Brain MRI Day

good afternoonGood afternoon y’all! I hope your weekend is starting off wonderfully! Last night I was able to have my much-needed and dreaded brain MRI. Even though over my 18 years with Multiple Sclerosis I have had SO many MRI’s, I was still extremely nervous! However, if I am being 100% honest I am WAY more nervous about getting the results next week! The waiting period will be brutal because my mind will go in a million different directions and most of those directions lead to the negative thoughts. I am trying to be logical, which is not always easy for me because I know there is no amount of stress or worrying that will change what these results are going to show and all that worrying will just add stress to my life leading to even more PAIN!  

With all the MRI’s I have had in my 18 years with Multiple Sclerosis, this one was just of the brain. It was not long at all and the two MRI techs were absolutely amazing. One of them was the same tech I have had several times before, so it was not scary at all. It was pretty funny because Radiologythe one I have seen many time previously said to me, “Alyssa, do you have any questions before we get started?” Before I was even able to speak he said, “You know I can not tell you anything because this needs to be read by the Radiologist and I just do not have that type of knowledge. Now you also already know you can go online in a few days and read the full report.” I do tend to always ask at the end of the test if they saw anything like lesions. I hate waiting to see the doctor and I know the techs can see the images and probably have a somewhat educated guess on what they are looking at. My goodness they are so stubborn about sharing any news with me which I kind of think that is just mean, just kidding! He did make one funny remark by saying he was happy to announce that I do still have a brain!

For some reason today I am in so much pain, but I am doing my best to just rest. I do tend to use my Saturday’s as a day of rest and anything I think needs to be done waits until Intraoperative-MRI_Joyce_690x380pxlSunday. More than likely the reason for my pain is due to stressing about the MRI and also the argument I had with my mother on the way to the MRI. Isn’t it funny how when you are stressed about something all it takes is one comment to make the calm barriers fall down hard? The smallest of disagreements can turn into a disaster! I am not proud of this, but I am very strong in my nature and can have a hot temper when provoked. Anything I am really passionate about causes me to protect and defend it to the fullest. I will say things I mean, but it will come out in a very hostile manner. I do also believe that anything that happened yesterday is in the past and can not be changed, so all you can do is move on with life and hopefully be less hostile, but we will see about that!

Thank you for visiting my site today and I hope y’all have a great and restful weekend! IHappy-Weekend.-Do-what-makes-you-smile-and-be-happy will do my best to stay calm and definitely not continue thinking about “what” the results are going to tell me on Thursday. I think the only thing I can do between now and Thursday is keep my mind busy by thinking about only the positives aspects of life! Even though those positives can be hard to find because of all the negative in life are still there! Please remember that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

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What are the struggles & benefits of living with a chronic illness?

Struggles and benefitsThe struggles of living with any chronic illness are numerous and endless. So many chronic illnesses come with various issues that might be difficult to treat, which can and does lead to SO much frustration. Through many visits to several different doctors, we are caught up in SO much medical debt, because the United States does not offer free healthcare like ALL other developed countries offer! For instance, I am required to see my MS Specialist to try slowing the progression of my illness down, but have to see another specialist to treat the pain issues! It does not make any sense to me because the pain is a direct result of the MS, so why it is my MS specialist can not treat the pain as well? Oh that’s right, because there is an opioid epidemic so anything related to pain needs to be monitored by a painchronic-pain-chain-diagram specialist who only sees me for 3-5 minutes every 2 months! Do you really think the pain doctor actually specialized in pain or they just could not hack it with being a real doctor? That might sound a little cruel as I am sure this “pain specialist” passed medical school, but seriously there are no medical schools out there that really specialize in pain!

Another struggle those of us that are living with a chronic illness faces is dealing with the dreaded insurance companies! We all know these insurance companies only see $$ dollar signs when they see our information come through! They know our medications cost a small fortune, so therefore we pad their paychecks with the many medications we are required to take. I know that my Gilenya alone without assistance would cost around $1500 a month and that is with insurance! Who can afford that on the wages we make? That’s right NO ONE can and quotes-to-inspire-people-with-chronic-illness-RM-alt-722x406therefore our conditions would worsen drastically over time! Do the insurance companies care? NOT AT ALL! I do believe that the insurance companies and government work together so they can be very well off in life without any regard for human life! Now with the talk among the government, some of us many worry that we will lose our expensive insurance in the near future. I do sincerely hope that I am wrong about this though, but that is honestly what I think is on the agenda!

