Fighting to find motivation again

bad daysSometimes things happen in our lives that shake us to our core. It can be terribly difficult to heal from these situations and painfully trying to find the motivation to keep moving on. I have NEVER been the type of person that allows for anything or anyone to keep me down for long because we only have one life to live and must live it to the fullest. Even after being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis at the age of 19, I wouldn’t allow for that to take control and or run my life, so why would I start now?

In recent times something else has happened to me that was not only a complete and total shock, but also incredibly inappropriate. I was let go from my job for the most everything-will-be-okay-just-not-today.jpgabsurd reasons I have ever heard.. My husband and I relocated to a brand new city where I started this new job that I was super excited about. During the course of my employment, even after asking several times I had NO training. The complete lack of training was at no fault of my own, but due to no one knowing the answers to the numerous questions I asked. How wrong does that sound!? It seems like the people I was working for expected me to be psychic, which unfortunately I am not! Any loss is hard to accept, but not understanding what went wrong makes it even harder. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I did my job to the best of my ability and didn’t deserve for this to happen to me. Anyone that really knows me, knows that I work hard and am good at whatever I set my mind to.

In my rational mindset and heart I know everything happens for a reason, but that feeling lost todaydoesn’t make this any easier to accept. Losing a job has made me feel worthless and like a failure, which logically I know probably isn’t true. Even when I felt terrible, I still went to work. Even living with a chronic illness that brings on many issues, I still work and work hard! The hard truth for me to swallow is people can be so FAKE and more often than not the people who seem kind and caring are the direct opposite. I don’t possess the ability to be anything but who I am and that is NEVER fake! Personally, I am always going to just be who I am, which is a compassionate person to a fault. I am and probably always will be the person that cares more about others needs than my own.

How do you find motivation when your world has been turned upside down? A job dont-get-closure-until-you-move-on.jpgdoesn’t define who I am as a person, but it does make me feel productive instead of the one sulking around the house without any direction. I am a very strong person and I will bounce back to the positive person I was, it might just take time. I honestly think this situation would be easier to accept if there were valid reasons for this my termination, but there AREN’T ANY valid reasons! Many people have already told me this is their loss and not mine because I deserve so much better, maybe once my mind has healed from this I will see it that way as well.

I don’t mean to share a post that is pretty negative, but honestly sometimes writing out my feelings helps for me to heal. Many of y’all, that have been following my blog for a while now, knew something was wrong way shake off everythingbefore I admitted it and I appreciate all the kind and encouraging words you have sent my way. It has only been 4 days, which feels more like 4 weeks, since losing my job and unemployment doesn’t suite me well.

I am trying to take time to heal from this horrible event and focus on things that bring me joy again. There were so many things I wasn’t able to do working full-time, so maybe now is my chance to do more with my life. Y’all know that I had dreams of writing a book that I even already have an outline for. Maybe I can use this time, in between a job search, toHow-to-Stay-Motivated-When-Searching-For-a-Job-1024x512 at least start the book of my dreams. One thing I can say with 100% certainty is, I can not and will not allow what I have gone through to send me into a terrible relapse. you can heal

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for stopping by my site today and I do hope y’all have a fabulous weekend! For those of you living out west where I know it is insanely cold, I hope you are able to keep warm and the temperatures improve very soon. I do look forward to reading your comments and promise I will respond much faster than I have been in the past few month. Even though I might be going through a difficult and painful time right now, please know that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤, comfort and many positive vibes!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

117 thoughts on “Fighting to find motivation again

  1. Oh Alyssa! I am so sorry to read this. People really do suck sometimes. You deserve so much better! I love that you’re thinking about ways to spend your unexpected time off that will feed your soul and not take anything away. I think that’s a fantastic idea to turn a crappy situation that you do not deserve into a positive. Nobody is more positive than you, my friend. You will be better off without an employer who doesn’t appreciate you. Sending you so much love!

