Dealing with being let down

Unfortunately, we have all experienced being let down at least once in our lifetime. Maybe you made plans with a friend for a fun outing together, which you were looking forward to. Then as you were getting yourself ready, your friend calls to back out of your plans because of an unexpected issue. Of course, you were understanding because it was out of their control, but that does not mean you were not disappointed.

As with the scenario when a friend backs out of plans last minute, sometimes things happen, and people get sick. What happens when you worked endlessly on a project at work and you were proud of your accomplishment, but then a co-worker steps in and takes credit for your hard work. In a situation like this, you might feel anger, frustration, and or betrayed.

On an entirely different level, when we learn that someone close to us, such as a significant other, parent, child, or other family member betrays our trust, it hurts on a much deeper level. Even simply learning something new about someone we trusted and care about can be difficult for us to believe, especially when it is something surprising and not in a good way. Situations with people we are closest with can make us feel like our world has been turned upside down and inside out.

Before we have had a chance to make sense of any outside threats, our physiological responses acknowledge the negative situations. The physiological responses are our body’s automatic reactions to stimuli. The release of hormones, the rush of blood through our body and into our limbs, an increased heart rate, and accelerated breathing are all subconscious and out of our control. The only thing we do have control over is our breathing through using long and shallow exhales, which sends our body a message of safety and enables access to higher needed cognitive parts of our brain.

We are all only human and painful emotions are not easy to deal with. As humans, we are hard-wired to want to run as far away from pain as we can. It is in our instincts to try distracting ourselves from the pain in ways that bring pleasure, even if the pleasure is only short-lived. Unfortunately, this can lead us into devastating and disastrous behaviors to numb the pain we are experiencing. There are better and healthier alternatives to try, such as self-compassion practices that allow ways to embrace and understand the pain. This will provide you with a space to be silent and establish lost trust in a temporary safe place until you can understand things clearly.

It is important to carefully listen while your thoughts surface. It can be easy to attach yourself to your thoughts and let them run with their version of the events that took place. This is not going to be a useful thing to do because our minds will naturally find ways to confirm the way we are thinking and strengthen, instead of allowing healing. We must find a way to detach from the story being played out in our minds and be open to further truth and forgiveness.

No one can tell you how you should feel when someone you love lets you down. By practicing the tips shared in this post, you will be able to distance yourself from an emotional reaction and allow the wisdom within yourself to guide you to the best response. Of course, this does not mean you need to forgive or let go of what has occurred, at least not until you are ready to do so. Trust and listen to your heart and mind, as this will typically lead you down the right path.

Although I hope the information in this post was beneficial to you, I also hope you have not been let down too often. I understand how painful it is to be let down by someone you love, but in some way, it will make you a better and stronger person. I would love the chance to read what you thought of this post, and I will respond to all comments as quickly as I can.

Thank you for visiting my site today and taking the time to read what I have written. I hope you are having a good week and you are continuing to stay safe. The good news about today is, we are almost to the weekend again. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Different types of Anger

Anger is an emotion that can touch anyone and everyone at some point in their life. This emotion can intrude on the mind and hearts of even the kindest of people and take control of their life. If not properly dealt with can become one of the unhealthiest types of emotions and destroy relationships. Even though it is toxic, anger is a normal reaction of hostility when there is a threat that another has intentionally or unintentionally wronged you.

There are many different types of anger that I am going to explain through this post. My hope is this can help to identify that type of anger you are experiencing, and it will provide an understanding of the source of your anger, and that will lead to learning ways to not only control the anger but manage it as well.

Out of all the different types of anger, assertive anger is thought to be a productive and healthier way of expression. Instead of avoiding the conversation and being susceptible to outbursts, assertive anger expresses frustrations to discover a positive change or resolution. This could be someone starting a conversation by saying, “I feel angry when or because…” This allows a person to explain their anger in a way that provides positive change instead of creating more negativity.

