Something that I have had a really hard time admitting and accepting is that Multiple Sclerosis is a disability. Whenever I have applied for a job, there is always that annoying question “Do have or have you had a disability.” I mean what kind of BS question is that to ask someone? Of course I want to say “NO”, but Multiple Sclerosis is listed as a disability on the darn application and I can’t falsify anything on an application because that could result in me being disqualified for a position I applied for and want. I think this is so invasive and completely ridiculous, but I guess it is what it is in life!
For some strange reason the words disabled and disability shatter my heart into a
million pieces and cause me to feel like a useless failure . I do realize how irrational this may sound, but that is how I have been feeling. It made me incredibly sad when I had a difficult time walking through a store last weekend because my legs and feet were experiencing SO much pain and weakness. All
I wanted to do was cry, but I couldn’t because I view that as letting this illness win the never-ending battle we have been in for years and that will NEVER be an option for me!!
I know I already shared with y’all that I figured out I am gluten-intolerant without the expensive tests a doctor would want to run. It seems like a punishment to have to deal with
the issues Multiple Sclerosis comes along with and then add gluten-intolerant to the mix seems quite unfair. I know we all deal with random issues and keep on moving forward because we do not have a choice. I am also very aware that many others deal with SO many other struggles that are far worse than what I am, so I am really not complaining. I am going to share more about this gluten-intolerant situation in a later post.
The truth is, because I am always so exhausted during the week after working 8 hours every day of the week, I often don’t have the energy to write as much as I would like to. I end up with so many random thoughts running around like crazy in my mind; it gets so hard to keep track of them all and have those thoughts come together for a good read and one that I am proud of.
For the past week or so, I have been experiencing an increase in the number of horrible 
dizzy/black-out spells. I have had these issues happen before, but never so many in just one day. At least 2 days last week, there were several moments when the room went completely dark and there NO were sounds at all, which under other circumstances would be great. There was one time I was talking with a co-worker at her desk about work and all of sudden I felt weak, light-headed, hot as hell and dizzy. Luckily I was standing very close to the wall, which kept me standing upright. It might have been pretty embarrassing if I all of sudden fell to the floor at this new job.
I am not really sure which of these issues are more 
terrifying; dizzy spells, black-out moments or the combination of the two. Of course I would say the combination of dizziness and black-out would the most terrifying because you are dealing two different disturbing issues at the same time. I have dealt with dizzy spells for so many years now, but I have found ways that help me limit the duration of my dizziness, most of the time at least.
Truthfully my experiences with black-out spells aren’t plentiful in comparison to dizziness, but I have enough sense and knowledge to 
understand how horribly upsetting they can be. I remember a few years ago there was a period of time when I had a several short black-outs throughout the week, but they weren’t anywhere near as severe as they are now. I am not sure if its stress, lack of sleep, weather changes or something else. The list of possible reasons really could go on and on and on, but I really just wish they were STOP!
Thank you so much for stopping by my site today. I will never pressure you to leave a 
comment, but I do encourage your comments if that makes any sense, but I know your thoughts will be amazing. I promise to respond to your comments as quickly as I can! I hope you are feeling well and enjoying your weekend! Sometimes I think the best part of a weekend isn’t getting out and staying busy, but not having any plans at all so there aren’t any time requirements. My days are set in stone during the week with work, which I tend to strongly dislike, but I guess it is just the life of adulthood. I enjoy spending my 2 very short weekend days living in the moment and not doing anything that might cause unnecessary stress. Please remember that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love , comfort and many positive vibes!
Always, Alyssa
going on and understanding how to handle it will provide me with some relief or at least I hope it will! Obviously I am not a doctor, but I think I am familiar enough with the body I have lived in for almost 38 years. I am going to share with y’all what I have learned and please if you have any other helpful tips or ideas, please let me know!
