How to be Free of Bad Habits

How-to-Break-Bad-Habits-1What is meant by bad habits? Bad habits are defined as a patterned behavior that is considered to be detrimental to one’s physical and or mental health. This is typically linked to a high level of discipline and self-control. No matter who you are unfortunately we all have bad habits that we want to be free from.

Many people will end up dealing with stress and boredom with bad habits. If you can 15WELLSTRESS-superJumbothink back to a time you were faced with a stressful situation, how did you deal with those negative feelings? While many things are viewed as bad habits, I normally end up biting my nails or pick at the skin around my fingers. What would you say your bad habits are?

We all know it is not easy to break bad habits, but it is important to at least try and not give up. I do have several bad habits I would like to be free from to proceed with a healthier and fulfilling life. I have discovered several ways to eliminate bad habits and would love to get your how-habits-work-e1527142989402feedback on them.

  1. The first step is determining the core of your bad habit. Charles Duhigg, a Pulitzer-prize winning American journalist and non-fiction author, has determined three basic parts to our habits. Our habits primarily work in a cycle of these parts.
  • The Cue– This is the feeling, time, or location which triggers your habits, good or bad.
  • The Routine- This is whatever the habit itself is.
  • The Reward- This is the craving that the habit satisfies.

Taking the time to understand each of the components is the first step to seizing our work-towards-positive-goals-e1527142980586habits. It may be beneficial to write down the cue, routine, and reward for whichever habit you decide you want to break, ask yourself:

What triggered the routine?

What is the craving the body is trying to satisfy?

  1. Change your surroundings-

At this point we have already determined the cue or cues that are responsible for your-surroundings-may-change-but-your-essence-and-your-personality-pretty-meaningtriggering our bad habits. Logically, we can understand once we manage to eliminate what cues our habits initiate, there will no longer be anything prompting the habit cycle to begin. Changing our surroundings can remove the cues causing our bad habits. One study that was done in a university, researchers found that students who transferred to a new university were far more likely to change their bad habits, than the students that did not change universities. This occurred because the students that changed universities did not have certain cues that were the cause of their bad habits.

  1. Focus on one bad habit at a time-1_gRP3W-OyXkTOgnsL-vFcVQ

Many of us have more than one bad habit we would like to eliminate. Trying to tackle too many habits at a time will on decrease our abilities for successful outcomes. To successfully eliminate our bad habits, it is crucial to focus all of our attention on just one habit before we try handling another one.

  1. View your goal as a positive-

Another key element of habits is the routine, which is the behavior that is triggered by achievementthe cue. In other words, it is the habit you want to eliminate. Typically, when we set goals for ourselves we are not putting them in a positive frame of mind, but instead they are in a negative mindset. Our brain’s habit system responds better to positive goals. For instance, instead of your goal being “I will stop eating junk food” try “I am going to eat healthier”.

Psychologists have suggested that pursuing negative goals is linked with feelings of inadequacy and decreased self-esteem, which can discourage us from taking action. People tend to find it easier to become motivated by positive goals, which increase the opportunity for successfully achieving our goals.

  1. Replace the bad with the good you love-how-to-replace-your-habit-e1527143114914

Quitting a habit altogether seldom work out the way we intended. Once a habit is formed, it becomes an instinct for us to follow through with the routine because our brains are wired to see the cue and desired reward. Instead of completely eliminating habits, keep the old cue and reward, but start a new routine.

***In a future post I will go through a few bad habits and how to eliminate them***

  1. Forgive yourself if you relapse-

It is not easy to break bad habits and there is always a possibility you will go back to ForgetForgiveyour old ways several times before achieving your ultimate goal. You have probably heard old habit die hard, well that couldn’t be any truer! It is important to allow yourself the chance to try again and not be angry about any setbacks. You will have a far better chance at achieving your goals if you do not deter yourself with negative and disappointing thoughts.

