My accident that shouldn’t have happened!

images (15)Just because a bad day may have turned into a bad week doesn’t mean that we have done something to deserve the troubles we are faced with! All this could mean is, whatever has occurred in our life was just meant to happen exactly when it did and not a moment sooner or later. I know this does not make it any easier to accepted, but I promise life will continue moving forward in the order it supposed to.

My week started off incredibly aggravating because I was dealing with way too many hostile, spiteful and negative co-workers. Even though we are all on the same “team”, we do images (14)work on slightly different tasks. Now each person and each different task contributes to the success of the work getting completed accurately. The ultimate goal for everyone on the “team” should be to ensure the client receives their medication that keeps them alive on time. However, it seems like some of these co-workers get angry we with me because I am able to get more work completed in less time than they can. During one of their many complaint parties, I nonchalantly said how much I understood where they were coming. This was just a way to get them to stop their download (8)complaining and also let them see I also had struggled before.  When I was asked how I managed to do what I do as fast as I do it, I said I had to play with different ways of organizing before I had one that was perfect for me! Of course being the person I am, I shared with them my work-flow with details.

Even though dealing with several snide and bitter co-workers was not easy, it is far better than dealing with purchasing health insurance. I know I have already made my views about this topic perfectly clear, but I actually found out more horrendous images (15)information on Thursday morning. If I were to go through my employer for health insurance the cost would be outrageous and that is an understatement.  My husband and I decided to purchase our own health insurance policy, well at least until he finds job that offers insurance at a more reasonable rate. We were both very pleased when we saw that the monthly rates and deductibles were far lower than the plan through my job. The plan I would get through my employer was going to only include myself and would cost about half my paycheck. The plan we can purchase would include both me and my husband and cost 21%t less than the one I could get through my employer.

The funny thing is, it isn’t even the cost anymore that has me so upset and disgusted because things got even worst. On Thursday morning, my husband and I were talking images (14)before I started work and he told me that the policy we can purchase will NOT cover pre-existing conditions until January. Y’all already know that I do have a pre-existing condition and I worried the day would come when an insurance company could discriminate against me for something I cannot control! It seems like insurance companies and the government want to punish people more that have a chronic illness and this is just NOT right! I think we are punished enough with what we already have to deal with. Maybe I am too emotionally close to this situation, but how the hell can anyone sleep at night when they are creating an awful situation for many Americans?

On Thursday, I ended up leaving work early because my pain and headache were at a high. I thought going home to rest would actually help me recover and feel better. images (16)Unfortunately, I was wrong because no more than 5 minutes of being in the car, I was in an accident. The accident was not my fault; it was the fault of a young kid. We both had a green light, but he was “supposed” to yield to on-coming traffic.

In all the years I have been driving this was the most terrifying thing I have ever experienced. Things kind of went in slow motion before the cars collided with each other. I did everything I could to avoid the crash, but it wasn’t enough. When I realized the kid was not going to stop, I laid on my horn and my foot was appearance of twoon the brake. My car is SO little and I know things could have gone much worst that they did, but it was still terrible. The sound the cars made when they made contact with each other, scared the hell out of me. I always act like a lady and try to be polite, but I got out of my car with furry and colorful language. The stupid and ignorant kid never even had the decency to apologize to me. The only thing this idiot said to me was, “We need to move the cars out of the road.” This was the first accident I have ever been in and I basically told him hell no, not until the police arrive. Honestly there were many more words than that, but I thought it was best to keep this a lot cleaner than The two carsit was!

I know my first call should have been 911, but mine was to my husband. We live so close to where the accident happened and I needed him there immediately. Thankfully my husband got to me in less than 5 minutes. When I called 911, the dispatch lady did tell me to move the cars, but of course I took pictures first. I wanted the cop to see the end result and there to be no questions at all whose fault it was.

The end result was my car was towed to a car repair place and the kid drove away with hardly any damage to his jeep. I am going to need to get a rental car until my car has been fixed, but I am terrified to drive again. Two days after the accident, I am still very sore. Y’all know I am use to dealing with pain, but it has elevated drastically. I am doing my best to just rest because that is the only thing that will calm the pain down.

on-the-tow-truck.jpgAnother thing I must say is, if my husband wasn’t there with me at the accident scene I would have been way too shaken up to handle it. Even with him there I was inconsolable and just cried and shook. Later he told me he was worried I was going to have a heart attack. In an effort to make me feel better, my husband gave me a new crochet bag and hooks, which are so great!! He has also been very attentive and helpful! I do want to let y’all know that I am okay after this accident and only dealing with extra pain.

