Sunday Hopes!

sunday-1.jpgGood afternoon y’all! I hope your weekend has been absolutely amazing and you are feeling well. I am so glad that I was able to finally able to do a couple posts this weekend because it really brings me SO much joy! I must say that I am still a little shocked that I received two award nominations a couple days apart from each other and feel so thankful to the amazing people that nominated me! Now that I have been given this kind of recognition it leads me to believe that it is possible that I am doing something good with my blog! I have always wanted to be able to inspire and encourage as many as I possibly can and maybe, just maybe, this means that I am doing what I had planned!

If I am being completely transparent, which I always am and find it very important to do so, I have had VERY LOW energy and MANY pain issues this weekend. Of course, pain pain and fatigueand fatigue are just part of my daily life and I am typically able to just ignore them completely and move forward. I tend to not really understand why such issues become more intense at various times, but I think I might have finally determined the reason behind this. It is very possible that I am just a fantastic weather woman! My body tells me when it is going to rain a day ahead of time and I find amusement when the actual weatherman is clueless! On Friday, I started to feel somewhat awful, but it was manageable. Yesterday while I was grocery shopping I started chatting with the cashier, images (10)which I know y’all will find that shocking, just kidding y’all already know I always initiated conversations wherever I go! Anyways, I mentioned to her that I thought it was going to start raining   very soon. She was an older woman and agreed with me. We both said that we feel the rain deep in our bones prior to the first drop falls. Her reason was that she has arthritis and always hurts more when it rains . WOW, this kind of makes me feel older than my years, but I guess such as life and it could be worst!

Even though I am rather tired, I finally have the time to write. Have y’all ever run into download (12)roadblocks when you start writing because you have far too many ideas running around in your mind? I am definitely at that point right now, so please bare with me as I try to sum up a few things that are on my mind!🌸

It has been a couple weeks since I shared my thought that I may be gluten-intolerant. I have done a decent job with cutting gluten of my diet, but definitely not perfect. I have bought many gluten-free foods for my house and can tell a slight difference in the taste. Last night the craziest thing happened to me Wheat-Gluten-Intoleranceand scared the hell out of me. When I was almost done eating dinner, I had a terrible pain in my stomach. This pain was so intense it not only made me very nauseous, but unable to finish my dinner and bent over in pain. Let’s just say without too many details, this was the worst pain my stomach has ever felt. My husband was ready to take me to the Emergency Room and knowing it would cost a small fortune without insurance made my stress increase the pain I was already dealing with drastically.  Thankfully, this all did pass after a little more than an hour and I am okay now, but I also refuse to eat.download (13)

❤❤Another thing I would like to add is two people I know are in need of some extra prayers. The first one is my mother who went to the hospital on Friday because of severe pain in her back. After a many tests, the ER doctor said it could be one of two things. She may end up needing to have her gallbladder removed because of gallstones or she needs to pass a kidney stone. Both of these can be terrifying and very painful. I am just hoping this issue is just a kidney stone that will pass soon ending her pain and not needing surgery. It might sound crazy, but surgeries scare me because  errors can happen.

❤❤The other person that is in need of prayers is a dear blogger friend Jessica. Jessica’s son has been in the hospital for I think about a week now. Her sweet little boy has had to endure being in the hospital with doctors poking and prodding him. This would scare the heck img_0737out of me and I am 37, so I cannot imagine how this little boy is feeling. Jessica is a VERY strong and amazing woman, but I do believe the more prayers of healing for her son would be very appreciated! If you have a moment, please check out her blog and maybe leave her some encouraging words as I know she will appreciate your thoughts-https://jessierenea.com.

Thank you so much for visiting my site today! Y’all know my posts are not normally this long, but I had a lot to share! I hope the rest of your Sunday is wonderful and peaceful! I do look forward to reading your brilliant thoughts on this post and I do promise to respond as quickly as I can! Never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤, comfort and many positive vibes!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

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Fighting to find motivation again

bad daysSometimes things happen in our lives that shake us to our core. It can be terribly difficult to heal from these situations and painfully trying to find the motivation to keep moving on. I have NEVER been the type of person that allows for anything or anyone to keep me down for long because we only have one life to live and must live it to the fullest. Even after being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis at the age of 19, I wouldn’t allow for that to take control and or run my life, so why would I start now?

