Five years ago today I received a phone call from my uncle that shook my entire world. My uncle called to notify me that my dearly loved grandfather had passed away. Even though I knew he had been battling cancer for years, this call completely took my breath away and left my mind spinning out of control. It was just a few days earlier when I spoke to my grandfather and he wished me a happy birthday. I was really confused because my birthday wasn’t until the end of the month, but I think he must have known he would not be here physically to wish me a happy birthday. Sadly this was the last time I was able to talk to my grandfather and hear his voice.
During my last conversation with my grandfather we talked about a vacation my husband and I had planned to celebrate both my birthday and our anniversary at the end of the month. I told him that I wanted to postpone that vacation and come see him instead. Being the strong nature person he was, he told me absolutely not and I could go see him another time. I did not want to be too pushy with him because he did sound weak and I assumed he didn’t want me to see him in the shape he was in. As much as I wish I had gone to see him instead going on celebratory vacation, I would never have felt right going against his wishes because I had SO much respect for him.
I am sure y’all already know through some of my previous posts that I absolutely and totally idolized my grandfather. Logically I know that people do pass away, but I didn’t know how to accept the fact he was gone from the world I live in. We hadn’t lived in the same state for years, but he was always just a phone call away and I enjoyed the opportunity to talk with him. I remember having saved a voicemail of his and was SO incredibly heartbroken when that message was suddenly gone. I guess it was my fault because I had it saved for so long and my carrier decides to delete messages after 30 days. This was the last chance I had to hear his voice. If only I had known this back then, I would still have that voicemail and be able to hear his sweet Irish voice whenever I wanted to.
I know I have said this before, but my grandfather was the most amazing, encouraging, loving, thoughtful, and compassionate person in the world. He did not know hateful judgmental behavior. He always treated everyone fairly and equally. Even though there will NEVER be another like him, I will always do all I can to come as close as possible to living my life in his image.
I remember everything about that horrible day five years ago and how I actually swallowed my own pride to call my father with the terrible news. Being the first time I had talked to my father in years, this was not an easy conversation. I even remember all the days leading up to the funeral. Tears flowed like rain during a tropical storm in the middle of the summer at a tropical island. On our flight up to where his funeral was held, I sat on the plane writing to clear my head. I wrote four poems for him that day and I’m sure he knows all the words considering, as always, he was my inspiration.
The last visual image I have of my grandfather was when I had my husband on one side of me and my uncle on the other, and we walked up to where he was resting peacefully in his casket. He just looked like he was sleeping, but it was very traumatizing for me. All I could think was this man looks like my grandfather, but this isn’t him and I want him back with us.
I know that my grandfather, my poppy, will always live on in my heart and soul. I will carry the lessons I learned from him and always cherish his memory. As crazy as this may sound, every time I see a single butterfly and I am feeling totally helpless, I feel that it is my grandfather trying to let me know he is still there and everything is going to be okay. While smiling his golden and very contagious smile he would probably say something like, “Chin up and keep smiling because everything happens for a reason and it all works out the way it is supposed to.” Those are definitely words I live by.
Thank you so much for visiting my site today. I normally try to not write such a lengthy post, but today is a day I will never forget and I am extremely emotional. Y’all know I love all of your comments and will always respond as quickly as I can. As always, I am sending y’all LOTS of love and comfort! The song I am trying to share is “See You Again”, and hope I do it right. This song helps me when I am missing him as I hope I will see my grandfather someday. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgKAFK5djSk
Always, Alyssa
Reblogged this on Survivors Blog Here.
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“There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, people we can’t live without but have to let go.” Nancy Stephan
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Thank you for reading and leaving this lovely comment. I hope you have a nice day!
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A BEAUTIFUL remembrance of your beloved grandfather. Hugs!💞
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Thank you so much! He really was an amazing man and I will always be thankful I had him in m life. Hugs!
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I can see from the picture he was!! Your post honored his memory dearly. Xoxo
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Thank you Vivian! He help so much love in his heart!
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🤗🤗😚
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🖤
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Thank you!
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Sending you hugs.
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Thank you so much!
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I am So sorry for the pain you still feel because of the loss of your “poppy”. He sounds like he was an inspiritational and amazing role model and that is not someone that everybody gets the honour to have in their life and I know you will treasure that always. I sure would love to have him critique my golf game and help me fix my slice! My ❤️ Is with you
Raegan
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Thank you Raegan! He was an incredibly man that will be missed by all that was privileged to know him. I will always be SO thankful he was in my life and I will never stop trying to live up to who he was. He would have been delighted to help critique your golf game. He had a passion for life, love and golf!!!
