Prisoner of my own body

prison bodyIn a previous post I shared with y’all that my recent MRI results showed improvement and there were NO new lesions, which is great news! I felt so incredibly relieved with these wonderful results, but for some reason which I am sure is probably stress related, I still feel an incredible amount of pain and burning in my legs/feet. This pain and burning sensation is constant and unrelenting, which is nothing more than frustrating.

Trying to continue doing all that I want and need to do become trying because it seems like not much really help the issues I continue to struggle with. I feel that my body is trying to hold me as a prisoner from my own illness. Isn’t there normally parole from prison? Unfortunately parole has not been offered to me, so maybe that means I have not stay in painshowed good behavior! I know I do not listen well to my doctor (whom I do my best to avoid to at all costs), but I also continue to ignore the advice from the Nurse Practitioner (NP) that I actually like and respect, considering she worked closely with my first specialist that I just loved! During the MRI results reading with the NP, she encouraged me once again to try things to reduce my stress, considering she seems to believe that is where my pain is stemming from. I am do not agree with her completely on this, but maybe she is right.

Avoiding stress in the world we live in seems completely impossible to me, but maybe and not very likely I am wrong. I mean you are not able to turn the TV on without interruptions from the government, spewing nothing but lies! It is impossible to be out stress everywhereamong people without one them mentioning some lie they heard on the news that they of course believe. Avoiding stressors that I have been aware of for a long time is possible, but then through no fault of my own they seep through and then cause me nothing but frustrating feelings. I have even tried to ignore the stress-factors, but all that does is bottle up hostile feelings which tend to come out in rather terrible and unhealthy ways!

Now considering my MRI results indicated improvement, I am left to wonder if the pain and burning sensation that will not let up is just my life. This is what makes me feel that I am nothing more than a prisoner in my own body. How do you break-free when nothing seems to help? All that seems to be happening is the walls are growing taller and more impossible to escape from.light

Even though the issues I continue to face are frustrating, I will continue searching for the light I know is there somewhere. There must be an end to the pain and burning sensation and in time I am sure I will figure it out. However, by the time I figure out ways to end the pain and burning I am probably going to be very elderly and in an assistant living home, in which they will have to deal with me! I definitely feel bad for those individuals! 

I would like to thank y’all for stopping by my site today. I always appreciate you reading my thoughts for the day and leaving your amazing comments! I hope y’all have had a nice day and I hope you are feeling well. Please remember that I will respond to all comments as quickly as I can, as I really do enjoy the open communication we have. As always I am sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

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What are the joys of a long weekend?

happy-long-weekendGood morning y’all! I hope you have had a delightful week and you are looking forward not to the typical weekend, but a LONG weekend! Even though I personally do not have any extravagant plans for my three-day weekend, I am so happy to have one! Between dealing with my typical MS pain, daily to-do’s and horrible negativity at work, my week has been extremely long and aggravating! I am thrilled to have three days away from work!

What do you look forward to when you have a long weekend? I know this will sound crazy and very simple, but I look forward to not having a schedule to follow! I do not have to get up at a certain time, be on the drive to work by a specific time, perform the same tasks during work hours, be in bed by a certain time to get a decent amount of longweekendsleep and so on. When I do not have to be at work I am not woken by an annoying alarm clock and can sleep in, not that I sleep long anyways, but still I do not have to be up at 5:15 am! The alarm clock becomes my enemy during the week because it never misses a beat and goes off at the same damn time every day, which I know that is what it is supposed to do, but it is still annoying! On weekends I can wake up and even fall back asleep or take naps if I find myself too tired. If only we could take naps at work, the days would be SO much happier!

I mentioned earlier that I have a difficult week and part of it was due to dealing with SO much negativity at work. How do y’all deal with negativity in the work place? I did my very best to ignore it and just walk away, but honestly things were wearing on me to a 291c5c14c410d5c8f270226eba5e2182horrible point. I allowed for one person’s personality/bad attitude to cause me way too much stress. Logically I know that the way this person acts is his problem not mine, but he manages to wear his feelings on his sleeve and facial expression. His behaviors have brought me to tears way too many times before and I know he isn’t worth it, but the comments still bother me to an extreme. It gets difficult to walk away from someone with negative energy when that person is your direct supervisor, but I have been trying to keep my distance the best I can! If y’all have any other advice on how to handle this, I am open for suggestions. 

