Missing you still

Of all the posts I have written and will write in the future, posts like this one are always the most difficult. September 9, 2013, was the day when my entire world was turned upside down and inside out because I lost someone that I considered to be my hero. My Grandfather, that I called Poppy was my rock and he kept me grounded through many life struggles. Losing him was one of the worst times in my life and I did not have my rock to help me through it. I thought my Poppy hung and moon and stars, and he could do no wrong in my eyes.

When I lost him nine years ago, he took a HUGE piece of my heart with him, but the lessons I learned from him will always live on in me. As much as I continue to try, there is no way I can ever be as great as he was, but I will never stop trying because I want to make him proud.

My Poppy was honest, caring, devoted, understanding, loving, compassionate, fair, and many other amazing qualities. I do not think there is anyone now or will ever be anyone else like him because he truly was one of a kind. I think that it is possible that God broke the mold when he made him. During my entire life, he never once disappointed me and I always knew that I could rely on him.

I have so many fond memories of him that I will never forget and will treasure until the end of time. He was a pro golfer that dedicated his life to the sport. I can remember times he tried showing me how to play and even though I was not doing well, he never gave up on me. I did not enjoy trying to play golf, but I did enjoy driving the golf cart around his golf course. As a young child, I loved being with my Poppy and rarely paid attention to the other golfers. There were numerous times I was in the way and had close calls with getting hit by the golf balls flying through the air, but he never raised his voice to me when he told me to watch where I was walking.

I remember driving in the car with him while he was singing. There is one songhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8A9Y1Dq_cQ that I will never forget because he loved to sing it. Every time I hear Seven Spanish Angels by Ray Charles and Willie Nelsonhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8A9Y1Dq_cQ, I can hear him singing. Of course, now I am unable to get through the song without crying because I miss him SO much. 

I think one of the hardest things for me is, that I never got to say “goodbye”. I wanted to go visit him because I knew he was sick, but he did not want me to fly all that way to see him. I think he was trying to protect me because he did not want me to see him sick and suffering. It is so hard because the last image I have of him is when we went to his funeral. It is hard to get that image out of my mind because while it did look like him, that was not the man I remember. I am not sure he knew just how much I loved and admired him and that breaks my heart.

Out of everyone in my family, both my mother’s side and father’s side, my Poppy was my heart and soul. I idolized him and thought he would live forever. I will never forget when my uncle called me to tell me about Poppy passing away. The call caught me off guard for several reasons, one being that my uncle never calls me, but the other is because I could not believe the words coming out of his mouth. I could not understand how a man like my Poppy could be gone and I just wanted to see him again. I know someday, I will be reunited with my Poppy, and I just hope he will tell me that he is proud of the woman I had become. 

In all honesty, I am thankful everyday that I had a grandfather as special as mine was. Everyone who knew him was lucky because he loved unconditionally and would do anything for those he cared about. Sadly, all his friends and family lost a magical and amazing human being nine years ago and will forever miss him. He touched so many lives and made a HUGE difference for so many.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you have had a good week and you are ready for the weekend to begin. I know this was a sad post, which I am sorry to end the week this way. Unfortunately, I will have a heavy heart today because I do miss my Poppy. I hope he is looking down from Heaven and he is enjoying the best golf courses ever created and he is proud of who I am today. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

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Heavenly Birthday Wish

Today is my late grandfather’s birthday and he would have been 86 years old today. Even though he has been gone for nine incredibly long years, I still think his birthday should be celebrated. He was a great, honest, loving, courageous, powerful, and all-around amazing person. My late grandfather continues to inspire me because I 100% idolized him and thought he could do no wrong. I have prided myself to be as much like him as I possibly can but know without a doubt there is no chance anyone could be like him.

I will never forget his smile and voice because they could make anything going wrong in life much better. He was full of grace and honor. He was a man that never judged another person for any reason and respected people for who they were. He never wanted to change people but did want to help others the best he could. Anyone lucky enough to have known him can understand the impact he had on my life and the ways it destroyed me when lost his battle with cancer. I can say without hesitation that those that knew James “Bucky” O’Brien could always feel his love, even when he was not in the room.