    Liked by 4 people

    • Thank you so much Beth, I really appreciate your truly kind words. This has been a pretty difficult time, but I guess there is something much better out there. As difficult as this was, I don’t deserve to be treated like this. I feel I deserve an employer that doesn’t treat their employees in this manner. You know how I think and I try turning things into a positive, no matter how hard it is. This really could have been the push I needed to do what I want and dream of, like writing my book! You are a pretty amazing lady and I am honored to have you in my corner. I hope you are feeling well and life is treating you the way you deserve. All my love!

      Liked by 3 people

  2. I don’t believe this was a negative post, it was a post showing us how strong you are. It shows us the battles you have endured & managed to stay positive. It shows us a positive mindset works… Thank you for sharing… X

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Alyssa, I am sorry that you have to experience the pain you are going through. I know there aren’t any words that can comfort you much right now. I know, though, that you will pull through and make the best out of the situation. You have the kind of strength and wisdom in you that I know will prevail. I wish you the very best and I can’t wait to see all the fun things you’ll get to do now.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Oh, goodness, Alyssa…. I am so sorry to hear this. Now I can see why you had been so upset during the week. I would have too. Again, I am so sorry.
    Many hugs of support, love, and luck from me to you in your search for a new job. In the meantime, get some rest and recharge before you start your search.
    Many hugs, Sweetie!!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Love you girl !! 😁💛
    You did your best and that’s that. Accept and let go. No, it’s not easy but allow yourself the time to feel your emotions. Cry, scream, swear , punch a few pillows or whatever you need to do but get it out of your system. You do YOU.

    I just know God’s got something better otherwise you’d still be there. Be still and know that I am God Psalms 46:10 kjv

    Xoxoxo

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much for your inspirational and encouraging words. I hate having this mixture of emotions that is ranging from anger, frustration and sadness, but things will improve in time. It will take time, but I will be better off at some point. I hope you have a great weekend!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Alyssa you are the most dedicated and conscientious employee I know. You are committed to doing your best and excelling at every job you’ve ever had. In all the years I remember even when you were in school you took your job seriously and gave it your 100% all. Nobody ever had a negative comment about you. This has shocked me as much as yourself. I can’t hardly believe a job could behave in the way they have. You’ve never been spoken to in a negative way or counseled about things you weren’t doing. How can anyone treat another person in such a negative, backstabbing way? I always thought the company you worked for did good things for people. I now have no value for the company and will never have a good thing to say again. You will overcome this because you are a great person with a great personality and a wonderful work ethic. They dont deserve you so I will say, their loss. All my Love & Support, Mom💜💜

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  7. Sorry that the job didn’t work out… I suspect it had nothing to do with you, but decisions made by higher ups regarding profit and you happen to become a victim… truth be known, you may not have been the only one.. 🙂 just consider this one of life’s challenges and being the strong, courageous and determined woman you are ( and with family support) you will become the better person for it!… 🙂