Thank y’all so much for stopping by my site this morning. I always appreciate you taking the time to read what I write about and love❤ reading your comments. I find all of your comments very enlightening and they open my mind to other ways of thinking. I hope you have a wonderful Friday and I hope your weekend is fabulous! Please remember that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

 

The world keeps spinning!

The world keeps spinningThe world seems to keep spinning around me so fast, but I feel like I standing still. I think it might be important to just accept the things in life that we have no control over and just embrace life for what it is. There really is so much about life that we might want to change, but I think whatever we might be living with or dealing with is in front of us for a reason. The reasons might be unknown, but there are reasons that we will discover someday!

If you sit down and really think about the way your life has played out, is there any outcome you would want to be different? All the struggles we might have encountered have not made us weak by any means, but they have all built our strength to continue onstruggle is real fighting a good fight! Sure none of us want to have a chronic illness or financial struggles or anything that might appear to be a negative aspect of life, but if we did not go through all the trials in life who would we be? I would like to think that everything we go through in life creates who we are and how we treat others, but maybe we would still be the same person if we did not go through any hard times. No one can say and be 100% sure!

Personally, I have always been very empathetic towards others and sympathetic to other’s needs. Everyone’s thoughts and emotions matter to me❤! I guess I am and probably always will be a very sentimental and sometimes overly emotional person. The way I am now has not changed since I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, I am just me!

There are so many people we all encounter that never learned how to be empathetic, which if you think about it is pretty sad for them. I guess for some people, especially in the world we live in frederickdouglass1today, if you have never experienced a life altering illness that causes many different issues, they are unable to understand. It is okay for people to not fully understand, but they should never judge another because how they say they are feeling. Pain is VERY REAL! Migraines are VERY REAL! Instability when walking is VERY REAL! Mood changes are also VERY REAL! Everything we deal with in life is VERY REAL! None of us asked to have a chronic illness and I am sure we all wished we didn’t. But considering we have one, we face the world with a different perspective that involves a lot of acceptance and willingness to make changes at a moment’s notice. Our days are typically never the same, but most of never complain about it, we just manage it the best we can.

Basically I have taught myself and I am still learning how to accept the fact that I haveaccept what we can not control no control over many things in my life. I know I can control how I view situations and how I react to them, but that is all!  As a person that might have some control issues, this isn’t easy for me. I have always had a strong desire to make the lives of those I care about better. Learning that I have NO control over how someone else’s life works out for them is hard! I have learned that there isn’t anything I can do to make life easy for anyone because I do not think life was meant to always be easy! We all just need to live our life to the fullest and never dwell on what we think or wish would happen!

Thank y’all for visiting my site today! I always appreciate you taking the time to read my sometimes random thoughts and really LOVE reading your comments! I hope y’all are having a wonderful weekend and I hope you are feeling well. Please always know that I am sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

Result are finally in!!

drum-roll-pleaseGood evening y’all! I hope you had a great day and you are thankful tomorrow is Friday, I know I am! I have definitely had a long week because I was so stressed about what my MRI results were going to show. I can honestly say that worrying and stressing did not change the results!

I am beyond happy to share with y’all that the MRI I had on Friday was MUCH better than the one I had last October. In October, in the words of my neurologist, my brain was on FIRE with many new and very active lesions. That was terrifying for me to learn as I am sure it would be for anyone, but the one I just had improved drastically. The numerous good resultslesions that were causing all my issues last year have healed as much as they are going to! My absolutely fabulous NP was so happy to see how much better my MRI was on Friday in comparison to how horrible it was last year! She told me and my husband how surprised she was to see how much I have managed to improve in just ten short months! She also said that it seems that Gilenya is just the right MS drug for me! I told her that I have NO intentions of changing stress-effects-fbmedications again until there is a cure! I am not preaching that everyone should be on Gilenya because we all have different body chemistry. What works for me might have the adverse effect on someone else. 

We did talk about the dizziness and pain I am still dealing with. She has said to me many times before that she thinks that my pain could be caused from the stress I seem unable to control. We have all heard many times that stress is a killer and I do really believe that! You know there is an app for everything, but she shared an app with me about stress and MS. I am going to give it a chance, I mean it can’t hurt anything!stress is the cause This app is available for iPhone and Android under the play store, it is called ImageryWork. There is also a website if you are interested, Imagerywork.com. I have known for a long time that I needed to get a handle on my stress because I have felt what it does to my body. It will be SO INCREDIBLY wonderful if controlling and managing my stress will eliminate the majority of my pain! I think I have lived with this pain for way too long and maybe there is something I can do to help it!

