Just another Monday

Optional MondayI am proud to say today was the first day that I increased my hours at work. I managed to make it through 6 hours successfully, which is more than I have done in a while. I wish I could say that my pain did not become more intense the longer I was sitting at my desk, but I can not say that yet! This morning when the work assignments were sent out, I did get a little stressed because since I have not been working full-time, another person was out for a week and another person left the company we are very behind. But then I remembered, there is no use getting stressed about the situation because things will start to improve, hopefully this week.

Have you ever noticed that when life starts getting difficult “friends” start to disappear? It really does seem that others get caught up in their own lives and forget about those that have been there for them through good and bad times. But, then there are some that stand up strong beside you when you are struggling and would do anything to help. The people who suddenly are too busy for others are those that are not really needed. 

The head cold that I have been dealing with for a week now is still hanging around. The worst part of a head cold is the headaches that will not go away. Today, I did start having a sore throat but it is not too bad. I think I would prefer a sore throat to the headache any day of the week! Battling a simple cold with MS is really frustrating because I already have a compromised immune system which only takes getting over it longer!

But looking on the bright side, even with it being a Monday, things went fairly well. I mark twainpushed myself through even when my pain was increasing steadily and was proud of the success I was able to make at work. Tomorrow is another day and hopefully things will continue on the right path. I will not give up until I am back working 40 hours a week! In order to get to my goal, I have to remember to be kind not just to others but myself as well. I think being kind to yourself starts with not pushing too hard and not being too critical because you really can only do what you can do.

I hope y’all had a great start to your week! Now that we made it through Monday, hopefully you are will have a nice relaxing evening and be fully prepared to do it all over again tomorrow! Thank you for reading and commenting on my thoughts for today! It was kind of short today because I am really tired and sore, but I wanted to be able to share my accomplishment with work today! I will respond to all comments and emails as fast as I can! Stay positive and strong and have a great night!

Love 2

Always, Alyssa

 

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Slow healing

Peaceful SundayEven though our weekend will be coming to an end soon, I hope y’all were able to enjoy the couple of day as much as possible! Monday morning always seems to approach us with super sonic speed that we are never ready for. I do not know about you, but the alarm clock on Monday morning seems to be a little more irritating than the other days of the week!  The best thing to do in preparation of another Monday is spend Sunday relaxing and at peace!

As y’all know I have been trying to get myself back to normal work hours at work, which has been a very SLOW process. Healing from my flare up and then a terrible head cold has been very difficult, but at least I am still trying! One of the most important things in life is to never give up and focus on positive outcomes. It is easy to allow ourselves to get wrapped up with a negative atmosphere, especially when we are suffering with pain or other illness. I honestly find that negativity is suffocating and prevents proper wellness and comfort from life!

Sometimes I wonder if it is even possible to find an escape from the smothering amount of cynicism that has been created. The best way to try to extinguish the negative negative-peoplecomments is to counter them with positivity. It does seem most people find it easier to stay in a pessimistic frame of mind instead of searching for an optimistic outcome! Even when life gets hard for me, I do try my best to stay positive and remember that the end of the gloomy road will brighten again soon!

It really does amaze me how contagious negative attitudes are. I think it is even more contagious than the flu! Finding a remedy for this type of attitude would be able to cure the world and make it an even better place. It really breaks my heart that so many people live with so much hate and hopelessness in their heart and soul. 

change processTomorrow is a new day for me with work and I can only hope that it will be easier. I do not want to set myself up for failure and think it will not come with struggles, but I am going to fight my way through it! I am still finding it hard to sit at a desk all day and to stay completely focused, but I have been dealing with this long enough and it is time for a change! I know change does not happen just by sitting there waiting for it, you have to strive to find it and hold onto it! I do feel like change is something that is desperately needed in my life. I need to get out of my own mind with thinking about the “new” and “active” lesions on both my brain and spine, and start thinking more about those lesions becoming inactive!! I think getting back into my normal and boring daily routine my life will change for the positive. I know the lesions that are causing me troubles will not go away completely but maybe the more I just ignore them by focusing on something else will be helpful! There is a possibility dance in the rainthat the pain in my back and the tingly numbness feeling legs is permanent but I can find the way to get through that! It is all about accepting what is happening and learning how to live with the outcome! I will never have a defeated attitude about anything this illness throws my way!