Unfortunately I think we have all probably had a bad day or even a bad week when nothing seems to be going the right way. There comes a time when we have that thought, “Why me?” or “What did I do so wrong to deserve this?”  Well the truth is, there are NO reasons at all and it is definitely not a punishment. My experience with negative people and greedy insurance companies is just part of life. Even though I don’t know what it is, there was a reason for the accident to happen. We have been discussing selling my little car and images (17)getting me something that is much safer and maybe this accident was a push to do so!

Thank you for taking the time to visit my site today. I always appreciate your kindness and love reading your comments. I am sorry this post was SO much longer than I normally do, but I had so much to share with you.  I hope your weekend is going well and please be careful if you have to drive anywhere, it can be very dangerous out there! Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love❤, comfort, and may positive vibes!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

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Accepting realities!

acceptanceSomething that I have had a really hard time admitting and accepting is that Multiple Sclerosis is a disability. Whenever I have applied for a job, there is always that annoying question “Do have or have you had a disability.” I mean what kind of BS question is that to ask someone? Of course I want to say “NO”, but Multiple Sclerosis is listed as a disability on the darn application and I can’t falsify anything on an application because that could result in me being disqualified for a position I applied for and want. I think this is so invasive and completely ridiculous, but I guess it is what it is in life!

For some strange reason the words disabled and disability shatter my heart into aimages million pieces and cause me to feel like a useless failure . I do realize how irrational this may sound, but that is how I have been feeling. It made me incredibly sad when I had a difficult time walking through a store last weekend because my legs and feet were experiencing SO much pain and weakness. All
hashtag person not disabilityI wanted to do was cry, but I couldn’t because I view that as letting this illness win the never-ending battle we have been in for years and that will NEVER be an option for me!!

I know I already shared with y’all that I figured out I am gluten-intolerant without the expensive tests a doctor would want to run. It seems like a punishment to have to deal withlife isn't fair the issues Multiple Sclerosis comes along with and then add gluten-intolerant to the mix seems quite unfair. I know we all deal with random issues and keep on moving forward because we do not have a choice. I am also very aware that many others deal with SO many other struggles that are far worse than what I am, so I am really not complaining. I am going to share more about this gluten-intolerant situation in a later post.

tired.jpgThe truth is, because I am always so exhausted during the week after working 8 hours every day of the week, I often don’t have the energy to write as much as I would like to. I end up with so many random thoughts running around like crazy in my mind; it gets so hard to keep track of them all and have those thoughts come together for a good read and one that I am proud of.

For the past week or so, I have been experiencing an increase in the number of horrible do not confuse bad days as weaknessdizzy/black-out spells. I have had these issues happen before, but never so many in just one day. At least 2 days last week, there were several moments when the room went completely dark and there NO were sounds at all, which under other circumstances would be great. There was one time I was talking with a co-worker at her desk about work and all of sudden I felt weak, light-headed, hot as hell and dizzy. Luckily I was standing very close to the wall, which kept me standing upright. It might have been pretty embarrassing if I all of sudden fell to the floor at this new job.

I am not really sure which of these issues are more images (3)terrifying; dizzy spells, black-out moments or the combination of the two. Of course I would say the combination of dizziness and black-out would the most terrifying because you are dealing two different disturbing issues at the same time. I have dealt with dizzy spells for so many years now, but I have found ways that help me limit the duration of my dizziness, most of the time at least.

Truthfully my experiences with black-out spells aren’t plentiful in comparison to dizziness, but I have enough sense and knowledge to download (6)understand how horribly upsetting they can be. I remember a few years ago there was a period of time when I had a several short black-outs throughout the week, but they weren’t anywhere near as severe as they are now. I am not sure if its stress, lack of sleep, weather changes or something else. The list of possible reasons really could go on and on and on, but I really just wish they were STOP!

