Never a straight answer!

Relaxing QuotesGood afternoon y’all! I hope you have had a wonderful day! Look on the bright side, we have made it through two days and only have three to go!

So, y’all already know that I had the brain MRI on Friday evening, but of course I am not able to get the results until Thursday afternoon when I see the Nurse Practitioner! Typically I have always been able to read the radiologists reports online, but for some UNKNOWN reason the results are blocked to my viewing! Thankfully I do honestly prefer to see the NP rather than seeing the doctor because the doctor left a really bad taste in my mouth after her reaction to the MRI I had last October. I still find her reaction very unprofessional and disturbing, but what’s done is done and there is no correcting that experience! In front of my husband she actually told us it was the WORST MRI she had ever seen! I mean I think I reacted just as anyone else would as this was a very rude and hurtful way to share the results. Unfortunately in front of her I did cry, but then got extremely angry! Her reaction made me feel absolutely terrible, like I was going downhill fast and my illness was just progressing rapidly!Waiting torture

On Monday when I was not able to view the radiologists report, I contacted my doctor’s office. Monday afternoon the nurse responded back to my email by saying it did not look like my MRI had changed much since the one I had in October. That should have been good news and good enough, right? But being the person I am that wants more answers, I simply asked if this was indicating that considering I was still feeling the same way and the MRI apparently had not changed all that much since October, does this mean that I am just going to feel this way for the rest of my life? I think that was a very valid question, don’t you? Today this same nurse went from saying the MRI did not show much change to saying the doctor weighed in and he was not able to share any information with me as I need to wait to see the NP. How does something change so much overnight? I just do not understand why he suddenly is unable to share anything else with me. The way my mind works is I am thinking something a little more has changed and the NP needs to discuss this with me so I am clear on the situation at hand! Do you think I am overreacting?

waiting for answersI can be semi-logical sometimes because I do know there is nothing I can do to change what my MRI has found, but yet I still can not get my mind to slow down! Last night being SO stressed about this, I was able to contact a fellow blogger on Facebook. I thank Alex so much as she really did make me feel so much better, but now today I am back to being stressed to the MAX! Thanks to the blogging community and people as wonderful as Alex I know I have support and encouragement when I need it most! If you have not already visited Alex’s site, I am going to strongly recommend it. Alex offers so much support, love, compassion, and understanding, which I do think you will find as well once you visit her amazing site https://mswithmsalex.com/. Sending you so much LOVE ❤and thanks Alex!

Thank y’all for stopping by my site today and I do really look forward to your comments. Your comments always mean so much to me and really add some fantastic insights that I probably have not been able to see. I hope you have a nice and relaxing evening. Please always remember that I am always sending y’all LOTS of love ❤and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

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88 thoughts on “Never a straight answer!

  1. I’m so sorry you’re so stressed!! Stupid healthcare system. I’m not an MS expert, but aren’t there possible times of near-complete relapse that could always happen? I’d hope so, for you!! This must be very stressful for you!!

    I’ll tell you a story of when I was awaiting results once. When I was eight years old, the school tested my hearing and told my parents I had a hearing loss, but that nothing could be done about it. (Sadly, this wasn’t true, but my parents believed it, for whatever reason.)

    When I was nineteen, many years later, I asked my mom why I lived in such a quiet world. This was her response. “Oh, yeah. Back when you were eight, they told us you have hearing loss, but that nothing could be done about it.” I just stared at her. She’d never told me.

    My Glower of Shame must’ve made her feel pretty guilty, because she immediately bought me some hearing aids. The audiologist found my hearing chart from when I was eight and said, “Either this chart makes your hearing seem better than it was when you were a kid, or your hearing has gotten much worse, which would mean you’re going deaf. We’ll test your hearing again in six months and find out if it’s declining this rapidly.”

    Six months of wondering if I was going deaf–that was fun. But alas, I wasn’t. It turns out I’ve been half-deaf since birth, and it was never treated until I was a year into college. Go figure.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Thank you Meg! Yes, there are times when we can experience a near-complete, but some relapse are also know as pseudo. It is a frustrating illness and waiting for results is brutal!