I hope that y’all had a great weekend and that you are prepared to begin a new and fantastic week! No matter what has happened the past few weeks in your life, the new week will bring wonderful changes and even more life experiences. I am really hopeful and positive that my body will adjust better and I will be able to be my “normal” happy self again! 

Thank you so much for reading and commenting on my post for today! I really do appreciate and value your thoughts and the extraordinary conversations I am able to have with you! As always I will respond to your comments and emails as fast as I can! I hope the rest of your Sunday is wonderful and very relaxing! Continue to stay strong and positive and great things will happen for you! 

Love 2

Always, Alyssa

 

Strong enough for the struggles!

strong enoughI do believe that all the struggles we go through in life, even though we may not be able to see it at the time, only to make us stronger! We do not get to choose what difficulties we face throughout life, but we can decide how we cope we them. Every battle we tackle can teach us better ways to handle anything else the future holds for us. 

Life is an uphill journey that we are always learning from. An experience you have endured previously can potentially help yourself not struggle as hard if faced with the same situation again or someone else moving forward. We all confront issues in life differently, so what works well for me may not work as well for someone else and visa versa.

Looking back at life I realize that some situations I thought were impossible, were not nearly as bad as I made them out to be. During high stress situations I think we may Beautiful strugglesometimes allow our emotions to have more control than necessary, instead of focusing on logic. Without a doubt I am very guilty of this because I always become very emotional when I am under a great deal of stress and put zero emphasis on being logical. In my sane and clear mind, I do know the only way to make it through difficult times is to look at the issues and find logical ways to fix the problems. For me personally being too emotional causes me to make irrational decisions that in the end never help myself or anyone else that was involved. 

I believe while we are going through difficult times in our lives, we should be able to be open up with our feelings to at least one person! The difficult part might be the person you can always open up to is actually involved with what you are struggling with. Even though it may be hard and you feel like you are suffocating with stress, you still need to find a way to be open about your feelings. Sometimes I will bottle my feelings up which only causes additional stress but I really do not like confrontation! 

I am still dealing with some issues from my exacerbation but I am doing much better. Honestly I can not say what is worse the pain or fatigue I feel everyday! Even though I have had a terrible head cold I have been able to work 5 hours each day this week and next week I will be doing at least 6 hours a day! It has been really hard for me to get back to my normal self, but I am not giving up my fight! 

Thank you for reading and commenting on my short thoughts for today! I will respond to all comments and emails as soon as I am able. I hope y’all have had a good day! Take care and much love to y’all!

Love 2

Always, Alyssa

 

 

Successful Monday!

Monday 4I hope y’all had a great start to your week! Hopefully it was not a dreadful long Monday! I went to bed last night with a terrible headache and woke up early this morning with the same headache with no relief. But, I did still go to work and make it almost 5 hours, which was more than I had been able to do in a long time! So, I take this as a step in the right direction! I think things can only go up from here on out!

Considering this is a short week, I am hoping that I will be able to build on the amount of hours I can handle at work. After three hours all my pains started to increase, but I was determined to push myself further and not just cave into that pain. I thought maybe if I got up and walked away from my desk it would help with the blood flow and relieve some of the pain I was having. Getting up to stretch did help some and allowed me to continue my work for an additional 2 hours! I do think sitting at a desk, staring at a computer screen for extended periods of time is not really healthy for anyone and we all need to be able to move around for short lengths of time. Back at work

I can not say if the alarm going off or getting ready for work or the drive into the office is more draining, but all of them together are exhausting. Then you have to add the actual work to the mix! My goodness after my almost 5 hours today not only do I feel very fatigued but I also have a lot of pain. I plan to spend my evening trying to relax doing as little as possible! 