Thank you so much for stopping by my site today. I will never pressure you to leave a download (7)comment, but I do encourage your comments if that makes any sense, but I know your thoughts will be amazing. I promise to respond to your comments as quickly as I can! I hope you are feeling well and enjoying your weekend! Sometimes I think the best part of a weekend isn’t getting out and staying busy, but not having any plans at all so there aren’t any time requirements. My days are set in stone during the week with work, which I tend to strongly dislike, but I guess it is just the life of adulthood. I enjoy spending my 2 very short weekend days living in the moment and not doing anything that might cause unnecessary stress. Please remember that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤, comfort and many positive vibes!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Motivational Monday!

images (3)Good morning y’all! I hope you had a wonderful weekend and you are ready to start the new week with great plans and thoughts! Monday’s are a time to start fresh and forget about all the negative that may have happened last week. Last week for me was an insane mixture of great times and also some discouraging times. It is quite amazing to me how something so delightful can happen on the same day something else extremely negative happens, but they do not always cancel each other out!

Even though I already know that Monday’s are a day to start over again, I believe a little motivation can go a long way! I find the quote I am going to share with you today very true and it hits home for me. I do hope you will be able to take something positive away from this and I look forward to reading your thoughts!forget-yesterday

I think it is extremely important to start each day with positive thoughts because anything negative that happened last week or even yesterday is in the past and we imagesshouldn’t ever dwell on them because we can’t change what happened! This is so much easier said than done, but I do try to never forget this, but sometimes fail. I spent most of my weekend thinking about something not so pleasant that occurred at work on Friday, but really what good did this do? NOTHING at all!

I hope y’all have a great day and you are feeling as good as you can. Today and everyday, do your best to keep positive and never allow anyone to dull your light because your are meant to shine bright! Please remember that I am always sending y’all LOTS of ❤love, comfort and many positive vibes!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Always continue living!

nobodysaidNo one has ever said that living with a chronic illness was easy, but so many of us do. Some of us find ways to live through the pain caused from our illness with dignity, grace and determination. After all many illnesses do not YET have a cure, so it is just best to push through the best we can.

If we allow ourselves to remain focused on whatever illness or illnesses we struggle with, I believe we would miss out on all the good things life has towhen-life-gives-you-reason-to-cry-smile-stars offer us. It isn’t worth losing the happiness our life can hold by dwelling on the struggles we face. It is difficult and yet possible to turn all the pain and hardships we wrestle with into something beneficial, I know how crazy that might sound but it is true. Some of the ways we battle through life can be very inspiring and encouraging for SO many others.

Y’all already know that I have lived with Multiple Sclerosis for 19 very long and painful years, which is more than half of my life! If I had just given up all hope when I was first never-give-up2diagnosed, I would never be where I am today. Yes, life gets really complicated and frustrating, but overall I am in a very good place. My husband and I have moved to a new city, as y’all already know. We are living in a great home that is where my husband’s amazing grandparents raised their family. There is so much love ❤ built into the walls of our home and I swear you can still feel his grandparent’s spirit in every inch of this house❤! This is a very comforting and reassuring feeling that I am thankful for.

I am pretty sure y’all already know this about me by now, but just in case you ever questioned it, I believe holding on tight to positivity ❤ can go a long way. If you are constantly in a negative frame of mindimages (2) nothing good will ever really happen in your life, which could just be because you aren’t able to see something great that is right in front of you or you aren’t allowing yourself to feel it. Staying negative all of the time just creates a dark cloud over your head that follows you everywhere you go and there is no way to hide from it. Negativity can create a blind spot to anything and anyone that could actually be wonderful.

I know that it is completely impossible to be positive 24/7 365 days of the year, but it isn’t healthy to remain negative all those days either. There is always a manageable balance 26550426-balance-bad-or-good-scales-on-white-isolated-background-3dbetween the good and the bad; we just need to acknowledge the differences and keeping moving forward!

I hope y’all have had a lovely weekend and you are feeling well today! It has been a sunny and chilly weekend, which is MUCH better than chilly and rainy. Thank you so much for stopping  by my site today and I do really look forward to reading your comments. I promise y’all that I will respond as quickly as I can, I am getting better at balancing work and life again! Enjoy the rest of what is left of your weekend. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of ❤ love, comfort and many positive vibes!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Looking back over last year

never look backDeciding to read back over the posts that I made over this past year has been a little scary, upsetting and satisfying all at the same time, if that makes any kind of sense. This past year really has been pretty darn hellacious and that is putting it mildly! There seems to have been so many ups that gave me hope, but then the falls that followed were just that much more discouraging. Getting back up after a failed attempt at something may seem like a daunting task, but it is also a necessity in life. Allowing for anything to keep us down for long is just not an option in my mind because if we stay down, we are only allowing for what brought us down to win the ever so long battle.