Destructive anger is a very unhealthy way of experiencing anger and comes with various negative impacts. This falls on the extreme side of behavioral anger. Destructive anger can appear as verbal or physical actions being used to hurt another person. A person might throw or break things that are valuable to the person they are angry with. This type of anger can negatively influence many areas of the person’s life and possibly destroy social connections and relationships.

Behavioral anger can become dangerous and be expressed with violence. This type of anger can lead to destructive anger and be common in men that already have anger issues. Behavioral anger is unpredictable and reckless, which can end with legal consequences. This type of anger can be displayed by intimidating behaviors, throwing, or breaking things, or attacking a person.

Chronic anger tends to be directed towards other people, situations, and yourself. This type of anger can have a profound impact on one’s self-esteem and while not always visible can create a lot of damage. Chronic anger resembles a continual, low amount of anger, resentment, irritation, and exasperation. Depending on how an individual experiences anger, it may be difficult to process and communicate your needs, which can negatively affect your health, levels of stress, and relationships.

Overwhelmed anger can build up over time, especially if you do not find ways to express your feelings. This anger is unpredictable and over time directly and negatively affects your mental health. Overwhelmed anger may show itself once you hit a breaking point, you lose your ability to cope, and the stress becomes too much to handle. This may look like a sudden snap of irritation and resentment that follows a long person of time repressing feelings.

Passive-aggressive anger is one of the most common and avoidable types of anger. The person experiencing this type of anger will express their negative feelings indirectly, instead of discussing them openly. This can be both mentally and physically draining, especially until you can address the way you are feeling. Passive-aggressive anger may also include repressing emotions and waiting to avoid conflicts. Even though the person feels angry and resentful, they will act neutral, pleasant, and happy. This type of anger can be displayed verbally or physically in ways such as silent treatment or sarcasm.

Retaliatory anger is a typical and instinctual reaction when someone feels they are being attacked. This is strongly manipulated by the desire for revenge after being hurt. This type of anger is consciously directed towards the person that wronged you and the need to gain control after an incident occurred. Retaliatory anger can force discomfort and outrage to escalate in relationships, which will only create more problems.

Silent anger is a non-verbal way to experience anger. This can be an internal and external experience. The internal way can be when anger manifests with non-communicated bitterness, resentment, and irritation. This can cause a tremendous amount of stress and tension. Externally, the anger may be displayed with closed off body language and facial expressions. Even though the anger has not been expressed verbally, people may be able to read your body language and know you are angry.

Thank you for visiting my site today. After reading about the different types of anger, were you able to decipher the type or types of anger you encounter? When you experience anger, how do you get it under better control. To be completely honest, I try to avoid feelings of anger, but then they do fester and make things so much more intense. I guess I would fall somewhere between silent and passive-aggressive anger. I hope the last few hours of the weekend are relaxing and help you to be ready for the new week starting tomorrow. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Steps to Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not always the easiest thing to accomplish. You might feel as though you will never get over the pain someone else has caused with their wrongdoings. Even once the initial and immediate anger lessens, you may dwell on the betrayal you felt, instead of allowing it to fade away and become a distant bad memory.

The challenges that accompany forgiveness are in part because it is not well understood. Many think to forgive someone means you forget what took place or say the pain inflicted was not too bad and not a big deal or you can resume the relationship you once had immediately. None of this is completely true about forgiveness. It is more about letting go of your anger, hurt, and the need to seek revenge.

It is important to understand when we forgive another person for their hurtful, disappointments, deceitfulness, or any other negative act, we are not forgiving them for their benefit, but instead for ourselves. There may be a lengthy process when we decide to forgive, and this process cannot be rushed, or we will never be successful in forgiving anyone.

The first step is to uncover your anger. Unfortunately, in our society and cultures, anger is often hidden until and unless it explodes into full-blown rage. Everyone experiences anger, especially when we deal with betrayal, but many bottles those feeling up and hide them from others, and even from ourselves because we do not want to face things.

