Toxicity in families

Family can be a sensitive topic to talk about because there tend to be various types of feelings. Families either are happy and get along well or there are vast levels of drama and ill will. The truth is we do not get to choose our family because it is something we are born into, but the same blood that runs through our veins does not mean we must endure the toxicity that can come along with it. Toxic relationships cause stress and unpleasant feelings, so when life is short, we do have the right to decide when to free ourselves from venomous people.

The reason I am writing about this today is that I decided a long time ago to not associate with my mother’s side of the family. Even as a young child I could see their actions to be deceitful and malicious. I wanted no part of their destructive behavior and know I am a better person because I cut ties with them years ago. I feel that if they had been part of my life all these years, I might not be the happy, kind, loyal, loving, compassionate, caring, and honest person I am today because they are the polar opposite of who I am and who I want to be.

Recently, my mother’s younger sister went to her house for a visit. Despite me saying it was an awful idea because they have always had a toxic relationship and I did not think it would go well. Unfortunately, this is a time I wish I was wrong because the visit went terribly and caused many hurtful feelings. I do not have siblings, but from what I understand siblings should have a bond that was built in their childhood which they clearly never had.

Something people often forget is, hurtful words cannot be erased or forgotten. I have always said although physical bruises can heal, verbal wounds do not heal and can hurt for years. It is important to value yourself enough to never allow another person to attack you verbally or physically because you are worth more than that. Most of the time those that say vicious things are unhappy with their life. We have all heard that saying, “misery loves company” and we need to not welcome their company into our lives.

I do understand that family is important, but no one needs to deal with listening to ugly words from family. Maybe it would be better to say we need to understand how to maintain boundaries with others. We know what we are willing to endure and what we will refuse to deal with. When we do set boundaries, we must never change them to make someone else happy because these boundaries were set for our happiness and mental health.

Thank you for taking the time to visit my site and read what I have shared. I hope what I have written helps you if you are dealing with toxic a family member or other relationships. We all need to learn to value our self-worth and love ourselves before anyone else can truly love us. I do look forward to reading your comments and will respond as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending you LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Battle For America’s Soul

I want to give y’all a fair warning before you begin reading this post. It is definitely longer than my typical posts and about something WAY different than anything I have ever written about before. I am proud of what I have written, but it is controversial and I typically tread lightly on this type of topic.

The state of the world has and continues to be engulfed in extremely challenging times. Many of these issues we consistently see have blanketed the world for decades and are not displaying any of the changes we desperately need. Unfortunately, there have been massive levels of deception, hidden agendas, and misinformation shared with us, especially within the government.

While this is an election year, everyone has their own opinion of what is right and wrong. The levels of division throughout the United States, is increasing steadily and continues to bleed into the rest of the world daily. All of the political drama is even creating high amounts of tension and hostility between family and friends. I am telling y’all this and am very ashamed to admit, even though I detest politics, I do have incredibly strong views that are very opposite of some people that I know. Of course, this has caused some frustration and arguments with those who think differently than I do.

We have all heard there are some topics we should avoid discussing with family and friends, which couldn’t be truer. The two main topics that we have been told to avoid are religion and politics. Considering my strong and very passionate beliefs that everyone should be treated equally and with respect, I do not ever allow anyone or anything to sway my thoughts. Maybe I am too passionate about some issues, but that is just who I am.

I have tried the best I can to never to a post that was fueled by politics, but there are only 3 more days until Election Day. This year’s election might be the most important election of our lifetime because the lives of human beings depend on it. The lives of human beings must become a much bigger priority than politics and politicians feelings. Lives need to be more important that wherever you stand politically.

Now is an important time to really think and remember ALL the innocent lives that have been lost under the painfully failed leadership of Donald Trump. How do you think a strong leader should and would respond when faced with a deadly virus? Instead of warning the American people about this virus when he was first informed about it in January, he decided to downplay the virus. He continued saying it was a hoax and not that serious, and never admitted that wearing a mask was crucial. The man that is responsible for the deaths of over 229,000 Americans, still isn’t doing anything to help the people that he “works” for because he cares more about his failing pole numbers. A “man” that cares more about his ratings in an election than he does about the lives of the people he is supposed to protect is NOT a leader!