In recent times something else has happened to me that was not only a complete and total shock, but also incredibly inappropriate. I was let go from my job for the most everything-will-be-okay-just-not-today.jpgabsurd reasons I have ever heard.. My husband and I relocated to a brand new city where I started this new job that I was super excited about. During the course of my employment, even after asking several times I had NO training. The complete lack of training was at no fault of my own, but due to no one knowing the answers to the numerous questions I asked. How wrong does that sound!? It seems like the people I was working for expected me to be psychic, which unfortunately I am not! Any loss is hard to accept, but not understanding what went wrong makes it even harder. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I did my job to the best of my ability and didn’t deserve for this to happen to me. Anyone that really knows me, knows that I work hard and am good at whatever I set my mind to.

In my rational mindset and heart I know everything happens for a reason, but that feeling lost todaydoesn’t make this any easier to accept. Losing a job has made me feel worthless and like a failure, which logically I know probably isn’t true. Even when I felt terrible, I still went to work. Even living with a chronic illness that brings on many issues, I still work and work hard! The hard truth for me to swallow is people can be so FAKE and more often than not the people who seem kind and caring are the direct opposite. I don’t possess the ability to be anything but who I am and that is NEVER fake! Personally, I am always going to just be who I am, which is a compassionate person to a fault. I am and probably always will be the person that cares more about others needs than my own.

How do you find motivation when your world has been turned upside down? A job dont-get-closure-until-you-move-on.jpgdoesn’t define who I am as a person, but it does make me feel productive instead of the one sulking around the house without any direction. I am a very strong person and I will bounce back to the positive person I was, it might just take time. I honestly think this situation would be easier to accept if there were valid reasons for this my termination, but there AREN’T ANY valid reasons! Many people have already told me this is their loss and not mine because I deserve so much better, maybe once my mind has healed from this I will see it that way as well.

I don’t mean to share a post that is pretty negative, but honestly sometimes writing out my feelings helps for me to heal. Many of y’all, that have been following my blog for a while now, knew something was wrong way shake off everythingbefore I admitted it and I appreciate all the kind and encouraging words you have sent my way. It has only been 4 days, which feels more like 4 weeks, since losing my job and unemployment doesn’t suite me well.

I am trying to take time to heal from this horrible event and focus on things that bring me joy again. There were so many things I wasn’t able to do working full-time, so maybe now is my chance to do more with my life. Y’all know that I had dreams of writing a book that I even already have an outline for. Maybe I can use this time, in between a job search, toHow-to-Stay-Motivated-When-Searching-For-a-Job-1024x512 at least start the book of my dreams. One thing I can say with 100% certainty is, I can not and will not allow what I have gone through to send me into a terrible relapse. you can heal

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for stopping by my site today and I do hope y’all have a fabulous weekend! For those of you living out west where I know it is insanely cold, I hope you are able to keep warm and the temperatures improve very soon. I do look forward to reading your comments and promise I will respond much faster than I have been in the past few month. Even though I might be going through a difficult and painful time right now, please know that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤, comfort and many positive vibes!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Result are finally in!!

drum-roll-pleaseGood evening y’all! I hope you had a great day and you are thankful tomorrow is Friday, I know I am! I have definitely had a long week because I was so stressed about what my MRI results were going to show. I can honestly say that worrying and stressing did not change the results!

I am beyond happy to share with y’all that the MRI I had on Friday was MUCH better than the one I had last October. In October, in the words of my neurologist, my brain was on FIRE with many new and very active lesions. That was terrifying for me to learn as I am sure it would be for anyone, but the one I just had improved drastically. The numerous good resultslesions that were causing all my issues last year have healed as much as they are going to! My absolutely fabulous NP was so happy to see how much better my MRI was on Friday in comparison to how horrible it was last year! She told me and my husband how surprised she was to see how much I have managed to improve in just ten short months! She also said that it seems that Gilenya is just the right MS drug for me! I told her that I have NO intentions of changing stress-effects-fbmedications again until there is a cure! I am not preaching that everyone should be on Gilenya because we all have different body chemistry. What works for me might have the adverse effect on someone else. 

