Prisoner of my own body

prison bodyIn a previous post I shared with y’all that my recent MRI results showed improvement and there were NO new lesions, which is great news! I felt so incredibly relieved with these wonderful results, but for some reason which I am sure is probably stress related, I still feel an incredible amount of pain and burning in my legs/feet. This pain and burning sensation is constant and unrelenting, which is nothing more than frustrating.

Trying to continue doing all that I want and need to do become trying because it seems like not much really help the issues I continue to struggle with. I feel that my body is trying to hold me as a prisoner from my own illness. Isn’t there normally parole from prison? Unfortunately parole has not been offered to me, so maybe that means I have not stay in painshowed good behavior! I know I do not listen well to my doctor (whom I do my best to avoid to at all costs), but I also continue to ignore the advice from the Nurse Practitioner (NP) that I actually like and respect, considering she worked closely with my first specialist that I just loved! During the MRI results reading with the NP, she encouraged me once again to try things to reduce my stress, considering she seems to believe that is where my pain is stemming from. I am do not agree with her completely on this, but maybe she is right.

Avoiding stress in the world we live in seems completely impossible to me, but maybe and not very likely I am wrong. I mean you are not able to turn the TV on without interruptions from the government, spewing nothing but lies! It is impossible to be out stress everywhereamong people without one them mentioning some lie they heard on the news that they of course believe. Avoiding stressors that I have been aware of for a long time is possible, but then through no fault of my own they seep through and then cause me nothing but frustrating feelings. I have even tried to ignore the stress-factors, but all that does is bottle up hostile feelings which tend to come out in rather terrible and unhealthy ways!

Now considering my MRI results indicated improvement, I am left to wonder if the pain and burning sensation that will not let up is just my life. This is what makes me feel that I am nothing more than a prisoner in my own body. How do you break-free when nothing seems to help? All that seems to be happening is the walls are growing taller and more impossible to escape from.light

Even though the issues I continue to face are frustrating, I will continue searching for the light I know is there somewhere. There must be an end to the pain and burning sensation and in time I am sure I will figure it out. However, by the time I figure out ways to end the pain and burning I am probably going to be very elderly and in an assistant living home, in which they will have to deal with me! I definitely feel bad for those individuals! 

I would like to thank y’all for stopping by my site today. I always appreciate you reading my thoughts for the day and leaving your amazing comments! I hope y’all have had a nice day and I hope you are feeling well. Please remember that I will respond to all comments as quickly as I can, as I really do enjoy the open communication we have. As always I am sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤


86 thoughts on “Prisoner of my own body

  1. Stress is/can sever pain. You have to make adjustments in attitude to help yourself. This isn’t easy. Don’t watch the news, huge stressor, don’t argue the same argument-put is to rest. All the things you have to do to relieve stress are hard, that is why your pain is so hard. All people with chronic illness can suffer from stress to the point of causing pain. I know you have stress at work, take a stand or forget and do your best to ignore. Their pettiness is not worth the pain. Stress causes other issues in the body with the Adrenal gland. It is serious, get serious about what stresses you everyday. Then look at what you can do something about. Make big changes where can, I don’t watch the news and my stress levels have gone way down. There are some stress that’s situational, learn ways to relieve your stress in pockets of time since you can’t escape it. Don’t expect or beat yourself up. I do and understand you do to. Not getting enough quality sleep is another stressor on body. I’ve learned, very hard, to go to bed at 9:00pm. I bought some lavender spray for my pillow, spray a couple of times. I bought a nicer hand lotion to keep by bed to pamper myself as I go to sleep. Those may not work for you. I continue to look for treats for myself to get my mind off my illness or pain.
    I know you have the strength to make changes needed.

    Liked by 5 people

  2. Don’t forget, as much as everyone loves your post…..stress may come from posting daily. Take a hard look at that. I had to stop writing everyday, staying up late to get it done. Try writing three days a week and see how you can help yourself de-stress on other days. Just a suggestion.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I honestly do not stay up late writing, it is always done early in the day and they are scheduled to go out. Somethings I write, like my Monday and Thursday post relieve my stress. Other things I post at random are just what is on my mind. It helps me to write out my feelings. Thank you for your comment!!

      Liked by 2 people

      • I have slowed down some with reading others posts in a timely manner. I now say that I will read them when I have the time. Writing for me, is calming and a release of my negative emotions! You have to do what is best for your health and I will take a break if it gets to be too much to handle!