    “I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together”… Marilyn Monroe

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  8. To be honest with your followers you have to share the good , bad and ugly. You have no idea what behind the scenes caused your termination, you do know in your heart it wasn’t you. Take this pot hole in the road and use it as a spring board. Tell yourself this will not devastate my life, I am strong and will bounce back even stronger.
    Most important, God never puts anything in our way we can’t handle. It’s not easy, I promise you that, but I believe in my heart one set back is a reason for two steps up.
    I feel like I know you well, your determination, passion, desire to learn and so much more to who you are. Get pissed, get it out of your system and use the energy to take this chance to learn you new city, where do you want to work, do you want to work part time and look for a grant to take college courses, the world is open. It feels like shit now, I’m experiencing some health news that is a blow. I’m trying to take my own advice, I’ve been sick six years almost seven, I”M ALIVE. You’re alive, we can still kick ass even on the worst days we can still be a good employee. Don’t let anyone tell you different.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for this and I do appreciate your words of wisdom! I know nothing about this termination had anything to do with my abilities because I am an intelligent person that is very determined to succeed. There is an unknown reason for this set back, but there is one! I do believe there is something much better for me out there and I will find it. You know my emotions have been all over the place, from extremely pissed to sad to almost relieved. I don’t deserve to be treated in this manner and I will bounce back again. Honestly, I was just telling my husband I could even go work at my favorite clothing store, heck it’s where all my clothes already come from!
      I am SO sorry you are feeling so bad right now, but I know you will get through it because you are SO strong! Please know that even though I am going through some BS right now, I am here for you! We can kick ass together!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. MY SWEET FRIEND ALYSSA !!!
    First of all, do NOT be discouraged! It may not always be when you want it or when you expect it. He does it in His own timing!! You gotta be okay with that. Greater is coming sooner than you think! I love you! I’ve missed you in the blogging atmosphere and just in case you don’t remember me or recognize my picture… I’m Jessica!! The blogger that was behind personalgrowthsuccess and we’re also friends on FB !! After alot of thinking and praying… I decided to delete my old blog, start all over and go self hosted !! I just launched my site last week!! So far, everything’s going good! It’s just a lot of work but I’m hoping to see more success with this blog and even the income it will bring!! Come see me sometime! You can find me at http://www.jessierenea.com

    Love Love Loveeeee You !!
    Hang in there baby! Better days and better opportunities are coming! Praying for you my friend! xoxoxoxo!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh my goodness Jessica, I am missed you SO much!!! I hardly go on FB, but the last time I did I saw something you shared. You are always so inspiring and just an amazing person that I am very thankful to have as a friend! I just clicked follow for your new blog and look forward to reading your posts.
      Thank you so much for your incredibly amazing words. You definitely have a way to bring a smile to my face and make me feel SO much better. It has been an awful week, but I do believe everything happens for a reason and something better is waiting for me. I didn’t deserve to be treated the way I was and don’t want to work for a company that doesn’t appreciate me. Always sending you LOTS of love my dear!!!! xoxoxo

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’ve missed you too!! I saw your notification earlier on FB and immediately thought, “I have got to find her again in the blogging world!!” Thanks for connecting back with me!

        If it makes you feel any better, I’ve had an awful work week EVERY SINGLE WEEK every since November 2018. I got promoted from being a CNA to be a Rehab Tech and I love my job but honestly… it’s extremely stressful and at this point, the only thing that’s keeping there is the fact that my Husband and I are trying to buy a house so I don’t wanna quit in the middle of that process!!
        I’m in constant prayer though.. like EVERYDAY and because I trust God, I know that this isn’t my final destination!

        Liked by 1 person

      • I am beyond thankful that you found me so I know your new site! It is a blessing we are still connected in the blogging world and FB!

        I am SO sorry you have had many awful work weeks. You only deserve the absolute best because you are such a caring person! That is pretty great you were promoted, but I hate that it is causing you stress. That’s exciting you and your husband are looking to buy a house! Just be careful , it is a seller’s market right now. Do you have a real estate agent? Holding onto your strong faith will get you through any and every situation! I wish you lived closer to me!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Awhh! Thanks my love! If I lived closer to you, we’d have to hang out sometime!! lol. You seem like you’d be really good company!!

        & Justin’s best friend is our real estate agent lol but from what I understand it may not even be necessary for us to have an agent since we’re going through government funding but we’ll see! I don’t wanna spend any more money than what’s actually needing to be spent. It’s an exciting process! We’re just getting started though.

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  10. Oh Alyssa, I’m so sorry. No, am I sorry? I don’t know, you don’t want to be working where the ethos is to do something like that. That’s utterly beyond comprehension. But I am incredibly sorry you’ve had this shitty awful experience. You are right – there’s no reason for it, nothing you have done wrong AT ALL, you are DISTINCTLY NOT A FAILURE, and you did your very best. Some people, some companies, some employers act in ways that are unfair and for reasons we don’t know (to, for instance, make their books look good, get cheaper labour, employing in ways that are better for them for tax purposes, etc etc).