      WOW, it is so sad how either misdiagnosed or missed diagnosis are. So, if they had caught the half-deaf back then, could they have done something different to help?

      Liked by 2 people

      • Yep. They could’ve gotten me hearing aids as a kid. Instead, my parents never even told me I was half-deaf. 😮 I’ve had a weird life!

        I think you’re doing a great job of hanging in there!! I wish I could take the waiting away for you!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Even though life might have been strange, you are an incredible person with SO much passion!

        Thank you! I am trying the best I can and it seems that writing about my feelings helps me let it go. The waiting game isn’t fun, but giving me some info and then stopping makes it worse!!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi
    Most Doctors here will only discuss results of most test, even blood work. Your looked out because they don’t want you to read and possibly misunderstand the notes. It drives me crazy to have to wait for any test. Try to turn your negative energy about what they won’t do into looking forward to good news. The answer may be so much better than you think. You’re creating more inflammation from stress which creates more pain. Think positive and write any questions you MAY have without the emotion wrapped around it. Logic is hard during times like this but you will hear more, ask more and get more out of appts.
    Have a great day.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Aw. Love you chickie. You know I’m always just a message away. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with the craziness that comes with dealing with medical professionals. It really is a mixed bag. Some are 💯 in and caring and some lack common sense.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I know this can be so overwhelming, but if the mri shows it hasn’t changed much and you’re still in pain, wait to be seen. So sorry to read you’re going through this. I know this too well. MRI and then it’s a waiting game for results. Have you tried emailing the doctor? Asking him to give you the findings of the MRI through email?

    If you wait to be seen for the results, seeing how the results are about the same since October, maybe surgery is an option they’d like to discuss with you. This happened to me when they did MRI for the Syringomyelia – had surgery 11/2017, they wanted to discuss the results in person. After they were read to me, the doctor spoke about surgery. It’s a never ending thing, it can overwhelm you, make you feel anxious and lonely but don’t lose hope. All will go according to how it needs to go, not how we want things to go. 🙏🏽

    Liked by 2 people

    • Considering the nurse did say there was not much change with the MRI it makes me think that what I feel now is just my life. The doctor is not very responsive and never emails me back, so it would be a waste of time. I am trying to change my train of thought on this entire situation. If my results were horrible, I would probably have to see the doctor.
      Unfortunately they can’t do surgery on my pain issues and lesions. I am sure things will be fine and I will figure out how to handle it. I think there is a HUGE possibility my pain issues are from the massive stress I am always under. I do not know how to manage stress and it ends up drowning me. It is so frustrating, but life will continue on!
      Thank you so much for your comment, you are so appreciated!
      Kids are in school now, right? I hope the first days were good!

      Liked by 3 people

      • Ugh! I know, need not say more! I’m basically trying pain medicines at this point, which I will take for the rest of my life. There is nothing else to do, are the infamous words and frankly, I don’t like them. It’s horrible, deep down, you’re aching, you’re in pain, and you’re screaming for help, hoping and praying it lands in the ears of your doctors. It’s frustrating, but know you’re not alone, you’re not alone Alyssa! I’m there, as there are plenty others!

        Yes, they’ve started school, the paper work that needs to be filled out is about the amount sitting on some fancy doctors desk right now AND the teachers supply requests continue on – I did get the list and I did buy everything on that list, but there’s ALWAYS more. As a result, my stress level has flown thru the roof and is currently sitting on a cloud somewhere! It’s giving me extra vertigo and headaches, if that’s even possible, to get extra?!

        Liked by 1 person

      • I understand completely! I have been on pain medicines for a while now and I know it is a lifetime thing. I did refuse to go on stronger meds because I know over the years, my pain is only going to increase and I prefer to not want a tolerance to the stronger kind. It is a frustrating thing living with any chronic illness, but I must say we handle it rather well (most of the time). I definitely feel that I am screaming out for the doctor to pay attention and care, but it doesn’t seem to happen.