I really hope I have the strength to increase my hours over the next two days and then I will have a four-day break from work responsibilities. I can not say how I will be feeling physically next week, but I am going to try to stay very positive and take things slow. I do not want to set myself up for failure by saying next week I am going to work my normal Cure MSfull-time hours and be perfectly fine, because that is just making an irrational assumption. If I had the ability to control all the pain I have, I would have done that weeks ago, so who is to say I will be able to have that control next week? I am doing the best I can right now with dealing with pain that does not seem to go away or even ease up and the stress all of this is causing me, if only I had a magic wand to make everything better!

Thank y’all for visiting and reading my thoughts for the day! I do know and understand that things could be much worse and I do believe they are slowly getting better, I just wish things could be back to normal sooner than later! I hope y’all have a nice and relaxing evening!! Take care and I look forward to reading your posts and your comments to my post today!

Love 2

Always, Alyssa

Day 2 back at work

WednesdayYesterday, my second day back at work was not very successful. I had planned to be at work longer than I was on Monday, but after only 3 hours was starting to feel absolutely terrible. Last night, I could not sleep at all because my pain was so extreme. I ended up not going to work today because of not sleeping and being in too much pain. I am hoping tomorrow will be a better day!

Trying to heal from my most recent exacerbation has been pretty difficult and I do not really know why. I am trying to remain positive because I do believe that is the only way healingto deal with hard times. If you constantly stay in the negative mind-set, things will never improve. But honestly, I have been being positive and getting rest, but things are not getting any better. I guess it is possible that I am trying to rush myself to get well and I am being hard on myself if I can not do something, like going to work today. I know my manager is very understanding, but I just want things to be normal again. I could not even do my daily post yesterday because I felt so horrible. I guess tomorrow is always another day to try again!

I am planning to rest tonight and try turning my brain off for a little while. I will do my best to go back to work tomorrow with my adjusted hours, but if for some reason I can not do it, it is going to be okay. We can not rush the way our bodies feel because all that 6a0120a8df43e7970b01b7c8136efe970bwill do is push us in the wrong direction. It is frustrating to think in my mind that I can do everything I was able to do a few months ago but when I try, I can not do it. Pain is such a difficult thing to deal with. No one is able to see what you are going through and trying to explain it is almost impossible! My husband keeps trying to reassure me that my flare up issues will pass just as they have always done before, I am just having a hard time seeing the light at the end of this dark tunnel. I think it is harder for me this time because this is the worst flare up I have had in the 16 years I have had MS. 

Thank you for stopping by and reading my thoughts for the day. As always I truly love your comments and I do always respond as quickly as possible. Our communications really do make me so happy. I am planning to do a few posts explaining when I was first diagnosed and what I went through, I just have to wait until I am feeling a little better. I really hope y’all had a good day today and I hope you have a great evening!!

Love 2

 

Always, Alyssa

 

Time change confusion!

Fall backI hope y’all had a great weekend! I remembered to change our clocks last night before we went to bed, but for some reason this morning I was so confused as to what time it was. No clue by, but I was trying to set it back again. 

This is by far my favorite time of year. I know it gets dark earlier, but this  of year it is not too hot and not too cold, it is just right! Summers in the south are way too hot! I mean you step out side and you can not breath. Winters can be cold in the south, but they are very tolerable. Even though winters are not extremely cold, I do still enjoy the Autumn crispness and beautiful colors as the leaves fall. There is a calmness, when you look outside and see all the leaves changing colors! 

Today, there has been a darkness outside and definitely a little chill in the air. The crazy thing is, the weather will go from being cloudy and in the upper 60’s today, to rainy in the 70’s tomorrow and then mid-week drop again to the upper 60’s. The fluctuation of the temperatures does not allow our bodies to adjust to the changes, which typically causes me a lot more pain issues. 

As y’all know, I have been out of work for about one month now, battling my most recent 6601871244d8d3798da7c92b540e2044--dont-give-up-quotes-dont-give-upexacerbation. It has not been an easy month, but I am doing my best. I have tried this several times before, but I am trying again to go back to work tomorrow. I will be working  shorter days Monday-Wednesday, and then re-evaluating how I am feeling to determine my hours for the rest of the week. I am taking things slow, so that I do not slide backwards in my healing process. I am hoping taking things at a snail pace will be easier! Even though things did not work out for me before when I tried going back, I did not give up and I am trying again!

