Brain MRI Day

good afternoonGood afternoon y’all! I hope your weekend is starting off wonderfully! Last night I was able to have my much-needed and dreaded brain MRI. Even though over my 18 years with Multiple Sclerosis I have had SO many MRI’s, I was still extremely nervous! However, if I am being 100% honest I am WAY more nervous about getting the results next week! The waiting period will be brutal because my mind will go in a million different directions and most of those directions lead to the negative thoughts. I am trying to be logical, which is not always easy for me because I know there is no amount of stress or worrying that will change what these results are going to show and all that worrying will just add stress to my life leading to even more PAIN!  

With all the MRI’s I have had in my 18 years with Multiple Sclerosis, this one was just of the brain. It was not long at all and the two MRI techs were absolutely amazing. One of them was the same tech I have had several times before, so it was not scary at all. It was pretty funny because Radiologythe one I have seen many time previously said to me, “Alyssa, do you have any questions before we get started?” Before I was even able to speak he said, “You know I can not tell you anything because this needs to be read by the Radiologist and I just do not have that type of knowledge. Now you also already know you can go online in a few days and read the full report.” I do tend to always ask at the end of the test if they saw anything like lesions. I hate waiting to see the doctor and I know the techs can see the images and probably have a somewhat educated guess on what they are looking at. My goodness they are so stubborn about sharing any news with me which I kind of think that is just mean, just kidding! He did make one funny remark by saying he was happy to announce that I do still have a brain!

For some reason today I am in so much pain, but I am doing my best to just rest. I do tend to use my Saturday’s as a day of rest and anything I think needs to be done waits until Intraoperative-MRI_Joyce_690x380pxlSunday. More than likely the reason for my pain is due to stressing about the MRI and also the argument I had with my mother on the way to the MRI. Isn’t it funny how when you are stressed about something all it takes is one comment to make the calm barriers fall down hard? The smallest of disagreements can turn into a disaster! I am not proud of this, but I am very strong in my nature and can have a hot temper when provoked. Anything I am really passionate about causes me to protect and defend it to the fullest. I will say things I mean, but it will come out in a very hostile manner. I do also believe that anything that happened yesterday is in the past and can not be changed, so all you can do is move on with life and hopefully be less hostile, but we will see about that!

Thank you for visiting my site today and I hope y’all have a great and restful weekend! IHappy-Weekend.-Do-what-makes-you-smile-and-be-happy will do my best to stay calm and definitely not continue thinking about “what” the results are going to tell me on Thursday. I think the only thing I can do between now and Thursday is keep my mind busy by thinking about only the positives aspects of life! Even though those positives can be hard to find because of all the negative in life are still there! Please remember that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

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What are the struggles & benefits of living with a chronic illness?

Struggles and benefitsThe struggles of living with any chronic illness are numerous and endless. So many chronic illnesses come with various issues that might be difficult to treat, which can and does lead to SO much frustration. Through many visits to several different doctors, we are caught up in SO much medical debt, because the United States does not offer free healthcare like ALL other developed countries offer! For instance, I am required to see my MS Specialist to try slowing the progression of my illness down, but have to see another specialist to treat the pain issues! It does not make any sense to me because the pain is a direct result of the MS, so why it is my MS specialist can not treat the pain as well? Oh that’s right, because there is an opioid epidemic so anything related to pain needs to be monitored by a painchronic-pain-chain-diagram specialist who only sees me for 3-5 minutes every 2 months! Do you really think the pain doctor actually specialized in pain or they just could not hack it with being a real doctor? That might sound a little cruel as I am sure this “pain specialist” passed medical school, but seriously there are no medical schools out there that really specialize in pain!

Another struggle those of us that are living with a chronic illness faces is dealing with the dreaded insurance companies! We all know these insurance companies only see $$ dollar signs when they see our information come through! They know our medications cost a small fortune, so therefore we pad their paychecks with the many medications we are required to take. I know that my Gilenya alone without assistance would cost around $1500 a month and that is with insurance! Who can afford that on the wages we make? That’s right NO ONE can and quotes-to-inspire-people-with-chronic-illness-RM-alt-722x406therefore our conditions would worsen drastically over time! Do the insurance companies care? NOT AT ALL! I do believe that the insurance companies and government work together so they can be very well off in life without any regard for human life! Now with the talk among the government, some of us many worry that we will lose our expensive insurance in the near future. I do sincerely hope that I am wrong about this though, but that is honestly what I think is on the agenda!

Some of us may worry about the struggles of working a full-time job, as many of us probably can not afford to work part-time hours! Even if we are able to work a schedule with reduced hours this can not only be a financial burden, but also causes nonsenseYou-Dont-Look-Sick-722x406 judgments from co-workers! The comments that are made can be extremely frustrating and offensive, but we are doing all we can in life! I know that all of us would prefer to be able to tolerate full-time work, but when we are not able to we are doing the best we can and should not be looked down on! As you can probably tell I have heard the comments made about working ONLY 6 hour days, but I am pushing myself to do this!