    You will find something else that’s suits you. I hope financially you can cope okay in the meantime. We are all here backing you up 100%, and you don’t need to try to make posts positive when sometimes you just need to vent because things can be crap. You have incredible resolve and that’s how I can say that I know you’ll be okay. When you mentioned a book, you mean you want to write one? I’ve wanted to write a book for the longest time, but never have. Maybe we should double dare and try to write something..? Seriously though, whatever you do, you will be okay, more than okay, just give yourself a little time and please take care of yourself. Sending hugs  ♥
    Caz xxxx

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much Caz for your truly uplifting words. I hate feeling the way I do because I am normally a very positive person. I know the everything happens for a reason, I just don’t know what the reason or reasons are. Maybe it is for the best because I hate to say it, but my former boss probably supports that evil man in the white house! I know I will be okay, it will just take me a little time to bounce back. I am lucky that my husband, mother and mother in-law are being so understanding and supportive. My husband deals with me being down in the dumps and not happy about anything. He encourages me to eat when I have NO appetite at all.
      Yes, I have wanted to write a book for years! It is loosely based on my journey with MS. Of course I will change the names and maybe add a little, but for the most part it will be able when I was first diagnosed. I think you would do an amazing job with writing a book and I would without a doubt buy it!! I really can’t thank you enough for sending such kind vibes my way! Lots of love always Caz!!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Caz and Alyssa I’ve also always wanted to write a book. Do you all want to work on a project together where we all write a book about our journeys living with chronic illness and experiences to inspire others going through similar battles. it could have different chapters in it like one on the challenges of living with chronic illness and end with HOPE and what we do to keep goign and being strong, I’d also love to include a chapter with my artworks. I think it would be great. Maybe we can organise a chat via Facebook or something at a time where we’re all awake.

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  11. Oh, Alyssa I’m so sorry! I know the feeling. Although I wasn’t fired, I had to leave a great job due to the inadequacy of the training staff. Last year I got a job with Mayo Clinic – I was ecstatic! Being in the medical field, there wasn’t a company I held in higher esteem than Mayo. The first couple of weeks of training were fine, but I soon found out that what I was being trained to do was not what I would actually be doing.

    After a couple of weeks out of training I had had enough. Everyone treated me like I was such a moron because I didn’t know things that I hadn’t ever been taught. I had a panic attack on my lunch break, went home and never went back. (I wrote about it, too, and you gave me words of encouragement then!)

    I know it makes you feel small and useless. Even when I was out from my surgery I felt like I was awful for not contributing (even though I was using PTO). We are conditioned to think that if we aren’t actively working or making money we aren’t contributing, but that’s not true. We contribute in many ways! Sure, a job is good because it keeps you up and moving and social, but it’s not the be-all, end-all of life!

    I know that you will be able to find another job because you are a wonderful, hard-working, kind and intelligent person and any company would be so lucky to have you! I say that you take this time to, yes, look for another job, but to also relax and take advantage of all of the “You Time”. Start that novel! I truly believe that you could write a best seller, and maybe that is what is meant to happen!

    Either way, try not to stress about it too much. I have found that life has a way of working out. In fact, the job I got right after that one (and I still have today – it’ll be a year in March!) is one of the best jobs I’ve ever had.

    Much love to you and I’m always here if you need to vent! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh my goodness thank you so much for your incredibly kind and uplifting words Hillary! You are so wonderful and understanding! My termination shouldn’t have happened, but I do think there are reasons I will never know behind it. Maybe I just wasn’t meant to work there and I don’t deserve to work somewhere when I am not appreciated, I deserve better than that. I asked SO many times for further training and NEVER received it because no one there knew anything. I am trying to convince myself something better is waiting for me and I will get there.

