Result are finally in!!

drum-roll-pleaseGood evening y’all! I hope you had a great day and you are thankful tomorrow is Friday, I know I am! I have definitely had a long week because I was so stressed about what my MRI results were going to show. I can honestly say that worrying and stressing did not change the results!

I am beyond happy to share with y’all that the MRI I had on Friday was MUCH better than the one I had last October. In October, in the words of my neurologist, my brain was on FIRE with many new and very active lesions. That was terrifying for me to learn as I am sure it would be for anyone, but the one I just had improved drastically. The numerous good resultslesions that were causing all my issues last year have healed as much as they are going to! My absolutely fabulous NP was so happy to see how much better my MRI was on Friday in comparison to how horrible it was last year! She told me and my husband how surprised she was to see how much I have managed to improve in just ten short months! She also said that it seems that Gilenya is just the right MS drug for me! I told her that I have NO intentions of changing stress-effects-fbmedications again until there is a cure! I am not preaching that everyone should be on Gilenya because we all have different body chemistry. What works for me might have the adverse effect on someone else. 

We did talk about the dizziness and pain I am still dealing with. She has said to me many times before that she thinks that my pain could be caused from the stress I seem unable to control. We have all heard many times that stress is a killer and I do really believe that! You know there is an app for everything, but she shared an app with me about stress and MS. I am going to give it a chance, I mean it can’t hurt anything!stress is the cause This app is available for iPhone and Android under the play store, it is called ImageryWork. There is also a website if you are interested, Imagerywork.com. I have known for a long time that I needed to get a handle on my stress because I have felt what it does to my body. It will be SO INCREDIBLY wonderful if controlling and managing my stress will eliminate the majority of my pain! I think I have lived with this pain for way too long and maybe there is something I can do to help it!

There are a number of reasons I could be experiencing dizzy spells. One the she really pushed on me was eating more! Both her and my husband dizzinessthink I should try eating 4-5 smalls meals each day, which I never do! I am going to try having small snacks throughout the day and not worrying about whether it is healthy or not and if I am going to gain a lot of weight! Weight has always been a huge worry of mine and I know how stupid that is in the big picture. Truthfully, I am NOWHERE near being overweight, in fact I am underweight according to the NP. 

So, I guess what I learned today is all the issues I am having, like increased pain and dizziness is my own fault. I am going to work on making the necessary changes to mytrytobea-min health so I will actually feel normal, whatever that is! All of the support and encouraging comments I have received from y’all have been SO appreciated. Y’all helped me through a very difficult time, which I guess I kind of caused. I really am very relived that my MS is not progressing like I was thinking and that the Gilenya is doing it’s part for me!

I hope y’all have a wonderful and relaxing evening! Please always know that no matter what I might be dealing with, I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

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Looking back over last year

never look backDeciding to read back over the posts that I made over this past year has been a little scary, upsetting and satisfying all at the same time, if that makes any kind of sense. This past year really has been pretty darn hellacious and that is putting it mildly! There seems to have been so many ups that gave me hope, but then the falls that followed were just that much more discouraging. Getting back up after a failed attempt at something may seem like a daunting task, but it is also a necessity in life. Allowing for anything to keep us down for long is just not an option in my mind because if we stay down, we are only allowing for what brought us down to win the ever so long battle.

I think that in the past, I have had a faithful dedication to believing blindly in hope. I was naïve to think that hope could change everything and still do believe that to a lesser extent. Honestly I think one of the reasons for me losing hope is because of just how Hope-1-100Pedalshorrible the world has become in a very short amount of time. The negativity and pure hatred that has been bred by those leading the country has been incredibly upsetting and terribly shocking! Living in a country that was once known for its freedom and justice for all, has made a drastic change at becoming the polar opposite and that is quite frightening to me. The downward spiral happened so painful fast and building the beliefs we all once stood for back up seem almost impossible. I feel this country started to become much more equal for everyone once upon a time, but now it seems like everyone is against everyone else for no real apparent reason besides becoming way too passive and folding! How can you change the thoughts of others that are just stand upsimply following what the leaders are doing?

I think in a world so full of chaos it takes kind-hearted❤ and loving people to stand up for what they still truly believe in their hearts! Is that difficult? Possibly yes, but it is for the shear fear of ridicule and not be accepted by our peers. But, really who wants to be accepted by those that have so much hate in their hearts? I honestly do not have any desires to be accepted into that world. I would much rather stand-alone if it means I am not giving up the beliefs I hold dear in my heart and soul!

So when I said that I have started to lose faith in hope, it is because hope sometimes feels like a foreign object that many others lost a long time ago. Hope is a like fragile piece of don't lose hopeglass that if it is pushed around too forcibly can and will break under the pressure that is forced on it. I like to believe that the strength I have deep in my heart and soul is powerful enough to defeat the constant negativity I have been faced with daily! I am only one person with a strong voice when pushed into a corner, but I will always stay true to my beliefs and passions!

