Pain Scales?

images (3)Happy Friday Eve Y’all! I don’t know about you, but I am so happy tomorrow is Friday! It seems that the weeks are getting longer, but maybe that is because I have been battling pain for so long. I feel like the moment I think it is getting better, the pain just comes back again just as bad, if not worse than before. It is mildly frustrating and a little discouraging.

Today, my pain was so bad I actually asked my husband, with tears in my eyes, if this was ever going to end. I am getting so beyond frustrated that I was starting to wonder, is this going to just be my life, living with constant pain. I know I have said before, but the only thing that helps my back pain is to lay down. I almost made it through the entire day at work, with my pain level above 10, downloadbut I ended up coming home from work an hour early. That of course made me feel weak, considering I have always said I won’t let this disease control my life. But, I also feel that sometimes our body is trying to tell us to rest. There is one medication my doctor wanted me to try for pain. She said that it helps with neuropathy pain, but the only thing it has been doing for me is making me extremely tired and not reliving any of my pain. She said that it takes a few weeks to start working, and taking it twice a day my body will get used to any side effects. Well, it has been over MS Nurserya month and it still makes me so tired, to the point I feel like I am falling asleep at my desk at work. At this point, I think I am going to start weaning myself off of this medication. I was very reluctant in the beginning for trying it, but now that I have given it an honest effort and do not see any benefit, I think it is time to stop taking it. I will of course notify my doctor, as she did say if it wasn’t helping it would be fine to discontinue it. Let me just say, it isn’t a medication that is meant for Multiple Sclerosis, it is just supposed to help neuropathy issues. I guess it doesn’t work that way for everyone though.

Now y’all know by now, I am not one that gives into anything. I am a very positive person and I want to be able to live my life to the fullest. I want to do everything a person that doesn’t live with a chronic illness can do. I do not and will not let Multiple Sclerosis define me as a person or take control of how I live my life. No matter how hard we try, we all go through times where we feel a little negative. Today, with how much pain I have been going through has been that day for me to be negative. I know there is no use crying about the pain as it truthfully doesn’t help, but my goodness we all have our MS Painbreaking point. I just really want some relief from the constant pain. Tomorrow is a new day and it is Friday, so hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Making it through a day in pain is extremely difficult and definitely can change a person perspectives. So with me crying to my husband about hurting so much and asking him if this was going to be my life, well that was just a bad moment.

I am truly blessed to have an amazing husband that really understands me and is always so incredibly supportive. He has told me numerous times that no matter what, he will always be there for me and do anything within his power to help me. He is always there to encourage me and to remind me that the pain will end, it just takes time. He tells me all the time that I am strong, and will succeed in getting through the hard times. It is crazy, he can actually tell how bad I am feeling just by talking to me on the phone. We work in the same building, so when he stops by to say “Hi” to me, he always knows how I am  feeling before I have the chance to say anything at all. He will even tell me I need to go home and rest when he sees how much pain I am in. Love 2

Thank y’all for reading my rant about pain! I appreciate all of your continued support and fantastic comments you leave! I always respond to every comment as soon as I can. I hope you have a great Friday! No matter what you are going through in life, you have the choice to how hard you are willing to fight! I know all of you have so much strength as you have shared it with me!

Hope for cure

 

Always, Alyssa

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30 thoughts on “Pain Scales?

    • Thank you so much for your comment!! I know that good days out weigh the bad, I have just been in pain for so long I am frustrated. But, it will get better! This blog has helped me so much! I made a goal for myself that I will achieve because I am stubborn and determined. I am going to do one post a day for a least one month! I hope you will enjoy it!

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  1. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been in pain! I am inspired by your positive attitude and I believe your determination will help you a great deal. I hope your doctor will take you off that new med and maybe can prescribe something better.

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    • Thank you Holly! I am just calling the doctor and telling her that I want off of it! I know I can’t just stop it all at once because it can cause big issues. I really appreciate your encouraging words. I am never this negative but I am just ready to be out of pain or at least have it more tolerable.