On September 9, 2013, everyone that knew my grandfather lost a piece of their heart when he took his last breath. In my heart I know there will come a day when I see my grandfather again and when I do, I will get back the pieces of my heart and soul that left with him on that September day. The past nine years living in this world without my grandfather have not been easy. As I said, he had a way about him to make everything much better. I can still hear his voice when I close my eyes and I know he is watching over me. I just hope he is proud of the person I am today because I am do keep him with me no matter where I go.

I cannot help but wonder when my grandfather is looking down and seeing the way the world is today, what he must be thinking. My grandfather loved his country and even fought for this country. He did not fight to see things become what they are today. This is one of many reasons why I try being as much like him as possible. I think he would be proud of the way I treat others and how I do not judge anyone for anything more but how they treat others.

Today, just the same as every other day, I will hold my grandfather close to my heart. He lived his life as a golf pro and loved the game! I hope he is celebrating his day on the best golf course in heaven and winning every game he plays with the angels. Happy Birthday to my dear sweet Poppy!

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you are having a great week and you are continuing to stay safe. I appreciate your birthday wishes for my grandfather in advance. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

The day that changed my life forever

I can vividly remember this day eight years ago when the world lost an amazing soul. I remember exactly where I was, who I spoke to and what was said, and what occurred for days, weeks, months, and years later. My husband and I were gearing up for an anniversary trip to Florida and I had just left the tanning salon when I heard a voicemail from my uncle requesting that I call him. Considering I do not typically hear from him because over the years we grew apart, I was instantly concerned and immediately called him back.

The words that left my uncle’s mouth changed my life forever. My uncle was calling to inform me that my grandfather who I idolized had lost his battle with cancer. This news jarred my mind, heart, and soul because I had a deep connection and love for my grandfather. I guess I could say that in my mind, my grandfather could beat anything and would live forever, but that childish thought was proven to be very incorrect.

I always had an incredible amount of admiration for my late grandfather because he had a heart of goal and was extremely thoughtful, loving, fair, considerate, and much more. Much of the way my late grandfather was has been instilled into me, which I am and always will be forever thankful for. I do not think there will ever be a way to be as wonderful as he was, but I will never give up trying.

Unfortunately, I think it is normal for people to disappoint others, but my grandfather never once disappointed me. I could always count on this man because he loved his family so purely and deeply. His core values were inspiring, encouraging, motivating, honest, generous, optimistic, and so much more, which I hope to carry with me until I see him again.

Although my grandfather passed away eight years ago, his spirit will live on within my heart and soul for the rest of my life. I know that he is watching over me and even though I cannot hear his voice, I can feel his presence when I am going through difficult times. He has always been a voice of reason and logic, where is rare in the world today. At the lowest and most difficult times during my life, my grandfather’s voice would ring in my ears, and everything became much easier to handle. He even made being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis when I was only 19 years old easier to tolerate.

Every year on my grandfather’s birthday and the day he passed away, I have a difficult time. However, please do not mistake this because I will be forever thankful for the times I had with my grandfather and do feel like his life should be celebrated and I know he would not want me to be sad, but there is still an ache and emptiness in my heart from losing him.

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I think I have mentioned this in a previous post, but my grandfather was a writer for his local newspaper and was an amazing pro-golfer. I do not know the first thing about golf but would love to believe I get my love for writing from my grandfather. The only thing that helps me deal with my emotions, positive or negative is to write about them, which is the reason I am writing about my grandfather on the eight-year anniversary of his death. Writing may not always take the sting of the pain away, but it does help me to let everyone reading this post understand how wonderful and amazing my grandfather was. There will never be a day that I am not thankful to have had James Bucky O’Brien for a grandfather because some of my best qualities were derived from him.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I wish there was a way to express even more how much my grandfather meant to me and how much I hope I am making him proud of who I am today because this is extremely important to me. I do not think I will ever be half the person he was, but I will never give up trying to be the best part of myself I can be. I hope your week is going well and you are staying safe. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

A Tribute To My Angel Above

**Until We Meet Again**

I hope today is simply just another Wednesday in September for y’all and does not hold any unpleasant and heartbreaking memories. Unfortunately, this is a day that changed my entire life and even my worldly views on life, empathy, love, compassion, sympathy, equality, death, and so much more. Many times, traumatizing events we deal with in life can have a long-lasting impact on the rest of our life and it can be incredibly emotional and painful.