Some of us may worry about the struggles of working a full-time job, as many of us probably can not afford to work part-time hours! Even if we are able to work a schedule with reduced hours this can not only be a financial burden, but also causes nonsenseYou-Dont-Look-Sick-722x406 judgments from co-workers! The comments that are made can be extremely frustrating and offensive, but we are doing all we can in life! I know that all of us would prefer to be able to tolerate full-time work, but when we are not able to we are doing the best we can and should not be looked down on! As you can probably tell I have heard the comments made about working ONLY 6 hour days, but I am pushing myself to do this!

Another struggle some of us may face is fun times with parking! Some of us may have handicap parking, which should be making our lives easier! However, some may look perfectly normal to the naked eye. We may suffer from something know as an “Invisible Illness”, which of course we feel but NO ONE sees our struggles! They may make butterflies-cant-see-their-wingsignorant comments about someone who looks completely normal parking in a handicap parking space. Rude comments have been made towards me and it did hurt my feeling terribly! But it has now been a few years since I was given the handicap parking, so I have had many experiences that I want to forget ever happened. Now days I do not allow negative comments to get to me as much and just feel sorry for the people making the ignorant comments and even worse for their children to grow up in that horrible environment because they may end up just as ignorant!

Fatigue and migraines are somethings I know many of us deal with almost daily! Both of these can be relatively difficult, but we handle them the best we can! Now I do not get migraines daily, but I get them enough to understand how hard they are to cope with.Background concept wordcloud illustration of fatigue Fatigue on the other hand I struggle with daily! I normally begin feeling much fatigue around 1:00 every day which is why I get into work earlier. For some reason, I feel much better earlier in the day and worse as the day progresses. It does not matter what time I wake up, always around 1:00 I feel like I need a nap!

OH WOW I almost forgot, I did say there were benefits to living with a chronic illness! The benefits are often very difficult to find, but they are there somewhere deep down. When living with an illness has NO cure it can make us more sympathetic, empathetic, and compassionate to what others might be dealing with at any moment in life. It may falling down is how we groweven give us the opportunity to meet others that understand our struggles and also offer support to others living with something similar! It may take work, but we are able to build strong networks with many others that can be very beneficial to all that is involved. Through the blogging community, I have been able to build powerful and valuable connections with SO many very incredible people who I have come to care so much for! I am truly thankful for all of my blogging friends and feel we might not have met if it were not for the chronic illness!

I sincerely appreciate you visiting my site today and always encourage your comments as they are fantastic! I hope y’all have a lovely day and you are feeling the best you can! Please remember that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

Calming Sunday!

happy sundayGood evening y’all! I hope your weekend has been very pleasant and enjoyable! Considering I am still feeling so much pain and fatigue, I literally have done NOTHING today! Doing absolutely nothing for one entire day has been both calming to my out of control nerves and peaceful! I can not believe I have missed out on this feeling for so many years! I am always one who wants to be on the constant move no matter how I am feeling, partially because when I am still, I feel pain a lot more!. Doing things around the house, organizing my week ahead and ensuring that everything that needs to be completed is done by the end of the day on Sunday has always been the way my weekends flow. It sounds SO crazy when I think about that a little deeper because things will always get taken care of when they are meant to, so why rush things along?

I think everyone is already very well aware that I am very disturbed by how the United States has been behaving lately. I feel strongly that the behavior of those in charge is setting a very BAD impression and example for all Americans, as some of us do still struggles and frustrationsbelieve in EQUALITY and LOVE❤! Of course there are still some Americans that blindly follow those in charge, which is sad and unfortunate! I find it extremely hard to relate to anyone that does not see what is really happening in this country! I am sorry if anyone finds this statement offensive, but it is how I feel everyday of my life. I have and always will see everyone as just human with no other judgement! I do not appreciate being constantly lied to from those in power of the country I live in because I feel that honesty is the best and only way to live!