We did talk about the dizziness and pain I am still dealing with. She has said to me many times before that she thinks that my pain could be caused from the stress I seem unable to control. We have all heard many times that stress is a killer and I do really believe that! You know there is an app for everything, but she shared an app with me about stress and MS. I am going to give it a chance, I mean it can’t hurt anything!stress is the cause This app is available for iPhone and Android under the play store, it is called ImageryWork. There is also a website if you are interested, Imagerywork.com. I have known for a long time that I needed to get a handle on my stress because I have felt what it does to my body. It will be SO INCREDIBLY wonderful if controlling and managing my stress will eliminate the majority of my pain! I think I have lived with this pain for way too long and maybe there is something I can do to help it!

There are a number of reasons I could be experiencing dizzy spells. One the she really pushed on me was eating more! Both her and my husband dizzinessthink I should try eating 4-5 smalls meals each day, which I never do! I am going to try having small snacks throughout the day and not worrying about whether it is healthy or not and if I am going to gain a lot of weight! Weight has always been a huge worry of mine and I know how stupid that is in the big picture. Truthfully, I am NOWHERE near being overweight, in fact I am underweight according to the NP. 

So, I guess what I learned today is all the issues I am having, like increased pain and dizziness is my own fault. I am going to work on making the necessary changes to mytrytobea-min health so I will actually feel normal, whatever that is! All of the support and encouraging comments I have received from y’all have been SO appreciated. Y’all helped me through a very difficult time, which I guess I kind of caused. I really am very relived that my MS is not progressing like I was thinking and that the Gilenya is doing it’s part for me!

I hope y’all have a wonderful and relaxing evening! Please always know that no matter what I might be dealing with, I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Looking back over last year

never look backDeciding to read back over the posts that I made over this past year has been a little scary, upsetting and satisfying all at the same time, if that makes any kind of sense. This past year really has been pretty darn hellacious and that is putting it mildly! There seems to have been so many ups that gave me hope, but then the falls that followed were just that much more discouraging. Getting back up after a failed attempt at something may seem like a daunting task, but it is also a necessity in life. Allowing for anything to keep us down for long is just not an option in my mind because if we stay down, we are only allowing for what brought us down to win the ever so long battle.

I think that in the past, I have had a faithful dedication to believing blindly in hope. I was naïve to think that hope could change everything and still do believe that to a lesser extent. Honestly I think one of the reasons for me losing hope is because of just how Hope-1-100Pedalshorrible the world has become in a very short amount of time. The negativity and pure hatred that has been bred by those leading the country has been incredibly upsetting and terribly shocking! Living in a country that was once known for its freedom and justice for all, has made a drastic change at becoming the polar opposite and that is quite frightening to me. The downward spiral happened so painful fast and building the beliefs we all once stood for back up seem almost impossible. I feel this country started to become much more equal for everyone once upon a time, but now it seems like everyone is against everyone else for no real apparent reason besides becoming way too passive and folding! How can you change the thoughts of others that are just stand upsimply following what the leaders are doing?

I think in a world so full of chaos it takes kind-hearted❤ and loving people to stand up for what they still truly believe in their hearts! Is that difficult? Possibly yes, but it is for the shear fear of ridicule and not be accepted by our peers. But, really who wants to be accepted by those that have so much hate in their hearts? I honestly do not have any desires to be accepted into that world. I would much rather stand-alone if it means I am not giving up the beliefs I hold dear in my heart and soul!

So when I said that I have started to lose faith in hope, it is because hope sometimes feels like a foreign object that many others lost a long time ago. Hope is a like fragile piece of don't lose hopeglass that if it is pushed around too forcibly can and will break under the pressure that is forced on it. I like to believe that the strength I have deep in my heart and soul is powerful enough to defeat the constant negativity I have been faced with daily! I am only one person with a strong voice when pushed into a corner, but I will always stay true to my beliefs and passions!

I know I started this off by talking about looking back over the past year and kind of got off on a different tangent. What I can say is this past year has helped me grow stronger happiest momentsas a person. Last year was the start of a pretty nasty relapse that is still in the healing process. I do not know if all the pain I have been struggling with is ever going to subside, but I do plan to keep the fight moving forward and not allow it to defeat me or threaten my courage. There is absolutely NOTHING I can do to change what happened in the past leading up to the relapse, but I can decide how I am going to handle it from this point on. I do not truly think I can go back to where I was or who I was last year at this time, but that person I was is still in me somewhere just a little more rattled by the torture of MS. No matter how beat down I might feel at times, I am still just me!