In my opinion, a strong, compassionate, honest, genuine, and true leader would care far less about being reelected and more about the lives of the people voting. Instead of foolish and immature name calling, a leader should stand up and do what is right! Constantly blaming China and calling COVID-19 the Chinese virus, the president should take some responsibility and admit to the world his wrong doings and fight to make it right. By the president calling his virus the Chinese virus, there are too many Asian American’s being harmed and bullied, which is wrong!

Tuesday November 3rd is the Election Day! Even though the virus causes major concerns for safety, it is SO important everyone find a way to vote this year! I am not and will not tell you who to vote for or tell you who I voted for because no matter where you stand politically, every vote matters. We all have a chance right now to do what is best and needed for the lives of everyone around the world.

Whoever the president is, whether Donald Trump is reelected or Joe Biden becomes the next president of The United States, he will have a huge and awful mess to handle. It is going to require time, patience, dedication, selflessness, and pure determination to recover or at least begin healing from the pain and tragic years we have endured.

Over the past few years it seems like the amount of hatred, disrespect, lack of accountability, division of people, complete disregard for the lives of others, bullying, and many other unkind behaviors are increasing rapidly. While this is happening, the important things in life such as truth, kindness, respect, compassion, and love are diminishing. Now, not as a Republican, Democrat, or Independent, we need to stand together as human beings and DO what is right for the county.

It doesn’t matter if you vote in person or by mail, just as long as your vote is in. The 2020 election is the MOST important election we have ever been part of. I do firmly believe the outcome of this election will make or break the United States. Of course, the United States is not a perfect country, but it has the potential to be much better than it is right now.

I am sorry if any part of this was offensive because that was not my intent. I am also sorry that this post sounded negative, but this is real life and I fear for the lives of other people. It seems pretty clear to me that the president does not care the way he should about human life. In fact, the president is holding rallies for hopes for his reelection and yet not enforcing any safety measures. Many people that have attended these gatherings have either ended up with COVID-19 or hospitalized due to extreme heat or cold, but that does not stop this man.

Whether you agree or disagree with anything I have shared in this post, you are entitled to your opinion. The one thing I know we will all agree on is, lives of others matters and keeping ourselves, our loved ones, and anyone with a beating heart safe MATTERS! Of course, I welcome your comments and will respond as quickly as I can. All I am going to ask is, I respect what your views are, so please respect mine as well.

Thank you for visiting my site today! This was definitely something very different from what I normally write about, but I felt it was time to let my voice be heard. It is time that we all need to unite, despite politics. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and many positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Pros & Cons to working from home

Let’s Talk About Our New Norms

In the wake of the pandemic, many companies are not requiring their employees to work in the office but instead allowing them to work from home. The truth is many positions could have been working from home long before now. Companies could have saved themselves a lot of money by not paying rental payments or leases on buildings, the utilities required, or any other expenses. Technology in 2020 has come as far allowing for any and everything to be done online. Meetings and training can be done through Skype for business, Zoom, GoToMeeting, and countless other programs.

Working from home and setting up a home office comes with many benefits, but also several challenges. Do y’all have a home office since COVID-19 has spread massively and relentlessly around the world? If you have, what have been the benefits and challenges you have experienced?

The benefits of being able to work from home might be rather obvious, but I will explain a few I have found. One of the greatest and most crystal-clear benefits is safety from a deadly virus. Considering I have a weak immune system because of the medication I take for Multiple Sclerosis, it is a blessing to work from home. I try my best to keep my distance from people outside of my home and now days hardly leave my house. This virus scares the hell out of me because it has already killed so many people and could, unfortunately, kill me as well and I can’t do that to my family.