Another struggle some of us may face is fun times with parking! Some of us may have handicap parking, which should be making our lives easier! However, some may look perfectly normal to the naked eye. We may suffer from something know as an “Invisible Illness”, which of course we feel but NO ONE sees our struggles! They may make butterflies-cant-see-their-wingsignorant comments about someone who looks completely normal parking in a handicap parking space. Rude comments have been made towards me and it did hurt my feeling terribly! But it has now been a few years since I was given the handicap parking, so I have had many experiences that I want to forget ever happened. Now days I do not allow negative comments to get to me as much and just feel sorry for the people making the ignorant comments and even worse for their children to grow up in that horrible environment because they may end up just as ignorant!

Fatigue and migraines are somethings I know many of us deal with almost daily! Both of these can be relatively difficult, but we handle them the best we can! Now I do not get migraines daily, but I get them enough to understand how hard they are to cope with.Background concept wordcloud illustration of fatigue Fatigue on the other hand I struggle with daily! I normally begin feeling much fatigue around 1:00 every day which is why I get into work earlier. For some reason, I feel much better earlier in the day and worse as the day progresses. It does not matter what time I wake up, always around 1:00 I feel like I need a nap!

OH WOW I almost forgot, I did say there were benefits to living with a chronic illness! The benefits are often very difficult to find, but they are there somewhere deep down. When living with an illness has NO cure it can make us more sympathetic, empathetic, and compassionate to what others might be dealing with at any moment in life. It may falling down is how we groweven give us the opportunity to meet others that understand our struggles and also offer support to others living with something similar! It may take work, but we are able to build strong networks with many others that can be very beneficial to all that is involved. Through the blogging community, I have been able to build powerful and valuable connections with SO many very incredible people who I have come to care so much for! I am truly thankful for all of my blogging friends and feel we might not have met if it were not for the chronic illness!

I sincerely appreciate you visiting my site today and always encourage your comments as they are fantastic! I hope y’all have a lovely day and you are feeling the best you can! Please remember that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

Very Special Man!

PoppyWhen I was younger there was always ONE voice that could make ANY situation better with just a few simple words. There was that ONE person who I held so dear to my heart❤ that could find the positive side in anything and everything in life. I had that ONE person that made everything better with his wise and very loving words. I admired this man more than words could ever even begin to describe because he knew ONLY love❤ and showed it with all he did in his life. My beloved Grandfather, who I actually called ❤Poppy, was literally the most amazing, admirable and loving people in this entire world! He touched the lives of so many with his kind and loving heart! 

Way back 18 years ago when I was first diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis terrified and extremely sad, I called my Poppy in tears.  He calmly listened through my tears and offered his never-ending support, love❤ and great advice. The words he spoke has stuck with me through the years as he said, “Alyssa, you are strong and can handle anything this illness may inflict on you. But always remember no matter what struggles you may endure, someone else is always going through something worse, so stay strong.” I know just how true his statement is because even when things feel really bad, they could definitely be far worse. At this time I did share with him my fears that I could lose my ability to walk and be wheelchair bound and at the young age I was that was frightening. But he told me to never put thought in something negative until I am actually faced with it and that was wonderful advice.

My sweet Poppy passed away September 9, 2013, but I still remember all the words ofpoppys grave encouragement he shared with me through the years. In the times I am in a terrible amount of pain or feel a massive amount of stress, I hear his voice in my mind with all of his healing powers.

For some reason these past few weeks have been very difficult for me. My pain levels have been elevated drastically and the stress weighing on my mind has been at a HIGH! Some of this stress is the upcoming MRI that I found out today needs additional information from the MSAA. I have sent several emails to the person that was helping me, with NO response yet. But staying logical, I will try again tomorrow as this MRI has already been scheduled! I guess it is possible that some of the stress is I am over thinking EVERY aspect of life and have a difficult time letting go! I am very passionate about many things in life and do not accept “It is what it is and there is nothing we can do!” If I keep remembering my Poppy’s words, if we all stand strong, there is always something that can be done! I guess this is where I got my notion to NEVER GIVE UP!

I think it is very clear that my Poppy was my role model in life and I will always strive to be as much like him as I possibly can! There will never be another man like him, but I My Poppyguess that is what makes him so special. You know that being diagnosed with a chronic illness is tragic and life altering, but losing him was twice as hard on me. I know it has almost been 5 years, but it feels like yesterday when I got the call from my Uncle to tell me Poppy had passed away. I honestly felt as though my world came to a complete halt! If I had just one wish, which I know most people would think I would wish the MS away, but I would wish I could have just one more day with my Poppy. I would rather live with the struggles of Multiple Sclerosis for the rest of my life, if I could just have him here with us again. I would love to be in the car with him listening to him sing “Seven Spanish Angels” by Willie Nelson & Ray Charleshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8A9Y1Dq_cQ as those were the best and most memorable days for me. 