I know I started this off by talking about looking back over the past year and kind of got off on a different tangent. What I can say is this past year has helped me grow stronger happiest momentsas a person. Last year was the start of a pretty nasty relapse that is still in the healing process. I do not know if all the pain I have been struggling with is ever going to subside, but I do plan to keep the fight moving forward and not allow it to defeat me or threaten my courage. There is absolutely NOTHING I can do to change what happened in the past leading up to the relapse, but I can decide how I am going to handle it from this point on. I do not truly think I can go back to where I was or who I was last year at this time, but that person I was is still in me somewhere just a little more rattled by the torture of MS. No matter how beat down I might feel at times, I am still just me!

I hope y’all have had a nice and restful weekend. After the hellish week I had, I have done my best to recuperate so I can tolerant the week ahead of me. Do I plan to push myself to the limits again? Probably not as forceful, but I will still test my limits because that is what living is all about. Thank y’all for visiting my site today and every other day. Y’all always leave me with the best comments and I do treasure what you have to say! I hope y’all are able to enjoy your Sunday and prepare yourself for the start of a new week, leaving behind anything that happened last week! As always I am sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Physical & Emotional Pains team up!

great afternoonGood afternoon y’all! I hope you have had an amazing weekend and you are feeling the best you possibly can. I hope wherever you live the weather has been treating you well and there has not too much extreme with the temperatures. I know where I live there have been many extremes and it has been absolutely insanely HOT!

Physical and emotional pains tend to all blend together over time. I think at times it is almost hard to distinguish the difference between the two, especially if they are both overly intense. We all go through times during our lives when we struggle with certain aspects of life and there is no denying that is emotionally painful. Some people when struggling with emotional pain hold it inside because maybe they do not want to burden anyoneno-pain-no-gain-by-ms-anu-mehta-39-638 else with what they are battling internally. I can speak from personal experience that when I am dealing with something that is deeply emotional to me, I do not want to talk to anyone about the issues. I will let most things fester in my own mind, which honestly only causes SO much additional stress. I think that for people who really know me, I am not able to hide when I am terribly disturbed about something because it is clearly all over my face and my demeanor changes drastically. I would make the absolute WORST poker player because I do not do well masking what I feel. The bad part about holding all the emotional struggles inside is, I feel like I am going to explode after a while! Have you ever shaken a bottle of coke vigorously? When you finally open that bottle, the coke will explode all over the place because of all the pressure it felt while being Pain-Changes-Peopleshaken. It is not a good feeling to say the least!

Most of us experience physical pain over the course of our lives. There are so many times when that pain may become so intense that it really changes your personality. For the most part I am a happy and positive person, but when my pain becomes too severe it overpowers me and I become reserved and a little negative. I find that I will fly off the handle over the smallest of things and really overreact. Sometimes the pain makes me say things I do not mean and even feel hostility towards something so minuscule that when I think back all I can say is “What was wrong with me?”

Emotional pain can and does trigger even more of the physical pain! I often feel that they are teaming up together just to test my strength and see which one of them will break me first. During times of war between the various pains I deal with, I do my best to hold onto my determination to excel in this life! I think there are many people pain demands to be feltthat when they are faced with too much trauma and or struggles, they tend to just shut down because it is easier that way. I almost think that shutting down makes it so you just can not feel the difficulties of life and also may not care anymore. In my own personal opinion, shutting down completely is the same as giving up and allowing the internal and physical battles win the war. Call me delusional or just completely wrong, but I do feel the only way we can ever fail ourselves and our loved ones is to give up the fight we were chosen to be in.

Thank you so much for stopping by my site today! I always encourage your comments because they are always so fantastic! Please know that I will respond as quickly as I possibly can! I hope your weekend has been filled with nothing but happiness and I hope you are ready for the new week to start tomorrow! Enjoy the rest of your Sunday to the fullest! As always  I am sending y’all LOTS of love ❤and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Bad night turns to a bad day!

stressOverwhelming stress will only cause literally nothing but a terrible amount of pain! For reasons I can completely acknowledge, I was in so much pain last night and could not turn my brain off long enough to get any sleep. I would just lay in bed worrying about every little thing in life and then look over at the clock and just think, “Well if I fall asleep now, I will get 4 hours asleep”. Then an hour later still be awake and see the time and once again think to myself, “ If I could just fall asleep now, I will get 3 hours of sleep.” This went on all night and in turn I was not able to go to work today. Truthfully I am really disappointed in myself because I had been doing so well this week working six and a half hours, so to turn around and miss an entire day is just discouraging! I did think about just trying to push myself to go into work on ZERO hours of sleep, but I also knew that would not do my health any good and getting that run down would cause my health to deteriorate even more.

