Unfortunately, we have all experienced being let down at least once in our lifetime. Maybe you made plans with a friend for a fun outing together, which you were looking forward to. Then as you were getting yourself ready, your friend calls to back out of your plans because of an unexpected issue. Of course, you were understanding because it was out of their control, but that does not mean you were not disappointed.
As with the scenario when a friend backs out of plans last minute, sometimes things happen, and people get sick. What happens when you worked endlessly on a project at work and you were proud of your accomplishment, but then a co-worker steps in and takes credit for your hard work. In a situation like this, you might feel anger, frustration, and or betrayed.
On an entirely different level, when we learn that someone close to us, such as a significant other, parent, child, or other family member betrays our trust, it hurts on a much deeper level. Even simply learning something new about someone we trusted and care about can be difficult for us to believe, especially when it is something surprising and not in a good way. Situations with people we are closest with can make us feel like our world has been turned upside down and inside out.
Before we have had a chance to make sense of any outside threats, our physiological responses acknowledge the negative situations. The physiological responses are our body’s automatic reactions to stimuli. The release of hormones, the rush of blood through our body and into our limbs, an increased heart rate, and accelerated breathing are all subconscious and out of our control. The only thing we do have control over is our breathing through using long and shallow exhales, which sends our body a message of safety and enables access to higher needed cognitive parts of our brain.
We are all only human and painful emotions are not easy to deal with. As humans, we are hard-wired to want to run as far away from pain as we can. It is in our instincts to try distracting ourselves from the pain in ways that bring pleasure, even if the pleasure is only short-lived. Unfortunately, this can lead us into devastating and disastrous behaviors to numb the pain we are experiencing. There are better and healthier alternatives to try, such as self-compassion practices that allow ways to embrace and understand the pain. This will provide you with a space to be silent and establish lost trust in a temporary safe place until you can understand things clearly.
It is important to carefully listen while your thoughts surface. It can be easy to attach yourself to your thoughts and let them run with their version of the events that took place. This is not going to be a useful thing to do because our minds will naturally find ways to confirm the way we are thinking and strengthen, instead of allowing healing. We must find a way to detach from the story being played out in our minds and be open to further truth and forgiveness.
No one can tell you how you should feel when someone you love lets you down. By practicing the tips shared in this post, you will be able to distance yourself from an emotional reaction and allow the wisdom within yourself to guide you to the best response. Of course, this does not mean you need to forgive or let go of what has occurred, at least not until you are ready to do so. Trust and listen to your heart and mind, as this will typically lead you down the right path.
Although I hope the information in this post was beneficial to you, I also hope you have not been let down too often. I understand how painful it is to be let down by someone you love, but in some way, it will make you a better and stronger person. I would love the chance to read what you thought of this post, and I will respond to all comments as quickly as I can.
Thank you for visiting my site today and taking the time to read what I have written. I hope you are having a good week and you are continuing to stay safe. The good news about today is, we are almost to the weekend again. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!
Reblogged this on Survivors Blog Here Mental Health Collaborative .
Very healthy advice to handle being let down! Being an optimist and an idealist, I was hoping to see a positive flip side, because seeing only the reality of people letting us down feels triggering for me.
I used to suffer greatly with anxiety and depression because my mind was focused on all the negative things which were happening, so my brain was constantly trying to process and prepare for the next difficulty.
When I started to teach myself to speak kindly to myself, my inner narrative changed. I also went from seeing life as a series of things to get through, to seeing the positives in a stronger light instead of dismissing them so quickly as being something only fleeting and momentary in my life.
The abuse I had experienced in my childhood had prepared me to look for the dangers and the negatives lurking around each corner.
My healing which also comprised of developing positive inner talk helped lift my brain from constantly operating in the Amygdala zone, into a balanced view where both sides exist.
I have found that what we focus on is what we see, because our brains very helpfully filter out the experiences which don’t fit that inner narrative!
I had read about this but I was fascinated to see that it played out time and again in my mind!
Blessings to all!
If you’re struggling with life in the Amygdala zone, start small by saying a gentle thought to yourself. Keep building on that to give yourself gentle support!
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Thank you for your comment. Isn’t it amazing how much abuse as a child can teach you to be prepared for danger? I mean it does not make the past any less difficult, but it certainly prepares us for anything negative that can happen.
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That is true. Unfortunately it over prepares us! We become hyper vigilant to look for danger that we can then lose pleasure in the moment! I had to unlearn a lot of those lessons to learn to appreciate and feel grateful for the good things.
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Thank you – as always!
Time – they say – helps… easier said than done when the emotions are running high, tho, huh?
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Yes, it is easier said than done, but amazing what we can get through in our life