Reflecting on 2017

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dwell on the pastI know there is normally no use dwelling on the past because it is more important to look towards the future, but reading some of my previous posts got me thinking. There was a lot of talk about pain in 2017. Everyone probably already knows that Multiple Sclerosis does come with a fair amount of pain but does talking about it really help? I know that writing about the pain did not make the pain magically go away, but in a way it helps to get those negative feelings out. Sharing my story with many people I unfortunately have not met in person and hearing their stories made the situation a little less lonely.

Living with an invisible illness can make people feel a little isolated at times. Granted for the most part my family understands my illness and is understanding, but when I go to work not many if any of my co-workers really know what I live with. When I park in a handicap parking space at the grocery store, not because it is impossible for me to walkinvisible-illness but because it does cause unnecessary pain to walk far distances, people look at me like I am committing a crime because I look perfectly normal. I have learned to not allow the judgments of others to affect my life but sometimes the looks are a little disturbing. I will never take the last handicap parking space at any store because another person might have a more severe condition and need it a lot more than I do. I always try to be considerate of others even if it does in turn cause me a little extra pain.

I have had Multiple Sclerosis for almost 17 years, but in October I had a ferocious flare up that caused me immense troubles. I was out of work for over a month on short-term disability which caused me some emotional troubles as well. All I could think is why am I only 36 years old and already on short term disability? Is this only going to continue on this path and force me to be viewed as a disabled woman? As crazy as it might sound I strong enoughfelt a vast amount of shame with this. I did not want anyone besides my direct manager to know anything about this so I did not have to deal with any ignorant comments when I did returned to work. Thankfully the short-term disability did not extend and I am slowly getting back into the swing of things at work. I am not working a full 8 hour day yet because it is not worth pushing myself too hard just to have a setback. It is called prioritizing, I am learning to put my health first and put my job second.

Pain is inevitable and continuing to live life is not optional. I still battle pain each day, but I refuse to give up. I want to be able to live a normal life even if my normal is different from others. hne_pain_and_suffering_We are given a chance to enjoy our lives no matter what challenges are we encounter. I am trying to fight my pain and MS with a positive and optimistic mind-set, it might not work every day but I will not allow these issues to control me! 

I hope y’all are having a good weekend! Hopefully you are feeling well and staying warm! These crazy cold temperatures have made me want to stay inside with my blanket and heating pad. According to the weather channel the temperatures will be on the rise next week, but whose to say that will last or really even happen. 

Thank you for visiting and commenting on my thoughts of day! I always appreciate hearing what you have to say and do always respond as quickly as I can! I hope you have a great and relaxing evening!! Much love to y’all!

Love 2

Always, Alyssa

40 thoughts on “Reflecting on 2017”

  4. You literally write what I have thought at some point, it’s crazy! It’s all so accurate. Don’t be worried about work! I had to stop working and that’s a bit harder but the best decision I made for my wellbeing! You have to come first! X x

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    • I am trying to work less but we currently only have my income because my husband quit his job in October. It is kind of a long story why he thought that was a good idea but it was actually a really bad idea!!!!! I am glad you quit working, it is so much better for body and mind to not have to deal with the dramas of work!!!!

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      • Yeah it really is!! That must be even harder on you. Hopefully when your husband comes out of this dark phase he can work again x x

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      • My husband and I worked for the same company. His department was not a good one and he was treated unfairly, so in a sense it was good he got away from that place!! I am lucky because I have a manager that understands me and my illness!!

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      • You need that with MS I was in a job and they couldn’t care less so that was frustrating! My last job my boss had a relative with ms and they were all so understanding, the difference is unreal. In the long run it probably is for the best he got away from that!! X x

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      • Absolutely! My manager has a good friend that has MS, so he knows a little about the illness. Sadly, it seems that most people do not truly care about the well being of others. I know it was best for him to get away from that place!!

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  5. Sweet Alyssa, you, my dear are Alyssa first! You happen to have MS. I don’t think you should ever hold back information nor be embarrassed by it! Let your co-workers know about MS and the battle you fight. There is a perfect teaching moment here… think on it. If there ever was a ‘poster child/woman’ for this cause, I would choose you, hands down! Speak out and teach! I am listening and learning from you all the time. The more I learn, the better I understand my preconceived notions of MS are bunk! ~Kim

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    • Thank you Kim! I really did try for a while to teach my co-workers about MS but they all seem stuck in their own thoughts. Even though I did try they still judged and made horrible comments when I was out on leave so now I just gave up and keep to myself. For the most part I am very vocal about MS because I want people to understand it better. I really appreciate your kind words and I am glad my posts have been a learning experience! I hope you are having a fabulous weekend!!

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  7. Alyssa, I love this… You’re so awesome and inspiring!! I’m sorry for your horrible October flare up, but so glad you’re getting back to your sense of normalcy! Praying for you, always!

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  9. Invisible illnesses are tough. My son had encephalitis, and he suffers from complications from it. For example, he gets mentally fatigued, and he cries out of nowhere. I can’t explain it to most people because they don’t understand. I was told by a soccer coach to not baby him and he needed to toughen up. Jy suffered a major illness and that won’t go away, but I have tried to find the little joys in every day (maybe something so small to others like he didn’t go to the nurse’s office one day to rest). You didn’t have a choice to have MS, but you are a fighter. You face the world every day. Thank you for sharing your inspiring story with us.

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