It was late in the afternoon on this day seven years ago when my entire world was flipped upside down and changed forever. My husband and I were preparing for my birthday and our anniversary vacation; the two are back to back. I was just leaving the tanning salon and was still in the parking lot when my phone rang. I do not speak much to my family on either side and really only talked with my grandfather, so when the call from my uncle came, it was very unusual. I did always adore my uncle, but life always got in the way.

This call completely and totally shook my heart, mind, and soul deep within its core. I heard the words my uncle spoke so gently, but I do not think his words registered right away because he was telling me that my dear sweet grandfather passed away. In my mind my grandfather, whom I called Poppy hung the moon and walked on water and even though I knew he was battling with cancer, he was supposed to live forever. I could not then and still struggle with imagining a world without him in it because he made everything, including the world so much better.

Over the years, my Poppy taught me so much and for that I am eternally thankful and a better person because of him. He was a man that treated everyone fairly and equally. He never judged a person based on the color of their skin or who they loved because love was really all that matter and skin color never mattered. This is the way things should be and for some reason in 2020 still are not.

A great memory of my Poppy that I have is the car rides with him. Normally, this was when he picked me up from my mother and we would visit the family. There was a song he would sing along with and I loved the sound of his beautiful and unique voice. The song he would sing along with was “Seven Spanish Angels” by Ray Charles and Willie Nelson.www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8A9Y1Dq_cQ&ab_channel=WillieNelsonVEVO This song will never be sang the same or feel the same as it did when my Poppy sang it. I hope this link works right so y’all can hear the song!

Something I will always remember is a little more than one month before my birthday, my Poppy called to wish me a happy birthday. At the time it did not dawn on me, but I think he somehow he knew he was not going to still be around for my birthday and wanted to do what he had done for 32 years and wish me a happy birthday. I wish I realized this back then, but it is too late now. I just hope he never doubted how much I loved and admired him and always will.

Although we lived in different states and were miles apart, I loved our phone calls we would have on my drive home from work. I would tell him about my day and ask about his. He would tell me the latest information about the rest of the family and I would ask him to send them my love, which I know he always did. I miss his voice and the reassuring way he had to make even the worst situations bearable.

I know seven years is a long time and I have had many years to heal, but the loss still feels so fresh. Losing someone as special and loving as my Poppy leaves a hole in your heart and it does not mend easily.

My only hope is that my Poppy and my angel watching over me is proud of the person I am today. I hope he is proud of how immensely passionate I am and how much I will defend my beliefs. I am strong and stand by what I feel strongly about and do not back down to anyone and never allow anyone to sway my thoughts in their direction. I feel the need to stand up for people that are not able to stand up for themselves, which is something I know he would be proud of. Like my Poppy, I treat others equally and with respect. I have never and never will judge another based on things that do not matter like skin color, religious beliefs, race, those they love or anything else because in my eyes we are all human-beings. Love is important and it does not matter who you love as long as you love and not hate.

I will spend the rest of my life doing what I think Poppy would have done. I will always strive to make him proud so when we meet again he will welcome me with open arms and never stop being proud of who I am and what I stand for.

Thank you for visiting my site today. This was probably one of the most difficult posts I have written in a while because I miss my Poppy more than words can ever explain. He was a hero, an idol, someone you could always count on when others disappointed you, and he was a loving man with heart of gold. I do appreciate you taking the time to read this and hope you have a good day. Please remember to stay safe always. Also, please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and many positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

All one comment….

think-before-speakingI find it amazing how a person can make what to them might be a simple comment, but the person hearing the words perceives it as one of the most remarkable compliments they have heard in a while. Today, I was messaging back and forth with my father. Indeed, my father and I do not talk much, but we have been messaging each other more often lately. Anyways, the words I read made me cry and not tears of sadness, but tears of pure joy. My father told me I get my temper, sense of humor (which at times might more of a sick sense of humor), my caring heart, and love for writing from my late grandfather, Poppy.

I think I have made it perfectly clear before that I completely and totally idolized my tribute-2Poppy. He was a man with a heart and saw everyone equally. I don’t think this man knew hate of any kind. I think it is safe to say that in my eyes he could do NO wrong and pretty much hung the moon and stars.

