I feel as though I am slowly starting to lose hope that my leg issues are NOT going to come to a much deserved end! I have been dealing the pain and spasms at their worse for well over a week now and I am just really ready for a break! I know that may sound like I am just giving up and letting these issues win, but I am really not, I am just way beyond FRUSTRATED! It seems that in the past when I had these issues they subsided much faster than they are now. All I can think is, I am getting older so my body is going to take a lot longer to heal. I do not know if this is a real thing or not, but it is all I have to go on right now!
Just walking around our house feels like I am running a marathon and our house is not that big! When I am doing laundry, I have to carry the clothes down stairs to where the washing machine is and then carrying the clothes back up the stairs once they are dry to put them away. Logically that might wear anyone out, but right now for me it is tormenting my legs and in turn my back as well! Besides doing my normal things like laundry, grocery shopping, taking care of my sweet cats I am trying to rest, but the spasms and pain are still here with what seems like NO end in sight! I highly doubt my aggravation is helping at all, but I just really can not help it!
Let me also be completely honest with y’all, I have not informed my doctor of these issues because I do not want to hear what she might say! At that point with these issues that will not vanish she may insist even stronger I get an MRI, which will probably shed light on news I do not want to hear! Sometimes being a little ignorant to the truth helps me not think about the troubles right in front of me. Considering I have had MS just shy of 18 years, I know in my heart and mind what is happening, but having a doctor that I do not care much for or ever agree with confirm my suspicions is just not something I am ready for. Call that childish behavior or just being too stubborn for my own good or whatever else this might be, but I do not deal well with the constant disappointment of this illness. I always do my very best to just turn a blind eye to things I wish were not happening and hope they will just go away when they are ready! I think that MS sort of has a mind of its own and will do what it wants whenever it wants to without consulting me ever, which is just a little rude and mean!
I know how crucial it is to never give up hope as it is something that is vital to our lives, but right now it is a little hard for me. I often feel like I have been fighting a battle that does not end and it is not ever easy! I also know how much staying positive can change our lives, but that positive attitude when it comes to all the pain and spasms I deal with is fading relatively fast. I guess the reality is the pain and spasms are either permanent and I will learn to cope with them or some magical day it will ease up allowing me to feel as “normal” as I can! The real truth is what I am going through right now could be so much worse and other people are dealing with way more than I am so I really do not have much to complain about! This is all just frustration and wanting more than ever to not have this pain anymore because it is effecting my life, daily!
Thank you so much for visiting my site today. I am terribly sorry that this post might have been a little more negative than I normally am, but I guess we all have those days and it is okay because things will get better in time! I encourage your amazing comments and I promise to respond just as quickly as I can, your thoughts are so important to me. I hope you had a lovely weekend and I hope your Mother’s Day was very special! Never forget that no matter what I am dealing with, I am always sending you lots of love and comfort!