I am of course tired of living in pain, but I am learning  to try to almost ignore it. Ignoring the pain is not always easy , but I am just trying to focus my mind on other things. Honestly, some days my pain is so high that I am not able to focus on anything at all! It is almost like looking at a blank page when I try to read my book. I am trying to learn to take things on slowly , even reading in very small amounts, negativejust so I can make it through least a chapter.  I am really hopeful that I will do well back at work tomorrow and hopefully not have an increased amount of pain!

I truly hope y’all enjoyed your weekend and you are ready for the new week to start! I think it is important to start a new week with positive thoughts and not hold onto anything that may be negative from the previous weeks! When you go into a new week with a positive mind-set, it will only be able to bring happiness to your life!  We do all go through possibly long periods of time when we feel like nothing is going to change, but if you want there to be change in your life, you have to do something to make it happen. Unfortunately, things do not change if we just sit by waiting on the changes with all talk and no action.

As always please leave a comment and I will respond as quickly as I can! I have had the opportunity to get to know so many amazing people during my 4 months of doing this blog. I really look forward to getting to know many more people and hopefully what I write in my blog will help, inspire and encourage others when they are going through hard times.  Y’all take care and remember that you are not alone with what you are dealing with in life. There is always someone who does understand!

Love 2

 

Always, Alyssa

 

Outing today!

WednesdayI hope y’all had a good Wednesday! I spent this afternoon having lunch with my mother and getting a new pair of glasses, so I do not always have to wear my contacts. The day went very well and lunch with my mother was very nice! It is amazing how only going to lunch and one store to get glasses can wear someone out. After only 4 hours out of the house, I came home in a great amount of pain. Simple things like today never took so much energy before and caused me to feel so much fatigue. But now I have to get myself rested because I am going back to work tomorrow for only 4 hours. I hope going back to work won’t set me back on healing and I will bounce back sooner than later!

I keep telling myself that so many people deal with much worse than I am going through right now, so giving into the pain is not an option. Keeping a positive mind dealing with this flare up is hard but also extremely important. If I give up now, all that shows is weakness and I am surrendering to the battle. Does crying while in pain really do any good? I do not believe it does. So I am setting a goal for myself to keep moving forward and take things slow. If my pain starts getting to a point where it isn’t tolerable, I will resttired of everything with my heating pad. If I start feeling overly fatigue, I will lay down and try to nap. I am really horrible at napping, but I can start making the effort to do so. Is it worth getting angry with myself or a situation if I am not able to do everything I was able to do a few months ago? Absolutely not! During difficult times when your body is fighting you to take things at a different pace than you are used to, is your body’s way of helping you to slow down. Small and temporary adjustments will make a huge difference! Of course I am tired of the pain and weakness but I will fight through and become stronger in time!

I do know that going back to work tomorrow is going to take a lot of strength and patience, but I also know that I can do this! I have a song that really helps give me hope while dealing with all this! David Osmond, I Can Do This. I am trying to attach the YouTube video, so I hope this works!!https://youtu.be/2l1lTkKsaDs

I hope y’all have a great evening! As always please leave any comments you may have and I will respond to you as quickly as I can! I am sorry in advance if this video for David Osmond’s song does not work, but if for some reason it does not you can find it on YouTube. I swear YouTube has everything you could possibly want to watch, it is amazing how great the internet works! Take Care!!

Love 2

Always, Alyssa

 

 

 

 

First Day Back!

Back at workI hope y’all had a good day! Today was my first day back at work. I was actually welcomed when I walked in with hugs by a few amazing co-workers. I will be honest, I was supposed to work 8 hours but after 5 hours, I was in too much pain to keep going, so I went home early. I guess we will see if I can make it a little longer tomorrow. It was a good first step and I tried which is really all I can do.

When healing from a terrible flare up, it really is best to walk before you run. Pushing too far while healing,  will only set the healing process back several steps. Luckily, my doctor and manager agree with me on this. My doctor has actually written me a note for work indicating that my hours will need to be adjusted as needed until the flare up symptoms are gone, which will hopefully happen soon. 