Thank you for stopping by my site today and reading this extremely emotional post. I must say this was the hardest post I have written and could not make it through without many tears. I truly wish that my Poppy would not only be proud of this post, but also of all the others that I have written. Always remember to cherish those you love❤ and make sure they know how you feel because unfortunately there is a time they are meant to move onto the next level and be in Heaven. I hope you have a nice and relaxing evening. Please always remember I am sending you LOTS of love❤ and comfort.

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

When a storm is brewing!

Storm nearing inIt sounds a little crazy to say, but I can feel a storm before it even arrives! Before I actually heard the thunder moving in all of my pain became increasing more intense. As this storm continues to build up in my area my back, legs and right arm have started to become more like a 10 on the pain scale. which isn’t any fun!

Honestly, I felt my pain increasing while I was still at work and was just chalking it up to the insane amount of frustration I was feeling! I was having a pretty heated disagreement with my direct supervisor. I normally would just let things go because I really hate confrontation, but I was sick and tired of being disrespected and thought it needed to be addressed and dealt with. To say the very least though, I ended the conversation by walking away when I saw it was not goingupload anywhere. When I get extremely angry I tend to cry before I yell and I could not give him the satisfaction to see how much he was getting under my skin! I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow and hope that he will not continue on with his petty harassing ways!

Anyways I got a little off topic with how the stormy weather causes me to feel so much additional pain! I feel like I could be a better weather person because my body tells me what to expect from Mother Nature! In my younger days, I would hear about how an elderly person can feel the rain in their bones and I never really put much thought into that. Now I may not be a young carefree person in her 20’s, but I am NOT an elderly person either! However, I do feel the rain in my body terribly! When it rains I just want to be able to stay at home where I am comfortable and not have to ever go out in it at all, but maturity with arguementunfortunately I do have to leave the comfort of my home to go to that place I work at, which as I already mentioned isn’t a pleasant place to be! When I add rainy weather and a semi-hostile work environment to my day, I often feel absolutely miserable!!! In these times I find it best to just stay very silent! Do y’all feel the rain in your bones, as I know many of you live with chronic illnesses? 

Thank y’all for visiting my site today. I do not typically do two posts in one day, but this was on my mind and felt it would be good to share this with you! I always appreciate your amazing comments which are always fantastic! I hope your day was much better than mine and I hope you have a very relaxing evening! Never forget that I am always sending you LOTS of love ❤and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

Calming Sunday!

happy sundayGood evening y’all! I hope your weekend has been very pleasant and enjoyable! Considering I am still feeling so much pain and fatigue, I literally have done NOTHING today! Doing absolutely nothing for one entire day has been both calming to my out of control nerves and peaceful! I can not believe I have missed out on this feeling for so many years! I am always one who wants to be on the constant move no matter how I am feeling, partially because when I am still, I feel pain a lot more!. Doing things around the house, organizing my week ahead and ensuring that everything that needs to be completed is done by the end of the day on Sunday has always been the way my weekends flow. It sounds SO crazy when I think about that a little deeper because things will always get taken care of when they are meant to, so why rush things along?

I think everyone is already very well aware that I am very disturbed by how the United States has been behaving lately. I feel strongly that the behavior of those in charge is setting a very BAD impression and example for all Americans, as some of us do still struggles and frustrationsbelieve in EQUALITY and LOVE❤! Of course there are still some Americans that blindly follow those in charge, which is sad and unfortunate! I find it extremely hard to relate to anyone that does not see what is really happening in this country! I am sorry if anyone finds this statement offensive, but it is how I feel everyday of my life. I have and always will see everyone as just human with no other judgement! I do not appreciate being constantly lied to from those in power of the country I live in because I feel that honesty is the best and only way to live!

I want to apologize for the slight tangent I went off on. I try to stay hopeful that things are going to get better and not any worse, but there is no guarantees with those making the decisions that inflict damage on our lives daily! Currently I feel that I am living in a your patienceconstant state of fear that I am going to end up losing health insurance because I have a pre-existing condition that I never choose to live with. I do not feel that I should be punished for living with a chronic illness, as that alone is punishment enough, so for our government to decide I may not qualify for insurance is absurd! This has not happened yet, but I do think it is in the works! Hell I think I already pay WAY too much for insurance! But it is scary for me  to think that Trump could easily have a bad day and have a temper tantrum that will eliminate healthcare for those with chronic illness! 