I want to apologize for the slight tangent I went off on. I try to stay hopeful that things are going to get better and not any worse, but there is no guarantees with those making the decisions that inflict damage on our lives daily! Currently I feel that I am living in a your patienceconstant state of fear that I am going to end up losing health insurance because I have a pre-existing condition that I never choose to live with. I do not feel that I should be punished for living with a chronic illness, as that alone is punishment enough, so for our government to decide I may not qualify for insurance is absurd! This has not happened yet, but I do think it is in the works! Hell I think I already pay WAY too much for insurance! But it is scary for me  to think that Trump could easily have a bad day and have a temper tantrum that will eliminate healthcare for those with chronic illness! 

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for visiting my site today! I do encourage your amazing comments and promise I will response as quickly as I possibly can! I know some of what I have written is a lot different that what I normally write about, but my frustrations have been elevating drastically each day and every day I hear of what is going on in the United States. Trying to find the positive in what is going on is difficult, but I am sure it is there somewhere! I hope you have a lovely and relaxing evening! Please never forget that I am always sending you LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

** I forgot to ask y’all! Do any of you have Facebook as well? As of August 1st, all my blog post do not link to Facebook any longer and I kind of want them to still link to Facebook. Do you by chance know what I need to do, so I do not have to continue posting to Facebook manually?**

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

 

Bad night turns to a bad day!

stressOverwhelming stress will only cause literally nothing but a terrible amount of pain! For reasons I can completely acknowledge, I was in so much pain last night and could not turn my brain off long enough to get any sleep. I would just lay in bed worrying about every little thing in life and then look over at the clock and just think, “Well if I fall asleep now, I will get 4 hours asleep”. Then an hour later still be awake and see the time and once again think to myself, “ If I could just fall asleep now, I will get 3 hours of sleep.” This went on all night and in turn I was not able to go to work today. Truthfully I am really disappointed in myself because I had been doing so well this week working six and a half hours, so to turn around and miss an entire day is just discouraging! I did think about just trying to push myself to go into work on ZERO hours of sleep, but I also knew that would not do my health any good and getting that run down would cause my health to deteriorate even more.

I can not say and be 100% sure if my increased amount of pain is due to the crazy stress 1weather or to the unrelenting stress life continues to throw at me! I never was good at dodge ball, so the stress just keeps hitting me hard! I often wonder if I am causing the stress I feel to take control of my life and I am actually the one that is responsible for making it worse. I know that allowing stress to bombard my thoughts is NOT any good for my friend “MS”, but I also do not seem to have the strength to avoid it and let it just roll of my back. It never fails, instead of when I am faced with anything I know will be stressful, I am not able to just fight to find something a little more peaceful to focus on, but I focus completely on what is causing my stressful thoughts! I can give advice all day long to others on how to handle stressful times, but I NEVER take my own advice!

Now that I am home for the day to allow my terribly achy and fatigued body to rest, all I can do is be hard on myself for breaking the success I did make by working more hours Monday-Thursday! How is it possible that I had such a successful week and now I am in so much pain it hurts to move? Did I push myself too hard in the beginning of the week by trying my hardest to work more hours because of how busy it is right now? I do not feel like I i will breatham capable of not being hard on myself because just last year I was working many more hours and I was fine! Why since October am I not able to do more like I use to be able to? Is it possible that I am now just allowing the MS to win the battle and control my life? That is not me and is just not the way I ever planned for my life to be. I had always planned to control this illness as much as I could, but seem to be failing miserably at that lately! I guess the truth is control is really just an illusion and what is going to happen, it just going to happen! We are not able to control things that are really uncontrollable, in all reality we are only able to control how we handle the difficult times in life.

In all honesty, the only thing I can do right now is rest in order to get better before the new week starts again. I will not give up on the progress I was making earlier this week, I will try again next week and just hope for a better outcome! I really need to learn how to handle my stress levels A LOT better than I have been because really all I am doing by allowing the stress to consume me is destroying my own body and my health! I can dont-lose-hope-everything-happens-for-a-reason-you-never-6877637promise myself all day long that I will make the necessary changes, but I do not know how to. Writing is definitely a great way for me to get my thoughts out which does help some, but I need to find even more ways to cut the stress out completely and for good! Do y’all have any suggestions on how to do this?

