Missing you still

Of all the posts I have written and will write in the future, posts like this one are always the most difficult. September 9, 2013, was the day when my entire world was turned upside down and inside out because I lost someone that I considered to be my hero. My Grandfather, that I called Poppy was my rock and he kept me grounded through many life struggles. Losing him was one of the worst times in my life and I did not have my rock to help me through it. I thought my Poppy hung and moon and stars, and he could do no wrong in my eyes.

When I lost him nine years ago, he took a HUGE piece of my heart with him, but the lessons I learned from him will always live on in me. As much as I continue to try, there is no way I can ever be as great as he was, but I will never stop trying because I want to make him proud.

My Poppy was honest, caring, devoted, understanding, loving, compassionate, fair, and many other amazing qualities. I do not think there is anyone now or will ever be anyone else like him because he truly was one of a kind. I think that it is possible that God broke the mold when he made him. During my entire life, he never once disappointed me and I always knew that I could rely on him.

I have so many fond memories of him that I will never forget and will treasure until the end of time. He was a pro golfer that dedicated his life to the sport. I can remember times he tried showing me how to play and even though I was not doing well, he never gave up on me. I did not enjoy trying to play golf, but I did enjoy driving the golf cart around his golf course. As a young child, I loved being with my Poppy and rarely paid attention to the other golfers. There were numerous times I was in the way and had close calls with getting hit by the golf balls flying through the air, but he never raised his voice to me when he told me to watch where I was walking.

I remember driving in the car with him while he was singing. There is one songhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8A9Y1Dq_cQ that I will never forget because he loved to sing it. Every time I hear Seven Spanish Angels by Ray Charles and Willie Nelsonhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8A9Y1Dq_cQ, I can hear him singing. Of course, now I am unable to get through the song without crying because I miss him SO much. 

I think one of the hardest things for me is, that I never got to say “goodbye”. I wanted to go visit him because I knew he was sick, but he did not want me to fly all that way to see him. I think he was trying to protect me because he did not want me to see him sick and suffering. It is so hard because the last image I have of him is when we went to his funeral. It is hard to get that image out of my mind because while it did look like him, that was not the man I remember. I am not sure he knew just how much I loved and admired him and that breaks my heart.

Out of everyone in my family, both my mother’s side and father’s side, my Poppy was my heart and soul. I idolized him and thought he would live forever. I will never forget when my uncle called me to tell me about Poppy passing away. The call caught me off guard for several reasons, one being that my uncle never calls me, but the other is because I could not believe the words coming out of his mouth. I could not understand how a man like my Poppy could be gone and I just wanted to see him again. I know someday, I will be reunited with my Poppy, and I just hope he will tell me that he is proud of the woman I had become. 

In all honesty, I am thankful everyday that I had a grandfather as special as mine was. Everyone who knew him was lucky because he loved unconditionally and would do anything for those he cared about. Sadly, all his friends and family lost a magical and amazing human being nine years ago and will forever miss him. He touched so many lives and made a HUGE difference for so many.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I hope you have had a good week and you are ready for the weekend to begin. I know this was a sad post, which I am sorry to end the week this way. Unfortunately, I will have a heavy heart today because I do miss my Poppy. I hope he is looking down from Heaven and he is enjoying the best golf courses ever created and he is proud of who I am today. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Dear Cancer

Dear Cancer, 

You have taken so many people that I cared deeply for. You seem to attack many kind and loving people without reasons that make any sense. I am not sure where you came from, who created you, or why there have not been ways discovered to eradicate you from existence because you are pure evil and need to be eliminated from this world for the good of mankind. You do not deserve to still be around and causing as much damage, pain, and heartache as you have been able to so far.

I am aware of things that are known to cause cancer. Some labels on cigarettes warn about the health risks. It is known that smoking can cause lung cancer, but why have many people who have never smoked died from lung cancer? The Surgeon General makes things causing cancer clear, but is it to protect innocent people or to cover himself and prevent major lawsuits? I think the Surgeon General cares more about protecting himself and his bank account than he does about human lives.

Women go through all the appropriate doctor’s appointments and suggested tests, such as mammograms and pap smears. Even doing everything they are supposed to do to avoid various forms of cancers and through no fault of their own, you still invade their bodies causing them irrefutable damage. The most common form of cancer for women is breast cancer. As of now, breast cancer contributes to 290,560 new cases each year. One in eight women, which is approximately 13% will develop invasive breast cancer during their lifetime.

Ovarian cancer is the fifth most common form of cancer death affecting women in the United States. Approximately 19,880 will receive this diagnosis and 12,810 will not survive the diagnosis. The risk of a woman getting ovarian cancer during their lifetime is 1 in 78 and the chance of dying is about 1 in 108. 