Even though I only worked 5 hours, I am exhausted. It was really difficult having to sit inBack to work one of those uncomfortable work chairs, when I am used to being able to sit on my comfortable couch. Work would be so much easier, if only I could just work from home. I would be able to get twice as much accomplished in half the time, while actually not being in excruciating pain.

Monday, as I already told y’all I will be starting the Gilenya again. I also have a follow-up appointment with a Nurse Practitioner at my Neurologists office on Tuesday morning. I guess they wanting to see how much progress I am making after the flare up. I am honestly glad that I do not have to see my actual doctor, I tend to feel more at ease with the NPs. 

Tomorrow is a new day for me to try again at work! I am not going to be too hard on myself, so if I am not able to make it 8 hours, that is okay. Of course my mind says I can do it, but my body keeps screaming at me saying “NO MORE”. I have to be patient and relax butterfly 2listen to what my body tells me, it is the only way to get back to normal.

I hope y’all have a nice and relaxing evening! I know I always say this, but if you have any comments please feel free to leave them and I will respond as quickly as I can! Thank you for y’all for all the positive vibes you sent my way for today!!!

Love 2

 

Always, Alyssa

 

Ready or Not!

Hopeful butterflyI can not believe it is already time to go back to the real life. Returning to work after a little more than two weeks, due to a terrible flare up is going to be challenging but we all have to face difficulties in life. Tomorrow might end up being one of the most difficult Mondays for me, but I am strong enough and have enough courage to handle it.

Many of you have read along during my troubles over the past few weeks and even months, while I battle with decisions, medications, doctor’s appointments, insurance companies, frustrations and so much more. So many of you have gone through some similar situations yourself and have been so incrediblynegative encouraging while I go through my own. I feel that I have learned so much over this time that has made me a stronger and wiser person. Of course, I have had times during this journey that I felt like nothing was ever going to get better and cried what seemed like an endless amount of tears. But, I have also developed a greater sense of positivity. My situation could have been so much worst. We all fall on hard times in life, but it really is how we choose to tackle those times that makes us who we are and builds our strength and determination. 

Even though I am going to return to work tomorrow, I know that I still have some healing to do. I still do not feel 100% yet, as I still have a lot of pain, numbness (which scares me more than the pain), headaches and fatigue. I am completely determined to not allow this illness to control my life. I will not play the victim to an illness, as I do create the lifeknow what changes I need to make and can’t place blame on anyone but myself if they are not made. I have seen what allowing stress and negativity into my life can do to my mind, spirit, health and body, and I will do everything in my power to never allow it to occur again. 

I hope y’all have a good Monday! Wish me luck tomorrow. I am sure it will be fine but I am still very nervous about my morning. Please leave any comments you may have and I will be sure respond as quickly as possible! Take care and thank you so much for always reading my posts!

Love 2

 

Always, Alyssa

Slow healing!

Monday 6Happy Monday Y’all! I hope you had a nice weekend and I hope your Monday went well!

My plan was to return to work tomorrow, but I am not feeling like it would be a good and healthy choice for me right now. I was on a high amount of steroids for five  very long days, and it has taken a tole on me! I feel like the combination of steroids and a flare up has caused me a lot of stress both mentally, physically and emotionally, so now it is time to take some time to just rest my mind and body. 

I have lived with Multiple Sclerosis for 16 years and I have had a lot of ups and downs. through the years. I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt these past few weeks have felt like an uphill battle with no success. I feel like I am trying to walk a mile in quick sand because my body feels so fatigued. strength 2

I have started watching and practicing meditation. I feel like it may be a good idea for me to get my mind at ease. I am listening to ocean sounds, because I find them to be the most relaxing sounds ever. Now, I am hoping that by meditating daily and just finding a peaceful quite time to just sit and listen to the ocean, I will be able to gain my strength back. I will be spending the rest of this week out of work taking care of my mind and building my strength back. I feel pretty confident that by next Monday, I will be pretty much 100%.

I hope y’all have a great evening! If you have any comments, please do not hesitate to leave them! I do love being able to communicate with all of you. I have been able to take in a lot of advice and hopefully help others in the meantime! 

Love 2

 

Always, Alyssa