        I can’t imagine the stress with school and all the demands! Just do your best to take things one day at a time or even one hour at time. Things will all get done!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, don’t you just want to scream from frustration, I have my days when I think that’ll help.
        Ugh, yes, the stress just increases my pain levels. That’s it, you’re right on that! One moment at a time. Even thinking, what may or not happen tomorrow stresses me out. It does no good on my body to think of things that are out of my control, even planning has become a stressful task.

        You’re right, we handle it as best we can. 🙏🏽

        Liked by 1 person

      • So many illnesses are very different, but yet the person dealing with it can understand how another feels. The frustration with ALL doctors I think is pretty similar! I really think most if not all doctors did not pay attention on how to have good bedside manner or it was not taught!

        Liked by 1 person

      • I think it’s a bit of many things, they don’t have much time to spend with each patient – or don’t want to, are tired, don’t have good bedside manners, forget to put the patients feelings before their own, etc. There are those rare doctors though, that still have that passion for their training and will treat their patients with excellence. I’ve met a few but still not enough of them left.

        Liked by 1 person

      • You could not be more correct!!! The doctors do not have enough time because they are overbooked, they might not care as much as they did before, poor bedside manner because they are actually stressed. Good doctors are hard to find, but they are out there. I tend to lean more towards NP’s and PA’s because they do care more and are not under as much pressure!!

        Liked by 2 people

  5. Oh Alyssa.. what a horribly stessful time you are going through. I was going to try and contact you via email as I was worried about you, knowing what was coming up on Thyrsday. I had a steange feeling that you were verycstressed out. I would bebtoo. I get exactly the same feeling when I am due to see my cancer soecialust, whuch for me us a week on afruday. No, you are not everrwacting, in my humble opinion. If something doesn’t feel right, then there is a reason, whatever that reason might be. Alyssa, I am holding you in my thoughts. I care. Jyst holding onto you, mych live to you dear friend xo

    Liked by 2 people

      • Bless you Altssa. I was worried about you. Just because I know thus kind of stress. I also know how much more stressful the meducal prifession can make it. Ivwas just going to email you to see if youvwere O.K. I see my Specialust not thus Fruday but the one after. But here’s hoping for goid results for you. Thanks for the emaik address. It’s nice to know there are friends around isn’t it, much love to you Alyssa.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I really appreciate your concern Lorraine! I am really hoping for good news, but I guess I could worry myself silly until Thursday and the results will be the same. I will keep you in my thoughts for your appointment next Friday! You are very welcome for giving you my email address. I am always available if you need to vent!! Sending you lots of love!!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. A big, gentle hug to you, Alyssa. Sorry you’re so stressed right now, and that you’re getting the typical medical non-treatment.

    When I asked my neuro the same question ‘does that mean I’ll feel this way the rest of my life?’, she looked at me like I had three purple heads. The truth is, they have no idea.

    I can tell you, though that after three years with diet and lifestyle changes I do feel much better than when I asked that question. There is hope, keep fighting to do the things that bring you peace and joy, ignore the stupid people and banish that stress!!! 💕

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much for reading and commenting! It really is horrible that there is NO much medical NON-treatment! I wonder if if these doctors forgot why they went to medical school.

      After 18 years with MS it does still shock me when doctors look completely baffled with legit questions. I love what you said she looked at you like you had three purple heads!

      My husband and I have talked a lot about changing our diets. I know for a fact that dairy isn’t at all good for me, so I want to try eliminating that from my diet, but then we are going to try to do away with meats. I know there are many diets that work well for people, we just both need to be willing to try it!

      I think it is very important to always ignore the ignorant people in the world, it is just unfortunate when they seem to be in the medical field!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Honestly, I never thought I could live without cheese but cutting dairy out made the biggest overall difference for me, and really quickly. If you can just commit to two weeks you’d probably be able to tell if it helps.

        Coconut milk is an amazing alternative, my preference, but there are so many other options out there now – at least out here on the hippie dippie west coast of Canada! 😜

        Most important is to control the stress, which is always easier said than done. One day at a time…

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you! I am sure I will figure out a good diet that I will stick with, but I will not start that until after my results reading. I honestly never drink milk, but do eat cheese!

        I have got to get a handle on my stress levels, but things just keep piling up on me and I do not know how to not stress. One day at a time or sometimes it is one hour at a time!

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Great big hugs!! Something is going on, or they just don’t know what they are doing, or how to interpret what they see. I just hope it’s not anything bad, but I do think if it were, they’d let you know right away.. at least I think they would.

    Hopes for the best for you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much! You would think if there was something really bad going on they would tell me sooner than later, but I honestly have no trust in my doctor or her staff. Chances are my MRI is exactly the same as it was in October which according to the doctor was the worst MRI she had ever seen. If it has not changed, it is probably due to ALL the stress I am always under. I guess at this point, I can not change the outcome of the MRI and I will handle whatever happens.

      I appreciate your kind words and hope you are doing well. Too much physical work in this heat isn’t good, so I hope you are getting plenty of rest and staying hydrated!

      Like

      • Rest and plenty of coffee to keep me hydrated and going, as well as AC, are how I make it through summers anymore.

        Something I have figure out through this whole MS trip, I can kinda tell how new a doc or nurse is to MS by their reactions to my MRI and conditions. It lets me know how much explaining of things I get to do.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I am glad you are staying hydrated! AC is vital for this summer heat, I think many would die without it.

        It is amazing how well we can read a doctor based on their reactions to our MRI. Mine was horrible in October and I have refused to see her since then!!!

        Like

      • I can completely understand the refusing to see a doctor for how they have acted. Heck, there are a few docs I have gone against what they have said in this battle against MS.. like the transplant, which was not advised by the neurologist from The University of Chicago whose name escapes me.. he’s one of the top MS doctors, I got in to see him for a second opinion of dealing with MS after my dx, he’s the one who said I had ten years left, at best with how it was progressing. We asked him about the transplant, he advised against it, but I went for it, and here I am.

        So doctors are good and all, but know what you are doing and take care of yourself first!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sometimes we have to stand up against doctors because of their inability to give proper care. I am glad you stood up for yourself and your health and SO glad you are still here to tell about it.

        I often find that I am my own best doctor. I mean I live in this body, so I know it better than anyone!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Even 18 years after being diagnosed, it still amazed me how little most doctors know! They obviously made it through med school, but that was probably just by memorizing things they “needed” to know, but they have forgotten so much and definitely never fully understood having good bedside manner!

        Like

  8. You’re not over’reacting at all. Doctors don’t have experience with real life, they only know their textbooks. I wish medical proffessionals could be better dealing with people. They’re all in it for the money. I hate nurses too. All about themselves and very inconsiderate. That’s my personal experience with medical people which is why I like to cause trouble for them on purpose now because they won’t help when I really need help. Anyway, good luck with the results!

    Liked by 1 person

    • WOW!! I could not agree with you more! Doctors do not care about people, they only care about the money they make off each patient. It is so sad and yet so true! Nurses just follow whatever their doctors say when they should want to help the patients!

      Thank you SO much for saying I am not overreacting! I often feel that I am because I am very sensitive about my health!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I think it’s good you’re aware of your health. It’s your life and you need to be comfortable in yourself, and this is what the medical community doesn’t understand. I don’t currently have a doctor because I’ve found they’ve caused me ill health when they were supposed to help me. So now I won’t even see the doctor. I’ll just live happily until one day… The world comes crashing down around me. I’ll just tell whichever hospital I’m at, at the time, that I don’t have a doctor because I’m the only one who looks after my health. For now I’m fine, but anyone who asks why I don’t have a doctor, I’ll just say show me a doctor who will tell me what I don’t know about myself. I like to let nature take its course but most of my relatives don’t respect my decision. I have no faith in doctors any more, they’re just like organised religion. For me, I’d rather deal with my health in my own way, and if I survive that’s good. I’m doing well at the moment where my physical health is concerned so there’s nothing to worry about yet.

        Liked by 1 person

      • That was the best thing I have ever read that doctors are like an organized religion! There are no real and true answers they just make it up as they go along and just want MONEY!! It is important to be our own advocate for our health because we are the only one that understands what we are going through and cares enough to fight for it. What the doctors say and what family says does not matter because it what WE say that counts!!!Thank you SO much for this!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  9. I do NOT think you are overreacting! I would be very upset if I was in your shoes. One thing I have appreciated about my neurologist is that he always shares my results online with me when I ask for them, or will email with me if I have questions. I know I am very lucky in that case.

    I am so sorry to hear about all that you are going through right now! I hope you can find some relaxation! Sending positive vibes your way! You are so strong 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you SO much for saying I am not overreacting! I tend to think I am because that is what my husband tells me. My old doctor would NEVER do this to me and neither would his staff. My current doctor is a completely moron and has a bad attitude! I feel that it is my results and I am entitled to know what they are. I should not have to wait when they are available.

      Thank you so much for your kind words and support!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. All I can say is good luck and I hope it turns out better than you thought. My doctor once asked me if I knew how to keep a moron in suspense. I said “how”. He said I’ll tell you tomorrow.
    Sorry, bad joke

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Sending you hugs. XO
    Hang in there and remember what you told me. Don’t be so hard on yourself because there’s no point wasting time stressing about nothing. You can’t change the results. I just hope the brain MRI isn’t worse.
    I will be thinking about you on Thursday (My Friday). What time is your appointment?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I just do not understand what has gone SO wrong with the behavior of doctors! They care WAY more about the money than the well-being of others, which is super sad!! I think your doctor stating your outlook was grim must be related to my fabulous doctor! I am sorry that doctor was so ugly to you!

      Liked by 1 person

      • They probably are related. LOL I was in such a bad place at that moment I was in shock. My friend was with me and lost it on that doctor. Sadly so many doctors nowadays have forgotten what bedside manner should be.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much! I think I am thinking way too much into everything! More than likely my MRI is the same as it was in October, which I am not happy about, but I guess if that is the case it did not get worse! The only reason why having it stay the same upsets me is because of the doctors reaction. In all honesty, I rather it just stay the same and not worsen, but I have NO idea what is going on right now and that is frustrating. Thank you for your virtual hugs, they are appreciated!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Breathe girl. The results aren’t going to change in a day or two and neither are you. Waiting sucks, and we all wish health professionals would show a little more empathy and understanding, but you will find out soon enough. Even then, they probably won’t be able to give you a definitive answer, which will suck even worse. Be that as it may, one day at a time. And I’d you really don’t like the folks you are dealing with, is it hard to change clinicians?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! I have changed my thought process over the past day or so. If the MRI is the same as the one from October, even though the doctor said it was so horrible, so be it. I will deal with it then and it will be okay! I guess if that is the case at least it has not worsened! I am going to be changing doctors soon considering we are moving, I just do not have a date because I will NOT move without a job!! You are probably right, even after the results are read tomorrow she probably will not be able to answer my questions the way I want, but what do you do? Things all work out according to plan and I will just continue living the best I can!

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Ah, Sweetie… I am so sorry this stress is taking such a toll on you. I can only imagine how frightened you must be and I wish I could take all the fear away from you.
    All I can offer is my prayers and friendship, Alyssa. Thursday is right around the corner, and you will get the answers to all your questions. You will get through whatever the results may be. Why? Because you are such a strong woman with a beautiful heart & soul. Love you, Sweetie!!!💗

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Okay Alyssa, I know it’s the worst piece of advice I can give as an (extremely) anxious person, but try not to read between the lines of the he said she said. It’s almost Thursday and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the news you get is good or not bad.

    Sending you all my love and crossed fingers

    Liked by 1 person

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