There are a number of reasons I could be experiencing dizzy spells. One the she really pushed on me was eating more! Both her and my husband dizzinessthink I should try eating 4-5 smalls meals each day, which I never do! I am going to try having small snacks throughout the day and not worrying about whether it is healthy or not and if I am going to gain a lot of weight! Weight has always been a huge worry of mine and I know how stupid that is in the big picture. Truthfully, I am NOWHERE near being overweight, in fact I am underweight according to the NP. 

So, I guess what I learned today is all the issues I am having, like increased pain and dizziness is my own fault. I am going to work on making the necessary changes to mytrytobea-min health so I will actually feel normal, whatever that is! All of the support and encouraging comments I have received from y’all have been SO appreciated. Y’all helped me through a very difficult time, which I guess I kind of caused. I really am very relived that my MS is not progressing like I was thinking and that the Gilenya is doing it’s part for me!

I hope y’all have a wonderful and relaxing evening! Please always know that no matter what I might be dealing with, I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

When a storm is brewing!

Storm nearing inIt sounds a little crazy to say, but I can feel a storm before it even arrives! Before I actually heard the thunder moving in all of my pain became increasing more intense. As this storm continues to build up in my area my back, legs and right arm have started to become more like a 10 on the pain scale. which isn’t any fun!

Honestly, I felt my pain increasing while I was still at work and was just chalking it up to the insane amount of frustration I was feeling! I was having a pretty heated disagreement with my direct supervisor. I normally would just let things go because I really hate confrontation, but I was sick and tired of being disrespected and thought it needed to be addressed and dealt with. To say the very least though, I ended the conversation by walking away when I saw it was not goingupload anywhere. When I get extremely angry I tend to cry before I yell and I could not give him the satisfaction to see how much he was getting under my skin! I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow and hope that he will not continue on with his petty harassing ways!

Anyways I got a little off topic with how the stormy weather causes me to feel so much additional pain! I feel like I could be a better weather person because my body tells me what to expect from Mother Nature! In my younger days, I would hear about how an elderly person can feel the rain in their bones and I never really put much thought into that. Now I may not be a young carefree person in her 20’s, but I am NOT an elderly person either! However, I do feel the rain in my body terribly! When it rains I just want to be able to stay at home where I am comfortable and not have to ever go out in it at all, but maturity with arguementunfortunately I do have to leave the comfort of my home to go to that place I work at, which as I already mentioned isn’t a pleasant place to be! When I add rainy weather and a semi-hostile work environment to my day, I often feel absolutely miserable!!! In these times I find it best to just stay very silent! Do y’all feel the rain in your bones, as I know many of you live with chronic illnesses? 

Thank y’all for visiting my site today. I do not typically do two posts in one day, but this was on my mind and felt it would be good to share this with you! I always appreciate your amazing comments which are always fantastic! I hope your day was much better than mine and I hope you have a very relaxing evening! Never forget that I am always sending you LOTS of love ❤and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

Friday finally arrived!!!

happy friday quotesGood afternoon y’all! If you are anything like me, you are so incredibly happy the weekend is finally here! But I also do hope y’all had a delightful week! This week has been a bit LONG for me because due to a staffing shortage in my office and an increasingly busy work load, I have been working some additional hours! I know I said that I was not going to push myself too far, but the stubborn part of me took control and I might have pushed a little further than I should have! The only day that I did not work 6 1/2-7 hours  a day was Thursday and that was only because of a doctor’s appointment, which really took priority for me! Thankfully, my appointment went well even though he was just a little dumbfounded with one of my questions. I guess it is a good thing it was not a too much of a life changing question! 

I am extremely relieved for the weekend because I definitely need some relaxation and rest time! I think it is safe to say that I am so far beyond exhausted that being just simply fatigued sounds like paradise. I know our bodies let us know when we need to rest, but I often ignore what my over exerted body is pretty much screaming at me. When I know that relax and don't controlsomething needs to be done, I tend to think everything needs to be right away and never completely understand that somethings really can wait! I am trying to get better at this, but it isn’t easy because I have some control issues about tasks being completed immediately and the right way! The funny thing is when I say I have come control issues about tasks being done, I never want any help and just want to do everything on my own, so I guess just try controlling myself! I guess only controlling what I do is better than trying to control others because that is very impossible!

I have been noticing an increasing amount of anger, frustration, hostility, hatred for no friday_quoteapparent reason and sadness in so many people! What is really causing these negative emotions among so many? I tend to blame the actions of those in charge of the country because they seem to be creating SO much negative energy which is why I do my best to avoid hearing anything they are talking (lying) about. I know there are many people who will agree with this statement and probably many who will disagree with me, which is okay because we are all entitled to our own opinions. If we all thoughts alike on everything there would be absolutely no dynamics and that might actually be a little boring! It is perfectly acceptable to have you own thoughts and opinions, but I do believe it is also extremely important to have an open mind as a close minded person never grows!

Thank y’all for visiting my site today! I always appreciate and value your comments as they are always very insightful! I hope your Friday has been very pleasant and I certainly hope you have an amazing weekend! Please always remember that I am sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤

 

 

Unanswered Questions!

drowningI sometimes feel like I am drowning in all the unanswered questions in my mind. Life works in such mysterious and unexpected ways which at times cause a whirlwind of various emotions to run through me! My unanswered questions typically lead to overwhelming frustration because life makes absolutely NO sense. For starters one question I have had since I was 19 years old is what causes all these incurable illnesses? In a world that has many brilliant minds why have more cures been not discovered yet? Or have many cures actually been discovered but not released because the greedy people with Big Pharma do not want to lose massive amounts of money from less prescriptions being written? Big Pharma makes a living from all of us that need prescription medications, so without us they would see what it is like to struggle to scrap by pay check to pay check.

Another question that plagues my mind is why is there always so much hate and terribly unfair treatment for SO many? Why can people not all be treated with nothing but love and respect? I do not think it is at all right to judge someone for how they choose to live love and respecttheir life, especially when it does not cause any harm to anyone! I am a firm believer that we should ALL be treated equally because no matter what choices are made, we are all human-beings with feelings that can and do get hurt. For those of us that fight through life with a chronic illness, we often get judged by those that just do not understand! Many of us have a family to support, so we are forced to go to a job we may not enjoy just for a paycheck. When you struggle through a day of work in pain and then have altered hours, our co-workers tend to make ignorant comments that are hard to hear! One comment that just irritates me to the core is, “I wish I had your hours! It must be nice to be able to leave early daily.” Every time I hear this comment my response is ALWAYS, “Well I wish I had your hours because working fewer hours kind of hurts the paycheck!”  I guess life was never meant to be a walk in the park, but sometimes it seems incredibly unfair!

helping othersIn the city I live in you can not make the short drive to the grocery store and not see a homeless person holding a sign asking for money for food, which is terribly sad for me. Why do those that are in power chose to invade other countries wanting to make changes that are unwelcome, when the country they “stand” to protect needs our help? If our so-called help for other countries is not wanted, I think we should focus on the problems right here in front of us every day! I guess I believe our tax dollars should be spent on making changes to the education system, road conditions, homeless, healthcare and helping other countries when they WANT it, not when we think it is necessary!

Another question that I find extremely troubling is why do we pay massive amounts of money for health insurance, but then still get terrible coverage and pay extremely high co-pays? I am supposed to have an MRI once a year, but the co-pay is absolutelyhealthcare is a right ridiculous and completely not affordable to do once a year! Every other developed country offers FREE healthcare for all and that works for them, so why does the United States not try something that actually helps the citizens instead of keeping us in mounds of medical debt?

There are times when these unanswered questions cause me so much anger, but I do not help otherswant to focus my entire life on what will never be answered! I do not have the ability or the power to change other people, but I will always stand up for what my beliefs! I will continue for the rest of my life wishing for cures we all need and I will never treat anyone in a bad nature because of how they live their life!

Thank y’all for visiting my site today! I know this might seem like a bit of a rant, but I feel like certain issues need to be voiced! I really hope y’all are having a nice weekend and feeling well! I definitely encourage your amazing comments and I do promise to respond just as quickly as I can! Please remember that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

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❤Always, Alyssa❤