I hope y’all have had a nice and restful weekend. After the hellish week I had, I have done my best to recuperate so I can tolerant the week ahead of me. Do I plan to push myself to the limits again? Probably not as forceful, but I will still test my limits because that is what living is all about. Thank y’all for visiting my site today and every other day. Y’all always leave me with the best comments and I do treasure what you have to say! I hope y’all are able to enjoy your Sunday and prepare yourself for the start of a new week, leaving behind anything that happened last week! As always I am sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Physical & Emotional Pains team up!

great afternoonGood afternoon y’all! I hope you have had an amazing weekend and you are feeling the best you possibly can. I hope wherever you live the weather has been treating you well and there has not too much extreme with the temperatures. I know where I live there have been many extremes and it has been absolutely insanely HOT!

Physical and emotional pains tend to all blend together over time. I think at times it is almost hard to distinguish the difference between the two, especially if they are both overly intense. We all go through times during our lives when we struggle with certain aspects of life and there is no denying that is emotionally painful. Some people when struggling with emotional pain hold it inside because maybe they do not want to burden anyoneno-pain-no-gain-by-ms-anu-mehta-39-638 else with what they are battling internally. I can speak from personal experience that when I am dealing with something that is deeply emotional to me, I do not want to talk to anyone about the issues. I will let most things fester in my own mind, which honestly only causes SO much additional stress. I think that for people who really know me, I am not able to hide when I am terribly disturbed about something because it is clearly all over my face and my demeanor changes drastically. I would make the absolute WORST poker player because I do not do well masking what I feel. The bad part about holding all the emotional struggles inside is, I feel like I am going to explode after a while! Have you ever shaken a bottle of coke vigorously? When you finally open that bottle, the coke will explode all over the place because of all the pressure it felt while being Pain-Changes-Peopleshaken. It is not a good feeling to say the least!

Most of us experience physical pain over the course of our lives. There are so many times when that pain may become so intense that it really changes your personality. For the most part I am a happy and positive person, but when my pain becomes too severe it overpowers me and I become reserved and a little negative. I find that I will fly off the handle over the smallest of things and really overreact. Sometimes the pain makes me say things I do not mean and even feel hostility towards something so minuscule that when I think back all I can say is “What was wrong with me?”

Emotional pain can and does trigger even more of the physical pain! I often feel that they are teaming up together just to test my strength and see which one of them will break me first. During times of war between the various pains I deal with, I do my best to hold onto my determination to excel in this life! I think there are many people pain demands to be feltthat when they are faced with too much trauma and or struggles, they tend to just shut down because it is easier that way. I almost think that shutting down makes it so you just can not feel the difficulties of life and also may not care anymore. In my own personal opinion, shutting down completely is the same as giving up and allowing the internal and physical battles win the war. Call me delusional or just completely wrong, but I do feel the only way we can ever fail ourselves and our loved ones is to give up the fight we were chosen to be in.

Thank you so much for stopping by my site today! I always encourage your comments because they are always so fantastic! Please know that I will respond as quickly as I possibly can! I hope your weekend has been filled with nothing but happiness and I hope you are ready for the new week to start tomorrow! Enjoy the rest of your Sunday to the fullest! As always  I am sending y’all LOTS of love ❤and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Bad night turns to a bad day!

stressOverwhelming stress will only cause literally nothing but a terrible amount of pain! For reasons I can completely acknowledge, I was in so much pain last night and could not turn my brain off long enough to get any sleep. I would just lay in bed worrying about every little thing in life and then look over at the clock and just think, “Well if I fall asleep now, I will get 4 hours asleep”. Then an hour later still be awake and see the time and once again think to myself, “ If I could just fall asleep now, I will get 3 hours of sleep.” This went on all night and in turn I was not able to go to work today. Truthfully I am really disappointed in myself because I had been doing so well this week working six and a half hours, so to turn around and miss an entire day is just discouraging! I did think about just trying to push myself to go into work on ZERO hours of sleep, but I also knew that would not do my health any good and getting that run down would cause my health to deteriorate even more.