I first want to clarify a few important details I have learned! Gluten Intolerance is often confused with other issues, like Celiac Disease or food allergies, but there are some differences and similarities. Gluten is a protein found mainly in wheat, barley and rye. This protein can cause digestive problems like gassiness, abdominal pain or diarrhea. With food allergies, the immune system overreacts to a particular food causing various reactions and levels of severity. Celiac Disease is an inherited autoimmune disorder that can damage the small intestines, but Gluten Intolerance almost mimics this.
fatigue and tiredness, having very low energy. Gluten Intolerance can cause iron-deficiency anemia. This is a condition in which blood lacks adequate healthy red blood cells. Red blood cells carry oxygen to the body’s tissues
this intolerance. People with digestive issues seem more prone to both anxiety and depression.-Even though depression is not too common, there are a few theories for how Gluten Intolerance can lead to depression.
shortness of breath, dizziness, headaches, pale skin and weakness.
constant feeling of fatigue, obnoxious levels of anxiety, nervousness, worrying and quick agitation, dizziness at random times, weakness, joint and muscle pain, numbness and cloudiness in my mind. I always blamed so many of these symptoms on Multiple Sclerosis and maybe that is still the case, but maybe it is a Gluten Intolerance causing more of it. 
where pharmaceutical companies run the thoughts of the weak-minded, again no names being mentioned! It you read my post from Tuesday, you will know why I am pushing standing together through the hard times we can possibly face!
news I heard, after a long day at work, was so disturbing and caused me so much ANGER, as it would anyone with a heart and any empathy for others! For someone during their campaign they ran to become president, no names being mentioned of course, saying they wouldn’t do anything negative to those of us with pre-existing conditions, to now doing the EXACT OPPOSITE and trying to eliminate protection for pre-existing conditions! I know this person in the white house has some 
crazy issues with the former president, but to banish the good things that were done is very wrong. How anyone could still support this person is beyond me because I sure as hell couldn’t and never would! There are millions of people in the United States that will be affected by this and many could even lose their lives if anything happens to their health insurance. 
entitled to our opinions, but when something can change my own life for the negative, I can’t help but to share my thoughts on the matter! I have been trying to tell myself that no one would ever think about doing something so awful and ruin lives for so many, but it just may happen! Striking down the Affordable Care Act, as has been put on the table, is wrong on so many levels, no matter what your political views are! I wish there was something more I could do to stop anything like this from happening, but I do not even know what that would be! Of course I can write about it, but I don’t know how much that will really change the issues! I do understand there is a chance that nothing being proposed will pass, but what if it does? How can anyone afford the medications they need to live their lives? I know there is absolutely NO way I could ever afford the medications I take to slow the progression of my Multiple 
Sclerosis down without insurance. Where would this leave people battling with a chronic illness and does anyone in power really care??
through the time I was without a job, but the continued nagging fear of being without insurance while living with a chronic illness is beyond terrifying. It almost feels like being on a roller coaster without a safety belt on and this feeling gets the best of me more than I like to admit. I know I have complained before, which isn’t helpful at all, about how crummy and expensive insurance is, but being without it with Multiple Sclerosis or any chronic illness is very unpleasant. Medications and doctor’s visit are expensive with insurance and I hate that I know how much these things are without insurance. Thankfully I have only been forced to go to one doctor’s visit without insurance which was very expensive and I found that 
running this country mess with pre-existing conditions because this could happen. I do know that thinking about these things is nothing but stressful and will only create additional health issues, but it is impossible for me to let go of these thoughts and feelings.
can really afford these various appointments and all the tests doctors think they need to run on their patients? I am not, never have been and never will be in the tax bracket that can afford this. What kind of person can look at someone with an illness of any kind and only see dollar signs? To me, that is not a good or compassionate person, but they are the ones on top. It is really unfortunate that some can be as evil and corrupt as they possibly can be, but not ever face the consequences for their bad behaviors.