Lung cancer is the leading cause of death worldwide. In 2022, approximately 236,740 people will receive this diagnosis in the United States, which is about 1 in 16 people. Unfortunately, 130,180 Americans lose their lives annually. In the United States, approximately 20,000-40,000 or 10-20% of lung cancers happen to those who either never smoked a day in their life or smoked less than 100 cigarettes in their lifetime.

Prostate cancer is the second most common malignancy in men worldwide. Approximately, one in eight men will receive this diagnosis in their lifetime. About six in ten cases are diagnosed in men 65 or older but is considered rare in men under 40. Although prostate cancer is considered serious, statistics suggest there are more than 3.1 million men who were diagnosed and are still alive today. Even though many do survive this cancer, 1 in 41 men will die from this type of cancer. 

Cancer, you took my grandfather away from me, the rest of his family and friends, and the world. Why did you do this? His purpose here on earth was still needed. You took a piece of my heart from me, and I will never forgive you for this. My grandfather was an amazing man that gave so much to the world with his kindness, love, and gentle smile. I do not believe you have a heart or soul, but someone needs to find a way to eliminate you as it would make the world a much better place. No one deserves your fate or the massive destruction you cause!

I wrote this post today because Friday will be the ninth anniversary of my grandfather passing away. Cancer causes so much pain in our world, and it is no one’s fault. No one asks to get cancer and they should never have to face this evilness. I do not understand why considering the United States is the wealthiest country in the world with brilliant scientist’s cures have not been discovered. The rage of cancer should not inflict anyone’s life and we should be free from it!

Thank you for visiting my site today. I cannot imagine anyone will enjoy this post because cancer has probably invaded your life in one way or another. I do not hate much in this world, but I do hate cancer with a passion! I would like the chance to read your comments and I will respond as quickly as I can. I hope you are having a good day and doing something that brings you comfort, and peace. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa

Hopes for our sweet girl!

Happy Sunday y’all! I hope y’all had a nice and safe weekend. Isn’t it crazy how fast the weekend flies by and how long, and draining the work weeks can be? Of course, I did not do much over the weekend, and yet I feel incredibly drained and exhausted. It does not make much sense because I slept in today for the first time in a long time, but then again, I did not go to bed until late. My guess is it is the cold and rainy weather we have had lately that is making me not feel so well. All well, it is what it is, and we cannot let things like the weather get us down, right?

Y’all have seen the pictures of my two adorable and sweet cats in at least one of my previous posts. My husband and I love these two precious cats more than I think I could ever begin to explain. So, I think I said before that our older cat, Chloe was diagnosed with “early-stage kidney disease”, but we are deeply concerned it is now progressing. For the past few days, she seems to be getting weaker and having a hard time getting onto the couch and bed. It still amazes me how much Sundance loves Chloe and the feelings are mutual. It is heartbreaking because we are worried about what the next step is going to be.

I think one reason I have felt so drained this weekend is that I am so worried about Chloe and trying to be strong, and positive for my husband and our other cat. It is not easy forcing myself to be positive and strong when I am worried and fearing what is going to happen next. We already lost the sweet cat we had before Sundance. Lexi was another sweet and loving soul that lost her life way too early because of cancer. The only pessimistic thing I said to my husband earlier today was that I could not go through three losses back-to-back like we went through back in 2013. Towards the end of 2013 and the beginning of 2014, I lost my beloved Grandfather (Poppy), then we lost my husband’s dear sweet Grandmother, and then we lost Lexi. The back-to-back loss was too much to handle and I do not believe I can go through anything like that again.

The funny this is, I have always said we never have more than we can handle put on us. But seriously, who can handle that much loss so close together more than once in their lifetime? Logically, I do know no animal or human cannot live forever, and we are going to have to deal with losing Chloe someday. I just want to do everything I can to keep Chloe comfortable and healthy for as long as I possibly can, but I will not be selfish and make her suffer.

Another thing I have always said is animals are so much different than humans. I think animals love unconditionally and without any conditions. They do not hold grudges and can forgive. The thing about animals is, they cannot tell us how they are feeling and are completely vulnerable. Animals are innocent and rely on us to take care of them. I wish Chloe could tell us how she is feeling and what we could do to make her feel better, but unfortunately, she cannot do this. We must rely on what we know about her to decide what she is feeling. This is not something easy to do, but I promise we are doing the best we can. Please do me a small favor, keep Chloe in your thoughts and pray she will get better, and her life will carry on for a while longer.

Thank you for visiting my site today. I appreciate you taking the time to read my post and hope to read your thoughts on this as well. It has not been an easy weekend, but we are going to remain hopeful. I hope y’all had a nice weekend and you are continuing to stay safe. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes.

Always, Alyssa

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