Feelings that have built up

Beware in advance, I want y’all to know this post is the most personal I have written and extremely emotional. It is also rather long, but not as long as at least one another post.

Everyone’s life unfolds in unique and often challenging ways. No matter how things appear on the outside, no one has the “picture perfect” life. Our lives are full of happy times and hard times, which might not be equal. When someone experiences something that is painfully difficult and they somehow overcome those times, others may not know how in the world they overcame such tragic times and they never ask. How many times have we been asked in life if there was anything we would change? I can recall countless times, but my answer will never change. Anything that occurred in life that was hard, I feel that I am strong because of the hardest times in life and therefore would not change anything at all.

How would you respond if I were to ask you, what would you change in your life if you could? Sure, there are probably hard times you might wish you did not encounter. If those hard times never happened, would you still be the person you are today? Maybe you would, but maybe you wouldn’t. I say this because things I went through in life, I don’t know if I would be who I am if those things didn’t happen.

2020 has been a difficult year so far and we do not know when or if things will improve. I want to believe that what the United States has witnessed will open everyone’s eyes to the state of our nation. We have NOT had ANY leadership over the past three and a half years. We have watched what feels like the fall of a country that was supposed to be “strong”, “fair”, and “equal”. The entire world was exposed to COVID-19 and most other countries acted in a way that protected the citizens when the United States acted late which caused hundreds of thousands of people to unnecessary lose their lives. There is no way to know if the government had acted sooner, those lives lost could have been saved, and sadly that is what these individual’s families must live with.

Unfortunately, there are still way too many people that believe the lies the president says and tweets. These are the same people that follow their “leaders” example and fail to wear masks when out in public and seem to not understand what is meant by social distancing. I guess it makes sense because we all saw the president and the crowd on the 4th of July close together possibly spreading the virus to one another and yet somehow magically neither the president nor vice president seems to get the virus. Y’all already know that I am terrified of the virus and I do have a weakened immune system because of the medication I take for Multiple Sclerosis.

I will say that finally, several states have made masks when out in public mandatory. Those that fail to comply with wearing masks will be fined. I hardly leave the house these days but did go to the pharmacy on Friday. They had in huge sign in bold letters saying that all customers entering the store must wear a mask or they will be asked to leave immediately.

It has also been made painfully clear that the United States has enormous problems with racial injustice and police killing unarmed black people. I am not naïve enough or blind to the fact that not all American’s are treated equally and it makes me feel shame for the country.

All my life I have always treated everyone the same and never judged anyone based on anything besides the way they treated others. I appreciate the beauty in the differences others show and find those distinctions fascinating. I think if we were all exactly the same, this world would be rather boring and we would miss out on some incredible opportunities.

We are already more than halfway through 2020. The news has put a lot of focus onto either COVID-19, politics, police brutality or the latest with the Epstein insanity. For starters, the United States knew about COVID-19 on January 20, 2020, but did not act on it until March. That left about a month and a half for the virus to spread throughout the country. How many months did the president say this highly contagious and deadly virus was a hoax or not that serious? The answer is just simply way too many and it should have been taken seriously starting back in January.

I am sure my feelings are pretty clear throughout this entire post. I am ashamed of how the country I was born and raised in has behaved for the past three and a half years and honestly probably many more. It will not come as a shock to anyone, but I am not and never have been a fan of Donald Trump. I think the way he blames everyone else for what has gone wrong in the world, how he disrespects everyone that disagrees with him and the media for doing their job, the revolting names he calls others, the way he refers to other countries “shit holes”, the way he has absolutely has no respect for the country he represents or the people living there, and so much more than just repulsive. This man cares so much about his pole numbers that rapidly dwindling and of course, he is blaming the democrats, when truthfully it is his own fault.

I think y’all know I always try my best to be optimistic and believe that positive thoughts will lead to a positive outcome. I also know how incredibly negative this post might seem, but these feelings have built up for a while now. I want to apologize if anything I have written was offensive to you and hope you know that was never my intent. I am a very sensitive person so hearing about the countless people that are dying daily because of COVID-19 breaks my heart and tend to have me in tears. Of course, I do not know any of the people that lost their lives to this virus, but they meant something to someone else.

I also have never been a political person and found most if not all politicians to be dishonest. Trump and Pence have proven my views of dishonest politicians. It is hard for me to understand how anyone could know about how many people have died because of a virus and how it would not affect them. It will never make sense to me how anyone that represents a country and not care about the people. How they sleep soundly at night is a mystery to me.

Since the news first broke about Jeffrey Epstein in 2005 it has made me sick. I then read a book by one of my favorite authors, James Patterson wrote about Epstein which made my feelings even more intense. After Epstein was arrested I thought that justice had been made for his victims.

Of course, he ended up committing suicide while in prison which could be viewed as a good thing, but it was an easy and selfish way out for him and his victims did not get to testify and feel the closure they may have needed. The latest with the Epstein situation was his long-term confidant and associate a female was arrested. This woman helped find Epstein young girls to become another victim and she also participated. Any woman that is capable of doing this kind of harm to a young and innocent girl is vile and appalling and should feel shame for the ways they ruined the child’s youth.

I do realize this might have not been the most positive thing I have written, but this is how I feel. Again, I am sorry if I have offended anyone reading this and hope I did not discourage you from reading future things I write.