I can not say and be 100% sure if my increased amount of pain is due to the crazy stress 1weather or to the unrelenting stress life continues to throw at me! I never was good at dodge ball, so the stress just keeps hitting me hard! I often wonder if I am causing the stress I feel to take control of my life and I am actually the one that is responsible for making it worse. I know that allowing stress to bombard my thoughts is NOT any good for my friend “MS”, but I also do not seem to have the strength to avoid it and let it just roll of my back. It never fails, instead of when I am faced with anything I know will be stressful, I am not able to just fight to find something a little more peaceful to focus on, but I focus completely on what is causing my stressful thoughts! I can give advice all day long to others on how to handle stressful times, but I NEVER take my own advice!

Now that I am home for the day to allow my terribly achy and fatigued body to rest, all I can do is be hard on myself for breaking the success I did make by working more hours Monday-Thursday! How is it possible that I had such a successful week and now I am in so much pain it hurts to move? Did I push myself too hard in the beginning of the week by trying my hardest to work more hours because of how busy it is right now? I do not feel like I i will breatham capable of not being hard on myself because just last year I was working many more hours and I was fine! Why since October am I not able to do more like I use to be able to? Is it possible that I am now just allowing the MS to win the battle and control my life? That is not me and is just not the way I ever planned for my life to be. I had always planned to control this illness as much as I could, but seem to be failing miserably at that lately! I guess the truth is control is really just an illusion and what is going to happen, it just going to happen! We are not able to control things that are really uncontrollable, in all reality we are only able to control how we handle the difficult times in life.

In all honesty, the only thing I can do right now is rest in order to get better before the new week starts again. I will not give up on the progress I was making earlier this week, I will try again next week and just hope for a better outcome! I really need to learn how to handle my stress levels A LOT better than I have been because really all I am doing by allowing the stress to consume me is destroying my own body and my health! I can dont-lose-hope-everything-happens-for-a-reason-you-never-6877637promise myself all day long that I will make the necessary changes, but I do not know how to. Writing is definitely a great way for me to get my thoughts out which does help some, but I need to find even more ways to cut the stress out completely and for good! Do y’all have any suggestions on how to do this?

I hope y’all had a pleasant Friday the 13th and I hope you are looking forward to your weekend! I do really appreciate you stopping by my site today and look forward to reading your fantastic comments, which I promise I will respond to as quickly as  I possibly can! Please remember that no matter what I may be dealing with in life, I am always sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Fight for your health!

fight for a cureI hope y’all have a lovely Monday! First day of a new week may bring some wonderful and positive changes to all of our lives! I really appreciate y’all visiting my site today and as always love to read your comments, which I do respond to as quickly as I can! Most of the time I like to write about the random things that are on my mind. This helps me to release all those emotions and then getting your feedback help tremendously, so thank you for all of your fantastic comments!

How do you fight for your health instead of fight against it? It is so important to be vocal with your doctor and never allow them to dismiss what you say or rush you out of the exam room. We all know our bodies and how we are feeling better than anyone, so that should be listened to. I think at times it is hard to admit what our body is telling us and our body feels as though it has to scream it at us, which may cause additional issues. I am one that will ignore issues that arise for as long as possible because I do not want to admit to the problems. Ignoring or neglecting our health will never result in anything beneficial. This is where fighting for our health becomes extremely important. If we ignore what our body is telling us we are actually fighting against our own health.

I am actually going to my MS Specialist on Thursday. I am going to my specialist partially because I am supposed to see her every 6 months and partially because I want to share with her my concerns. I already know going in that my issues with headaches will be dismissed because she seems to think that MS and headaches have no correlation, but I think it is still important to bring the topic up once again. I also want to discuss with her the fact that the issues that came with my relapse in October have not really gone away. I am fully aware that the body heals from each relapse differently, but I should have improved drastically by now and not continue to have pain that affects my ability to work full-time. I just really need answers to why I seem to be at a stand still in health. Do y’all have any suggestions to how to grab this doctor’s attention?

I hope y’all have a great and relaxing evening! As always I am sending y’all lots of love and comfort! Try to hold onto your positive thoughts because they will help in the long run and negative thoughts will only hold you back.

Love 2

Always, Alyssa

Food For Thought!

foodforthoughtThis is just a little food for thought for everyone and I look forward to your responses! I know we all have our own conditions we are dealing with and they all cause various issues. We have learned to live with the pain, dizziness, numbness and numerous medications we are required to take, amongst many other difficulties. There are definitely days that are a lot more difficult to get through than others because we are frustrated with these troubles from our illness. I can only speak for myself, but when my multiple issues act up, I tend to take my frustrations out on my family members or really whoever is closest to me. Do y’all tend to lash out at those that are closest to you because you are aggravated with the medical issues?