  1. Keep your goals to yourself-you-are-more-likely-to-achieve-your-goals-if-you-17815709

We might think that sharing our goals with others would be encouraging, but this actually lowers our chances of success. Once we tell people about the goals we have set for ourselves, they will view us a little different and this could falsely assure the mind that the identity goal is partially complete and you might not put the effort in that is needed reach your goal.

love and supportThank you for visiting my site today. I hope your weekend has started off great and you are feeling the best you can. I am excited to read your feedback on this post and anything you have tried to free yourself of bad habits, I promise to respond as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤, comfort, and many positive vibes!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

 

What is the meaning of forgiveness?

hgjbkodzNPD1V19r9N7NiGmibxCcp34dviR8z162MwwifYmr3eipg3vP9WGWqqZjbPbfW47hj7He6Djg1ZhY7p48xEWhat does forgiveness mean to you? According to psychologists, whether forgiveness is deserved or not, it is a conscious and deliberate decision to release the feelings of resentment or vengeance towards the individual who caused the harm. Now, forgiveness does not mean forgetting what has occurred that you are excusing the wrongful and indecorous acts.

Forgiveness is not an easy task, especially if there was an intense amount of hurt and loss of trust involved. There are some acts that take hours, days, months, years, or even a lifetime to forgive. Coming to terms with what happened to cause your hurt can be very complicated, but taking the proper steps can provide both emotional and physical benefits.unnamed (2)

Forgiveness is so complicated that psychologists have broken it down into two parts.

Part One is referred to as decisional forgiveness. This part means to make the decision to forgive and not seek out retribution or retaliation. This is typically the easier aspect of forgiveness because it is the type of person we are. It is understood that someone has done us wrong, but our morals remind us that causing them harm will not solve any issue and will cause additional problems.

Part Two is known as emotional forgiveness. This is the second part of forgiveness and tends to take longer than decisional forgiveness. During this part of forgiveness, there is download (2)a release of the negative emotions we are feeling towards the person that was part of the wrongdoings.

Forgiveness is often considered to be fulfilled when there are not any negative emotions lingering and our feelings are neutral. It has been suggested that forgiveness occurs when the feelings you once felt for the wrongdoer are able to return. Emotional forgiveness entails us to abolish any unforgiving feelings.

Many people seem to get confused about what forgiveness is and isn’t. The following items are examples of what forgiveness isn’t.

  1. Forgetting- Even though we may have come to terms with what caused our hurt, itimage-asset doesn’t mean we have forgotten what took place. Remembering the wrongdoing can be beneficial for us so we do not fall into the same negative trap again.
  2. Condoning- You do not have to view the wrongdoing as acceptable or allow the person that did wrong to behave in the same manner again.
  3. Denying or minimizing- Emotionally you may have moved on from the hurtful situation, but this doesn’t mean the severity of hurt inflicted should be denied.
  4. Pardoning- Even if we have forgiven the person that hurt us, it doesn’t mean justice can’t be served. You may need your local law enforcement to get involved if the situation requires them.
  5. Reconciliation- Forgiveness could involve mending a damaged relationship. However, just because we have forgiven someone, it doesn’t mean the person that forgiveness_1080x675_originalcaused the hurt should remain in our life.
  6. Repression- When you are hurt by someone, this is a valid feeling. Just because we have forgiven someone, doesn’t mean we should push our feelings into our unconscious mind.

Forgiveness does offer many health benefits as it can effectively combat the physical and emotional effects of the wrongdoing. Other benefits include positive effects on anger, anxiety, grief, post-traumatic stress, depression, blood pressure, and even lower back pain.6a00d83534ac5b69e2017d40acc967970c

There have been several models developed to help make forgiveness a little easier.

Robert D. Enright, Ph.D. a processor, at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and a pioneer in the scientific research of forgiveness created The Enright Forgiveness Model. Dr. Enright broke forgiveness into four phases, which are as followed:

  1. Uncovering phase-

This phase consists of four questions to answer before forgiveness can take place.

  1. Who has hurt you and who are they to you?
  2. What was done to cause your hurt? What took place, was said, and the circumstance encircling the act
  3. What was the outcome or the act? What ways were you impacted?
  4. How did the act affect your mental and emotional well-being?

forgiveness_05-1This phase allows you to uncover as much as you can about what took place. Addressing the issues will cause emotional distress.

