There has been a threat of rain today but it has yet to rain! It is horrible when you can feel the rain through the cold air. The rain makes most people feel so fatigued and all you really want to do is sleep. There are times that the cold weather is comforting because you can wear sweaters and boots when you go out in it and come home to a nice warm blanket! But, the cold weather does make me tense up which causes additional pain.
I started thinking today that I really miss days before MS was part of my life. I do realize that MS is not my entire life but it is obviously a big part of it. I still stand by my thoughts of this illness does not control me, it is just a pesky uninvited visitor. Even though I did not ask for this I do try to manage the best way I can. Everyone has days when they want to ask “Why me?” or “What did I do to deserve this?” and I do believe that is normal, but sadly those questions will go unanswered. Considering there really are no answers to these questions the only thing we can do is embrace it, stay positive and strong! Even if I could go back in time, there is nothing I could do to change the fact that I have this illness to live with. The energy we have whether it is positive or negative, does impact our lives to great extents. I have made the choice to try to only put out positive energy, it may not take my pain away, but it does give comfort to my mind and soul!
I received a message today from my Specialist that was a little upsetting. It really does not make sense that her message upset me because I did already know that an exacerbation can last weeks or months and I did know there could be residual issues even after I heal. I think the part that was most upsetting was she said that I may never be 100% again. That just made me think that this pain and numbness I deal with is going to just be my life. In all honestly since all of this started I am getting better, I may not be 100% but I may end up getting there! With her saying that I may never get back to 100%, it sparked my determination to win this battle. In my mind I know I will at least get back to where I was before this flare up, it may not be perfect but it is my 100%! I do miss the days when I did not have to take any medicine every day and did not have to really worry about anything. Life use to be easy and fun without any troubles! I never thought about politics or had to hear about so much hatred. But now, no matter where you go or who you talk to unpleasant topics always come up. It is almost like my happy peaceful bubble where there was nothing but love and happiness burst. However, even though the bubble is missing, I am still a very happy and positive person!
Thank you for reading and commenting on my thoughts for the day. I do not think we are facing rain tomorrow but it is going to be cloudy and cold. Even though it has been a slow process, I really am healing. I am planning to continue working 6 hour days because right now it is really all I can handle. On the positive side at least things are improving instead of getting any worse. I hope y’all had a great day and you have a fantastic evening! Take care and continue to be your strong and positive self!