All these years later, I can still remember being in the car with him and listening to him sing. There was a song that I loved hearing him sing. Of course, that song isn’t the same type of music I listen to normally, but it serves as a nice reminder of him. The song is, “Seven Spanish Angels”, by Ray Charles and Willie Nelson. Now days if I hear this song, within the first two seconds I am in tears because I still can hear my Poppy singing the song.

funeral-poems-for-grandpa-4-1024x555Just knowing that some of who I am today is a result of someone I still love so much and idolize means more than words can ever begin to describe. I feel confident saying that anyone privileged enough to know my Poppy, would agree with me when I say he was one of the most caring, gracious, humble, generous, charismatic, thoughtful, dedicated, amazing, and loving people that has ever walked this earth. I know there are several other great ways to describe my Poppy, but I do not believe there is enough paper in the world to cover all the ways.

I will never forget the day, September 9, 2013, when I received the call from my uncle. poppys-graveThrough no fault of his own, until this say he was my favorite uncle, called to tell me that my Poppy had passed away. For a moment, all the air was completely sucked out of me. People were walking past me happily talking on their cellphone as if nothing had changed and their world was still spinning fine, when mine had just come to an incredibly abrupt stop. Through heartbreak and tears I kindly asked if anyone had notified my father yet. When he said my father was not contacted yet, I offered to be the one to call him.

At this point, it has been a little while Alyssa's HTC One X 2574since I had spoken to my father because of hurt and anger for missing my wedding. It was not ever going to be an easy conversation, but I wanted him to hear the devastating news from someone kind and emotional, not from social media. I did not think the loss of someone as special as my Poppy should ever hit social media first. I don’t know if this was with the help of the newest angel in Heaven or not, but while I was telling my father what happened he was also seeing it on Facebook. The picture above is many years old of my Poppy, father, and myself.

Poppy PicMy beloved, strong, courageous, compassionate, and sarcastic Poppy fought against prostate cancer for too many months for a man as wonderful as him, but he did so with determination. During his battle he never once uttered the words, “Why me?”, instead he was thankful for his family, friends, other golf enthusiasts and colleagues at Country Club he spent decades at. This was a man that only counted his blessings in life and viewed the difficult times as a challenge, not a failure.

Another comment my father made today was anytime I question myself, all I needed to do is look towards my husband and know he loves ❤ me more than anyone else could. I know he said this was because I was uncertain about myself because I know I am sometimes not easy to deal with. The reason I can be difficult is because I never give up on something I believe strongly in. I will argue my point endlessly and never once change my mind. I know this can be frustrating for some people, but anyone that really knows, understands, and loves me, fully knows how to deal with my incredibly stubborn ways. I also tend to become overly passionate when I feel someone has been mistreated and will not give up until the person is treated better and receives a proper apology that they accept. I guess maybe that is another trait I get 337811-I-Miss-Your-Everythingfrom my Poppy! 

The hard truth is, I never got the chance to say, “Good bye or see you later” to my Poppy ❤. I guess not many people ever do get that kind of chance and there is never a good time to lose someone you care so deeply for, but it sadly happens. I am not even sure my Poppy ❤ knows how much I love him or how much I treasured him. To this day I still look up to him and hope that I am making him proud of me. During the difficult and painful times in my life, I still talk to him and must believe he is watching over me. Shortly after he passed away and I was back at work, I would sit outside for lunch and I swear the same butterfly flew around me each day. I think that butterfly was my dear sweet Poppy ❤ letting me know he was okay and I would be as well. These days anytime I am having a hard time in life and see a butterfly, I think it is my Poppy checking on me. He is always in my heart, mind, and soul silently reminding me he will always be by my side.tribute-1

This post was heavily influenced by the comments my father ❤ made to me today. I thought it was good enough to share the overwhelming feelings I had and wanted to know if anything like this has happened to you. Sometimes, people can say one small thing to you during hard times and it can make an enormous difference. I guess this is why I have said several times before everything we say and do can affect another person in ways we would never have thought of. Sometimes, words that seem insignificant are the words that mean everything to someone else.

largeI would really love ❤ to be able to read of a time you have experienced something like this. Any small words you heard or read that made you smile and actually made your day! I also want to thank you for visiting my site today and reading this very emotional post. I honestly did not make it until the end without many tears. I hope your week is going well and you are feeling the best you possibly can. Whatever you do for the rest of the week, please do all you can to stay safe. This virus has not let up yet and can still be very dangerous. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤, comfort, and many positive vibes!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

America Strong

america-strong-taking-back-america-we-are-americastrong-29735632Long before these troubling times we are witnessing currently, I found both the U.S Navy’s Blue Angels and the U.S Air force’s Thunderbirds to be completely breathtaking. I remember the first time I attended one of the Blue Angels airshows; I was not prepared for how powerful of an impact this show would have on my emotions. The abilities the pilots had were indescribable and left me speechless, which is saying a lot for me.