I hope y’all had a pleasant Friday the 13th and I hope you are looking forward to your weekend! I do really appreciate you stopping by my site today and look forward to reading your fantastic comments, which I promise I will respond to as quickly as  I possibly can! Please remember that no matter what I may be dealing with in life, I am always sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

Already half way through the year!

half way through 2018Good afternoon y’all! Can you believe tomorrow is already July and we are half way through 2018? I had so many expectations for this year, but unfortunately nothing has really changed since 2017. I kind of feel like I am trapped in the quick sand of life and can not seem to find my way to the better side!

Have you ever felt like you were drowning in the struggles that life throws at you? There are some days that I feel like I am just treading the waters of a painful life and sinking relatively fast! I have heard the saying, “Life does not give you anything you can’t handle”. But I mean come on there does not seem to be an end in the amount of tests I am given daily. I do like to believe that I am a pretty strong person, but everyone has a breaking point and they need some easy days!

How has your year been thus far? Did you set goals for 2018 and have you been able to Goals without a planreach them? I am not saying for even one second that if you have not accomplished your goals by now that you won’t be able to, it is just all a matter of never giving up and believing you can do anything you set your mind to! When we fall down and feel like we have crashed and burned, we just have to stand back up, brush ourselves off and keep moving forward! There are still six more months to go to achieve any goals we had for this year, but it just seems like Keys-to-Setting-Goalstime is flying by and not giving a moment for us to catch up.

Do you remember where you were last year at this time? I do remember where I was and it was not a great time for me at all. I was debating with myself if I should let the medication I had been on for 6 years go and try something new! Through a lot of internal discussions and against my doctor’s advice, I ended up dropping the Gilenya to give Tecfidera a chance. The combination of the stress I put on myself and changing medications, I ended up with the worse relapse I have had since being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. It was a terrible time in life and I am honestly still feeling some of the consequences now. Of course I did end up going back on the Gilenya because it was apparently strong enough to help control the progression of the Multiple Sclerosis. Even though this difficult time in my life has lasted a long time, I still believe that giving up is just not an option for me and never will be! I am still trying my best each an every day and little by little I do believe I livelaughlovewill get back to my “normal” self again, whatever that may be. 

Now honestly do you sometimes feel that for every step forward you take, there are always two steps backwards in return? In situations when you feel like this, it is just always important to pull yourself together and just fight to take more steps in the right direction! Life was never meant to be full of sunshine and rainbows, but it is all just a learning experience that can be down right painful at times. I do believe that each struggle we face in this journey of life is just a building block that enables us to be a lot stronger than we would have been! We seldom get to choose what our difficulties in life are, but we do always get to decide how we are going to handle them!

Thank you so much for visiting my site on this beautiful Saturday! I hope your weekend is starting off lovely and you will be able to enjoy the rest of it! Remember that this is the last Saturday of June, so make it wonderful! I do always encourage your amazing comments and I will respond to you as quickly as I possibly can! I do not have too many plans for the weekend, but I do have 2 award nominations and 2 tags to work on, so hopefully I will get them done by the end of the weekend! As always, I am sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

 

Just Another Day

just-another-day.jpgGood afternoon y’all! For me today is just another day of resting trying to get past this incredible amount of pain I have been dealing with for WAY too long! This obnoxious pain is mixed with that burning sensation that will not cool down, tingling throughout my entire body, numbness which sounds like it would be better than pain, but it really isn’t it is almost worse and a headache that seems never-ending! The nurse practitioner I normally deal with is off today and the doctor that I do my best to avoid is in clinic today, which makes her pretty much unavailable. The only thing the nurse I spoke with was able to say is rest and staying hydrated is important until I can get the MRI, which I was still waiting to hear back from the assistance program. I did just email the Multiple Sclerosis Society of America, which is the company that will either approve or deny assistance for me to get MRI assistance. Now the response I got back from my email was quite upsetting, which is something I really did not need today. They stated the doctor did not provide an order for the MRI, which made no sense to me considering I did send them everything I was instructed to by the doctor’s office, imagine that another miscommunication from them! To hopefully make things actually work out for me, I emailed the nurse requesting the MRI order. Honestly the nurse has been the ONLY person at this office that has been at all helpful to me.  Maybe I will get that back from them sometime this week!!

