Deciding to read back over the posts that I made over this past year has been a little scary, upsetting and satisfying all at the same time, if that makes any kind of sense. This past year really has been pretty darn hellacious and that is putting it mildly! There seems to have been so many ups that gave me hope, but then the falls that followed were just that much more discouraging. Getting back up after a failed attempt at something may seem like a daunting task, but it is also a necessity in life. Allowing for anything to keep us down for long is just not an option in my mind because if we stay down, we are only allowing for what brought us down to win the ever so long battle.
I think that in the past, I have had a faithful dedication to believing blindly in hope. I was naïve to think that hope could change everything and still do believe that to a lesser extent. Honestly I think one of the reasons for me losing hope is because of just how horrible the world has become in a very short amount of time. The negativity and pure hatred that has been bred by those leading the country has been incredibly upsetting and terribly shocking! Living in a country that was once known for its freedom and justice for all, has made a drastic change at becoming the polar opposite and that is quite frightening to me. The downward spiral happened so painful fast and building the beliefs we all once stood for back up seem almost impossible. I feel this country started to become much more equal for everyone once upon a time, but now it seems like everyone is against everyone else for no real apparent reason besides becoming way too passive and folding! How can you change the thoughts of others that are just simply following what the leaders are doing?
I think in a world so full of chaos it takes kind-hearted and loving people to stand up for what they still truly believe in their hearts! Is that difficult? Possibly yes, but it is for the shear fear of ridicule and not be accepted by our peers. But, really who wants to be accepted by those that have so much hate in their hearts? I honestly do not have any desires to be accepted into that world. I would much rather stand-alone if it means I am not giving up the beliefs I hold dear in my heart and soul!
So when I said that I have started to lose faith in hope, it is because hope sometimes feels like a foreign object that many others lost a long time ago. Hope is a like fragile piece of glass that if it is pushed around too forcibly can and will break under the pressure that is forced on it. I like to believe that the strength I have deep in my heart and soul is powerful enough to defeat the constant negativity I have been faced with daily! I am only one person with a strong voice when pushed into a corner, but I will always stay true to my beliefs and passions!
I know I started this off by talking about looking back over the past year and kind of got off on a different tangent. What I can say is this past year has helped me grow stronger as a person. Last year was the start of a pretty nasty relapse that is still in the healing process. I do not know if all the pain I have been struggling with is ever going to subside, but I do plan to keep the fight moving forward and not allow it to defeat me or threaten my courage. There is absolutely NOTHING I can do to change what happened in the past leading up to the relapse, but I can decide how I am going to handle it from this point on. I do not truly think I can go back to where I was or who I was last year at this time, but that person I was is still in me somewhere just a little more rattled by the torture of MS. No matter how beat down I might feel at times, I am still just me!
I hope y’all have had a nice and restful weekend. After the hellish week I had, I have done my best to recuperate so I can tolerant the week ahead of me. Do I plan to push myself to the limits again? Probably not as forceful, but I will still test my limits because that is what living is all about. Thank y’all for visiting my site today and every other day. Y’all always leave me with the best comments and I do treasure what you have to say! I hope y’all are able to enjoy your Sunday and prepare yourself for the start of a new week, leaving behind anything that happened last week! As always I am sending y’all LOTS of love and comfort!