My husband and I were on vacation at the beach several years ago celebrating our anniversary. We knew the Blue Angels were having a show over the beach and were both excited to watch the show. We were standing with our feet in the water when I America-Strong-Flyover-NYC-U.S.-Navy-photo-by-Lt.-Cmdr.-Aaron-Hicks-U.S.-Air-Force-Staff-Sgt.-Cory-W.-Bush-Fheard a thunderous earth vibrating sound coming from behind me. Right as I started turning around to see what was coming, six planes went past us with lightning speed. This might sound crazy but not only was the airshow amazing to watch, but I could also feel the power in my soul.

Recently, the Blue Angels and Thunderbirds joined together for a nationwide show called America Strong. The show was meant to show unity for everyone during these very difficult times. The Blue Angels and Thunderbirds coordinated a sequence of multi-city flyovers over two-weeks. America Strong is a joined salute to acknowledge the selfless healthcare workers, first responders, and all essential workers on the front lines during the COVID-19 pandemic.

The two very skilled teams plan to fly over the locations that were most affected from blue angels and thunderbirdsCOVID-19 until the middle of May. Both the Air Force and Navy are working closely with local governments and media platforms to ensure all spectators are following the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s guidelines for social distancing. The teams are executing numerous procedures to support the safety of personnel and the community.

The Navy’s Blue Angels are based out of Pensacola, Florida and the Air Force’s Thunderbirds are based out of Las Vegas, Nevada. Under normal circumstances both teams fly at more than 30 shows displaying American Military Aviation. Unfortunately, the Blue Angels and Thunderbirds have been forced to cancel many of their Blue Angelsperformances due to the pandemic.

I know I have already said this multiple times before, but during tragic times it is important for everyone to be united and working together. Everyone around the world is aware of this pandemic as it has created many difficult and painful times. It is sad that after two months people are still dealing with the struggles of COVID-19. There have been too many lives lost during this awful time and unfortunately the struggles have not let us. Pointing fingers at who is at fault for this pandemic does not solve the problems, but could make things even more difficult. We can ask the questions, what if we knew about this virus sooner or what if there was a shut down earlier, maybe it downloadwould have changed things, but there is no use in doing that because we will never know.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope the information provided was a good read and if you would like to watch any of the flyovers, they are all over YouTube. I hope your day is going well and you are doing all you can to stay safe! Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤, comfort, and many positive vibes!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

Tribute to Poppy

tribute-2Good evening y’all! I am a little late with getting this posted, but at least it is still on the day of my beloved Poppy’s birthday❤. I am dedicating this post and this poem to him.

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❤My Poem for my Grandfather (Poppy). A man who will never be forgotten.❤

 

It’s been more than 5 years,

Since we lost you

Today will always be your daywpid-screenshot_2015-09-07-16-12-50_1

I will continue to celebrate

this day in your honor

as it was the day your journey began

I think of all the lives you touched

Gracing them with your loving ways

Because of you

the world made sense

It was a better place

poppys gravewithout you here

nothing has been

or ever will be the same

You gained your wings

To be the angel you always were

I still feel your presence

Especially when times get unbearable

You ease my struggles

By being my loving guardian angel

I cry tears of joy and painpet-tombstones-quotes-09

Joy for the times shared

Pain because I will never stop missing you

Talk to you so often

Still hearing voice so softly

Our bond was strong

and will never be broken

tribute-1It’s been so long without you here

but your memory is held close

I know someday

we will fly together

Soaring about the clouds

But until that day comes

your light will guide me

Believing I will be reunited

With the part of my heart

missing since September 9, 2013Poppy

Thank y’all for stopping by my site. This post was very difficult and emotional for me, but I wanted to honor my dear Grandfather on his birthday. I wish this amazing man Happy Birthday every  year on his birthday and I do believe he feels the love I am sending him. 

I hope your weekend is going well and you are feeling the best you can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of    love ❤ , comfort and many positive vibes.

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❤Always, Alyssa❤