I know there is normally no use dwelling on the past because it is more important to look towards the future, but reading some of my previous posts got me thinking. There was a lot of talk about pain in 2017. Everyone probably already knows that Multiple Sclerosis does come with a fair amount of pain but does talking about it really help? I know that writing about the pain did not make the pain magically go away, but in a way it helps to get those negative feelings out. Sharing my story with many people I unfortunately have not met in person and hearing their stories made the situation a little less lonely.
Living with an invisible illness can make people feel a little isolated at times. Granted for the most part my family understands my illness and is understanding, but when I go to work not many if any of my co-workers really know what I live with. When I park in a handicap parking space at the grocery store, not because it is impossible for me to walk but because it does cause unnecessary pain to walk far distances, people look at me like I am committing a crime because I look perfectly normal. I have learned to not allow the judgments of others to affect my life but sometimes the looks are a little disturbing. I will never take the last handicap parking space at any store because another person might have a more severe condition and need it a lot more than I do. I always try to be considerate of others even if it does in turn cause me a little extra pain.
I have had Multiple Sclerosis for almost 17 years, but in October I had a ferocious flare up that caused me immense troubles. I was out of work for over a month on short-term disability which caused me some emotional troubles as well. All I could think is why am I only 36 years old and already on short term disability? Is this only going to continue on this path and force me to be viewed as a disabled woman? As crazy as it might sound I felt a vast amount of shame with this. I did not want anyone besides my direct manager to know anything about this so I did not have to deal with any ignorant comments when I did returned to work. Thankfully the short-term disability did not extend and I am slowly getting back into the swing of things at work. I am not working a full 8 hour day yet because it is not worth pushing myself too hard just to have a setback. It is called prioritizing, I am learning to put my health first and put my job second.
Pain is inevitable and continuing to live life is not optional. I still battle pain each day, but I refuse to give up. I want to be able to live a normal life even if my normal is different from others. We are given a chance to enjoy our lives no matter what challenges are we encounter. I am trying to fight my pain and MS with a positive and optimistic mind-set, it might not work every day but I will not allow these issues to control me!
I hope y’all are having a good weekend! Hopefully you are feeling well and staying warm! These crazy cold temperatures have made me want to stay inside with my blanket and heating pad. According to the weather channel the temperatures will be on the rise next week, but whose to say that will last or really even happen.
Thank you for visiting and commenting on my thoughts of day! I always appreciate hearing what you have to say and do always respond as quickly as I can! I hope you have a great and relaxing evening!! Much love to y’all!