I think that in the past, I have had a faithful dedication to believing blindly in hope. I was naïve to think that hope could change everything and still do believe that to a lesser extent. Honestly I think one of the reasons for me losing hope is because of just how Hope-1-100Pedalshorrible the world has become in a very short amount of time. The negativity and pure hatred that has been bred by those leading the country has been incredibly upsetting and terribly shocking! Living in a country that was once known for its freedom and justice for all, has made a drastic change at becoming the polar opposite and that is quite frightening to me. The downward spiral happened so painful fast and building the beliefs we all once stood for back up seem almost impossible. I feel this country started to become much more equal for everyone once upon a time, but now it seems like everyone is against everyone else for no real apparent reason besides becoming way too passive and folding! How can you change the thoughts of others that are just stand upsimply following what the leaders are doing?

I think in a world so full of chaos it takes kind-hearted❤ and loving people to stand up for what they still truly believe in their hearts! Is that difficult? Possibly yes, but it is for the shear fear of ridicule and not be accepted by our peers. But, really who wants to be accepted by those that have so much hate in their hearts? I honestly do not have any desires to be accepted into that world. I would much rather stand-alone if it means I am not giving up the beliefs I hold dear in my heart and soul!

So when I said that I have started to lose faith in hope, it is because hope sometimes feels like a foreign object that many others lost a long time ago. Hope is a like fragile piece of don't lose hopeglass that if it is pushed around too forcibly can and will break under the pressure that is forced on it. I like to believe that the strength I have deep in my heart and soul is powerful enough to defeat the constant negativity I have been faced with daily! I am only one person with a strong voice when pushed into a corner, but I will always stay true to my beliefs and passions!

I know I started this off by talking about looking back over the past year and kind of got off on a different tangent. What I can say is this past year has helped me grow stronger happiest momentsas a person. Last year was the start of a pretty nasty relapse that is still in the healing process. I do not know if all the pain I have been struggling with is ever going to subside, but I do plan to keep the fight moving forward and not allow it to defeat me or threaten my courage. There is absolutely NOTHING I can do to change what happened in the past leading up to the relapse, but I can decide how I am going to handle it from this point on. I do not truly think I can go back to where I was or who I was last year at this time, but that person I was is still in me somewhere just a little more rattled by the torture of MS. No matter how beat down I might feel at times, I am still just me!

I hope y’all have had a nice and restful weekend. After the hellish week I had, I have done my best to recuperate so I can tolerant the week ahead of me. Do I plan to push myself to the limits again? Probably not as forceful, but I will still test my limits because that is what living is all about. Thank y’all for visiting my site today and every other day. Y’all always leave me with the best comments and I do treasure what you have to say! I hope y’all are able to enjoy your Sunday and prepare yourself for the start of a new week, leaving behind anything that happened last week! As always I am sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Physical & Emotional Pains team up!

great afternoonGood afternoon y’all! I hope you have had an amazing weekend and you are feeling the best you possibly can. I hope wherever you live the weather has been treating you well and there has not too much extreme with the temperatures. I know where I live there have been many extremes and it has been absolutely insanely HOT!

Physical and emotional pains tend to all blend together over time. I think at times it is almost hard to distinguish the difference between the two, especially if they are both overly intense. We all go through times during our lives when we struggle with certain aspects of life and there is no denying that is emotionally painful. Some people when struggling with emotional pain hold it inside because maybe they do not want to burden anyoneno-pain-no-gain-by-ms-anu-mehta-39-638 else with what they are battling internally. I can speak from personal experience that when I am dealing with something that is deeply emotional to me, I do not want to talk to anyone about the issues. I will let most things fester in my own mind, which honestly only causes SO much additional stress. I think that for people who really know me, I am not able to hide when I am terribly disturbed about something because it is clearly all over my face and my demeanor changes drastically. I would make the absolute WORST poker player because I do not do well masking what I feel. The bad part about holding all the emotional struggles inside is, I feel like I am going to explode after a while! Have you ever shaken a bottle of coke vigorously? When you finally open that bottle, the coke will explode all over the place because of all the pressure it felt while being Pain-Changes-Peopleshaken. It is not a good feeling to say the least!

Most of us experience physical pain over the course of our lives. There are so many times when that pain may become so intense that it really changes your personality. For the most part I am a happy and positive person, but when my pain becomes too severe it overpowers me and I become reserved and a little negative. I find that I will fly off the handle over the smallest of things and really overreact. Sometimes the pain makes me say things I do not mean and even feel hostility towards something so minuscule that when I think back all I can say is “What was wrong with me?”