      This medication is an antidepressant. I was scared at first because you hear stories about this medicine causing some horrible things. But, I am not going off the deep end or anything!!

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    • Thank you so much Meg! Pain really does suck! I hope you are feeling well. I hope that if you decide to follow my blog, it is helpful for you. There is so much strength and encouragement within this blog. I have connected with so many incredible people that understand what it is like to deal with pain everyday! Take care and I hope you have a good day!

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  2. That sounds truly horrible. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I hope it alleviates soon. I’m glad you’re with someone wonderful who is kind and supportive through it all. I think you’re allowed to feel bad and have a whinge sometimes. I think it can help with coping and processing.

    In regards to not letting it control your life … I think there’s a huge difference between giving yourself a break when you need it and letting it win. It sounds like you’re feeling a bit of guilt about that. Personally, I can’t keep my life exactly how it was pre-sickness–it would be dangerous for me to try–so ‘not letting it win’ can’t look like that for me. The boundaries of what is and is not possible for me have shifted, and they did so without my permission, but I do my best to fill them with people and activities that are important to me. That is how I stop it defining who I am. That is how I win.

    That got a bit rambly, but what I mean is please don’t feel bad for giving yourself a rest and looking after yourself.

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    • Thank you SO much for saying that. I know that it is important to give myself and my body a break sometimes. I also know that even though I didn’t say it was okay, my body does have new limits. But, I do try to be as normal as possible, whatever normal is!

      You might be proud of me. I woke up this morning hurting so bad that it took a lot just to get out of bed. I thought it would be wise for me to stay out of work today. They will be fine and if they aren’t, they could have allowed me to work from home for today. I know it is important to listen to my body and just rest. I also know that I am not letting this disease defeat me today, but just surrendering to pain and resting!

      You weren’t rambly. You were being wonderful and compassionate. You were trying to let me know that it is okay to not be okay, if that makes sense! Thank you so much for your support and kind words. I appreciate you!!!

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  3. Alyssa if it’s any help…for years I tried to control my illness thinking if I didn’t it would control me but then I realised there are things that are outside my control and also that I need to let go control and just trust. Instead I learned to manage my illness.

    You showed how you managed well by working up to the last hour and you made an informed and wise decision to love and care for yourself when you came home. You were not weak! You are not people without chronic illness…you are you! Try to see how strong you are instead! Much love!

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    • Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words. As you can see, I am a little hard on myself sometimes. Okay, I am hard on myself all the time. But, I am working on that! I actually decided to stay home from work today to allow myself to just rest. I woke up in so much pain and thought, I can’t do this today. Plus, I feel like I might be getting a cold. How fun?

      So today will be a day to rest and actually just take care of me!! I hope you have a great day and thank you so much for your support and kindness!!

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  4. Alyssa, I greatly appreciate your comment on my blog. I can somewhat, but nowhere fully, imagine what day-to-day life might be like for you. I can relate to a lot of what you said about medications having struggled with chronic mental illness the majority of my life. It is scary and so hard to trust doctors sometimes. Side effects can sometimes be just as bad as (or worse than) the original illness. I agree with the above comments about taking care of yourself. I can relate to trying to find wisdom in knowing when to push yourself to the limits and when to have more grace and listen to your body. I will keep you in my prayers and I am happy to have found your blog!

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    • Thank you for your kind comment! Both of my parents have battled chronic mental illness, so I understand this issue somewhat. I am however not close to my father because he has been absent from my life. For God’s sake he missed my wedding for some BS reasons. But, I have been there for my mother through all of it. She is bipolar amongst other issues. All of it is so hard. I am glad that I found your blog as it will be great for me to read. I hope my blog will be helpful for you as well. Take care!

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  5. Just wanted to comment so you know someone is listening, and feels just as pissed off by the unfairness and irritations of chronic pain as you do. I hope tomorrow is better.

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    • Thank you so much! I am sorry that you are pissed off with the unfairness and irritations of chronic pain. I really hate anyone has to deal with it. I hope you have a good day!

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