The Gilenya I take daily to keep my Multiple Sclerosis under some kind of control costs $8,500 per month without insurance. This is completely absurd and absolutely ludicrous! Unfortunately, GoodRx isn’t able to assist with this medication. I don’t know about you, but I sure as hell can’t afford these high costs. I have been going through an amazing program called Gilenya Go Program since being on this medication and my cost has always been $0. I don’t even want to think about what I would have 
done if this program didn’t exist. Considering I do not have insurance at the moment and only have about one month left on hand of this medication, I did panic. I have spoken with an amazing representative for the Gilenya Go Program and she told me all I would need to do is call them when I am down to one week left and they will send this medication to me free of charge and can do this for about 2 months. By the time they aren’t able to assist me any longer, I will have insurance again, so thankfully I will not go without. This is just me, but Gilenya has been helping keep me semi free of relapse and further progression.
I also take Neurontin, three times a day. This is another medication that is a little expensive, but nowhere near the crazy cost of Gilenya. A one month supply of Neurontin with insurance was only $10, which is very affordable. Now without insurance this will end up costing me close to $300 per month! If I do go through the 
America is the ONLY developed country that doesn’t offer free healthcare? An even better question is why are the American people so scared of having free healthcare? My guess is, these people are blindly listening to the ones in power that say this will never be a good option and much more negative lies about it. Free healthcare has been great for all the other developed countries with the citizens only saying great things about their free healthcare! In my personal opinion, those that say nothing good about free healthcare need to dig a little deeper and far beyond what American leaders say, until they can think for 
themselves with a clear mind and actual logic!
Y’all know I have been finding a lot of comfort and relaxation with crocheting. I shared with you already the two blankets I made for our living room, but I just finished another blanket for our spare bedroom. I love the colors in this blanket and think it looks pretty darn nice on the bed, but let’s see what you think! I do think that submerging myself into creating 
something beautiful helped get me through a difficult time in life. 
more things I want to share in honor of Multiple Sclerosis Awareness month because I think this is very important and should not be overlooked!
other benefit is, I will not have to be on my feet all day. There were a few other interviews I went on, but most of them I would have been on my feet for 8 hours a day. I think I am being logical and know that being on my feet for long periods of time would only cause me more even pain issues and my goodness I didn’t want that. It wasn’t easy for me to admit this because I am pretty stubborn, but I had to be realistic with my own abilities and health. I do not like admitting I can’t do something and will fight against this will everything I have!
I know there may be countless responses to this, but what are your top 5 most challenging issues you have been forced to accept during your journey? One thing I find very challenging and the most aggravating is how completely unpredictable this illness is. I have and probably always will be an obsessive planner! It drives me crazy for any unplanned issues to appear without any warning! Over the years, I have learned to expect the unexpected and be willing to rearrange my plans.
NEVER any real answers for the numerous questions I ask my doctor. I would have never thought my questions were so difficult that my specialist can’t answer them. I mean these doctors go through enough schooling they should have a wealth of knowledge to match this. I am sure the schooling for many years is very expensive and probably more money than I will make in MANY years! Maybe while in school they should have a class in good bedside manner because most neurologist have a terrible personality. I think they have a godlike and ego maniac demeanor. 
The third challenging aspect of this life that I have almost accepted is, the complete ignorance and total lack of empathy most people have for others. The ugly glances and degrading comments I have seen and heard over my years, especially when I park in a handicap parking space are nothing short of hurtful! Even though I have lived with this for many years, these glances and comments still can bring me to tears. This really doesn’t have anything to do with me, but is all on them! These people probably believe that misery loves company and try to bring me down to their level, which I try to avoid!
butt daily! It was always complicated for me when I was working full-time because it never failed at about 1:00 or 2:00 if I am lucky I was exhausted! I have accepted this issue and try my best to conserve my energy so I am not ready for a nap at lunch time!
can help keep my stress in check which will in-turn lessen the pain.