positive thoughts will bring positive results. I honestly believe that it takes a lot more energy to be negative than to just be as positive as you can!

Thank y’all for visiting my site today❤. I hope y’all enjoyed my thoughts on my life with MS so far and of course I will appreciate any comments you have. I do promise to respond to all comments just as soon as I possibly can. I hope y’all have a wonderful Wednesday! Thankfully we are half way through the week and the weekend is coming up soon. Please remember that I am always sending y’all LOTS of ❤love and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

 

 

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