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Always remember and talk about him. Hope today wasn’t too hard for you.x
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Thank you so much! I do feel his presence with me everyday. I am so thankful that I had him in my life. He was so amazing!
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Hugs to you. Your grandfather was quite something as i learn from this post of yours.
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Thank you! He definitely was an amazing man and I am so glad that I had him in my life.
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Oh, Alyssa, I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved grandfather. Be well my young friend. Time can heal. Time can bring you peace with the loss and gradually you will start remembering only those things that endeared your grandfather to you.
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Thank you Barbara. My grandfather was an amazing man and I am so glad he was a huge part of my life. I carry his memory with me and hope to live up to who he was!
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My grandfather, too, who I lost many years ago, was a large part of my life … indeed, he was the only father figure I knew while growing up. Let me tell you how.
GRANDPA
© 2015 Barbara Grace lake
I don’t remember Gramps with hair
I don’t remember hair at all
Although he must have had some
Long before his head went bare
There was a picture once. Gram said
That it was Gramps. She didn’t know
How old it was but, damn, it showed
A lot of hair on grandpa’s head.
A thick and wavy lion’s mane,
Red copper colored like fall leaves
Start turning as first frost sets in
Before we lose them in the rain.
I didn’t like that picture much
It made Gramps look severe and stiff
As if a smile or anything
Might crack his face with just a touch
But there were times when gramps was stern
About my schoolwork, chores and such
Or if I caused my mother grief,
Then, still, he always said I’d learn.
I don’t remember hugs and stuff
My gramps was not that kind of man
He’d ever gently teach me things
Then cover up by acting gruff.
He taught me how a piece of wood
Could be ‘most anything I’d want
If I’d be patient, carve and sand
And finish building as I should
He taught me how someone who cares
No matter what their size might be
Would see their home was clean and snug
A proper shelter from life’s cares.
He taught me every day I grew
The way a man could show his love.
He’d let me fall–but never far,
He’d always be there, see me through.
My gramps. A lot of things are there
Reminding me I knew a man,
But only when he’d gotten old.
I don’t remember him with hair.
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WOW Barbara, this was so beautiful! There was so much love and tenderness in this and I can’t even explain how much I LOVED it. Thank you SO much for sharing!!!
My grandfather was honestly the only REAL father figure I had in my life. He was the only man that showed love beyond limits and shelter me from heartbreak.
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This has made me cry. I’m not sure what to write. You have said this so beautifully. I am glad he wished you a happy birthday, that he felt at peace even though he perhaps knew somehow that was soon to be his time. Despite how heartbreaking it is for you given your love for him, how you idolised him, you show such strength in how you take the beautiful memories and lessons learned and move forward with him forever in your heart. A beautiful tribute, Alys ♥
Caz xx
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Thank you Caz! Your comment made me cry, so now we are even! Just kidding! He did provide me with so much love and strength, I only hope I can live up to who he was. I am so thankful that I had him in my life and I know that anyone who was blessed enough to know him, miss him everyday! I really appreciate your beautiful comment Caz!!
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Make that 3. this post brought tears to my eyes. We should always remember the ones we love even if they’re no longer with us.
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Oh I am sorry this brought tears to your eyes. I think I cried through the entire post. It is so important to always remember loved ones that we have lost.
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I am very sorry for your loss. Sending healing hugs.
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Thank you! Even though it has been 5 years, it still hurts just the same.
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Oh gosh I know. My gram…she was everything to me. She died in 1999 and I still that pain. I am glad you wrote that tribute – such a nice thing to do.
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Thank you so much! I am so sorry about your gram. It is amazing the impact our grandparents can have on us.
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Thank you! I know, but in other ways it is so wonderful!
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It isn’t ever easy, but we keep on to make our grandparents proud!
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What a BEAUTIFUL tribute to your beloved grandfather! Hugs!❤
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Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind comment! Hugs!
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This is a beautiful tribute, and I know your grandpa is proud of you every day!! 🙂
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Thank you Meg! I appreciate your help as well! I do hope he is proud of me daily!
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So very sweet. My heart goes out to you. He sounds like he was an amazing granddad.
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Thank you Alex! He truly was an amazing man. I must give him credit to how I am today!