  1. Decision Phase-

This is a decision you will make to direct your life in a positive direction. This relates to decisional forgiveness and requires you to let go of any feelings of retaliation.

  1. Work Phase-

You may need to change your views of the person that wronged you. This could requireTyler-Perry-Its-not-an-easy-journey-to-get-to-a-place-where-you-forgive-people-copy-686x440 you to look past the way this person has hurt you and view their background for answers regarding their behavior. Once you can view this person in a different way, you may realize the actions were due to their childhood or other aspects of their past and be able to empathize with them. Nothing you have discovered requires reconciliation, but you might be able to start taking small steps to rebuild the relationship if that’s what you want.

  1. Deepening Phase-

arch_forgivenessThis is the final step in understanding that forgiveness provides an emotional release. You can acknowledge that the negative emotions felt are because of the wrongdoing has eased up and it is time to forgive the wrongdoer. 

You know that our growth tends to come during the most difficult times in our life. You may even begin looking at your own life and actions made differently and see that you may need to seek forgiveness from another person.forgiveness-is-another-name-for-freedom

This was a short and simple overview of Dr. Enright’s process. If you have further interest, there is a book available on Amazon that I am including a link for. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1557987572/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=aconret-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1557987572&linkId=1bcd69054c6ba8b9b4855006995193ad

  1. A semi-retired professor at Virginia Commonwealth University, Everett Worthington Jr. Ph.D. created a different model called Worthington REACH Forgiveness Model. REACH is an acronym, each letter representing a stage in the model.

R- Recall- This is the first step, where you need to look back at the event that caused your hurt. It might be difficult, but keep things as objective as you can. Only stick to the facts and words that were spoken. Remember the person that wronged you is not a bad person, they are simply human. You are not a victim, but you are just another images (2)humanbeing. The wrongdoing you experienced is no more than a series of actions taken.

E- Empathize- This will be challenging, but we need to try putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes. If we asked this person, what would be a possible reason they behaved as they did? Did they have motives? Were there circumstances involved and how did they contribute to the hurtful event?

Are you able to see any reason you can feel sympathy for the wrongdoer?

A- Altruistic Gift– We will be viewing forgiveness as a gift to the wrongdoer in this model. This is a gift coming from a purely unselfish point. This is not an easy step, but it is an important step.Power-In-Forgiveness-FBK

Think back to a time you may have hurt someone else causing that person to have a challenging time, but this person forgave you. How did this make you feel? Were you relieved you were forgiven?

Now, recall a time when you previously forgave someone? How did this make you feel? Completely understanding that forgiving in the past offered you comfort and peace; would you consider this to be a gift?

C- Commit- When you finally reach the point you are ready to forgive the wrongdoer, 2015-03-23-1427149821-7830006-CommitToForgiveness-thumbyou must be sure you fully commit to this.

How are you going to move forward with forgiving? Write a letter or email; call the person or any other means you see fit. Whatever you decide to do, remind yourself you are fully committed to forgiving and act on it!

H- Hold onto forgiveness- In the previous stage, we were committing to forgiving in a way that we would not change our minds. Remember, forgiving is completely up to you and you hold the power to choose what emotions you allow to control your mind. The memories of the situation will always be there. Just remember, you are not taking the forgiveness away, just know and remember the way you felt, so you will hopefully not feel it again.images (2)

Anything can be forgiven; just some acts may take longer to get through. When we forgive someone nothing will happen overnight, so remember to take the time you need to be ready to forgive!

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope this information was beneficial to you. Sometimes forgiveness might seem impossible, but with the right amount of time and beautiful_butterflies_pink_orange_motivational_postcard-r95e27e5473e64295977e92908166a912_vgbaq_8byvr_540understanding, you will get there. I would love to read your thoughts on forgiveness. We have all been in a position we had to make a choice to forgive someone or not. I do think forgiveness is more to help our emotional state of mind, than the other person, but what do you think?

Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤, comfort, and many positive vibes!!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