Emotional pain can and does trigger even more of the physical pain! I often feel that they are teaming up together just to test my strength and see which one of them will break me first. During times of war between the various pains I deal with, I do my best to hold onto my determination to excel in this life! I think there are many people pain demands to be feltthat when they are faced with too much trauma and or struggles, they tend to just shut down because it is easier that way. I almost think that shutting down makes it so you just can not feel the difficulties of life and also may not care anymore. In my own personal opinion, shutting down completely is the same as giving up and allowing the internal and physical battles win the war. Call me delusional or just completely wrong, but I do feel the only way we can ever fail ourselves and our loved ones is to give up the fight we were chosen to be in.

Thank you so much for stopping by my site today! I always encourage your comments because they are always so fantastic! Please know that I will respond as quickly as I possibly can! I hope your weekend has been filled with nothing but happiness and I hope you are ready for the new week to start tomorrow! Enjoy the rest of your Sunday to the fullest! As always  I am sending y’all LOTS of love ❤and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

Bad night turns to a bad day!

stressOverwhelming stress will only cause literally nothing but a terrible amount of pain! For reasons I can completely acknowledge, I was in so much pain last night and could not turn my brain off long enough to get any sleep. I would just lay in bed worrying about every little thing in life and then look over at the clock and just think, “Well if I fall asleep now, I will get 4 hours asleep”. Then an hour later still be awake and see the time and once again think to myself, “ If I could just fall asleep now, I will get 3 hours of sleep.” This went on all night and in turn I was not able to go to work today. Truthfully I am really disappointed in myself because I had been doing so well this week working six and a half hours, so to turn around and miss an entire day is just discouraging! I did think about just trying to push myself to go into work on ZERO hours of sleep, but I also knew that would not do my health any good and getting that run down would cause my health to deteriorate even more.

I can not say and be 100% sure if my increased amount of pain is due to the crazy stress 1weather or to the unrelenting stress life continues to throw at me! I never was good at dodge ball, so the stress just keeps hitting me hard! I often wonder if I am causing the stress I feel to take control of my life and I am actually the one that is responsible for making it worse. I know that allowing stress to bombard my thoughts is NOT any good for my friend “MS”, but I also do not seem to have the strength to avoid it and let it just roll of my back. It never fails, instead of when I am faced with anything I know will be stressful, I am not able to just fight to find something a little more peaceful to focus on, but I focus completely on what is causing my stressful thoughts! I can give advice all day long to others on how to handle stressful times, but I NEVER take my own advice!

Now that I am home for the day to allow my terribly achy and fatigued body to rest, all I can do is be hard on myself for breaking the success I did make by working more hours Monday-Thursday! How is it possible that I had such a successful week and now I am in so much pain it hurts to move? Did I push myself too hard in the beginning of the week by trying my hardest to work more hours because of how busy it is right now? I do not feel like I i will breatham capable of not being hard on myself because just last year I was working many more hours and I was fine! Why since October am I not able to do more like I use to be able to? Is it possible that I am now just allowing the MS to win the battle and control my life? That is not me and is just not the way I ever planned for my life to be. I had always planned to control this illness as much as I could, but seem to be failing miserably at that lately! I guess the truth is control is really just an illusion and what is going to happen, it just going to happen! We are not able to control things that are really uncontrollable, in all reality we are only able to control how we handle the difficult times in life.

In all honesty, the only thing I can do right now is rest in order to get better before the new week starts again. I will not give up on the progress I was making earlier this week, I will try again next week and just hope for a better outcome! I really need to learn how to handle my stress levels A LOT better than I have been because really all I am doing by allowing the stress to consume me is destroying my own body and my health! I can dont-lose-hope-everything-happens-for-a-reason-you-never-6877637promise myself all day long that I will make the necessary changes, but I do not know how to. Writing is definitely a great way for me to get my thoughts out which does help some, but I need to find even more ways to cut the stress out completely and for good! Do y’all have any suggestions on how to do this?

I hope y’all had a pleasant Friday the 13th and I hope you are looking forward to your weekend! I do really appreciate you stopping by my site today and look forward to reading your fantastic comments, which I promise I will respond to as quickly as  I possibly can! Please remember that no matter what I may be dealing with in life, I am always sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