It can be scary and take a great deal of courage to be open and honest when it comes to anger. Honestly, I am the type that bottles up my anger until I explode, kind of like if you shake up a coke bottle and then open it. This is never a good situation. Although, as I have gotten older and more mature, I can decide to pick my battles and understand when things are not that important and can be let go of.

To uncover and acknowledge anger from the past and present, it may be helpful to allow your mind to remember what you have tried to forget. Think about and even journal about anger felt during childhood, school life, work, family, friends, and romantic relationships. I know the list might get long and overwhelming, but this can help your mental well-being for your future. Exposing feelings that are deep down will bring emotions to the surface and allow you to work through them.

The second step is the make the decision to forgive. When someone causes us deep emotional pain, it is in our human nature to hold onto that pain and anger as tightly as we can. No matter how much we want to let it go, it might not be the right time because we have not been able to process our emotions completely. Of course, it is not easy to remember that holding onto anger does not harm the other person as much as it does us by causing us more pain and suffering. The hurt and anger we are clenching onto produce many types of stress chemicals that will flood our bodies, causing us to feel physically and emotionally drained, and possibly cause sickness.

The third step is to work on forgiveness. An approach referred to as reframing enables you to look at the original transgression in a new way. There is a chance there were some circumstances you were not able to understand or consider at first. The best course of action is to begin simple and small. In your heart, you may not know how you will forgive the other person. On the logical part of your mind, you can open the door to the possibility that you will be able to forgive in time. 

Some acts are unforgivable such as being physically or sexually abused, or if you were the victim of another type of terrible and or heinous act. I am in no way suggesting anything as bad as these acts are forgettable or forgivable or that the other person deserves a pass because that is far from the truth. However, I am saying you are worth more and that other people will face the consequences of their actions in time, even if it is not in the time frame it should be.

The final step of forgiveness is to be released from the emotional prison we have been in for days, months, or even years. You will be able to understand that you are not alone, and many others have suffered similar situations. There are support groups available for every devastating circumstance in life. It may be helpful to know you are never alone and there are others that can understand and offer advice for how to overcome your pain.

During the final step, it may be useful to see from the experiences in your life, how much you have grown and changed. All the pains and struggles in life have created who we are today and that is something we can be proud of.  As we learn to forgive others for their wrongdoings, we must also learn self-forgiveness. We are not responsible for the pains inflicted on us from others, but we can choose what we will do with the lessons we have learned.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope what I have shared with you today will help you understand more about what forgiveness means and I am sure there are other steps for everyone. What I have shared are just a few steps that I have learned over the years. Please keep in mind, only you know when you are ready to forgive another person, and no one can force you to do so before you are ready. I am looking forward to reading your comments and will respond to your comments as quickly as I possibly can. I hope you never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Life is complicated

There have been many challenges we have faced during the past few years. All of this takes a lot of courage, perseverance, dedication, determination, and a great amount of internal strength. I completely understand how this can feel overwhelming and we might want to throw our hands up and give up on what we need and want. Sometimes it might feel like the battle within is too demanding, but if we do everything we possibly can and continue fighting we will eventually win the war.

For all of us that are living with a chronic and incurable illness, the obstacles may seem like they are endless and maybe they are. However, if we do not keep pushing through with all we can, we will never know what we are capable of. I have always believed that behind every door we close, something better is waiting around the next corner. We will not be able to know our full potential if we do not at least try.

All the small or large issues we deal with in life provide us with an opportunity and a learning experience. It might never seem like it at the time, but surviving these issues makes us the strong people we are today. It is crucial to view the struggles we face in life as a building block to the incredibly strong people we were meant to be instead of as an inconvenience.

If you take a few minutes to think about your life, would you be who you are today if it were not for what you have been through? Honestly, I do not know who I would be if I did not have the experiences I did have. Of course, not all our experiences have been pleasant and sometimes we do not want to remember them because they may have been awful. The hardest things we have gone through gave us the most valuable lessons.