        Liked by 1 person

      • You can’t read every post it’s impossible. It’s a balance of how much time do I want to dedicate to reading and commenting. Commenting takes a lot, I’ve seen your responses. They are great, you just can’t do that on all or you eat up your reading time. I would rather have less followers and get to know them better than high numbers that can add quilt/stress to your life.
        Balance 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. My late wife had those symptoms many years ago and she were diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I believe she got medication to help with that… as far as reducing stress, if you have a quiet time, you might try meditation…. I do it… people do it different ways but the idea is have a quiet moment at some point in the day and shut out the world concentrating on yourself… takes practice and effort but it can be done… 🙂

    “If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can’t, you’re right”. Mary Kay Ash

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I know this must sound like a silly question but have you ever tried a foot soaking massage bath. Dr. Scholls makes them, and they work wonderfully. Obviously, they won’t reach your legs, but if you could apply cool compresses that might help. What might also help is turning off the news. LOL! All kidding aside… I have to turn it off too, it drives me absolutely nuts listening to the constant nonsense that our government has turned into. A complete three ring circus is what it is nowadays.
    The last company where I worked, I worked in the office but had a great number of miles of the warehouse to walk through daily. My legs and feet hurt like hell daily. I picked up the Doctor Scholls foot massage, and it worked wonders for me.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Please, continue to search for the light. I remember doctors doubting me when a discussed back pain from the neck and throughout the spine. The tests results proved I was right. You never know what a future test may reveal or if one day you wake up unexpectedly feeling better.

    Life is unpredictable. Have a lovely evening.

    Liked by 2 people

    • No worries! Life gets busy and also living with MS, I understand that gets in the way as well. Even with the positive results, my body still wants to be pretty damn mean. Hopefully the weather will get cooler and I will learn to control my stress, then my body will act right! I hope you are doing well Angela!

      Liked by 2 people

  6. Argh, I’m sorry your feet and legs are bothering you so much. Keep fighting to control that stress. I live a pretty quiet life now and I’m immediately aware of stress in my body -it goes absolutely haywire. Hopefully you’ll continue to find strategies that work for you. I hear you about the news, I avoid it at all costs. Some serious insanity!! Calm, peaceful thoughts your way. 💕

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you! I am trying to find different ways to control my stress, but we will see how it goes. I do find that writing helps me because it gets my feelings and emotions out. I can tell immediately when stress gets too haywire, my pain increases drastically. I do try to avoid the news because it is so far beyond insane right now, but my husband is very into it. He watches it online and it is actually background noise right now. I have no clue what is being said though because I am perfecting how to ignore things! Thank you for your calm and peaceful thoughts, they are very appreciated!

      Liked by 2 people

  7. OK, easier said than done here but I want to offer this. As my BP increased to critical levels I was told that I had to find a way to let things go. I’m wired tighter than an airport sandwich and I laughed. But I did learn to make myself do it. I actually learned to look at something and say “not worth it”. Stress is everywhere but I believe it can be done. Once again, easier said than done

    Liked by 1 person

    • First, I LOVE your comment that you are wired tighter than a airport sandwich, I normally feel that same. Your comment did make me smile though and I appreciate that. It is definitely easier said than done, but it can be done with practice, at least that is what I have been told. I am doing my best to let go and just not care about little things in life. Thank you so much!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Alyssa……….I am so very very sorry………’s not fair such crap happens to such good and beautiful people. To help with stress levels I don’t watch any tv………..none. It isn’t a miracle cure but it has helped.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. So sorry to hear that you’re in pain Alyssa but you are completely right when you say that stress will make the pain worse; this is probably a daft question but have you explained to your husband and asked him to cut down his news watching?
    I would try meditation as well but a guided meditation as just sitting there with just your thoughts for company can leave you feeling frustrated if you’re new to it. I found this really helpful: It’s only 15 minutes but you have to follow what’s being said and it really helps you to focus on breathing which is a natural way to calm our bodies and minds. Hope it helps and in the meantime, hope you feel better soon :O) xx

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Hi Alyssa! Very good news from the MRA! 👍
    I read all the comments, and there are really some good advice there. I’ll embrace some of them myself!

    My biggest issue now concerning stress, is that I still focus too much on the backpain and stiffness. It’s very hard not to since it’s always there! More or less! And always keeps reminding me of its presense.
    But those stressful years are behind me, and I too have stopped listening to news and such. And that makes a huge difference! In many ways I feel very well now, if it just wasn’t the back issues, and all my thougts about it.

    Yes, I think too much, not only about pain issues. About all and everything! It’s the hardest to stop thinking about pain, but I’m convinced that’s the best way to go. Do instead fun and pleasing things that helps you (you=us all) to not focus on it.
    And I think that actually also means not to spend a lot of time writing about it as well.
    We should all try to ignore pain and such as much as possible instead! And as the others have said. Try to avoid stress.

    And we have an political election coming up this sunday. And especially one of the parties is very much like your Trump… I refuse to see and listen, and hope for the opposite party/parties to win.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your comment. I find writing relaxing, which is why I write about things other than pain. Yes, I will write some about pain and that is only when I am very frustrated.
      I am so sorry you have a Trump like person as well. I guess they really are everywhere!