Another benefit working from home provides me is the ability to always wear comfortable and non-dressy clothes. This might sound like a silly benefit, but it can be incredibly helpful when dealing with the massive pain I deal with on a daily basis. Just by having the choice to never wear those uncomfortable, but cute high heel shoes or the pretty but extremely confining dresses or pants, it is priceless. Simply being able to get out of the shower and not have to mess with drying my hair or trying to get it looking nice is a time saver! Then just throwing on a t-shirt and comfy pants are amazing. Of course, I do still continue putting my makeup on because it makes me feel much more confident, even though no one but me sees it.

An additional benefit to working from home is never dealing with the insane and chaotic traffic in the mornings on my way into work or the evenings on the way home. With the ridiculous amounts of crazed drivers always in a rush to get where they think they must go, seldom paying attention to anything but the phone by their side, and seeing the numerous accidents along the way was terrifying. I always dreaded my drives and now to get to work is a simple walk downstairs to where my home office is set up!

In a crazy way, it is always a benefit and also a disadvantage to not have to be around co-workers. We have all dealt with those co-workers that enjoyed office drama and gossip. Trying to remain polite to others while avoiding the drama was always so exhausting. It is rather nice to never be forced to worry about the latest drama or gossip the runs through most offices. I do not need to worry about who I should avoid and or who can or can’t be trusted. I enjoy being able to focus completely on the work that I need to do during my workday without interruptions from co-workers wanting to talk nonsense. Even with all that said, I do still miss having a co-worker close by to ask questions or run issues by, but I guess that is what email is for.

Even though there are many benefits to working from the comfort and safety of my own home, there are some challenges involved as well. To be honest, it does not matter how many challenges I might face working from home, the benefits will always outweigh any and all obstacles.

Although I did work for a mortgage company for almost three years in the past, it has been a few years since I worked in the industry. The company I am with now is a lot different and so are my job duties. My previous mortgage company, like any other, had its good and bad parts. I did and still do have a great amount of respect for my former manager. I am not going to talk negatively about my previous mortgage company because I did learn a lot, so overall it was a good experience. The negative aspects of that company are the same as most companies, there are many immature people that are in positions they do not have the knowledge or business being in.

One of the challenges I have found working from home is the virtual/online training and guidance. Like I just explained, I worked for a mortgage company previously and even though that company had its own challenges, I did receive adequate in-person training. The training, guidance, and direction provided me with the confidence that enabled me to do my job almost like second nature. Learning a new job with many new responsibilities virtually has been slightly difficult. There are a few people I can email or instant message with any questions I have, but this causes me a lack of confidence in the knowledge I have and or even my skills. I think not having someone to give me feedback on what I am doing well with or what and how I can improve on is frustrating. When you work for a company and go to an office, there is normally a handbook on processes, but working from home there has not been such a thing.

Another challenge I have encountered while working from home is having the silence needed for focusing. My husband also works from home, but he works nights and we do share the same home office area. There are some hours after his shift ends he needs to unwind, which I can understand and support. The only issue is he will watch new segments online causing an annoying distraction for me. I know it is important to know what is going on in the world, but I have had more than enough of the political lies and prefer to not listen to anything that comes from the president’s mouth. I also can’t take any more about Epstein or his girlfriend/partner in crime Maxwell. Everything that Epstein and Maxwell did cause me to feel sad, angry, and massive amounts of emotional pain.

I never in a million years thought I would ever think this, but something else that is a little challenging for me is, not know any of my co-workers. Of course, I managed to get to know a couple of my co-workers through email and phone calls, but I have never met any of them in person. I have been with my company for one month now and I still do not even know everyone’s name on the team I work with. It is unusual for me to not know at least something about everyone I work with. I have always been friendly and accepting of others and now it is just me alone. I guess in a way, working from home can be a little lonely.

Now that I have gone through the benefits and challenges I have found about working from home, I would love to hear your feedback. I know not everyone is able to do their job from home, but many have been granted this access. Do any of you that work from home have benefits and challenges you have found? How have you dealt with the challenges?

