~We will always miss Chloe~
Today, I am going to write about two different things. One topic is about today being three weeks since we lost our sweet little girl, Chloe. The second topic is the MRI I am being forced to get. Both topics are weighing heavily on my mind, so I need to write about them because that is how I cope with difficulties with life. The one thing that is and always will be a constant in our lives is challenging times. There is no way to avoid challenges, but we need to be able to address them head-on!
I think most of you already read my post about when we lost Chloe. I cannot believe it has already been three weeks since that precious little girl took her last breath. Even though this loss was extremely painful, and we are still struggling with losing her, we can find some comfort, and peace that we provided her with a wonderful life full of love. The Friday before Chloe passed, we had been informed by her doctor that she probably would not make it through the weekend. Of course, the offer was made we could have put her to sleep, but I am glad we decided not to, and she was able to pass in the comfort of her home and on my lap.
Tomorrow, after work on I am going to get an MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging). If I remember correctly, my last MRI was almost three years ago, and while I was dealing with a relapse. Of course, this type of testing is non-invasive and does not include any pain. I am sure most of you have had an MRI in the past, so you know they are uncomfortable, in part because they seem longer than they are, and you cannot move, or the image will need to be done again.
The images generated from an MRI enable doctors to see lesions in the CNS (Central Nervous System). Depending on the type of damage and the scan used, lesions will show up as white or dark spots. An MRI will show damaged areas called lesions, or plaques on the brain or spinal cord and can be used to monitor disease activity or progression.
An MRI with contrast dye can show MS disease activity by showing a pattern consistent with inflammation of active demyelinating lesions. Contrast dye is a substance injected into the vein and used to make certain types of lesions show clearer on the MRI scan. Demyelinating lesions are a kind of lesion that is either new or increasing in size due to demyelination, which is damage to the myelin covering certain nerves. The images obtained with contrast can also indicate areas of permanent damage that will appear as dark holes in the brain.
I have resisted getting another MRI for several years for a few reasons. One reason being, they are insanely expensive, even with insurance. The estimate for the MRI I am getting tomorrow was $2,700. The price does not make sense to me because I do have insurance and almost makes me wonder what the point of is paying for healthcare insurance when I still have an outrageous out-of-pocket for everything. I have said this several times before, but I will say it again, the United States has some of the worst healthcare in the world.
Another reason I have resisted the MRI is that the results do not matter, and I am not changing my MS medication. I feel confident saying the Gilenya is doing what it is supposed to with slowing the progression of my MS. Medications I have been on previously did not work near as well and it could have been because I was not taking them like I was supposed to. I hated doing the medications that involved giving myself shots, so with the Gilenya being oral, it is easier!
The final reason I have been stubborn about getting the MRI is because of COVID. I am still worried about going into the imagining place, but I will be wearing my mask and stay as safe as I can. I am logical enough to know the MRI is needed, but I am not thrilled about going tomorrow. I do not want to hear what the results are because they always make me cry and it is not worth the emotions or stress, so I will have the results shared with my husband.
I hope you are having a nice and safe weekend! I know y’all have busy lives, but I appreciate you taking the time to visit my site today and read what I have written. I look forward to reading your comments and promise to respond to all comments as quickly as I can. Please never forget that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love, comfort, support, and MANY positive vibes!
Always, Alyssa
Fightmsdaily 
Reblogged this on Survivors Blog Here Mental Health Collaborative .
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You have to pay for an MRI? US healthcare is so weird. I just had one and it didn’t cost me anything. But I hope it goes well—I’m great at lying still until someone tells me I have to!
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That is exactly what I keep saying. Healthcare in the US is awful and is the only “developed” country without free healthcare. I swear, the moment I get in the MRI and am told to not move, everything itches! It is crazy!
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Honestly Alyssa, if that is how you feel about the MRI, why bother unless you have to to continue to meds you are already on?
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The truth is, that is the only reason I am doing the MRI. My specialist is a new one because we moved and she won’t sign off on the Gilenya until I get the MRI. I think she should pay for the MRI:)
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I hear you
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Healthcare in the states is almost as big of a joke as Trump:)!
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MRI s are weird, but I always imagine the sounds are from an angry robot standing on top of the machine, belting the metal hard, and in my head, there’s quite a story happening!
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It is funny you say that about MRIs because I somehow make it be a song. I can imagine the angry robot story in your head though because in a way, that is exactly what it sounds like.
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I’m sorry to hear about Chloe. I lost d.o.g. a month ago tomorrow so believe me when I say I understand your pain. 😦 I fricking hate mris, (I have to have them 4x a year now to stay on Tysabri). I had one last week with no new lesions…yay me! I’m glad Gilenya is working for you!
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Thank you Grace. Losing poor little Chloe was awful and we are still heartbroken, but I am glad she went peacefully at home with us. She was so sweet and the house feels empty without her. I hate MRIs as well, but I guess it is a must. My word 4xs a year for Tysabri? That is a lot, but I hope the med is working well for you!
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All the best with the MRI.
After learning more about the USA in terms of health care and politics. I think it is really awful and us in the UK are so lucky.
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Thank you so much!
You could not be more right! The healthcare and politics in the USA is awful. Politics is more than corrupt and healthcare is a joke. I know the leader in the UK is not everyone’s favorite and he needs to learn to brush his hair, but it must be better than the states!
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Lol, he needs to learn to brush is hair. I think he doesn’t have enough hair. Our health care isn’t great, but it is free.
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I feel bad for him because he is a little funny looking:)! I wish healthcare was free in the states, but everyone is against it because they are under the impression it is not a good think. Some believe that with free healthcare, the government controls people. They think socialism is bad, but I think many are under the wrong impression.
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I don’t get the usa, for a modern democracy, it is an interesting place. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, makes me understand a bit better.
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If its free then everyone benefits and can be healthy and have good lives.
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I think that is a kind way to say that the USA is behind the times and not a fair country. I think having healthcare free for everyone would be a better way to live. We all get in massive debt because of the way our healthcare is and it is awful. I would move to the UK or Canada in a heartbeat!
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Oh no that was not my meaning. Since I was young I thought America was a great place based on all the TV programmes. But now my eyes are open a bit wider. I don’t know enough to comment . But what I have seen in the news has left me shocked, and stuff other bloggers write about having to live in RV’s because cost of medical bills, and drugs. I just feel sad about America.
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Oh no worries, I didn’t take your comment the wrong way and actually agree with your thoughts. America is not like what is on the TV, but the exact opposite. I think many people want to believe that America is a great country, but I do not agree with that. The politicians are awful and healthcare is terrible. People are going hungry and homeless because of the way things are and it breaks my heart.
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All the best with the MRI and good results. 🤞 I haven’t had one in about 3 years and sort of miss them! I want to know what’s happening around my good ol brain after all this time! Haha.x
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Thank you! I absolutely dread the MRI and the results even more because they always make me cry. I think they might be trying to make sure I still have a brain, so we will see!!
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I wanted to tell you that your comment made me smile because you are too funny!!
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I’m so sorry to hear of Chloe passing away, sending hugs to you and your family. You’re right that the prices in the States are extortionate! At least here in the UK, it’s free. I hate them but I persevere and I know I need another one soon due to lots of new symptoms. I have Transverse Myelitis (lesions on the spine) for 10 years now, but I’m noticing more changes, more often 😦
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