It is a little frustrating when you are doing everything you possibly can to get well, but itbutterfly-3054736_960_720 just isn’t working the way it should be! I am resting, staying hydrated and taking all the medications the doctor has prescribed, but there is still NO relief yet! My guess is the stress this issue is causing me is not helping me get better, but it is in fact making things so much worse! Isn’t it crazy when we know what is causing our problems to become worse, but yet we still change absolutely nothing with our thought process? Obviously I know exactly what is making all my pain more intense, but I am still getting myself worked up and upset about it anyways!

I think to help get my mind off of my many pain issues; I am going to work more on my bullet journal I am trying to put together. I do not want to start it at the end of the month because I do not think that makes sense, so I am planning this for July! My plan so far is to have a few trackers that will include: symptoms and food I eat in a day (this will be to peace 1see what foods could be causing more issues for me). I want to also include a Hopes & Dreams page, Positive thinking page to really keep my mind in a happy place and a Gratitude page. I might include a page of books that I want to read considering sometimes I think of a book I want to read, but then forget the title! Then lastly I want to include a page of ideas for my blog because I come up with random ideas, but then forget what I wanted to write about when I try to start! I guess I can contribute my forgetful mind to brain fog from the MS.

I really appreciate y’all visiting my site today! Your comments are always appreciate and encouraged because I do love hearing from y’all! I am doing my best to respond as quickly as I can, but with the way I am feeling there is a chance I might be a little delayed, but I will respond!! I hope y’all are having a good day and feeling well! As always no matter how I am feeling or what I am dealing with I am sending y’all LOTS of ❤love and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

Running on EMPTY!

Well spent SundayGood afternoon y’all! I hope you are having a pleasant and relaxing Sunday! My poor mind has been going in so many different directions this weekend! I think I might have hit the wall today because I could not sleep AT ALL last night! I have so many random thoughts running through my mind and this is to the extend I can not just focus on just one.

I have been stressed to the MAX about various things my car being one of them. That poor car has been having issues for the past two weeks and even after placing a special order for the part needed, it is still not satisfied! My husband put the part needed in last night which did fix the problem. We were able to drive my car around our neighborhood a few times, but now a completely unrelated issue has appeared, the car will not switch gears! I mean what in the world could be wrong now? I am unsuccessfully trying to be optimistic that we will figure out what the issue is now and be able to fix it without spending too much money! The reason I am failing with this is because that car seems to have a never-ending bad attitude!dont-give-up-galaxy-hold-on-hope-Favim.com-1428490

My constant pain that will not let up is also causing me to be more than just stressed. Like I do not know what is beyond stressed, but that is how I feel! This pain has been going on for way too long and I really feel I have been patient enough, but I NEED a break! The constant headaches cause me to not be able to focus on what I need to be focused on. The incessant leg and back pain is so becoming SO  FRUSTRATING!! When nothing relieves that pain, what do you do??

Another thing that weighs heavy on my mind is the state of our country because of the government’s behavior.I normally do not bring politics into a conversation, but this is very disturbing to me.  I am not able to put myself in the mind-set of a politician, so I just do not understand why we all can not just get along. Watching the country I grew up in be destroyed at a very fast pace is stressmind-blowing and extremely sad! It is difficult seeing what the problems are and not being able to do anything to fix the issues! 

I am pretty logical person, well most of the time at least, so I know that being overwhelmingly stressed is very unhealthy! I know staying stressed will not make anything better and it is only going to cause me more pain, but I can not seem to turn my mind off! I doubt the lack of sleep is helping me at all right now, but the pain I am in will not even allow me to even take a nap! So I decided writing about it may help ease my stressed out mind! I know this post has been a little all over the place, but this is a mild form of how much is on my mind! 

I appreciate y’all visiting my site today and I strongly encourage you to leave a comment. I always love your comments and I will respond to you just as quickly as I can. I hope your day is going well and I hope the rest of your Sunday is wonderful. Please never forget that I am always sending you LOTS of ❤love and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