You do not have to answer this question but at least think about these questions. What were a few of the most hellacious, painful, and complicated things you have gone through in life, and what did you learn from those experiences? I am not going to go into detail about one of my experiences that was like this, but I will tell you this ordeal taught me to be strong and to never allow anyone to mistreat me. For the most part, we can decide who we allow in our life.

It is extremely important to understand that trust is something that is earned and not given immediately. It is not easy, but we should try to at least give others the benefit of the doubt, but without putting too much trust into that person. The hard part about this is, we are all human and sometimes people will do something to betray our trust. Once trust is lost, it is not easy to get back because it takes a lot of work and healing from whatever hurt the betrayal caused. There is not a timeline to when we “should” heal from times when another’s deception because we are all different and heal in various ways.

It is a little ironic that I started a post about headaches and have been dealing with one ever since. I am hoping for the headache I have had for several days will get better soon, so I can finish the post to share with y’all. I think the information that I have so far will be beneficial to anyone that experiences headaches more than just occasionally. Considering I have been dealing with headaches most of my life, I would have thought I would be used to them by now, but unfortunately, I am not. Even though I deal with pain 24/7 the pain does not stop me from doing what I want in life, but a headache will stop me completely. I guess no one has or could get used to them though.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I am sorry that I have been a little absent lately, but hopefully that will change soon, and this headache will go away. I am looking forward to reading your comments, which I will respond to as quickly as I possibly can. Even though I know the COVID cases as decreased greatly, I hope you are all continuing to stay as safe as you can. Please remember that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Battle For America’s Soul

I want to give y’all a fair warning before you begin reading this post. It is definitely longer than my typical posts and about something WAY different than anything I have ever written about before. I am proud of what I have written, but it is controversial and I typically tread lightly on this type of topic.

The state of the world has and continues to be engulfed in extremely challenging times. Many of these issues we consistently see have blanketed the world for decades and are not displaying any of the changes we desperately need. Unfortunately, there have been massive levels of deception, hidden agendas, and misinformation shared with us, especially within the government.

While this is an election year, everyone has their own opinion of what is right and wrong. The levels of division throughout the United States, is increasing steadily and continues to bleed into the rest of the world daily. All of the political drama is even creating high amounts of tension and hostility between family and friends. I am telling y’all this and am very ashamed to admit, even though I detest politics, I do have incredibly strong views that are very opposite of some people that I know. Of course, this has caused some frustration and arguments with those who think differently than I do.

We have all heard there are some topics we should avoid discussing with family and friends, which couldn’t be truer. The two main topics that we have been told to avoid are religion and politics. Considering my strong and very passionate beliefs that everyone should be treated equally and with respect, I do not ever allow anyone or anything to sway my thoughts. Maybe I am too passionate about some issues, but that is just who I am.

I have tried the best I can to never to a post that was fueled by politics, but there are only 3 more days until Election Day. This year’s election might be the most important election of our lifetime because the lives of human beings depend on it. The lives of human beings must become a much bigger priority than politics and politicians feelings. Lives need to be more important that wherever you stand politically.

Now is an important time to really think and remember ALL the innocent lives that have been lost under the painfully failed leadership of Donald Trump. How do you think a strong leader should and would respond when faced with a deadly virus? Instead of warning the American people about this virus when he was first informed about it in January, he decided to downplay the virus. He continued saying it was a hoax and not that serious, and never admitted that wearing a mask was crucial. The man that is responsible for the deaths of over 229,000 Americans, still isn’t doing anything to help the people that he “works” for because he cares more about his failing pole numbers. A “man” that cares more about his ratings in an election than he does about the lives of the people he is supposed to protect is NOT a leader!

In my opinion, a strong, compassionate, honest, genuine, and true leader would care far less about being reelected and more about the lives of the people voting. Instead of foolish and immature name calling, a leader should stand up and do what is right! Constantly blaming China and calling COVID-19 the Chinese virus, the president should take some responsibility and admit to the world his wrong doings and fight to make it right. By the president calling his virus the Chinese virus, there are too many Asian American’s being harmed and bullied, which is wrong!