      I have wanted to do so much more with my passion for writing, but never had the time and also didn’t know if I could do a good enough job. You already know that I am insanely hard on myself and I do know I need to stop that. I am trying, but failing to not stress. Not having insurance scares the heck out of me. I worry that the government will do something horrible and I won’t be able to get insurance. I don’t mean to get political, but I think I have already shared my concerns with you before about that man in the white house.
      I know how much stress will cause more issues for me and I am trying, I promise.
      Thank you SO much Hillary! I have so much love and respect for you! You have a amazing way to make me feel a little better, I might just need to read your comment daily until things are on the right track. I am sure I will find another job in time. I thought about trying to work at my favorite store, Express, but being on my feet for long periods of time causes LOTS of pain. We will see what my future holds, but thank you again for your kindness!!!

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  12. Oh darling. I really feel for you Alyssa. I have been through this just last year, I knew it was discrimination but the companies as usual never want to say it directly because they know they will get into trouble so they always come up with some excuse like we don’t have enough money. I know exactly what it feels like to think you have your dream job that’s almost too good to be true and have everything falling into place and then suddenly be told you’re not needed anymore. I understand that feeling of feeling like a failure and feeling unappreciated and unvalued. It definitley wasn’t your fault.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Alyssa, you are such a positive girl even through all of this. As sad as this sounds I am just so glad to finally meet someone like me who has lost a job and read in your comments about so many others like that. Before this nobody ever used to speak up about it. The people in your workplace were the cruel, mean ones and as you say, it’s their loss not yours.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I do try to remain positive and honestly it hasn’t been easy lately. I do know and believe things will get better soon. It is nice to be able to chat with someone that has been through this terrible situation because they understand. My husband went through something similar, but it is nice to chat with someone one else as well. You are so right, the people I worked for were cruel, but I do believe in karma!!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Oh Alyssa, I have been in the hospital, so am only just catching up on reading some blogs. I am so, so sorry that this has happened to you. Don’t worry about sounding a bit more ‘negative’ than usual, I think that is completely understandable and I just read your more recent post where you sound a bit better. I think that it is so, so important to get those emotions out, it wouldn’t be completely wrong of us to think that we can always be so positive all the time, especially if people do us wrong and especially when dealing with MS as well. Lots of positivity to you, looking forward to catching up with you more now that I am back! Jen xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh dear Jen, I am sorry you were in the hospital. How are you feeling now? I hope you are resting and feeling well today. Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging comments. Things definitely haven’t been easy, but I am trying to dust myself up and keep moving on to bigger and better! This situation was just a rude awakening to show me just how mean people really can be and I just can’t understand it because I try being kind to everyone! I look forward to catching up Jen! xxxx

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Oh Alyssa, I’m so sorry this happened. I know how excited you were about this job. There’s no need to apologize for a “negative” post. I wouldn’t consider it negative; you’re just being honest about what happened and how you feel about it. I hope you’re able to use this in-between time to rest up, re-calibrate, and decide your next steps. Sending you big hugs sweet friend.

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  16. Oh Alyssa, I am so so sorry. I knew that SOMETHING was wrong, but not what it was. What a terrible shock for you. You are such a hard worker, and with your illness as well, you are anazing. Thus should NOT have happened to you. It will indeed take time to heal, but I can tell you that you WILL heal, and I know that you know that you will. It is a pricess though, and the process will strengthen an already very very strong person. It is so painful right now, and it must be hard to see anything really positive right now. But you say you want to write a book. Well I hope that you DO. I keep saying the same, so how about we both start, and encourage each other? Was yours going to be fiction or fact? Mine was going to be about my life in general and what I have learned through life’s difficulties. But you might find it a bit difficult to concentrate on that for a while, but on the other hand it coukd be anyseful distraction from what has happened. It is astrocious what has happened to you. I can relate so well on different scores. Not on jobs, but on loss. Loss of everything in your life. So I really think I can understand. Loss is a terrible thing. And for you, this is an impirtant loss. I think you are right though, that everything happens for a reason, although we may not be able to see it at the time. We just have to go through the pain, embracing it and not denying it, and integrating it eventually into ourselves. Like I said, it is a process. A bloomin hard one. I don’t know what else to say, but I know that you WILL come through this. There are always gems to be found in the darkness, as I am always saying. You will find them Alyssa, and they may look totally different to the gems you had before. I am so glad that I found this post, though a but late. Take care Alyssa. Email me ANY time if you wish to. And think about us doing our books. Much much much live to you. Hugs too xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for all your kind words. It definitely hasn’t been easy lately and I am beyond stressed because I don’t have insurance. It has been difficult to concentrate, but I know I should be using this time to do something positive with my life.
      The book I would like to write is loosely based on my MS journey. I definitely think you should also write a book because I know it will be absolutely brilliant!! Life is full of good times and difficult times, but I must believe the difficult times build our strengths. I will continue to encourage you to write your book and I will be happy to buy it!! Lots of love and hugs my dear!