This post was very personal and full of raw emotions. I do appreciate you taking the time to read and I encourage you to leave a comment, which I will respond to as quickly as I can.

Y’all know I am starting my new full-time, work from home job tomorrow and I plan to continue blogging as much as I can. No matter how busy I get I will continue doing Motivational Monday, Pick Me Up Thursday and Let It Go Friday! Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, and many positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa


15 thoughts on “Feelings that have built up

  1. I understand. You can’t imagine in what position I am in thanks to both left and right establishment in my country. I love my country, but all I believe in is the individual, no matter the country of origin or anything else.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You’ve covered so many of the topics that are weighing heavily on me, too. We have a somewhat similar situation in terms of the government response to coronavirus, namely the shitty response. Here our government did bugger all until late March, just after the huge horse racing festival happened where hundreds of thousands of people crammed in (this actually happens in my town). It’s been slow, and now the restrictions are lifting too quickly just because the government value money above human life. I’m so, so sick of it. I wish more people wore masks, but I can go to the shops and be the only one wearing one. As for everything else in the news, from paedophile enquiries to racism, it all gets to be too much. Who would have thought 2020 could become so bleak? I’m not an angry person, and yet I feel I’ve gone past my breaking point. I just want you to know that I hear you, Alyssa. You’re not alone in the built up of feelings. Hang in there.

    Sending hugs xxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am sorry you are dealing with anything similar. I think your leader and Trump are a lot alike. The way some “leaders” are behaving is for lack of better words I will agree with you, it is shitty! Numbers in the states are on a steady rise and the idiot president keeps downplaying it all. He doesn’t care how many people die and only cares about his political interests. I hope like hell he doesn’t get reelected because I swear if he does, my husband and I are leaving the country. Our country can’t survive another 4 years of his nonsense!
      I can’t deal with the racism and pedophiles there are, part of that is a very sensitive subject for me. I am like you and am not an angry person, but these situations are making me be very angry. Thank you so much Caz, your comment means so much to me and I really appreciate you!!! xxxx

      Liked by 1 person

      • Well, I hear Kanye is running for president now (apparently, even though I thought he’d initially delayed that). I would say ‘yay, come to the UK!’ but I wouldn’t recommend it. I want out. We just have to hope – HOPE – that things get better. Hang in there, Alys xxxxxx

        Liked by 1 person

      • I think it would be hilarious if Kanye was the one to get Trump out of the white house! Trump is racist as hell! I think it is possible Kayne was just trying to get attention, but even he would be better than who we have now! xxxx

        Liked by 1 person

  3. You are not alone! I never considered myself a very political person, but this mess has stirred my soul! Covid-19 has just made its way into the nursing home where my daughter works, and one that my aunt lives in. My daughter now not only has to wear a mask, but also a face shield all day! Meanwhile, one of our local schools just let us know that masks would not be required. They are leaving that up to parent choice. This is going to take so many more lives😢

    Liked by 1 person

    • Obviously, I agree with you 100%. COVID-19 and the way the government is handling it is all wrong. Those in the world that support Trump and Pence see that they do not wear masks and therefore think they don’t have to either. For some reason it surprises me how everyone can see the numbers increase and yet they will not do what is right. Schools should require masks for the safety of the children and their families. I hope your daughter and aunt and the rest of your family continue to stay safe! This virus hasn’t seen the last of it’s victims and sadly you are right, more people are going to lose their lives. I think we will be doing well if the virus ends in early 2021.

      Liked by 1 person

      • We are going a bit stir crazy and longing for a short vacation! It blows my mind to think about how cautious we have been, yet in about 4 weeks, schools will just open up! Masks will not be required😳 This is Trumpland🙁

        Liked by 1 person

      • It honestly blows my mind as well. You are very right, this is Trumpland and I hate it. The people that believe his lies is upsetting, especially because my mother is one of them. I am hoping he doesn’t get reelected because our country won’t survive another 4 years of his nonsense. My husband and I are planning to move to Canada if he does get reelected because we both can’t stand that idiot! Regardless of if masks are required or not, I do hope you will wear one so you will at least stay safe!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • I have been making masks, so I have quite an assortment🙂 I carry newly made ones in my car and give them to people who seem to need one😉 My dad says the same thing- he doesn’t believe our country will be able to survive another four years of the same. I’m just going to lock myself down and do crafts😁…..for the next 4 years if need be.

        Liked by 1 person

      • That is amazing that you are making masks and kind enough to give them to those that do not have one. You are an amazing person and I really appreciate you!!! Sounds like we are all on the same page, this country can’t survive another 4 years, heck I am not sure we can survive another 5 months of him. Thank you so much for being you!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. You are like many many others totally justified in how you feel. It is not a good situation (too many sick individuals) but I can empathise, as an ex South African we were responsible for many atrocities, not “we” actually but as residents that were not able to change the direction things were going “we” are accountable. Nothing can change that. The world is a terrible place right now but with Hope, Positive and driven people change is possible. Stay safe

    Liked by 2 people

    • Oh my goodness, I didn’t know you were from South Africa. It sounds like a beautiful place. I love the accidents! I hate to say this, but I am ashamed to be an American because of the president. He represents those that I strongly disagree with because I am a fair person and do not discriminate on people that are a different color, race. who they love, or anything else that doesn’t matter. The world is in a bad place and Trump and his cult followers are not helping it at all. I hope you stay safe and away from the deadly virus.

      Liked by 1 person

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