Thank you for visiting my site today. It has been a little while since I have been able to write about a specific topic because I am normally too darn exhausted to do so. This is something that I have missed and plan to do more of. I know y’all deal with being tired and it is hard to leave comments, but I do look forward to reading yours. I promise that I will respond to all comments as quickly as I can. I know I say this in every post, but please do everything you possibly can to stay safe from the virus. This virus knows no boundaries and will cause problems for anyone it can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and many positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Avoiding Drama

Ways to Avoid Drama

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I personally do not enjoy drama at all! The only drama that is welcomed in my life is from General Hospital, the only soap opera I watch and have watched for many years. I think any other drama is exhausting and completely unnecessary. Many people seem to live and breathe for drama and find life boring when there isn’t any drama in their daily life. I see drama as a useless and immature way to cope with life. Drama only increases the difficult and challenging times and in the end simply isn’t worth it.

With all the other unavoidable hard times we will encounter in life, we all must have a positive and clear mental state of mind. To have a life as stress-free and peaceful as possible, eliminating drama from our lives may be very beneficial, it just involves learning and implementing a few essential skills, which I will share with y’all!

1. Evaluate your circle regularly-

It is obvious, that the people we communicate with and are around most have the greatest impact and influence on our lives and views. It is undeniable the surrounding ourselves with people that enjoy drama and bring a massive amount of it into our lives is unhealthy for our mental state of mind.

It might not be easy to remove people from our lives, especially if they are family, but we can limit our contact with them until they make necessary changes in their life.

When evaluating those we spend the most time with it is important to take our time. There are questions we must ask ourselves, such as are these people positive? Do they cause us to feel good or drained? Do these people bring good or bad in our lives? If we continue answering these questions honestly, we will know what will be best for our happiness in life.

2. Practice the Gray Rock Method-

The gray rock method is a practice used to remove the fascination and entertainment form a narcissist’s life. This is a method used to make someone lose interest in us. You aren’t feeding their desire for drama or attention and they no longer have interest in you.

This method can also work with people who have a lot of drama in their lives, who unintentionally spread it by constantly insisting on the need for emotional support, but never do anything to correct their situation.

The sad truth is, these people typically offer and give next to nothing, but demand our full attention and support. They will make everyone else’s life and problems seem uninteresting and boring and draw all attention back to what they are dealing with, which is probably self-inflicted.

One simple way to handle these individuals is to give evasive answers, never give your opinions, avoid subjects with deep emotions involves, and no matter what they say or do, show no visible emotional reactions. It is also best to not share any personal information that they could use as an angle to work you into drama.

3. Only give advice when asked-

The advice topic can be a touchy situation. No one wants to be told what to do and advice is often unwelcomed unless it was asked for.

If you are the type of person that wants to help others get their lives together, unfortunately, this can be a double-edged sword because even though you only want to help, you can end up trapped in their cycle of drama.

One option for those that simply want to help others is to never advise unless that person asks for it. There are times when we might not fully understand if advice is being requested or they are just wanting to vent, so do not be afraid to ask this person. To avoid being sucked into their drama, make a rule for yourself to only give advice once and only once!

4. Utilize tactful honesty-

People who enjoy drama hate hearing the truth because it clearly diminishes their dramatic situation. It is best to do this tactfully because many people do not listen to things when they are said brutally.

To give tactful honesty, you must remain calm, cool, and collected no matter how much the other person tries to get you to argue. An argument, because you were honest, can be avoided by just not engaging with them. You can also give another tactful response by saying, “You asked for my advice and this was only my opinion.”

“I hate drama”-

People who enjoy drama will show it almost immediately. If someone says to you “I hate drama” or “I do not get along with this person”. Pay close attention before getting too close to them. Both of these phrases show this person has had constant issues with other people before. Many times this person is unaware of their problems with their interactions.

It is common these people continue making bad decisions and surround themselves with toxic people, but you will have the choice to not get too involved.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope the information provided was beneficial for you and you will be able to distance yourself from any unwanted drama. I would love to read your thoughts on this delicate topic and how you handle it when anyone attempts to bring drama into your life. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, and many positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa