Dear Pain,

Our relationship started so many years ago and let’s be honest it has never been a healthy relationship. I have tried to break free from you for years, but somehow you manage to always find a way to sneak back into my life.

At this point I do not even remember exactly

when all of this pain started. It is both sad and crazy it has been that log and I can’t pinpoint a day! It seems as though you just creeped on me until you pretty much consumed my days. You have always been an unwelcomed intruded who wanted to invade my life and almost control me. Unfortunately, the harder I fight you, the more persistent you are.

When I sit here thinking about our history I do know you slowly started causing me pain in my only my legs. While having consistent pain in both legs wasn’t easy, I felt like in a strange way a little more control of you. I don’t remember you causing me as many tears back then, but this was just the beginning of a long relationship.

As our very toxic relationship progressed, my pain travelled through more areas in my body. Let’s see, the next area you tried to take over was in my mid to lower back. This was still early on and was absolutely horrible. It seemed like no matter what I did, I was still in excruciating pain. Nothing was really helping this type of pain, but early on a heating pad did help some. Of course I still deal with this now, but it is SO much more intense. Yes, heat does still help some, but not as much as it used to. I do the best I can to ignore you, but you just never take a break!

In addition you are trying to make my massive headaches/migraines to take me out of commission because you know it is the only pain I can’t handle. These miserable headaches/migraines have become more frequent and much more severe! The only thing that seems to help a  little is a dark, quite room with an ice pack on my head for hours. Unfortunately, I can’t really do this while at work and I have to go home early.

These days not only do I feel you in my legs, my mid to lower back and the head, but you are now trying to attack my neck, shoulders and arms. Did I just not pay you enough attention and that upset you? Do you just need me to acknowledge you and allow you to take the wheel of my life? Well this isn’t going to happen because I am not going to allow you the control me anymore.

Oh and I almost forgot the lovely MS hug! What is the point of this anyways? That horrible feeling that the life is being squeezed out of you is so mean! You already know that nothing helps this at all, so why force me to deal with at various times?

All the years that have gone by, I need to break free from you. It is now time to separate and just END this relationship. I am sure you think I am going to give up, but I refuse to! Our relationship is OVER and you need to just walk away and accept it! Please leave me alone!

Goodbye pain, this is the end!

Alyssa

Thank y’all for visiting my site today and reading my letter to pain. I think I have lived with this pain long enough and it is time for it to stop. I have been reading more books about MS and even though I have lived with this illness for almost 2 decades, these books were helpful. I do believe they would be beneficial for anyone that either lives with this illness or has someone close them with MS. I think the books I have read give a pretty good explanation of this unpredictable illness. Please never forget that no matter what I am dealing with I am always sending y’all LOTS of love , comfort, and many positive vibes!

Always, Alyssa