Sometimes when life gets really difficult, it is so much easier to just get wrapped up in all the negative feelings and easily forget about the positive life still offers us. We get bad news, that may catch us off guard and instead of looking at that bad news as a growth opportunity and finding ways to change, we may just dwell on things, not making the changes that are necessary. I have been very guilty of this over the last few weeks and I am going to put some honest effort into changing that now! 

As you already know, I did get some bad news from my doctor on Tuesday. The bad thing about it was, it was news that I sort of expected to hear. Maybe I did not expect the news to be as bad as the doctor said, but I knew I was not going to hear anything that was positive. Instead of taking that chance to figure out what I could be doing different, I allowed myself to get very negative and just dwell on the fact that my MS was progressing. Even though I know things can get better after a flare up, I could not see past what I was going through at that moment with the pain and numbness. I allowed myself to just want to confine myself to my house and feel sorry for myself, and of course blame myself for allowing the MS to become worse. All I was thinking about for a few weeks was, what should I have done better? Did I allow myself to get so stressed about things, that I allowed my condition to get worse? Should I have been eating or sleeping better? All of those thoughts did not help to get myself feeling better, at all! 

Now that I am able to see things a little clearer, I am going to think about all the things I could possibly do better to improve my health. I am going to take this flare up as more of a learning opportunity, rather than a punishment for something. I made the decision about three months ago to get off of the Gilenya, because I was on it for six years and thought that my body needed a break from something so strong. After all, I was not even able to take the medication daily because it caused issues with my blood count. I also started feeling like the Gilenya was causing issues with my sinuses and was the cause of my back pain, so I just wanted to see if by discontinuing that one medication and switching to something else would make an improvement. It was against doctor recommendations, but I thought and still do believe I know my body better than they do. In all honesty, there really is no way to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that going off the Gilenya is what caused my flare up or if it was the heat and stress, but I did decide to go back to Gilenya, just in case it was the cause. The doctor did already tell me that my MS was very aggressive, which I still disagree with considering for the most part, I am able to live a normal life! I am going to force myself to make changes that have needed to happen for a long time. I am going to try to eat better, get more rest, not be so hard on myself, stop pushing myself beyond my limits, control my stress levels and most importantly, never forget that I am strong and I can get through anything this disease throws my way!

I really need to get back to the positive and optimistic person that I have always been, and get rid of this negative and pessimistic person I have been for a few weeks now. I want to be able to enjoy my life, despite the hard times I have been going through. Flare ups come and go, but it is how we manage through them that is so important! I know that I have the fight in me to get through the hardest times and I will get better. All flare ups, no matter how bad they are going get better! This is my word and promise to myself, my family and y’all, that I am going to be back to normal and I will not allow the negative to overwhelm me anymore! We all have a strength instilled in us that we sometimes forget, but it is always there and we can rely on that strength! 

Thank you for reading this post and I sincerely hope it was helpful and encouraging! I appreciate all my continued followers and any new followers just reading my posts, all of you mean so much to me. Your comments are very appreciated and I do respond to all of them as soon as I can! Please leave any comments you have or feel free to email anytime at alyssabowman81@gmail.com. I hope y’all have a great Saturday and are able to do something that you enjoy!! 

Always, Alyssa