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This tribute to your grandfather is simply touching and beautiful. I understand how it feels when you lose someone that has touched your heart the way your grandfather did yours. That loss and pain never goes away. We shall always hold them dear to our hearts with each passing day. God Bless you, Sweetie. 👼💗🙏
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Thank you so much Beckie! Losing someone you are close to can take a piece of your heart with them that will never be filled. I give my grandfather credit for how I act today. He was the best man in the entire world!!
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That is such a lovely thought. God Bless him for impacting your life the way he had. He must be very proud looking down at his amazing grandaughter. xo!
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Thank you Beckie! My grandfather was an amazing man and I miss him everyday of my life! I hope he is proud of me!
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He is, Sweetie… He is. 🙂
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I am deeply sorry Alyssa. I wish something I could write could make it better………
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Thank you so much! With your kinds words, you have made things better!
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What a beautiful post Alyssa in memory of your Grandpa.A lovely tribute. He is looking down on you form heaven and will live on forever in your heart. Always know he is watching you as you write and you have taken on his talent of writing and are doing him proud. He would be so proud of you and what you are doing for others.
I recently lost my Grandpa only this year and I miss him heaps so I know exactly what it’s like. Things are never the same without them
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Thank you so much! My Grandfather was a truly remarkable man and made his mark on everyone he knew. He was loving and compassionate, which is much different that most other people. I think he would shake his head about how the US has become. I really do hope he is proud and I believe he is watching over me daily.
I am SO sorry you recently lost your Grandpa. He is watching over you and will always live on in your heart.
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It’s lovely that you remember all of his qualities. I think you’re like that too you know. I don’t know you personally but from your blogs you’re kind hearted and a good listener and even if I don’t always listen to you you’re very thoughtful. It’s funny how we always think about what our Grandparent’s would say.
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That is the best compliment I have ever heard. I love my grandfather and will never forget the way he ALWAYS was! He was such a loving man and showed his love for his family with so much passion! Thank you so much!!
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You have just made my day by saying that. 🙂 I haven’t had anyone say that to me for a long time. It’s an extremely difficult day for me today and I’ve been feeling all alone and isolated of late as I’ve never met anyone in person with my condition and we don’t have that opportunity in Australia because there is no charity or organisation for it so no opportunities to meet other patients.
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Even though you are having a difficult time right now, I am glad I was able to bring some happiness to your day!!
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My grandpa was like a father to me to and your post reminded me of him.
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He will always be in your heart and watch over you. Even though he isn’t here physically, he will never leave you.
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Life is good when we have someone like your grandfather in our world. This is a beautiful write-up. I feel like I know him.
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Thank you so much! My grandfather did make life so much better. I think he was a real gem to this world. I will never stop trying to be as much like him as I possibly can. He always inspired me and encouraged everyone around him. He was an amazing man!!!!
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You and I had the world’s greatest grandfathers and because of us their memories stay alive. That’s the best part about it.
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Their memories will always be alive within us! I am glad you had a great grandfather as well. I think they instill being good in us!
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Alyssa, your Poppy loved you so much and would do anything for you. He’s a wonderful man and always will be. You were the twinkle of his eye and he thought you were amazing. You made him so proud and he loved you so much. I’m so thankful he was a role model for you because you have so many wonderful traits he had. Never be sad he’s in heaven because he left you with so much to remember that’s good. You hold him close to your heart because you are a kind, loving and exceptional person just like him. All my Love & Support, Mom💜💜
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Thank you Mom! I am so glad to know he thought so much of me and I was the twinkle of his eye. He was so special and he touched so many lives. I believe to this day, he still touches peoples lives. He left a huge impact on so many people and I hope he is looking down and is proud of the woman I have become!! Lot of love!
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I’m glad you had him Alyssa! At the same time I am so very sorry he is gone. Clearly he was a special man. 🤗 🤗 🤗
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Oh he was definitely one of a kind and someone that could never be replaced! I am so glad he was in my life!!
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I’m sure you have similar qualities!! Thanks Grandpa!
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Thank you so much! My grandfather really was a remarkable person. I hope he is proud of the woman I have grown into!
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No question — he would be glowing with pride for you Alyssa!!!
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Thank you so much! I really appreciate that!!
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It’s very true Alyssa!!
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Thank you!
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😉
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What a great tribute. You always make me remember mine.
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Thank you so much! I am glad you liked this and it made you remember your own!
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Me too.
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I think we should figure out how to make this happen!
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That is a beautiful tribute to your grandad x
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Thank you so much! He was an absolutely amazing man and I was SO lucky to have him in my life. He will never be forgotten!
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