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for visiting my site today! I do encourage your amazing comments and promise I will response as quickly as I possibly can! I know some of what I have written is a lot different that what I normally write about, but my frustrations have been elevating drastically each day and every day I hear of what is going on in the United States. Trying to find the positive in what is going on is difficult, but I am sure it is there somewhere! I hope you have a lovely and relaxing evening! Please never forget that I am always sending you LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

** I forgot to ask y’all! Do any of you have Facebook as well? As of August 1st, all my blog post do not link to Facebook any longer and I kind of want them to still link to Facebook. Do you by chance know what I need to do, so I do not have to continue posting to Facebook manually?**

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

 

Finally received GOOD news!

relax-quote-mind-quotes-imagesGood afternoon y’all! I hope you are having an amazing weekend so far and feeling the best you possibly can. After a really LONG week all I wanted to have was a peaceful weekend, which so far is what I am enjoying! Rest is so important for everyone and some of us are a little more stubborn about resting when we should. I am definitely the type of person that is stubborn about everything so it takes me feeling terrible to actually rest! I have vowed to myself that I will spend the weekend resting and taking care of myself so that I will feel refreshed for the upcoming week! 

I know I mentioned to y’all a few weeks ago that I had applied for co-pay assistance with the Multiple Sclerosis Association of America (MSAA) for a much needed MRI. I had been in communication with someone with this company throughout the weeks and she even told me that I was “going” to be approved, but she did not know when it would actually take place. I finally received the APPROVAL letter in the mail today! I am so incredibly MSAA_Logo_2017delighted that I after all this time waiting I can finally get my Cranial MRI and I will not have to pay a dime for it! I find it amazing that after living with MS for 18 very long years and having numerous MRI’s that cost a fortune, I was finally introduced to help! I know some of you do not live in the United States so this may not help you as much, but for those of you that do live in the states I am going to encourage you to visit MSAA’s website as they might be able to offer you some help https://mymsaa.org/. Now for those of you that do not live in the states you probably have free healthcare, which is really how the states should treat the people living here! 

So how is your weekend going? I really hope your weekend is very enjoyable for you so far and continues to be wonderful! The week was so full of constant rain☔ which always HOTcauses my pain to be elevated tremendously, but the weekend so far has been dry and just terribly HOT!!  Of course with the heat, I am just staying inside with the air conditioning as much as I possibly can! 

I always appreciate y’all visiting my site and I love reading your comments, which I do respond to just as quickly as I can! I hope the rest of your Saturday is spent only doing what makes you happy because that is what you deserve! Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

Friday finally arrived!!!

happy friday quotesGood afternoon y’all! If you are anything like me, you are so incredibly happy the weekend is finally here! But I also do hope y’all had a delightful week! This week has been a bit LONG for me because due to a staffing shortage in my office and an increasingly busy work load, I have been working some additional hours! I know I said that I was not going to push myself too far, but the stubborn part of me took control and I might have pushed a little further than I should have! The only day that I did not work 6 1/2-7 hours  a day was Thursday and that was only because of a doctor’s appointment, which really took priority for me! Thankfully, my appointment went well even though he was just a little dumbfounded with one of my questions. I guess it is a good thing it was not a too much of a life changing question! 

I am extremely relieved for the weekend because I definitely need some relaxation and rest time! I think it is safe to say that I am so far beyond exhausted that being just simply fatigued sounds like paradise. I know our bodies let us know when we need to rest, but I often ignore what my over exerted body is pretty much screaming at me. When I know that relax and don't controlsomething needs to be done, I tend to think everything needs to be right away and never completely understand that somethings really can wait! I am trying to get better at this, but it isn’t easy because I have some control issues about tasks being completed immediately and the right way! The funny thing is when I say I have come control issues about tasks being done, I never want any help and just want to do everything on my own, so I guess just try controlling myself! I guess only controlling what I do is better than trying to control others because that is very impossible!

I have been noticing an increasing amount of anger, frustration, hostility, hatred for no friday_quoteapparent reason and sadness in so many people! What is really causing these negative emotions among so many? I tend to blame the actions of those in charge of the country because they seem to be creating SO much negative energy which is why I do my best to avoid hearing anything they are talking (lying) about. I know there are many people who will agree with this statement and probably many who will disagree with me, which is okay because we are all entitled to our own opinions. If we all thoughts alike on everything there would be absolutely no dynamics and that might actually be a little boring! It is perfectly acceptable to have you own thoughts and opinions, but I do believe it is also extremely important to have an open mind as a close minded person never grows!

Thank y’all for visiting my site today! I always appreciate and value your comments as they are always very insightful! I hope your Friday has been very pleasant and I certainly hope you have an amazing weekend! Please always remember that I am sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