I hope y’all had a good day today! Crazy thing, I woke up once again at 4 am in a lot of pain!Truthfully, I did not sleep very well at all because I was not able to get comfortable. Yesterday, I said that I was going to go to work today, but I decided that maybe I needed just one more day to get over this horrible pain. I simply stayed in comfortable clothes all day and tried my best to relax!
I did get an email today from someone I work with telling me some very disturbing things. I can not even begin to explain how insulted and offended I was by what I was told. Sometimes in life, people that we consider to be friends, are not as true as we think. I was under the false impression that people I worked with every day understood what I go through, but I could not have been more wrong. It is truly amazing to me what people will say about someone who is chronically ill, especially when that person is suffering terribly, when they are not around to defend themselves. I guess it is hard for others to understand what I really deal with daily, because I put on a fake front around those not close to me. I do my best when I am at work to hide the fact that I am in pain, because I do not want false sympathies and smiles.
As I already said, I stayed home from work today because of my pain. There was no way I would be able to make it through an 8+ hour work day hurting as much as I am. Normally, I am really good at putting on a fake smile and pretending that everything is fine, but lately I can not do that. I am very stressed about the MRI on Saturday and I am not able to get comfortable, at all. I am in pain most of the day and nothing at all is helping me. Y’all have heard my frustrations with this issue, so you understand how much I am struggling. For people who do not suffer with a chronic illness that can cause pain, they do not understand and there is no point in explaining to them. I have about a handful of people around me that truly understand how I feel.
I am hopefully going to make it into work tomorrow. Thankfully, my manager is very understanding about what I am going through and has told me to not push myself too much. It might be really hard for me to get up the energy to go to work tomorrow, because as I already said, I am so upset by what people have been saying about me and my illness. I will have to control my temper and attitude when I walk in, and bite my tongue when people try to talk to me. I can tell you, I am good at being silent and ignoring people for the most part, but it will take a lot of self-control not to sass back at these individuals! I can be a bit of a smart mouth sometimes, so tomorrow will be a day of ear buds and the music turned up loud!
I hope you have a great evening! Wish me luck tomorrow, as I might really need all the luck I can get! I am just hoping I can relax my mind enough tonight and actually get a good nights sleep, and then feel well enough to get up and go to work tomorrow. I really appreciate all of your continued support and encouraging messages you have sent. I have had a wonderful experience communicating with many of you. I find it so interesting what other countries have for medical care and how people get through difficult times! Take care!