Tuesday November 3rd is the Election Day! Even though the virus causes major concerns for safety, it is SO important everyone find a way to vote this year! I am not and will not tell you who to vote for or tell you who I voted for because no matter where you stand politically, every vote matters. We all have a chance right now to do what is best and needed for the lives of everyone around the world.

Whoever the president is, whether Donald Trump is reelected or Joe Biden becomes the next president of The United States, he will have a huge and awful mess to handle. It is going to require time, patience, dedication, selflessness, and pure determination to recover or at least begin healing from the pain and tragic years we have endured.

Over the past few years it seems like the amount of hatred, disrespect, lack of accountability, division of people, complete disregard for the lives of others, bullying, and many other unkind behaviors are increasing rapidly. While this is happening, the important things in life such as truth, kindness, respect, compassion, and love are diminishing. Now, not as a Republican, Democrat, or Independent, we need to stand together as human beings and DO what is right for the county.

It doesn’t matter if you vote in person or by mail, just as long as your vote is in. The 2020 election is the MOST important election we have ever been part of. I do firmly believe the outcome of this election will make or break the United States. Of course, the United States is not a perfect country, but it has the potential to be much better than it is right now.

I am sorry if any part of this was offensive because that was not my intent. I am also sorry that this post sounded negative, but this is real life and I fear for the lives of other people. It seems pretty clear to me that the president does not care the way he should about human life. In fact, the president is holding rallies for hopes for his reelection and yet not enforcing any safety measures. Many people that have attended these gatherings have either ended up with COVID-19 or hospitalized due to extreme heat or cold, but that does not stop this man.

Whether you agree or disagree with anything I have shared in this post, you are entitled to your opinion. The one thing I know we will all agree on is, lives of others matters and keeping ourselves, our loved ones, and anyone with a beating heart safe MATTERS! Of course, I welcome your comments and will respond as quickly as I can. All I am going to ask is, I respect what your views are, so please respect mine as well.

Thank you for visiting my site today! This was definitely something very different from what I normally write about, but I felt it was time to let my voice be heard. It is time that we all need to unite, despite politics. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and many positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Feelings that have built up

Beware in advance, I want y’all to know this post is the most personal I have written and extremely emotional. It is also rather long, but not as long as at least one another post.

Everyone’s life unfolds in unique and often challenging ways. No matter how things appear on the outside, no one has the “picture perfect” life. Our lives are full of happy times and hard times, which might not be equal. When someone experiences something that is painfully difficult and they somehow overcome those times, others may not know how in the world they overcame such tragic times and they never ask. How many times have we been asked in life if there was anything we would change? I can recall countless times, but my answer will never change. Anything that occurred in life that was hard, I feel that I am strong because of the hardest times in life and therefore would not change anything at all.

How would you respond if I were to ask you, what would you change in your life if you could? Sure, there are probably hard times you might wish you did not encounter. If those hard times never happened, would you still be the person you are today? Maybe you would, but maybe you wouldn’t. I say this because things I went through in life, I don’t know if I would be who I am if those things didn’t happen.

2020 has been a difficult year so far and we do not know when or if things will improve. I want to believe that what the United States has witnessed will open everyone’s eyes to the state of our nation. We have NOT had ANY leadership over the past three and a half years. We have watched what feels like the fall of a country that was supposed to be “strong”, “fair”, and “equal”. The entire world was exposed to COVID-19 and most other countries acted in a way that protected the citizens when the United States acted late which caused hundreds of thousands of people to unnecessary lose their lives. There is no way to know if the government had acted sooner, those lives lost could have been saved, and sadly that is what these individual’s families must live with.

Unfortunately, there are still way too many people that believe the lies the president says and tweets. These are the same people that follow their “leaders” example and fail to wear masks when out in public and seem to not understand what is meant by social distancing. I guess it makes sense because we all saw the president and the crowd on the 4th of July close together possibly spreading the virus to one another and yet somehow magically neither the president nor vice president seems to get the virus. Y’all already know that I am terrified of the virus and I do have a weakened immune system because of the medication I take for Multiple Sclerosis.