One example I can speak to is, when my pain levels are through the roof I get a lot more irritated with the slightest of things. I will allow my pain to control my perception of what others are trying to do, even if they are just trying to help me or offer support. It can be so difficult to not allow for pain to control our emotions because sometimes you feel as though it will never go away!

I always wondered why we feel that it is okay to take our frustrations out on loved ones. I Frustrationguess maybe it is because most of our loved ones understand our struggles and therefore are more forgiving than others that do now know the circumstances would be. Or maybe I have it all wrong and not everyone takes their frustrations out on those closest to them and I am just mean when I am in pain. I do tend to have more of an attitude with my husband and my mother, but I never mean to be ugly to either of them. I also loss my temper a little more with my poor sweet and loving cats for reasons that are not at all logical. I may want them to just lie down and rest, but they have different ideas of what they want to do and I have learned controlling cat is almost impossible! In a logical frame of mind, I know that my husband, mother and cats are just acting out of love and they all want to make me feel better, so I truly feel bad for losing my temper with all of them from time to time!

So with all that said, please let me ask y’all a few quick questions! Do you find yourself taking your frustrations out on your loved ones? Does your significant other typically irritate you more when you are struggling with pain and or other issues? Do you tend to find parents more nagging or overbearing when you are suffering with your health issues? Or do you find it harder to be patient with your children and or pets when your health issues fare up? Oh and Heaven forbid you have to leave the house, do you find others a little Peacemore aggravating that you normally would?

I do try my best to remain quiet when I am dealing with pain, numbness and or headaches because I do not want to say something I know I will regret later. Again, maybe it is just me, but when I am suffering I would prefer to be left alone so that I can begin healing in my own ways. On normal days I do not like talking on the phone, so during these times I definitely have no interest in talking on the phone. I do not want to have to put on a  happy face or be polite and positive, I just want to be left in my own little negative bubble that will pop in time! My negative little bubble does not typically last an extended period of time, but it is my process of getting well! 

I want to thank y’all for visiting my site today and I really do look forward to reading your comments! I will respond to all comments as quickly as I possibly can! I hope y’all are enjoying this beautiful Saturday and doing what you want to do! The weather does not seem to corporate for long so we have to enjoy it when the sun is actually shinning down on us! Sending you love and comfort always!

Love 2

Always, Alyssa

Winter in the South!

closedHappy Wednesday Y’all! It has actually snowed in the south, which closes everything down! I am definitely not complaining since my office was closed today, but will it close again tomorrow due to the icy roads we will have? I do believe it would be the logical and safe thing to do, I just wonder if they will see things the way I do!

I am not a huge fan of the cold weather as it does cause me so much additional pain, but it was really pretty to wake up to see snow falling! The snow has blanketed the cars and ground which is a beautiful sight, as long as I do not have to go out in it or try driving in snowdayit! I am not saying I can not drive in the snow, but my car does not see things the same way I do. However, I do not believe anyone can drive in the ice, which is what things are going to result in tomorrow!

I do believe we have one good snow fall every year! Considering I did grow up in the north a couple of inches would really not mean too much but it does in the south! The south does not see much snow, so I do not believe we have the necessary equipment to handle much if any!

Yesterday I kept saying we were going to have snow today and I do not think anyone believed me! I even sang my made up snow song in hopes for the snow and it worked! Maybe I need to make up another song for my office to be closed tomorrow, so I do not have to try to drive with icy conditions!

Just to give y’all an update on how I have been feeling physically. I have noticed that I do seen better daysstart feeling much worse as the day progresses. My pain and headache issues will be fine in the morning until about 2:00 in the afternoon, but then everything starts to come back. I will slowly start to get a headache and my back and leg pain will hit me hard. This would be the reason why I am not back to my normal full-time hours at work yet, my body just can not handle it. I really am hoping that someday soon I will be back to as normal as I can be and work a full day. Prior to my most recent flare up I could easily work 8 or more hours a day and be fine, but now after 6 hours I am in bad shape. I have been trying to push myself a little further each week and now I am working 7 hours, which has been working fine. If I am able to come home and rest comfortably my pain will subside some! 

I hope y’all are having a good week so far! Thank you for stopping by today to read my thoughts for this fantastic Wednesday! As always your comments are very much appreciated and I will respond to you as quickly as I can! Remember to always do your best to stay positive because y’all know I believe it make dramatic difference in life! I hope y’all are feeling well today and stay feeling well! Sending much love and comfort to all of you!

Love 2

Always, Alyssa