I can not say and be 100% sure if my increased amount of pain is due to the crazy stress 1weather or to the unrelenting stress life continues to throw at me! I never was good at dodge ball, so the stress just keeps hitting me hard! I often wonder if I am causing the stress I feel to take control of my life and I am actually the one that is responsible for making it worse. I know that allowing stress to bombard my thoughts is NOT any good for my friend “MS”, but I also do not seem to have the strength to avoid it and let it just roll of my back. It never fails, instead of when I am faced with anything I know will be stressful, I am not able to just fight to find something a little more peaceful to focus on, but I focus completely on what is causing my stressful thoughts! I can give advice all day long to others on how to handle stressful times, but I NEVER take my own advice!

Now that I am home for the day to allow my terribly achy and fatigued body to rest, all I can do is be hard on myself for breaking the success I did make by working more hours Monday-Thursday! How is it possible that I had such a successful week and now I am in so much pain it hurts to move? Did I push myself too hard in the beginning of the week by trying my hardest to work more hours because of how busy it is right now? I do not feel like I i will breatham capable of not being hard on myself because just last year I was working many more hours and I was fine! Why since October am I not able to do more like I use to be able to? Is it possible that I am now just allowing the MS to win the battle and control my life? That is not me and is just not the way I ever planned for my life to be. I had always planned to control this illness as much as I could, but seem to be failing miserably at that lately! I guess the truth is control is really just an illusion and what is going to happen, it just going to happen! We are not able to control things that are really uncontrollable, in all reality we are only able to control how we handle the difficult times in life.

In all honesty, the only thing I can do right now is rest in order to get better before the new week starts again. I will not give up on the progress I was making earlier this week, I will try again next week and just hope for a better outcome! I really need to learn how to handle my stress levels A LOT better than I have been because really all I am doing by allowing the stress to consume me is destroying my own body and my health! I can dont-lose-hope-everything-happens-for-a-reason-you-never-6877637promise myself all day long that I will make the necessary changes, but I do not know how to. Writing is definitely a great way for me to get my thoughts out which does help some, but I need to find even more ways to cut the stress out completely and for good! Do y’all have any suggestions on how to do this?

I hope y’all had a pleasant Friday the 13th and I hope you are looking forward to your weekend! I do really appreciate you stopping by my site today and look forward to reading your fantastic comments, which I promise I will respond to as quickly as  I possibly can! Please remember that no matter what I may be dealing with in life, I am always sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Fight for your health!

fight for a cureI hope y’all have a lovely Monday! First day of a new week may bring some wonderful and positive changes to all of our lives! I really appreciate y’all visiting my site today and as always love to read your comments, which I do respond to as quickly as I can! Most of the time I like to write about the random things that are on my mind. This helps me to release all those emotions and then getting your feedback help tremendously, so thank you for all of your fantastic comments!

How do you fight for your health instead of fight against it? It is so important to be vocal with your doctor and never allow them to dismiss what you say or rush you out of the exam room. We all know our bodies and how we are feeling better than anyone, so that should be listened to. I think at times it is hard to admit what our body is telling us and our body feels as though it has to scream it at us, which may cause additional issues. I am one that will ignore issues that arise for as long as possible because I do not want to admit to the problems. Ignoring or neglecting our health will never result in anything beneficial. This is where fighting for our health becomes extremely important. If we ignore what our body is telling us we are actually fighting against our own health.

I am actually going to my MS Specialist on Thursday. I am going to my specialist partially because I am supposed to see her every 6 months and partially because I want to share with her my concerns. I already know going in that my issues with headaches will be dismissed because she seems to think that MS and headaches have no correlation, but I think it is still important to bring the topic up once again. I also want to discuss with her the fact that the issues that came with my relapse in October have not really gone away. I am fully aware that the body heals from each relapse differently, but I should have improved drastically by now and not continue to have pain that affects my ability to work full-time. I just really need answers to why I seem to be at a stand still in health. Do y’all have any suggestions to how to grab this doctor’s attention?

I hope y’all have a great and relaxing evening! As always I am sending y’all lots of love and comfort! Try to hold onto your positive thoughts because they will help in the long run and negative thoughts will only hold you back.

Love 2

Always, Alyssa