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  17. Oh lovely, it wasn’t a negative post, it was an honest post. So sorry to hear of losing your job. Its hard. Last year was my crappy year, no job, and some days job hunting seems like a losing battle!. I’ve had days in tears as I’m fed up, but it does get easier. The start of your book sounds like a good idea. I’m doing a few free online courses also to add to my resume. All the best and always message if you need to.x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much! I know it was a honest post, but I felt negative when I wrote it so I thought it showed. Job searching is frustrating and a little discouraging, but everything will work out for both of us. I do think writing my book is a great idea, I just need to get my focus back and get in a better frame of mind. That is great you are doing free online courses, I am sure that will help so much! Thank you, I might take you up on that and message you. Please know you can message me anytime as well. I think you probably already have my email address!

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  20. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this Alyssa! I too believe that things happen for a reason and it looks like you are trying to find the silver lining of this incident. My hope is that you will be able to turn this negative situation into a positive and profitable one that brings you more joy than you would ever think was possible. Keep your chin up, things will get brighter! Xoxo ❤️

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    • Thank you! Things haven’t been easy, but I guess I have the strength to push forward! I have always believed everything happens for a reason and nothing is an accident, as crazy as that may sound. I really appreciate your kind comment and you did brighten my day!

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  22. I know the feeling of being in between jobs. I quit my last job because it made me absolutely miserable and it wasn’t leading me anywhere. I took two months off to live abroad but I’m home now and it’s been over a month and I still don’t have a job despite the dozens of applications I filled out. It doesn’t feel good. I’ve had too much time on my hands and everyone’s always busy at their jobs so it’s been kind of depressing. I have a job interview coming up though at least. Anyway, good luck with your book! I have that same dream. It can be so hard to get myself to actually write though…

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    • Oh my goodness being in between jobs is so difficult and frustrating! The job I took isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and I am a little disappointed. Honestly now that I have a job maybe looking for a job that is a better fit will be easier. I do wish you the BEST of luck with your upcoming interview. What day is your interview? You are going to do great with it just stay confident in your abilities! I imagine living abroad was a great experience and given you also have dreams to write a book, maybe it would be something fun to write about! I have started the book I want to write and then discourage myself and leave it alone. I am very hard on myself and always question my writing abilities. I wish you the best of luck and I promise to always encourage you to keep going towards your dreams!!

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      • Thanks for your encouragement! My interview went very well but I’m waiting for them to get back to me. We played a bit of phone tag today where they called but i was on an important call and then when i called back they didn’t answer. Another job was supposed to call me yesterday but that didn’t happen. And I know the feeling of starting to write something and then having trouble sticking to it, or just getting discouraged. Often I just can’t focus on things. But I won’t give up on my dreams and I hope you don’t either!

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      • You are more than welcome!! I had no doubt that your interview would go great and I also know how horrible the waiting time is. Just remind yourself that the right job for you will happen and worrying and stressing won’t change the outcome. It is way easier to say that and it is hard to do! I can believe in you enough for both of us probably,but please try to know you are great and you are going to get a job offer soon!!
        Definitely never give up on your dreams because they will come true when the time is right! It is so easy to get discouraged, I know I do more than I would like to admit! Sometimes when writing, it is best to just write from the heart and it doesn’t matter how much you stay on just one topic! Always follow your heart and it will lead the way!

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