I will say that finally, several states have made masks when out in public mandatory. Those that fail to comply with wearing masks will be fined. I hardly leave the house these days but did go to the pharmacy on Friday. They had in huge sign in bold letters saying that all customers entering the store must wear a mask or they will be asked to leave immediately.

It has also been made painfully clear that the United States has enormous problems with racial injustice and police killing unarmed black people. I am not naïve enough or blind to the fact that not all American’s are treated equally and it makes me feel shame for the country.

All my life I have always treated everyone the same and never judged anyone based on anything besides the way they treated others. I appreciate the beauty in the differences others show and find those distinctions fascinating. I think if we were all exactly the same, this world would be rather boring and we would miss out on some incredible opportunities.

We are already more than halfway through 2020. The news has put a lot of focus onto either COVID-19, politics, police brutality or the latest with the Epstein insanity. For starters, the United States knew about COVID-19 on January 20, 2020, but did not act on it until March. That left about a month and a half for the virus to spread throughout the country. How many months did the president say this highly contagious and deadly virus was a hoax or not that serious? The answer is just simply way too many and it should have been taken seriously starting back in January.

I am sure my feelings are pretty clear throughout this entire post. I am ashamed of how the country I was born and raised in has behaved for the past three and a half years and honestly probably many more. It will not come as a shock to anyone, but I am not and never have been a fan of Donald Trump. I think the way he blames everyone else for what has gone wrong in the world, how he disrespects everyone that disagrees with him and the media for doing their job, the revolting names he calls others, the way he refers to other countries “shit holes”, the way he has absolutely has no respect for the country he represents or the people living there, and so much more than just repulsive. This man cares so much about his pole numbers that rapidly dwindling and of course, he is blaming the democrats, when truthfully it is his own fault.

I think y’all know I always try my best to be optimistic and believe that positive thoughts will lead to a positive outcome. I also know how incredibly negative this post might seem, but these feelings have built up for a while now. I want to apologize if anything I have written was offensive to you and hope you know that was never my intent. I am a very sensitive person so hearing about the countless people that are dying daily because of COVID-19 breaks my heart and tend to have me in tears. Of course, I do not know any of the people that lost their lives to this virus, but they meant something to someone else.

I also have never been a political person and found most if not all politicians to be dishonest. Trump and Pence have proven my views of dishonest politicians. It is hard for me to understand how anyone could know about how many people have died because of a virus and how it would not affect them. It will never make sense to me how anyone that represents a country and not care about the people. How they sleep soundly at night is a mystery to me.

Since the news first broke about Jeffrey Epstein in 2005 it has made me sick. I then read a book by one of my favorite authors, James Patterson wrote about Epstein which made my feelings even more intense. After Epstein was arrested I thought that justice had been made for his victims.

Of course, he ended up committing suicide while in prison which could be viewed as a good thing, but it was an easy and selfish way out for him and his victims did not get to testify and feel the closure they may have needed. The latest with the Epstein situation was his long-term confidant and associate a female was arrested. This woman helped find Epstein young girls to become another victim and she also participated. Any woman that is capable of doing this kind of harm to a young and innocent girl is vile and appalling and should feel shame for the ways they ruined the child’s youth.

I do realize this might have not been the most positive thing I have written, but this is how I feel. Again, I am sorry if I have offended anyone reading this and hope I did not discourage you from reading future things I write.

This post was very personal and full of raw emotions. I do appreciate you taking the time to read and I encourage you to leave a comment, which I will respond to as quickly as I can.

Y’all know I am starting my new full-time, work from home job tomorrow and I plan to continue blogging as much as I can. No matter how busy I get I will continue doing Motivational Monday, Pick Me Up Thursday and Let It Go Friday! Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, and many positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa