Looking back over last year

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never look backDeciding to read back over the posts that I made over this past year has been a little scary, upsetting and satisfying all at the same time, if that makes any kind of sense. This past year really has been pretty darn hellacious and that is putting it mildly! There seems to have been so many ups that gave me hope, but then the falls that followed were just that much more discouraging. Getting back up after a failed attempt at something may seem like a daunting task, but it is also a necessity in life. Allowing for anything to keep us down for long is just not an option in my mind because if we stay down, we are only allowing for what brought us down to win the ever so long battle.

I think that in the past, I have had a faithful dedication to believing blindly in hope. I was naïve to think that hope could change everything and still do believe that to a lesser extent. Honestly I think one of the reasons for me losing hope is because of just how Hope-1-100Pedalshorrible the world has become in a very short amount of time. The negativity and pure hatred that has been bred by those leading the country has been incredibly upsetting and terribly shocking! Living in a country that was once known for its freedom and justice for all, has made a drastic change at becoming the polar opposite and that is quite frightening to me. The downward spiral happened so painful fast and building the beliefs we all once stood for back up seem almost impossible. I feel this country started to become much more equal for everyone once upon a time, but now it seems like everyone is against everyone else for no real apparent reason besides becoming way too passive and folding! How can you change the thoughts of others that are just stand upsimply following what the leaders are doing?

I think in a world so full of chaos it takes kind-hearted❤ and loving people to stand up for what they still truly believe in their hearts! Is that difficult? Possibly yes, but it is for the shear fear of ridicule and not be accepted by our peers. But, really who wants to be accepted by those that have so much hate in their hearts? I honestly do not have any desires to be accepted into that world. I would much rather stand-alone if it means I am not giving up the beliefs I hold dear in my heart and soul!

So when I said that I have started to lose faith in hope, it is because hope sometimes feels like a foreign object that many others lost a long time ago. Hope is a like fragile piece of don't lose hopeglass that if it is pushed around too forcibly can and will break under the pressure that is forced on it. I like to believe that the strength I have deep in my heart and soul is powerful enough to defeat the constant negativity I have been faced with daily! I am only one person with a strong voice when pushed into a corner, but I will always stay true to my beliefs and passions!

I know I started this off by talking about looking back over the past year and kind of got off on a different tangent. What I can say is this past year has helped me grow stronger happiest momentsas a person. Last year was the start of a pretty nasty relapse that is still in the healing process. I do not know if all the pain I have been struggling with is ever going to subside, but I do plan to keep the fight moving forward and not allow it to defeat me or threaten my courage. There is absolutely NOTHING I can do to change what happened in the past leading up to the relapse, but I can decide how I am going to handle it from this point on. I do not truly think I can go back to where I was or who I was last year at this time, but that person I was is still in me somewhere just a little more rattled by the torture of MS. No matter how beat down I might feel at times, I am still just me!

I hope y’all have had a nice and restful weekend. After the hellish week I had, I have done my best to recuperate so I can tolerant the week ahead of me. Do I plan to push myself to the limits again? Probably not as forceful, but I will still test my limits because that is what living is all about. Thank y’all for visiting my site today and every other day. Y’all always leave me with the best comments and I do treasure what you have to say! I hope y’all are able to enjoy your Sunday and prepare yourself for the start of a new week, leaving behind anything that happened last week! As always I am sending y’all LOTS of love❤ and comfort!

My signature heart

❤Always, Alyssa❤

64 thoughts on “Looking back over last year”

  3. Hopes and dreams are the driving force to guide you along the path of life…sometimes when one is dealing with the challenges of reality, one might think those hopes and dreams are not there, but they are, waiting for you to gather them and move on when you are ready… you have faced challenges life has put in front of you with courage and success… a learning time to enable you to deal with life in the future… as you will do and slowly those hopes and dreams will become reality…. 🙂

    “Bad things do happen, how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have– life itself. “ Walter Anderson

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  4. I admire you constant power and beauty. No matter how many mountain’s you’ve climbed and jumped off you are always up for the next adventure, sometimes without a tea-break! This writing is Empowering. And I capitalise that with justice.
    Thank you!
    Erin xx

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  5. I love the honesty in your writing Alyssa. In the honesty is the brave and inspiring person you are. Words and feelings like hope, dream, etc…are all on a fluid continuum. If We dont look at our pain (individually and collectively) how do we know what to hope and dream for. I hope you are getting some good rest today. 💞

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    • Thank you so much Alexis! When I read this post to my husband before publishing it, he thought it was to negative to be on my “Positively Alyssa” site, but you are right by saying it was honesty! I do not ever sugar coat things because that is just being too passive. I LOVE what you said about not looking at pain we do not know what to hope and dream for. That was extremely powerful!!!!!

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  6. So glad you are blogging to share your experience and encouragement to others who live with chronic illness and hopefully you are encouraged in return. As Gandhi stated…….we need to be the change we want to see in the world………..and you my dear are doing just that!

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  7. Reading your post is like going back to a familiar phase of life. It isn’t easy as I remember but there is power in choice and perspective. You are right about not being forceful yet always wanting to go ahead. I believe there is light at the end of the tunnel – there was a quote that had helped me a lot. It said- the light is not an illusion, the tunnel is. I wish the best of support, ease of choices and endurance becoming available to you.

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    • Thank you so much and I really LOVE the quote that you shared! The flood of emotions I felt reading my posts from the beginning was incredible, but also brought on many tears. I do believe the struggles we go through in life make us who we are and offer a lot of strength. Truthfully, I feel like I am feeling a little more pain today than I did last year at this time, but I am also a little stronger, if that makes sense. Thank so much for offering so much support, I do truly value all you have shared and hope you have a pleasant evening!

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    • Thank you so much Tiffany! I really did have a flood of emotions reading back over the posts from last year. The comments were fantastic and supportive and it also showed me how much I have grown. I can say that I am dealing with a lot more pain today than I was last year at this time, but I am much stronger today than I was last year!

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  9. One thing we can never do even though it seems like the world around us is becoming more hateful, angry and divided is stop having Hope. Without Hope what is there? We need to stand true to who we are and believe there are more good people than not in this world. You know God gave all of us free will and it’s an individual choice to be good or bad. Why not choose good?? Think about it, wouldn’t this world be a better place for all of us?? Maybe there would be less disease and illness if we could all get along. We would have less stress, negativity and more happiness and peace in our hearts. Hope is everything. If we give up don’t we just become a product of our environment?? We lose who we are and aren’t true to ourselves. Is that who we choose to become? Thinking about how we were a week or even a year ago only throws us off our divine path in life. I believe our lives are predetermined before we’re even born. We all have a cross to bare and we’re not carrying it alone. Focus on the here and now, be the best you can be and never look back. We can’t turn the clock back but we can keep putting one foot in front of the other and make the best of each and every day. It’s not who we were but who we are becoming that matters. Each day we wake up we have another chance to fulfill our destiny and be the best person we are meant to be. Always have Hope in your heart because we can make things better. All my Love & Support, Mom💜💜🦋🦋

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    • Thank you so much Mom for this great comment! I also do believe very passionately that our stories were written way before we were born and we are all just here to play the part. We definitely can’t turn back the clocks to yesterday, last week, last month or last year, we all just need to accept the present and keep moving forward. This is pretty much exactly what I put in my card to Bob! It is not easy to accept the challenges we must face, but someone, somewhere thought we were strong enough!!!

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  10. I always feel so humbled when I read your posts because your strength, hope and faith make you a true role model. I hope that people struggling with MS find you and find comfort in your (beautifully written) words.

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  12. I really think this dire time is a bump in the road of progress. The world, apparent or not, is turning towards a time when we must accept the damage we’ve done to the planet, the understanding that we overplayed the capitalism card, and the fact that our current path is unsustainable. And with the spread of information becoming an encompassing education, the world will have no choice but to turn towards the light, so to speak.

    But as we creep towards that dawn we enter (have entered) a time of great darkness. The armies of ignorance fight back with a desperation now, as they see their epoch ending. Those with the most influence and power and least amount of humanity and compassion whip the ignorant into a frenzy, telling them (rightly so) that their time is passing. Our war today is a cultural one. We must fight the ignorance with truth, the darkness with enlightened thoughts and hope-laced words. We cannot shirk from our duty to relay the promise of tomorrow to all, without bigotry or anger. It is our example that will give hope to others who need it in these dark times.

    Thank you for sharing and continuing to pound the lectern of positivity, Alyssa. The world needs more of you!

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    • WOW thank you for your truly amazing and insightful comment! I think I can always count on you to share your intellect! It does get difficult to fight beyond the negative and ignorance this country is spreading, but I do believe where there is a will there is a way. I will never allow the hatred being bred to overpower my love of others or strength. Thank you SO much for always sharing your great thoughts Tom!!

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  13. A wonderful reflection, Alyssa. Hope is, indeed difficult to hold onto sometimes, especially in light of some of the absurd and terrifying things happening in the world, the States in particular. The world needs voices like yours, that spread love, joy and hope even in the darkest times. Hugs! 💕

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