  11. I often feel the same. Unfortunately there is no way to avoid stress in life no matter how hard we try. I worry about being in an assisted living home when I’m older too and it makes me sad worrying about what my future will look like when there’s nobody alive anymore to look after me. I think we should all try and do at least ONE thing each day to relax and de-stress. Maybe I’ll do a blog post on it in the future when I feel better.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Sorry to hear the pain hasn’t eased. And I agree with previous comments, stop watching the news. I stop watching the news, and only catch up with what I wish to read on teletext…we cant not have every day stress, but we can control to a degree what we can and can’t worry about. Its hard to say not to worry about circumstances which are out of our control, we are human with feelings, but we can’t let it get to us so much it starts having a physical impact on us!. Its hard, and you’re a caring soul, but you also need to concentrate on you and your health. Wishing you a good day today lovely.x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much! I honestly do believe the NP is 100% right that the stress is causing all my pain. My previous doctor confirmed at one point where some of my lesions are will indeed cause pain. Who knows who is right or wrong? I say this because even when I am not under any stress, I do still have pain! I hope you had a great day and you are feeling well! xx

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I’m so sorry for your pain. It does not sound tolerable day in and day out!!! It could drive someone mad 😡!!!!!

    Idea—when you hear something that is making your emotions rise try a MINDFULNESS Technique. Research shows the more you stay stress free/relaxed in your day the better you will sleep. (I love the CALM App— I wrote about it in my blog even!)

    Idea—my son plays competitive sports, when he hurts he will soak in a cold bath with ice—could something like that offer some relief??

    Alyssa— my thoughts are with you!!! Your daily discomfort and pain is unsettling and difficult. It is also hard to live with the idea of a new normal. I’m dealing with that too. My thoughts are with you sweet girl! Try to stay positive, healthy 🥗, 🛏 rested, hydrated, relaxed.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. 2018 is called the year of the pain. I do my best to joke about it but it’s true.

    I had knee surgery on my right knee to remove scar tissue. It was nice to have to scar tissue gone, unfortunately there was still pain in the knee.

    While favoring my right knee I was putting a lot of stress on my left leg. This caused my ankle to hurt. It started to feel like a bad sprain. By April it was so bad that I was using my office chair as a wheelchair to get around the house. I was taking pain pills, anti-inflammatory pills. You name it. I was even wearing a brace.

    Nothing worked.

    I had some relief in July after an injection. My knee felt a lot better and my ankle didn’t hurt as much. But I could tell it was still there and sure enough, when the injection wore off the pain and weakness in my ankle returned.

    We visited a specialist in Portland, Oregon. We covered everything. From knee replacement to ankle operation. You name it. In the mean time, while I thought it over, she suggested two things:

    Penetrex – An anti-inflammatory cream.

    Turmeric Curcumin – A wonder drug in a nutshell.

    I rolled by eyes and humored my wife and started taking the pills and using the rub the week of August 13th.

    I have been pain free since August 20th.

    If you haven’t tried this please do. At least talk to your doctor about it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! I am sorry you had to deal with pain, but I am so happy to hear you have been pain free. I will mention this to my doctor and see what she wants to do. Her and I never see eye to eye on things, but it is worth a shot!!


  15. Stress is an issue with my illness, too–when I get stressed, just run. Run fast and far. 😛 It brings out Dark Meg.

    Maybe you could get an easy-to-care-for pet!! Like a kitty cat!!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Alyssa, I know that dealing with the same issues day after day is frustrating. I know it seems like there’s no answer but in order for things to change we have to behave in a different way. Things will never change doing the same things over and over. That’s scary because change is scary but so needed to bring about better results. Just consider that changing one thing at a time and watch the positive effect that will have. Change takes time but the results are amazing, like you. I’m always here to help in any way I can. Hang in there, you can do this. All my Love & Support, Mom.💜💜

    Liked by 1 person

    • It definitely gets frustrating, but dwelling on the issues will never solve anything. I do my best to keep looking forward and never backwards, if that makes any sense. I need to practice taking care of myself just a little more than I do and let things go more. I hold onto way too much frustrations. I have found my level of stress and negativity increases drastically when I am at work. Everyone there is SO hostile, which creates a horrible work environment. Writing helps me with reducing stress. So I am thankful for this chance to write what I want! I appreciate your reading and leaving a wonderful comment!!


  17. Reducing stress is a lot easier said than done. All I can suggest is you inventory that your hot stress buttons are and realistically assess what you can change in terms of how you react to them. One thing for sure, STOP WATCHING NETWORK NEWS! Or any new program for that matter

    Liked by 1 person

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